Disclaimer: I own nothing, don´t sue me ……..I just enjoy playing with the other kiddies´ things. Fox and Mutant Enemy own the characters but not me …
Notes: Okay, thanks for the feedback. It makes me very happy to know that people out there still enjoy this!
See how I am trying to make amends???? Next Chapter is almost done and will be up in a few!!!
CRUMBLE
„ We may have made a mistake!"
Simon looked up from what he had been doing to find the captain and Jayne entering the infirmary.
His eyes followed Jayne, as the mercenary closed the doors behind them in order to prevent anyone …..River……overhearing their conversation.
Jayne´s face was set. He could see from the expression in Simon´s face that none of the things he had talked to Mal about would go down well with the young doctor.
But then again ……he hadn´t really expected that.
" What do you mean?"
Simon asked even though he was quite sure what Jayne was referring to. It was just like him to try to spoil everything when River´s recuperation was going so well!
" You sister, the amnesia …I don´t think it´s working out!"
Simon crossed his arms in front of his chest defensively.
" What are you talking about?"
" She´s been asking a lot of questions, doc!"
Mal finally said after his looks had wandered between the two very different men.
" You haven´t told her anything , have you?" Simon asked, suddenly very agitated.
Jayne said nothing.
" Have you?"
" No……but maybe somebody should, before she finds out all by herself!" Mal told him calmly.
Simon shook his head.
" No!"
" Doctor ……your sister is a very smart girl, if she figures things out on her own, what do you think she´ll do? It would be better if she heard things from you!"
" No!" Simon repeated, shaking his head for emphasis.
" She is doing so well! I don´t want to burden her with …."
" The truth?" Jayne cut in angrily.
" How dare you!" Simon stared at the taller man.
" She´s my sister and my patient! I want only what´s best for her …….the impact of all the things that happened …..I can´t even estimate what it will do to her! It might even reverse her condition, can´t you see?"
" Nobody wants that, doctor." Mal said firmly. " We all want what´s best for her. Jayne was the first one to agree that she is better off without those memories and you have to admit that that decision was not to his own advantage."
" Regretting that now, are we?" Simon asked heatedly.
Jayne was in the process of answering something, but bit his tongue instead. There was nothing he could say ……..the truth was that a part of him had been regretting ever agreeing with Simon ever since those words had left his mouth.
" Hold on there, doctor!" Mal took a step forward, not entirely sure if Jayne wouldn´t think the better of it and maybe decide to punch Simon for his remark after all.
He wasn´t even sure if he wanted to stop Jayne if that were the case.
Inara may have been right all along, he thought. Some truths always came crawling back to the light!
" Fact is that River has taken quiet an interest in Jayne´s bunk and asked a lot of questions that he did not answer, maybe it´s time to let her in on the truths."
" NO! " Simon shook his head again.
" It will destroy her! I will not stand by and watch my little sister suffer any more!"
…..not as frail as you think……
Jayne could almost hear her breathy voice.
" She could have a complete relapse! She has been through enough …..she should have some peace! She is so young she can have a different life now!"
Simon brought his fist down on the small table he had been working on just moments ago.
" She is just confused! The nightmares she´s been having, she´s still traumatised! If we give her more time and keep silent about all this it will just blow over. She´ll never know and be normal again!"
Jayne couldn´t help but laugh bitterly.
" How well do you know your sister? The gorram´girl will never let it go …….she never does! Once she´s on track she´s like a ruddin´ bloodhound!"
" Hate to say it, but I´m with Jayne on this one, doc!" Mal added.
Simon breathed deep.
" Fine." He said . " But I don´t care …..she´s my sister! My underaged sister…" he added, shooting Jayne a nasty look.
" And I decide what´s best for her! You have to trust my on this! I would never hurt my sister……it is better this way! Don´t ruin this for her! She has a real chance of being a happy, normal girl! After all I´m responsible for her and it should be my decision!"
The thought that River would never be a normal girl crossed Mal´s mind briefly, but he kept the thought to himself. He didn´t like it, but in the end Simon was right. If he liked his decision or not, the girl was still Simon´s little sister.
The silence in the small infirmary was heavy with emotion.
" If that is what you want we gotta respect that…." Mal finally said. " But f I were you I´d think about that some more. If she ever finds out that we did not tell her, this whole thing could blow up in your face!"
" It´s ruddin stupid if you ask me!" Jayne added.
Simon stared at him.
" So you won´t tell her ?"
" No…." Jayne ground out. " Won´t………but I won´t lie to her either."
" Wanna talk about it?" Mal asked a few minutes later, when Jayne was grabbing a towel. Mal knew he was headed towards the cargo-bay to work off the aggression inside of him. He could relate. Mal wasn´t very happy with the doctor´s reaction either……it reeked of impending doom.
" No need to." Jayne answered in a very clipped tone. " I´m alright, Mal!"
Mal nodded, staring at Jayne´s retreating back until the mercenary was out of sight.
" Right, just shiny!" he muttered.
He knew that physically Jayne Cobb was alright. But Malcolm Reynolds also knew from experience that physical pain was sometimes – no matter how much it hurt- easier to overcome than emotion.
Had someone told him after the incident on Ariel, that he would ever be able to relate to Jayne in this way ……he would have blown that person out the airlock right away.
