Part 4

Michael barely had a moment to get up and Josh was already flying down the hall with Donna close at his heels. Michael had to jog to almost keep up. "Don't mind me," he called out to them as Donna told Josh about the groups that he was talking to and Josh made fun of their cause. And no one really did mind Michael.

About two hours later, Josh was finishing up with the Democratic Chair for the State and Donna and Michael were sitting off to the side grabbing some lunch, talking about the turn out and how much money was raised for the day. Michael saw it as pointless, but Donna was thrilled with the event and Michael had to admit he loved seeing her so happy. He smiled as he watched her point out Danny Concannon as the 'man who adores CJ' to him across the way while she picked at her chicken salad and manned Josh's electronical devices. On the table before him were three cell phones, a blackberry pda, and a walkie talkie. He was amazed at her phone skills. One was his personal phone and she answered that "Josh Lyman." Another was his office phone and she answered that, "Deputy Chief of Staff, Josh Lyman." The last was his campaign phone and that was answered, "Seaborn for President, Josh Lyman." It was a complicated plan since two out of the three phones looked the same. But Donna adjusted the ring tones for her little system and she explained the necessity of keeping campaign and work calls separate and what not. Michael was impressed that she handled herself so well. The personal phone rang and Donna grabbed it on instinct, "Josh Lyman," she smiled. "Mrs. Lyman, how are you doing?"

"Donna, my goodness," Josh's mother gushed. "It's been ages since I've heard your voice."

"Yes it has," Donna agreed smiling.

"Darling...how's my boy doing? Is he behaving himself?" she asked.

"Josh is Josh. You know...he's being brilliant as usual," Donna smiled and she knew that made his mother beam more than usual.

"But how are you? Is he still being good to you? I never get to talk to you anymore and he always says you're busy or some other excuse," Mrs. Lyman sighed. "How's school?"

"School's wonderful and I'm completely busy, so he's not lying," Donna promised her. "And your son was always wonderful to me, you know that."

"I'm glad," his mother sighed happily. "Is he still wasting his time with that horrid Amy woman?"

Donna laughed. "In fact he is," Donna confirmed. "Tell him she's all wrong for him. I've done it numerous times and I get nothing but the dirty look. By the way, how's Mr. Stansky?"

"Lou is wonderful," Mrs. Lyman gushed. "I really like him. Josh hates him, so I figure I'm doing something right," she laughed. Then there was a little bit of an uncomfortable silence.

"So...what are you doing answering Joshua's phone, my dear?" she asked Donna, clearing her throat.

"Oh...they're up by my apartment for a campaign thing and I am just volunteering for the day," Donna explained. "No big deal. At the moment, your son is working the Lyman charm on some lovely State officials over by the dessert table...oh! And I think he's bring me cherry cheesecake...what a doll," Donna sighed as Michael snorted and rolled his eyes. "Let me go grab him and my cake," Donna told her and sprinted for Josh smiling.

Josh looked at her and laughed. "You think this is for you?" he asked with a snort.

"In fact I do," Donna smiled. "And I know it is because you hate cherries on your cheesecake. I made it one time and you made the most horrid faces as you swallowed it," Donna told him. "And here," she said handing him his cell phone. "It's your mother. Be nice."

"Did you say anything?" he wondered in a whisper.

"It's fine, Josh. She just wants to say hi to you and make sure you're being nice to me, which I assured her you always are," Donna smiled. "Now talk while I eat."

Donna skipped back over to where Michael was sitting. "Hey honey," she smiled. "Want some cheesecake?"

"Not so much," he commented. "No. Hey," he said. "Are we almost done? I have papers to grade and stuff for tomorrow."

"I don't know," Donna mused. "Once everyone leaves we'll go back to Headquarters I assume and grab some dinner and work the phones. But we can leave once we get there," Donna told him.

"My car is at the President's house," he told her.

"Don't worry. I'm sure they've been moved by now. They're real good about stuff like that," Donna told him reassuringly.

"Whatever," he sighed as he saw the man Donna identified as Danny approach their table.

"Donna? I thought that was you," he said as he leaned in for a hug, which Donna reciprocated.

