Disclaimer: I only own the story that I'm applying to the characters that I
don't own from the TV show that I also don't own.
AN: Again thank you all for the encouragement, I love you guys!
Rory hears her mom coming in the house and quickly turns her light off. She was in no mood to talk. She puts the book under her pillow and lies on her side pretending to sleep. Lorelai peeks in the room, sees Rory sleeping and decides not to disturb her. Once Rory no longer hears Lorelai around the house, she turns her reading light back on, pulls out the journal and continues to read.
**
The fight between Sasha and Jimmy seems to have blown over. She's actually being extra nice to me. I guess she's a little guilty. I opened my own stand on the boardwalk. Iced coffee- Rory would be proud. Her and her mother practically breathed caffeine. She probably used to drink coffee from her bottle. Well anyway, I figured I'm already a burden on Sasha and Jim's relationship I don't want to be a financial burden as well.
When I lived in Starshollow, I was always up to something. I pulled all sorts of pranks- stealing gnomes, chalk outlines with police tape, stealing all of the baseballs Starshollow High owned. I think it was because in a way I was jealous. Those people were all so sheltered. They had never seen the things I saw. Everything seemed to be straight out of a fairytale and it just made me sad. I'm trying to keep a low profile here. I feel almost like if people knew me, the cynical, sarcastic me, they'd exile me. Too grown up an attitude for Never Never Land.
So now I just spend most of my days working, and spend the nights reading and writing on the beach. I am starting to understand why these people live like this. They're all people who are trying to forget something. They live like this in the same manner that I read. Back in New York City, whenever things were bad I'd read to get away from them. It was my escape. I think Lily is getting to be the same way. This new understanding makes me resent Jim a little more than before. He was here trying to forget about me.
The only other person I've ever met that read like me was Rory. God, I can't seem to get that name out of my head. My heart physically hearts without her. No book I have ever read has come even close to accurately portraying this pain so I won't attempt to go into detail. I guess I just feel incomplete. I walk along the boardwalk examining ever girl I see, thinking 'she has Rory's hair, Rory's nose, Rory's smile' but none of them can compare.
I'm trying to stay focused. Focused on whatever it is I came here to do. Some girl actually approached me this afternoon and asked me to go out with her tonight. I just looked at her disapprovingly. She wasn't Rory. Anyway, I have to stay focused.
The good part is I'm getting to know my dad. Slowly, but it's happening. Sometimes he seems scared of me- like at any moment I'm going to explode and try to make him feel the way that I felt all those years he wasn't there. To be honest, sometimes I feel like I should, but then I think he came to me first. That probably means he's struggled with the decision long enough. He was right about one thing he said when I first arrived; he isn't much of a father.
Our relationship is more of roommates, which is all I would really want. I'm not looking for a family situation. I'm past that. If I found it, it would probably just make me sad that I had been missing out all these years. It hit me hard when I found out that he had never graduated high school. Is this what I'll end up like if I give up now? I can't let that happen. My mother had me when they were both seniors in high school. He dropped out to run away and she dropped out to be a mother.
I wonder what my mother was like when I was first born. In my earliest memories she's drunk or high. She couldn't have always been like that, could she? I wish she had just stayed and raised me in Starshollow with Luke and the rest of my family. Everything would be different.
My father and I don't have that much in common. We get along very well, we just have very different interests. He's never read very much, and he isn't very interested in music. Also, no matter what happens, he seems to be very comfortable. Even with Sasha, they met almost six years ago and he hasn't seemed to give marriage any thought. Maybe if I had come straight here from New York I could be more like him- content to just be away from it all. That time in Starshollow killed me. I never knew people could live like that. When I think back it seems like it was all just another book I read with Rory as the beautiful princess that I the poor man with nothing to offer falls for.
I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER.
It is that princess that makes me ache for more than this life. I have seen what else there is and I want to go back. Not yet though. I still have nothing. She'd be starting Yale now and I still have nothing.
