DISCLAIMER: NOT Mine, Not Mine , Not Mine  ( I wish they were though!)

NOTES: A thousand apologies for me taking so long, but I had computer distress and was not able to update this ! Sorry ….

Thanks for still giving me feedback!

I realize that this chapter is just an interlude in preparation for Niska´s sinister plan. You´ll see next chapter that is almost done!! This is just a lot of clearing the air with a little fluff. Hope you still enjoy!

BEFORE THE STORM

„ Can we still be friends?"

Kaylee looked up from the device she had just been cleaning to find River standing in the doorframe of the engine room. She let out a heavy breath, wiping the sweat from her forehead to leave a black oil-smudge.

" What?" she asked absentmindedly, putting the transmission device back on her workbench.

She knew she was stalling. To make things even worse she knew that River knew it too.

Kaylee bit her lip.

It wasn´t fair. She was not being fair, trying to pretend that she didn´t even know what the other girl was asking her.

Still Kaylee could not bring herself to lift her head and meet River´s questioning gaze. She was afraid of what Simon's sister  might read in her eyes.

Fear.

Kaylee knew that wasn´t fair either, but she could not shake the uncomfortable feeling she had now. She had felt a lot safer and better with River around before she knew the whole truth.

Before she knew about the thing in her head, the thing that had made her crazy and sometimes even creepy. The thing that River herself had brought back.

She didn´t know how she felt about that. For the most part it scared the hell out of her.

She had been there when River had shot three men in cold blood. She had stood right next to her …..right next to  the sweet, confused girl that had turned into  a cold blooded killer in the blink of an eye.

She had not even looked at them when she shot Niska´s men, in fact she had averted her gaze.

Bam, Bam, Bam…..in a matter of seconds she had extinguished three lives without flinching.

The memory still made Kaylee´s blood run cold.

She had been there. She was the only one who had seen River´s eyes when the girl had turned to her with an eerie smile, whispering …..

No power in the ´verse can stop me…..

There had been nothing in her eyes, no remorse, no feeling ……only grim satisfaction and fierce pride.

Kaylee shook her head to chase those unbidden memories from her thoughts.

She knew she was being unfair.

River still stood in the door, not coming into the engine room as though she did not want to crowd Kaylee. She just bit her lip, looking sad.

" I´m sorry …..I never really had a friend like you. I don´t want to loose your friendship over this ….I know what I did scares you it´s....."

" Oh , honey…..it´s not that!" Kaylee interrupted, looking at her across the room.

Another half-truth…….but it was not a lie.

It wasn´t really the things that Kaylee had seen River do or say, that was only part of it.

What really scared Kaylee was the imagination…..the things she might be capable of ?

She had not seen River, when the captain, Zoë and Jayne had found her in the shuttle ……but Kaylee knew that they had been pretty shaken up about it.

And it took a lot to shake up those people……..River had blown up a Reaver ship all by herself. It was a scary thought.

But when she looked at River now she just could not see a killer in that pale, appealing face that reminded her so much of a doll her daddy had once bought her. Of course Kaylee had never played with it …….she was not a doll playing kind of girl. But it had always sat there on the shelf, the only real toy Kaylee had ever had, looking nice and pretty and serene…….

Utterly harmless…..just the way River looked most of the time.

But then again, it wasn´t all River…..there was that other thing too…….the really dangerous one. River wasn´t a killer, but that thing was.

The thought of Grady crossed her mind and Kaylee shivered involuntarily.

The things he could have done to her …….the things he had said.

She could see River frown and wondered if she could really sense what they were all feeling.

How come Jayne could deal with that….with her knowing things just by looking at someone…at him?

" I wanna be your friend Kaylee……please don´t be scared of me!"

Her voice sounded so much like a little girl.

" I know …" Kaylee whispered.

" It´s just that …..you got that thing inside of you that not so long ago wanted to kill you and go back to the alliance at all costs. That´s a hard thing to overlook."