"How have you been, Danny?" Donna asked with a grin.

"I've been okay, I guess. You? Gosh...it's been...what? Two years or something?" he asked.

"Yeah...about that," Donna agreed.

"Since that night in Virginia," he said remembering.

"That's about right," she smiled sadly.

"Is everything...okay?" he asked hesitantly. "I mean...I was shocked when I heard you left. I knew it was always possible, but...." he trailed off.

"Everything's great. I'm in school up here with Zoey, actually and we've gotten to be close and I'm almost done and I have a job and a place to live and all," she rambled trying to think of everything.

Josh came behind her and put his hand on her shoulder as he tossed his phone down on the table in front of her. "And she has this great new boyfriend...who's...wait for it.....a Republican...named Michael," Josh told him. "Michael, this is White House Correspondent for the Washington Post Danny Concannon."

"Nice to meet you, Michael," Danny said shaking his hand and looking curiously back and forth between Josh and Donna. "So, Donna," Danny laughed. "I thought you were all about jackasses the last time I saw you," he grinned at her and Josh.

"Eh well...you know," she smiled a little. "A girl's prerogative is to change her mind."

"I guess you're right," he agreed and grabbed a seat across from her and Michael, noticing that Josh's hand did not leave Donna's shoulder.

Michael followed Danny's gaze and looked at Josh and Donna, neither one of them noticing the hand at all. "Donna," Michael said. "Now that Josh has a minute to answer his own phones," he said pointedly. "Wanna go take a quick walk?" he asked.

Donna looked up and Josh and he immediately removed his hand. "Would that be okay?"

"Yeah...yeah...go ahead," Josh told her. "I'm just gonna hang here for a little bit. When you get back we'll be getting ready to head back I guess."

"Thanks, Josh," Michael said to him. "C'mon, Donna," he said helping her up and holding her hand as they walked down the path with Josh's eyes blazing holes in their backs.

"So..." Danny started. "How ya doing?"

"I'm good, Danny," Josh answered still gazing after Donna.

"This sucks, doesn't it?" he asked the Deputy seriously.

"Yeah," Josh agreed. "This is almost as bad as not seeing her at all," he remarked.

"Why torture yourself, then? CJ said you could have arranged to stay home," Danny told him.

"I know," Josh sighed. "I just...I had to see her. I've...you know, missed her."

"Well...she's moved on, I guess. That's good. You have too, you know," he told him.

"I know I'm with Amy," Josh lamented. "I'm reminded of it constantly. But I don't think it feels right. When I was with Donna," Josh sighed shaking his head. "Everything seemed right...even though it was in secret and all that. Being with her seemed right. Sitting home and watching CSPAN seemed right. And with Amy...it just seems...I don't know...not right," he said.

"You still love her," Danny said.

"Who?" Josh asked him.

"Who else is there?" Danny asked.

Josh laid his head down in his hands and sighed. "I need to go home," he said. "Home's easier."

"What's wrong with him?" CJ asked sitting beside Danny.

"He misses Donna and he's dating another woman whom he's not entirely sure he should be dating and hates New Hampshire and wants to go home," Danny summed up.

"Oh. That again?" CJ smirked. "Cheer up, killer," she told Josh. "We're booked solid tomorrow and we're outta here the next morning."

"Am I supposed to say yay to that?" Josh asked seriously.

"I don't know what you should say," CJ told him.

"Out of sight out of mind?" Danny asked hopefully.

"Not likely," Josh answered him.

"Okay...then...I don't know what to tell, my boy," CJ smiled. "Donna was your best friend. And now...well...she's gone, Josh. You'll have what you have to remember her by and that's about all I can say. She seems happy with Michael," CJ offered. "And you're with Amy, right?"

Josh smiled sadly and nodded in agreement noticing Danny shaking his head and getting up from the table. "I gotta go talk to Sam," Danny said to them both.

"You mean Congressman Seaborn," CJ corrected him. "I'll come with you. Joshua go find your ex-assistant and let's get ready to go back to Headquarters," CJ told him and Danny nodded his agreement and the two of them left Josh to his electronic devices.