Mal knew that there were other kinds of pain……the kind that rarely ceased, that one could never shake off……..
Pain that constantly simmered under the surface of one´s own self- control……the war had taught him that.
River shuddered.
She tried to turn away, but the the light seemed to follow her eyes. She couldn´t really see …there was smoke, the air was humid and hot, almost stealing her breath.
River could feel herself moving fast, even though her vision was blurry. She was running, looking over her shoulder where shades were moving in the shadows and smoke.
She could hear her own breathing, hard and fast …..the door, the door she needed to get through the door ……back to ……where? She couldn´t remember.
Still she was running fast, racing through the dark, unfamiliar corridor.
The door, the door …….she could feel it slam shut behind her. As she turned around she could feel heat, fire….flames licking their way under the door but not quite reaching her. The pressure wave of an explosion made her stagger backwards ……her eyes fixed on the steel-door that bend inwards but did not give. She turned around towards the only other door …..the airlock …….she needed to get out or ……River blinked.
There was a metallic taste in her mouth ......her feet were naked and felt wet……….her whole body was covered in some warm, sticky liquid. She swallowed hard, looking at her feet …….not comprehending what she saw. Her feet were red …….so were her naked legs, her arms ……she swallowed hard. Slowly she creased up her brown in confusion, what was this …where was she?
She lifted her hands to eye-level…… one was empty, one was still curled around the handle of a big knife … the red liquid dripped from the blade onto her feet and the floor. For an eternity she stared at it, just standing there unable to make the connection …..unable to really see clearly…….then her eyes widened in understanding.
Blood…….it was blood………River screamed at the top of her lungs.
She shouldn´t have ……she shouldn´t have …………released it ………never……the thoughts raced through her mind as she screamed until she had no more breath ….until her throat hurt.
Mommy ……oh what would Mommy and Daddy think if they saw their little girl like this …….the things she had done.
What makes you think they did not know?
" Mei-Mei ……shhhhhh …wake up!"
River woke up with a start unable to focus on the images rapidly fading rapidly from her mind, the dream escaping her again …….as illusive as fog.
Her throat felt raw and it hurt when she tried to swallow, River gingerly touched it with one hand.
Her eyes fixing on Simon who leaned over her bed, his hands on her shoulders.
" It´s okay, Mei- Mei …….it was just a dream…..a nightmare. You are safe here."
Simon whispered softly to her, tugging a strand of hair behind her ear.
The flash hit her from out of nowhere ……and River´s eyes fluttered shut for a second.
Simon´s finger grazing her ear accidentally ……….another hand, larger than her brother´s with hard knuckles tugging hair behind her ear …..one callused finger grazing her cheek.
Sparrow ……
River shook her head ……eyes fixing on Simon again, who still smiled down at her oblivious to what had happened.
She nodded, confused.
" Just a nightmare ….." she repeated huskily, trying to entangle herself from the sheets of her bed.
She felt Simon kiss her on the forehead.
" Do you want something? A glass of water ……..shall I give you something to make you sleep better?"
River shook her head. There really was no need was there …….she never remembered those dreams, she only remembered the other ones …..about the academy.
She hadn´t mentioned her insomnia to her brother, mostly because she didn´t want to worry him ……but there were other reasons. The way he watched her , his over- protectiveness……
"Mei- Mei…..?"
Little sister …….the words sent a chill up her spine, made her stomach turn.
" No …..no, Simon I don´t need sleeping pills. I´m fine ……just a nightmare!"
He stared at her for a moment torn between apprehension and nervousness, then he nodded.
" Okay ……"
He moved to leave, but River grabbed a hold of his wrist.
" Wait …Simon, I need to ask you something. If there had been any problems ….you´d tell me right?"
" Problems?" Simon looked at her confused.
" Yes …..problems with my escape. If there were anything ……weird, you would have told me, wouldn´t you?"
Simon tried to fight down the alarm that rose inside of him, keeping his face neutral but not quite succeeding.
River had her hand still on his wrist, her brother didn´t realize, but she could feel his pulse racing.
" Why do you ask me something like that, River? I don´t understand …."
" Was there something ….sometimes I feel like people are watching me with caution, even Kaylee gets ……nervous around me sometimes."
Simon managed a laugh, tension still apparent in his posture. The laughter was fake …..she could hear it.
" Oh , Mei-Mei …….no! Maybe they´re just curious …….you escaped from some secret alliance facility. Of course they look at you , you´re a genius…..some of the things you do are bound to startle people."
He squeezed her hand lightly.
" You shouldn´t worry too much, you´re free now……safe and healthy. These nightmares will fade and then everything will be as it was!"
River looked into his face and forced herself to smile. He had lied to her, lied to her face. She could see the truth in his eyes. There was a secret there, there were things he kept from her.
Things that scared him, things that worried him …
" And now go back to sleep, ok?" He kissed her forehead again and left the room.
Rivers eyes followed him. He was deceiving her. Simon ….her wonderful, kind, loving brother was deceiving her. He may have saved her, but still there was a truth covered by his lies that he tried to keep from her.
She could feel her heart breaking. A little part of her had just died and her brother had just become a lot more human in her eyes.
River stared at the clock on the wall…….something inside of her jerked awake, making the connection. River bit her lip, waiting ………there it was in front of her all along.
She had just found the key to unlock the secret…….