River frowned. She hated this …every moment of it. She hated to see the bright, lively, sunny Kaylee like this.

She had hated it when Grady had scared Kaylee…..

She did not want to see the same weary look in the pretty mechanic´s eyes when she looked at her.

" It´s not her who is in control, Kaylee…it´s me! I´m calling the shots now and that will never change, I promise you. She is not independent anymore, in order to go on existing she had to become a part of me. She has a certain degree of independence, but …..she can never hurt anyone on this ship! Never…..she is my ally now!"

Kaylee couldn´t help but smile.

" Listen to you, talking all fancy and educated now. Just like Simon!"

River rolled her eyes in mock desperation.

" Please don´t say that! I do not talk like my brother!"

They looked at each other and started giggling compulsively.

Kaylee saw the light in River´s eyes, realizing that for the first time in a long while for River to be as close to being happy as possible.

She was really being unfair……..River had shot those men to help Kaylee, maybe even save her and to help them rescue the captain.

She had saved Serenity from Grady……saved them all from the Reavers.

Not too long ago she had gotten to become used to River´s premonitions…had even appreciated them so that they could talk more while working.

They looked at each other …..

" Oh honey, I´m sorry! I didn´t mean to be weird. Of course we are still friends!"

River gave a relieved sigh.

" If I ever start talking like Simon , you have to slap me!"

Kaylee gave another laugh.

" That I will do, don´t worry……..but I think Jayne will tell you way before then!"

River smiled.

" Oh I think when that day comes Jayne is going to yell at me like there´s no tomorrow!"

Kaylee grabbed the other girl´s hand, pulling her down to sit on the floor.

" Oh …you gotta tell me. Jayne and you …..that is so …..so …I think I´m lost for words.

" A match made in purgatory?" River offered only half joking.

" At least that´s what my brother seems to think."

Kaylee could feel a smile spread over her features.

Ah yes….doctor Simon Tam, things had to be appropriate and according to his own code of honour. If only he could loosen up a bit !

Kaylee thought about it for a minute. Jayne and Simon could really not be more different.

" Well …honey, Jayne may have a side to him that I ain´t never seen, but when he looks at you I don´t think he sees your cleverness …."

River laughed under her breath.

" Maybe not …..whatever it is that turned him to me, I really don´t care."

" It´s also the guns ….." Kaylee went on, tugging some curls behind her ears that had escaped her ponytail. 

" You can handle guns and knives and you have to have some really good moves to sneak up on Jayne Cobb. He was bound to fall for that!"

" It´s not all me Kaylee…sometimes I do things and I don´t really know how. It´s like my body knows what to do ….." she gave Kaylee a wicked grin, " and my body seems to know a whole lotta hings!"

Kaylee stared at her open- mouthed.

" River!"

They both laughed again until Kaylee grew serious.

" Wow ..so this is real….with Jayne and you, ha?"

River simply nodded.

" I love him ……"

Kaylee gasped.

" You …love …Jayne Cobb. If I hadn´t heard you say it I´d think I just imagined that! I never thought I´d ever hear anyone say that! …….Why, I mean …..why? How did you now?"

"The truth? " River asked.

" It´s may sound silly….."

" Oh honey, silly is my middle name!"

" He sleeps with his back to the room!"

Kaylee furrowed up her brow.

" What?"

" He always sleeps with his back to the room. When I wake up I´m sleeping with my face   towards the wall of his bunk and he´s sleeping with his back to the room. Do you know what I mean ….he´s covering me in his sleep. He sleeps between me and the hatch, between me and the room. I don´t think he does it consciously, but it makes me feel ….save."

Kaylee smiled back at River with sparkling eyes.

" Wow…."

" Oh …" River shook her head franticly.

" Better not to mention this to Jayne!"

Kaylee nodded.

" Right!"

Simon Tam looked up to find his sister coming towards him in the corridor, her grace full stride made it seems as though she was floating. River was still pale as a ghost, but her eyes had lost that haunted look and there was no more strain in her beautiful features. It warmed his heart and made him sad at the same time.