Josh sat in silence, alone for a while until Donna and Michael showed back up. "Hey," she said plopping down next to him.

"Hey," he smiled. "My mother was so happy to talk to you," he said. "Thank you."

"I love your mother," Donna grinned. "And your mother loves Lou Stansky," she teased. "She thinks he's wonderful."

"Shut up, Donnatella," he laughed. "Let's get our stuff and get the hell out of here. They outdoors is bothering me."

"Okay," she smiled. "You ready, honey?" she asked Michael.

"With pleasure," he told her and headed back to the offices followed closely by Josh and Donna.

The ride back to Headquarters was uneventful. Everyone was tired from the day and raring to start up on the phones as soon as possible. When the cars pulled up, Donna and Michael turned toward the parking lot to go home. "Hey," Zoey called as her and Charlie and Josh noticed them leaving the group. "Where are you going?"

"Michael needs to grade papers and stuff, so we're gonna head out," Donna explained.

Mallory and Sam came around the corner. "Stay," Sam said to Donna and smiled broadly at her. "I've barely had a minute to see you," he said. "Tomorrow we're all jammed up and then I'm on the road again. Please, Donna?"

Mallory smiled and nodded in anticipation and Josh seemed to hold his breath for her answer. Donna looked at Michael who shook his head. "Yeah...sure. It's not like you'd be much help with the papers."

"Hey," Zoey called. "Give me a good grade," she smiled sweetly.

"Goodbye everyone," Michael announced. "It was nice to meet you all," he told them. Then he turned Donna around and kissed her softly. "I'll talk to you later," he whispered and then he jumped in his car and left.

"Yay!" Mallory giggled and her and Zoey grabbed Donna's hands and drug her inside to talk.

"You doing alright?" Sam asked Josh as they all headed for the entrance.

"Yeah," Josh smirked. "Great," he said and then went to dutifully see how Amy's day had been.

"Just between you and me, Congressman," Charlie said. "He's not doing so great."

"Yeah...I kinda figured," Sam smirked and then he and Charlie went in search of take-out menus.

"So," Mallory smiled later that night, when they were sitting in the back of Headquarters reviewing the latest polling numbers and eating pizza. "How long have you been in love with Joshua?"

Donna looked up in shock and Zoey spit out her beer. "Well Mal, you get right to the point, don't you?"

"Mal," Donna started. "What the hell are you talking about? Didn't you meet my boyfriend? Michael?"

"Yep. I did. And again, I must ask...how long have you been in love with Joshua?"

"For years and years," Zoey supplied.

"Shut up, Zoey," Donna warned.

"Years, huh? Like way before she left?" Mal pushed.

Zoey nodded briefly and then went back to her beer.

"So why the façade with Mikey?" Mallory asked.

"Josh and I were never going to work. I may have had a crush on my BOSS at one time, but I have Michael now. I am happy with him," Donna said, emphatically biting down on her pizza crust.

"Right," Mallory smiled. "I think he likes you, ya know?"

"Who?" Donna asked.

"Joshua. He's kinda cute when he's following you around like a little puppy dog," she giggled.

Zoey nodded in agreement. "He's a wreck without you, Donna," Zoey offered.

"Well, what's done is done," Donna said. "I am gonna go find Sam," Donna announced as she got up and left the girls to their pizza.

"So if it's done now...it once wasn't?" Mallory asked.

"You were gone a while," Zoey told her old friend. "I can't say anymore."

"Congressman Seaborn," Donna whispered as she came up behind him. "How are you?"

"Why, Donna Moss," Sam smiled. "You look lovely, as always," he told her.

"Thanks, Sam," she said as she sat down next to him. "So...you're gonna be like the President," she laughed.

"Knock on wood," he said.

"Very good," she said sincerely. "You'll be great."

"I hope so," he said quietly. "So...how are you doing?"

"I'm good. Work, school, personal life...the whole thing," she sighed. "I'm finally on my own."

"You don't miss us a little bit?" he asked.

"Sam...of course I do. I miss everyone. I miss twenty-hour days. I miss seven day weeks. Hell, I even miss Josh showing up drunk in the middle of the night yelling at my roommate's cats," she smiled. "It's just...now I am okay on my own, and that feels good, too."

