Kathryn climbed in to bed, tears were streaming down her cheeks even before her head landed on the pillow, tears of being alone again, tears of the pain knowing that Mark had hit her. She pulled the cover of her head, hoping to shut out the world around her, shutting out any one who might try to contact her, she wanted to be left alone in her own misery. If you never went there in the first place you wouldn't be like this, Kathryn felt like there were two people arguing inside her head, one telling her off for going to see Mark, the other telling her not to worry and that he didn't mean it.
She heard some movement from the foot of her bed and sat up to find Mark standing there, she was glad she had decided to get changed in to her nightie and not sleep naked. She jumped out of bed, grabbed his arm and started pulling him towards the door. "How dare you come in here!"
Mark grabbed her arms and pushed her down on to the bed to kiss her, Kathryn found herself responding when she didn't want to. His hand ran down her chest, her hip, her thigh then slid up her nightie to rest on her thigh.
No, no! "No!" She pushed his head back, "No Mark, I said before we can't."
"I've left her. I want you Kath, not her." He told her.
Kathryn felt a surge of feelings rush through her. Joy. Love. Shock. Fear. Fear, where did that come from, what was she afraid of, that he might go back to Carla, that he might fall out of love with her. What does it matter, he's mine now, she thought as she pulled him back for a kiss.
****
"Oh, Mark…oh." Kathryn moaned in Mark's ear. They were sat on her bed, well Mark was, Kathryn was sat on his lap her legs wrapped round his waist, and it hadn't taken her long to strip them both.
Mark rested his hands on her butt, letting her do all the moving, he knew how much she enjoyed being in charged and having all the power. Kathryn moved her face in front of his, Mark's eyes widened at the sight before him. She looked lovely, her hair was messed up, something people rarely saw, her lips were parted slightly as her breathing became panting, her eyes filled with pleasure and desire. She looked like a Goddess. A sex Goddess, and her every wish was his command, he would do anything for her.
Kathryn pushed her lips hard against Mark's, waking him from his thought, then she pulled back and rested her forehead against his, "I love you."
"God, I love you too, Kath." He gasped, then in one swift movement, she was lying on the bed and he was lying on top of her, trusting hard in to her.
Kathryn was enjoying it, until he started getting more harder and more voracious. Mark felt her hands move to his chest, he grabbed them and held them tightly above her head. Then her hips started to wriggle, trying to move away from him, holding her hands in one of his, the other went to her left hip, trying to keep her still. He took his kissing from her breasts to her neck, Kathryn tried to move away from him as he fiercely kissed her, she could feel him slightly biting her.
"Mark –" Whatever else she was going to say got caught in her throat as Mark thrusted hard against her…once more…then again…then one last time before he went limp on her.
After a moment he got off her, picked up his clothes and went in to the living area. As soon as he shut the bedroom door, Kathryn burst in to tears, she would rather have slept alone instead of have him do that to her. She got under the covers and hugged her legs, they were throbbing with pain, her neck was hurting her were he had been biting it and her wrists ache where he had been holding them tightly. He had used her, and now she felt like the cheap, worthless whore that Carla saw her as, how did this happen, how could she let this happen? Soon, she cried herself to sleep.
Kathryn stared at her naked body in her full length mirror, it was the next morning, she was feeling terrible. Her inner thighs were covered in bruises, as were her wrists and neck. She picked up her nightie from the floor and put it on then turned to the door to find Mark standing there.
He headed towards her, Kathryn took a few steps back, "Don't touch me you bastard." She spat at him through gritted teeth.
"Kath, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" His voice trailed off, like he was ashamed to say what he did.
"Didn't mean to!" Kathryn exploded in to a rage of anger. "Fuck it Mark, you rapped me! You knew I wanted you to get off me, but you ignored it and held me down, and carried on!"
Mark looked like he was about to cry, or beg for forgiveness, Kathryn couldn't tell, but either way, it wouldn't work.
"I thought you loved me." She hissed at him.
"Kath, I do, I love you. I didn't mean to do what I did." The tone of begging was present in his voice.
Kathryn stared at him, there was no expression on her face, she was numb, numb with pain, numb with anger. "Get out. I will deal with you later."
Not wanting to annoy her farther, Mark left the room, closing the door behind him. Kathryn sat on the bed; she hated him for what he did, but part of her still loved him, still needed him. She felt torn inside, like there was a war going on and neither side was winning, they were just hurting her even more.
****
Mark looked up at the sound of Kathryn's bedroom door opening, then he looked back to where he had been staring; the floor. Kathryn sat in front of him, now dress in her jeans and shirt with her hair pulled back in to a scruffy ponytail, Mark looked up at her. "Do you normally rape the women you love?"
"You know I don't." Kathryn could sense there was a touch of anger in his tone.
"Why? You said you loved me, and then you…did that."
Mark sighed. "Kath, I do love you – more than anything on this planet. I didn't mean to, it wasn't meant to happen. You weren't suppose to struggle." He said, the anger was no longer present in his voice.
"What, so now it's my fault, is that what you're saying?"
Mark didn't answer straight away; he sat in silence, staring at her, before saying. "What are you going to do with me?"