Simon was still not sure if he didn´t think that the price she had paid for that peace was too high.

" You look content" he said  as River stopped in front of him. She looked up into her

brother ´s face. There was something in his voice that seeped through the civil tone he was using. She could taste it on her tongue like something bitter, almost acidic.

River closed her eyes and sighed.

She was very tired and she was done fighting …..she just didn´t want to anymore.

" You got what you want, even the captain says …."

" It´s not about what I want Simon!" River interrupted him.

" It´s not about what you want or what I want……it´a about what I need. I want to be content Simon. I want to feel whole! They cut open my brain, Simon! They violated my mind so they could turn me into a drone and harvest whatever abilities they thought I had! I remember it. I don´t want to go back there. I don´t want to go back to the helpless little girl I was, with the voices screaming in my head, with no control over anything."

Simon tried to say something, but River cut him off, shaking her head.

" We are done with this, big brother. I´m done with explaining over and over again. I want my peace, I want control over my own life and if this is the only way for me than this is the way I have chosen. Please understand!"

Simon sighed, putting his hands on River´s shoulders.

She was still his little sister. She was still so young, so fragile. Her shoulders were so small and dainty, as though she would break if he held her just a little harder.

It was an illusion, Simon knew it. She was stronger than he was, her inner strength had prevented her from breaking. Jayne had been right, she would not give ……inside she was steel. Unrelenting like a mountain …..his little sister.

He was still afraid for her ….

He wanted to protect her still.

" I forgive you, Simon." She whispered.

" But you have to forgive me too."

" What ……I don´t understand Mei-Mei."

" You have to forgive me that , after you have given up your whole life, your career, to save me ……I´am not what you remembered me to be. After everything that we´ve been through I cannot go back to being that little girl you wanted to save. This is what  I am now, it will not change. But I´m still your sister and I love you."

Simon snickered, caressing his sister´s cheek.

" You were always good for surprises Mei-Mei!" he finally told her.

" We have come this far and it´s mostly because of your courage. I´ll never forget that!"

River kissed her brother on the cheek.

" Good night, Simon."

" Where are you going?"

" To bed…"

Simon frowned at her in mild confusion.

" But your bed is that way….."

River lifted an eyebrow.

" I´m not going to sleep in my bed, Simon." River said calmly as though she was explaining things to a child.

Now it was Simon´s turn to frown. Things had just been so good and now…

" I love you, Mei-Mei, more than anything in my life but I don´t understand you. This thing with Jayne…"

River smiled at him, a warm, understanding smile but underneath that understanding was iron resolve.

" You don´t need to understand it. All you have to do is accept it."

" You are a genius River, you are so smart , so educated! You could have …."

" I don´t want anything else. He gives me peace. He may not have haed the benefit of our education and he may be crude and raw sometimes, but he is not a caveman! He gets me, Simon. He sees all that I am, everything and it is fine. He does not judge….."

River squeezed Simon´s hand.

" I´m fine now. Stop worrying about me. It´s time you started thinking about yourself, start living for yourself."

Jayne heard the hiss of the hatch. The lights did not go on, neither did he open his eyes.

He could feel the slight dip of the mattress as she crawled over to him.

" What have you been up to?" he asked  hoarsely.

" Making peace …" she yawned.

" It´s exhausting……"

" That´s why I never do that!"

River laughed very softly in the dark, snuggling up to him, one of her legs carelessly thrown over  his upper thighs. Jayne put an arm around her back, feeling her hair spill over his chest.

He took a sharp breath.

" Stop wriggling around River Tam, or things might get ugly…."

" I was kind of counting on that …."

She whispered into his ear.

" And what might that be ?"

River smiled at his predatory growl.

" You taking my mind of things….."

" I think I can come up with something….."

" I was counting on that…"

Next Chapter: Leather trouser shopping, Remus and Niska´s big coup!!

I promise to hurry up!!!