Chapter 3
He watched her. Sometimes he actually peeked into windows and around corners but every minute of the day, he watched her. Sometimes it was just in his own mind. Emily was his, had always been his. Zander Smith paced back and forth, picturing the love of his life, planning how he could take her back. Nikolas would pay but first he needed her back. Didn't she see that she was his oxygen, that he couldn't breathe without her? Sneaking across the lawns of Wyndemere bathed in dew, he peered his head over a windowsill, wiping the sheen of moisture from the glass. He watched Emily sleep in Nikolas' arms and inwardly he burned. He quietly began to sing.
Zander: I will come to you in the still of the night
And I will crush you with the burden of sight
And you will understand the shadows in my heart
The fury of my conviction will cause your heart to quicken
And then my dear, you will see you will want me here
And when you wake up
You will see yourself through my eyes
And when you break up
You'll understand why it is I cry
Let me speak quietly
So your heart can hear
I will hypnotize and mesmerize you
With the sound of your own fear
He slid his fingers back and forth into a fist along the windowpane as if his fingers were aching. His voice grew stronger in the song.
I just wanna get along
This is your song
I wrote it in my head
But the melody's all wrong
And it's driving me crazy
Not having you baby
To keep me company
In my own private world
You're my one true girl
And I won't be stoppin'
Just 'cause your knees are knockin'
When I decide to drop in
So don't make a sound
'Cause there's no one around
To come between us now
I'm gonna haunt you girl
With that he took a step back, fists balled at his side and he fled across the grass, slipping a little but hardly noticing so full his mind was of schemes to get her back.
~*~*~*~*~
Carly watched Michael play in the sand happily as if the whole world was at ease and he was the center of it. Beside her in the stroller, Morgan slept like an angel. God, she loved her boys. She tried to memorize every detail of the Sunday afternoon- the sun glinting off Michael's hair like rays of fire, the beauty of Morgan's dark lashes resting on his baby-soft cheeks. The feel of the slight breeze and the slight carnival smell to the park. The vendors must be approaching with their tempting hot dogs and sugary cotton candy.
It was all so perfect until she saw Michael glance up and his bright grin faded at the sight of the man beside his mother. Carly glanced over and Lorenzo who was lightly dozing, his hat tipped down over his eyes. The expression on Michael's face hurt her to the core. There were such conflicting emotions in his honey-colored gaze before he turned back to the sandbox. Carly sang softly.
Carly: Dig little digger
Don't be shy
You saw your mother with another guy
You think you'll tell her that she's one of a kind
You say my mother is mine
You put your trucks up on the bench next to him
So he can get a better look at them
You say this one's my favorite one
This one you can't have
I got it from my dad
Carly brushed a hand across his tousled head sadly, continuing,
And now you're thinking little thoughts about it
Taking every inch of him in
What does it mean when something changes how it's always been?
And in your head you keep repeating the line
My mother is mine
With a sigh, she scooped up sleeping Morgan, enjoying the weight of him in her arms and nuzzling her nose into his sweet-smelling head.
I've done the damage, the damage is done
I pray to God that I'm the damaged one
In all these grown-up complications that you don't understand
I hope you can some day
She couldn't get the picture of Michael's dark look aimed at Lorenzo out of her head and tears sparked her eyes behind her sunglasses.
And now you're thinking little thoughts about it
Taking every inch of him in
What does it mean when something changes how it's always been?
And in your head you keep repeating the line
My mother is mine
Sometimes she wondered if she was doing the right thing for her boys after all.
~*~*~*~*~
Lucky Spencer sat in his lonely apartment with the television his only company. He eyed the clock and sadly watched it tick away until it was time for him to go to work. It seemed his whole life revolved around work nowadays. Not that there was really anything else to spend his time on. Oh, there was Nikolas but he was occupied with his marriage plans to Emily. Besides, it had been a long while since they had felt like close enough brothers to enjoy each other's company.
His gaze drifted to a couple framed pictures Bobbie had insisted on putting up. At the time, he couldn't understand why his aunt had bothered, considering he was rarely home. But now he was glad. On the wall in sturdy wooden frames were memories, remembrances of love. Summer with her beautiful smile- now dead because of Stefan's treachery. Elizabeth with her arms thrown about him- now married to the snake. The pictures were filled with the love that was nowhere to be found these days. He stood to run his fingers along them and sang sadly.