Kathryn looked away from him, but forced herself to look back. "I still love you, but it scares me knowing that you could do that again." Mark went to say something, but Kathryn stopped him, "No, let me finish. I love you – I need you – but I don't know if we can continue this…" Her voice trailed of when she saw his suitcases near her bedroom door. He actually left her; Kathryn thought he had been lying about leaving Carla.
Mark looked to where she was looking then turned back to face her. "Well, if you kick me out, I'll understand, I'll just have no where to though."
Seeing his suitcases changed everything for Kathryn, he left his wife for her, he didn't mean to, she got up and sat next to him, then whispered. "I love you, Mark."
Mark went to kiss her, but Kathryn flinched back, "What?" He asked.
Kathryn shook her head slightly, "Not yet, please. I'll tell you when I'm to have touch me again."
Mark slowly nodded. "I understand."
****
It was early evening; Kathryn sat on her sofa, looking through the bags of clothes she had brought. She had met up with Tom in the mall to talk; they had lunch then went shopping. Tom didn't seem to mind being dragged in to every clothes shop Kathryn saw, if he did have a problem he didn't show it. She had also popped by to visit Carla, to rub in that she had lost Mark, but she wasn't at home. Mark had gone out to see some friends; he didn't have all his things and was planning to get the rest later.
There was a knock at the door, Kathryn got up and answered it, to find herself staring at a man she had never seen before.
"You Kathryn Janeway?" His voice was rough, dangerous, like he shouldn't be messed with.
"Yes –" Before she could say anything else, the man shoved her back in to the apartment, closed the door after he followed then pushed her up to the wall, holding a knife to her throat.
Kathryn struggled against him, but he overpowered by using his free hand to trap her arms behind her back, then he pushed his body in to hers, stopping her moving and nearly cutting of her breathing.
"So you're the whore Carla was talking about." He put his hand on her shoulder to prevent her from moving her shoulder, then he digged the end of the knife in to her skin. "Now, why would she want me to kill a pretty little thing like you?" He paused then said, "Is it because you're sleeping with her husband?"
Kathryn glared at him, but said nothing; she was trying to come up with a plan to stop herself being murdered.
He pressed the edge of the blade against her windpipe, getting ready to slit her throat, when she cried out, "Wait!"
"What?" He spat at her.
"I'll give you double whatever Carla's paying you to kill me, if you don't kill me." She said, trying to stay calm and not show him that she was scared.
"Well, she's paying me $1000 to kill you, so that would be $2000, and…" his free hand grabbed her between her legs, "I wouldn't mind a piece of this." He smiled.
Kathryn looked at him, disgusted. "$3000 and you kill Carla."
"$4000 and I don't." He replied, moving his hand back to her shoulder.
"Fine." She sighed, at least I don't have to sleep with him, where the Hell am I going to get $4000, never mind, well looks like I'll just have to kill the bitch myself.
He stepped away from her, placing his knife in his pocket, Kathryn put her hand up to her neck to make sure she wasn't bleeding.
"You never saw me, I want the money in two weeks, I'll drop by here to collect it." Not letting her answer he walked straight out of the apartment.
Whatever, Kathryn thought as she shut the door, and sigh then leaned against it. How do I kill her and make it seem like an accident.
****
Carla was sat in her shuttle car; it was a normal shuttle, but only smaller and sleeker to manoeuvre around the streets. Seeing the shuttle in front of her stop, she hit the 'brake' button, but nothing happened, she hit it again, still nothing happened, but it felt like she had picked up speed.
Then her shuttle crashed in to the other one…
Two years later:
Kathryn stared at herself in the bathroom, it was five minutes before she was meant to marry Mark and she felt as nervous as Hell. She had never been this nervous in her entire life, if only you were here, Daddy, she closed her eyes as the terrible memory came flooding back to her of the shuttle accident that so cruelly claimed the life's of her father, Admiral Edward Janeway and her first fiancé, Justin Tighe.
Kathryn opened her eyes and looked at herself again, her hair, which had grown just above her shoulders, was slightly curled, she wore a bit of makeup, and had on the necklace that Mark had given to her as an engagement present. She placed her hands on her swollen stomach as the baby slightly kicked inside of her.
The baby, which her and Mark had decided not to know what sex it was, seemed to make everything fall in place, she had Mark, her dog Molly, Kevin, who seemed to have settled in to her company now his mother wasn't around, and now she had a baby on the way. Her simple white gown showed off her bump, which is what she wanted.
She picked up her bouquet of the side and walked in to the entrance of the church and over to Chakotay and Naomi.
"Ready?" Naomi asked as Kathryn stood beside them.
Chakotay turned to face her, breath taken by the sight. "Kathryn you look lovely."
Kathryn smiled a lopsided grin at him; he smiled back as he extended his arm for her just as the music started to play.
****
Mark stood up and looked around to the aisle; he could see Kathryn walking down it, Chakotay at her side and little Naomi, in a creamy dress, throwing some petals on the floor in front of her. She was his Goddess and he loved her more than life itself.
And all it took was killing off the bitch, he smiled to himself, the thought of him tampering with Carla's shuttle came back to him that he had to suppress the urge to laugh. Loves a killer, darling, and it bit you in your arse, hope you rot in Hell…