**
AN: Again thank you all for the encouragement, I love you guys!
Rory hears her mom coming in the house and quickly turns her light off. She was in no mood to talk. She puts the book under her pillow and lies on her side pretending to sleep. Lorelai peeks in the room, sees Rory sleeping and decides not to disturb her. Once Rory no longer hears Lorelai around the house, she turns her reading light back on, pulls out the journal and continues to read.
**
The fight between Sasha and Jimmy seems to have blown over. She's actually being extra nice to me. I guess she's a little guilty. I opened my own stand on the boardwalk. Iced coffee- Rory would be proud. Her and her mother practically breathed caffeine. She probably used to drink coffee from her bottle. Well anyway, I figured I'm already a burden on Sasha and Jim's relationship I don't want to be a financial burden as well.
When I lived in Starshollow, I was always up to something. I pulled all sorts of pranks- stealing gnomes, chalk outlines with police tape, stealing all of the baseballs Starshollow High owned. I think it was because in a way I was jealous. Those people were all so sheltered. They had never seen the things I saw. Everything seemed to be straight out of a fairytale and it just made me sad. I'm trying to keep a low profile here. I feel almost like if people knew me, the cynical, sarcastic me, they'd exile me. Too grown up an attitude for Never Never Land.
So now I just spend most of my days working, and spend the nights reading and writing on the beach. I am starting to understand why these people live like this. They're all people who are trying to forget something. They live like this in the same manner that I read. Back in New York City, whenever things were bad I'd read to get away from them. It was my escape. I think Lily is getting to be the same way. This new understanding makes me resent Jim a little more than before. He was here trying to forget about me.
The only other person I've ever met that read like me was Rory. God, I can't seem to get that name out of my head. My heart physically hearts without her. No book I have ever read has come even close to accurately portraying this pain so I won't attempt to go into detail. I guess I just feel incomplete. I walk along the boardwalk examining ever girl I see, thinking 'she has Rory's hair, Rory's nose, Rory's smile' but none of them can compare.
I'm trying to stay focused. Focused on whatever it is I came here to do. Some girl actually approached me this afternoon and asked me to go out with her tonight. I just looked at her disapprovingly. She wasn't Rory. Anyway, I have to stay focused.
The good part is I'm getting to know my dad. Slowly, but it's happening. Sometimes he seems scared of me- like at any moment I'm going to explode and try to make him feel the way that I felt all those years he wasn't there. To be honest, sometimes I feel like I should, but then I think he came to me first. That probably means he's struggled with the decision long enough. He was right about one thing he said when I first arrived; he isn't much of a father.
Our relationship is more of roommates, which is all I would really want. I'm not looking for a family situation. I'm past that. If I found it, it would probably just make me sad that I had been missing out all these years. It hit me hard when I found out that he had never graduated high school. Is this what I'll end up like if I give up now? I can't let that happen. My mother had me when they were both seniors in high school. He dropped out to run away and she dropped out to be a mother.
I wonder what my mother was like when I was first born. In my earliest memories she's drunk or high. She couldn't have always been like that, could she? I wish she had just stayed and raised me in Starshollow with Luke and the rest of my family. Everything would be different.
My father and I don't have that much in common. We get along very well, we just have very different interests. He's never read very much, and he isn't very interested in music. Also, no matter what happens, he seems to be very comfortable. Even with Sasha, they met almost six years ago and he hasn't seemed to give marriage any thought. Maybe if I had come straight here from New York I could be more like him- content to just be away from it all. That time in Starshollow killed me. I never knew people could live like that. When I think back it seems like it was all just another book I read with Rory as the beautiful princess that I the poor man with nothing to offer falls for.
I HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER.
It is that princess that makes me ache for more than this life. I have seen what else there is and I want to go back. Not yet though. I still have nothing. She'd be starting Yale now and I still have nothing.
**
