The Z-Gang Gets Psychoanalyzed
By DeadeyeDave
***
DED: Today we will enter the tangled web of consciousness that is Our Hero, Link.
Link: Howdy. How's every little thing?
DED: I'm asking the questions here, bucko. Get on the couch.
Link: Is it a green couch?
DED: No...
Link: MAKE IT GREEN!
DED: Why?
Link: (ranting) IT MUST BE GREEN! MAAAAAAAAAKE ITTTTTTTTT GREEEEEEEEN!
DED: Okay! Okay! It's green now!
Link: YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! (jumps on the couch)
DED: So Link, why have you come to me today?
Link: You made me. I feel fine.
DED: Hmm. Totally lacks self-esteem, easily influenced by others.
Link: You threatened me! You offered me rewards!
DED: In denial.
Link: Whatever.
DED: Link, tell me about your parents.
Link: Both died when I was a baby.
DED: And how did that affect you?
Link: How should I know? I was a baby!
DED: I see. Okay, you were raised by a talking tree. Tell me about that.
Link: It was great! The tree would give me candy and my own house!
DED: And you don't find it the least bit odd to be fathered by a talking tree?
Link: Nope.
DED: Even the concept of a talking tree? Totally normal?
Link: Sure.
DED: Right. So, how did you come to be obsessed with the color green?
Link: I don't know. Let me think back...
DED: Any particularly special experiences related to the color green?
Link: Let me see. Being raised by a green tree, in a green forest, amid the green grass and the green waters...
DED: The water was green?
Link: Yeah! And so was the clouds, and the sky, and Saria's hair, and her clothes, and pretty much everything about the Kokiri in general was green.
DED: Ooooookay, I think that just might be significant...
Link: No! Wait! I got it! I first became obsessed with the color green because of...Zelda's eyebrows!
DED: Umm...
Link: It's all coming back to me! The courtyard, the Princess...the eyebrows! They were green!
DED: Well, maybe, but I think that...
Link: That's why I'm obsessed! Thank you doctor! I'm cured!
DED: But I don't think that...
Link: (climbing out of window) I guess I can go now! Thaaaaaaaaaaaaank yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou...!
DED: Hmm. Another tragedy that could have been avoided with proper medication.
SK: THAT'S ALL YOU EVER PERSCRIBE! DRUGS! THAT'S YOUR SOLUTION TO EVERYTHING!
DED: Looks like some one needs a higher dosage! (shoves more pills into Skull Kid's mouth)
SK: MMMMPH! STOP! I...(stiffens)
DED: (pushing over Skull Kid) Well, time to go home for the day.
Link: (from below) I'm not dead...just very badly injured...please help...someone? Hello?
By DeadeyeDave
***
DED: Today we will enter the tangled web of consciousness that is Our Hero, Link.
Link: Howdy. How's every little thing?
DED: I'm asking the questions here, bucko. Get on the couch.
Link: Is it a green couch?
DED: No...
Link: MAKE IT GREEN!
DED: Why?
Link: (ranting) IT MUST BE GREEN! MAAAAAAAAAKE ITTTTTTTTT GREEEEEEEEN!
DED: Okay! Okay! It's green now!
Link: YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! (jumps on the couch)
DED: So Link, why have you come to me today?
Link: You made me. I feel fine.
DED: Hmm. Totally lacks self-esteem, easily influenced by others.
Link: You threatened me! You offered me rewards!
DED: In denial.
Link: Whatever.
DED: Link, tell me about your parents.
Link: Both died when I was a baby.
DED: And how did that affect you?
Link: How should I know? I was a baby!
DED: I see. Okay, you were raised by a talking tree. Tell me about that.
Link: It was great! The tree would give me candy and my own house!
DED: And you don't find it the least bit odd to be fathered by a talking tree?
Link: Nope.
DED: Even the concept of a talking tree? Totally normal?
Link: Sure.
DED: Right. So, how did you come to be obsessed with the color green?
Link: I don't know. Let me think back...
DED: Any particularly special experiences related to the color green?
Link: Let me see. Being raised by a green tree, in a green forest, amid the green grass and the green waters...
DED: The water was green?
Link: Yeah! And so was the clouds, and the sky, and Saria's hair, and her clothes, and pretty much everything about the Kokiri in general was green.
DED: Ooooookay, I think that just might be significant...
Link: No! Wait! I got it! I first became obsessed with the color green because of...Zelda's eyebrows!
DED: Umm...
Link: It's all coming back to me! The courtyard, the Princess...the eyebrows! They were green!
DED: Well, maybe, but I think that...
Link: That's why I'm obsessed! Thank you doctor! I'm cured!
DED: But I don't think that...
Link: (climbing out of window) I guess I can go now! Thaaaaaaaaaaaaank yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooou...!
DED: Hmm. Another tragedy that could have been avoided with proper medication.
SK: THAT'S ALL YOU EVER PERSCRIBE! DRUGS! THAT'S YOUR SOLUTION TO EVERYTHING!
DED: Looks like some one needs a higher dosage! (shoves more pills into Skull Kid's mouth)
SK: MMMMPH! STOP! I...(stiffens)
DED: (pushing over Skull Kid) Well, time to go home for the day.
Link: (from below) I'm not dead...just very badly injured...please help...someone? Hello?