Lucky: Motel sitting in the dark
Empty room like an empty heart
Lovers stop but they never stay
They don't look back as they drive away
Maybe I'll fix this broken head light
Fill in the cracks and paint it bright
And maybe love will stop here tonight
He glanced out the single window at the sidewalks full of people and wondered if maybe one of them was meant for him.
And if she knocks on my door
I'll give her the key
Just one look in her eyes and I know I'll be
Everything that she sees in me
More than I ever thought I could be but…
These are the days when all that I can do is dream
But I don't wanna spend forever living in the in-between
I stuck here in a place without love
And I just can't let it stay this way
But for now I'm gonna have to face it
'Cause these are the days
He decided he would head to Kelly's, his current favorite place when his heart got to heavy. He continued to sing, skipping down the stairs, tipping his hat to old Ms. Peterman who lived next door.
Gotta use this lonely time
To change the picture in my frame of my mind
Outside the window there's a sunny day
I wanna feel it on my face
You and I are out here looking for the same thing
And these walls of wondering
Are waiting for someone to share this feeling
Sliding into Kelly's he burst out, attracting the attention of everyone around.
These are the days when all that I can do is dream
But I don't wanna spend forever living in the in-between
I stuck here in a place without love
And I just can't let it stay this way
But for now I'm gonna have to face it
'Cause these are the days
These are the days between your hopes and fears
These are the moments that are still locked here
It's still uncertain if she will appear
But like it or not, this is what I've got
With a content sigh, he plopped into one of the bar stools and suddenly became aware of everyone's keen interest. He waved them all back to the coffees and newspapers and with a big grin, poured himself a mug of steaming black. Behind the counter, Mike looked at him as if he'd sprouted another head.
"Lucky? You feeling alright?"
Lucky nodded and settled back to wait and enjoy.
"I'm just waiting for her to come along, man."
~*~*~*~*~
Another lonely man strolled past Kelly's, although he was dressed considerably nicer than Lucky. His hands shoved in his long, wool coat, he wasn't sure where he was going. Only that anywhere had to be better than the brand new but completely empty penthouse he lived in. The spring wind tossed his golden hair in his eyes and he pushed it away just as Courtney Morgan waltzed by, presumably on her way to visit her father at the diner. He opened his mouth to call out to her, to once again offer her a job and maybe earn himself some human company…but stopped. It was useless.
As with every other woman in this damned city, Courtney was only influenced by Sonny Corinthos. He chuckled to himself sardonically, wondering why in God's name every woman he cared about or even became interested in only ended up with Sonny. There were almost too many to name- Alexis, Carly, Brenda, Courtney and now the latest victim, Sam McCall. He couldn't understand how that crass, cheating little girl had gotten so deep under his skin. God, he had fallen for her, had given her every chance in the book. And like all the rest of the women in his life, she used him when it was convenient and then hurried home to Sonny. As he began to walk back home, he sang.
Jax: This will all fall down like everything else that was
This too shall pass and all of the words we said
We can't take back
Now every fool in town would've left by now
I can't replace all the wasted days
The memory of your face- can't help thinking
He thought about all the lies, all the secrecy, all the revenge they had built their so-called relationship on…and how it ruined them all too easily.
Maybe if we ever coulda kept it all together
Where would we be?
A thousand lost forevers
And the promises you never were giving me
Here's what I'm thinking
It won't be the first- heart that you break
It won't be the last- beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked- won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world
Tell me one more time
How you're sorry about the way
This all went down- you needed to find your space
You needed to still be friends
Needed me to
Call you if you ever couldn't keep it all together
You'd comfort me
Tell me but forever
And the promises I never should have believed in
Here's what I'm thinking
He thought of the night of the fire, how they had come so close to dying and had found each other again. They had made love as if for the last time and then escaped down the building without knowing if it was futile. Then, despite everything they had shared, she had ran right to Sonny.
It's over now- and I've gone without
'Cause you're everyone else's girl
It seems to me you'll always be
Everyone else's girl
It won't be the first- heart that you break
It won't be the last- beautiful girl
The one that you wrecked- won't take you back
If you were the last beautiful girl in the world
This will all fall down
Like everything in the world
This too must end
And everything else that was
We can't take back
Jax stared up towards his new home and groaned, pushing images of her from his mind. Why was it he still missed her so?
~*~*~*~*~
The songs are:
*Haunted by Jewel
*Little Digger by Liz Phair
*These Are The Days by O-Town
*Last Beautiful Girl by Matchbox Twenty