"I get that," he said honestly. "It makes sense. But you were on your own in DC," he reasoned.

"No I wasn't really," she told him. "I depended on you guys...and Josh...I depended on you all too much," Donna sighed. "Now I just depend on me," she smiled. "It's a good thing."

"Yeah?" he asked. "Then...why do you look like you're two seconds away from crying?"

"I," she sniffed. "I just hate seeing you all again and having all this fun and knowing that you're going to be gone after tomorrow night," she told him. "I love you all so much."

"I know," he said with a grin. "We love you, too." Sam looked at her seriously and smiled. "You know...we all miss you," he told her. "Especially Josh. What did he do to finally drive you away?"

"He...he didn't do anything, Sam. It was just time," she told him.

"Right," he smirked. "In the pool I had that he finally called you away from one too many dates for work stuff."

"There's a pool?" she asked.

"Yeah," he told her. "Of why you left," he explained. "And I remember how he used to hate you going out and not being at work with him, so I figure you must have been out with a Mister Right and Josh dragged you away from him and you got pissed or something."

Donna smiled. "Josh didn't do anything wrong to make me leave," she told him. "It was me. All me," she sighed.

"Do you regret it...at least a little?" Josh asked from the hallway.

Sam and Donna looked up at him. "How long have you been there, Josh?" she asked.

"Long enough," he told her. "Why wasn't I in on the pool?"

"Cause you would've won, we assumed," Sam told him.

"Not likely," he sighed, sitting down in the corner armchair.

"I should go," Donna said, getting up. "You guys have work to do."

"No," Sam said, getting up and kissing her on the forehead. "Stay. Talk to Josh. He'll be swamped tomorrow and I know he'd like to spend a little time with you before we all hit the road," Sam smiled at her and Josh. "I'm going to go check on Mal and grab some pizza before her and Zoey eat it all." He walked out and shut the door, leaving Donna standing awkwardly near the exit and Josh slumped in the arm chair.

"Sit," he told her.



She initially wanted to protest and tell him that she, in fact, was not a dog, but in the end, she did as she was told and sank back into the couch and looked over at him. "Hi," she said simply.

"Hi," he barely registered a smile.

"What did you want?" she asked politely.

"Something that I shouldn't," he told her honestly.

"Josh...." she warned.

"Donna," he whined. "Why do I let you do this to me?"

"I'm not trying to do anything," she told him.

"I know," he said sadly. "That, believe it or not, is worse than doing it on purpose." He ran his hands over his face and through his hair. "I don't know what to do," he told her honestly.

"About?" she asked.

"You," he said simply. "I don't know what to do about you."

"I have no idea what you mean, Joshua," she said looking at him closely.

"Yes you do," he said. "I love you. You know that. I don't know how to stop," he confessed. "Help me stop loving you, Donna. Cause maybe once I do that, I'll be able to be okay again," he said as his eyes filled with unshed tears.

She continued to stare at him, unsure as to what to say to that. "Josh, that's so unfair," she whispered. "You can't blame me for your unhappiness."

"Why do the people I love always go away from me?" he asked her as the tears fell down his face.

"Josh...you're worrying me," she said.

"Well...you, Dad, and Joanie," he said. "You all left me. And somehow it was my fault, I guess."

"Josh, I left for me. Your Dad had a heart attack. And Joanie died in the fire Josh. None of these things are your fault," she tried to reassure him.

"I was too ambitious," he said. "If I'd have just quit you might have stayed. If I'd been around, maybe Dad wouldn't have overworked his heart. If I hadn't been such a baby and only concerned with myself, I could've saved Joanie," he cried, not really focusing on her anymore.

"I wouldn't have let you quit your job. Your father was so proud of you. And Joshua," she sighed. "You were a little boy. You ran out of a burning house. You did what you were supposed to do," she explained.

"I...I don't know what to do anymore," he confessed. "I don't know how to be happy."

Donna smiled at him through her own tears. "Josh...you seemed happy earlier."

"I was. I am happy when I'm with you," he told her. "You make me happy."

"You have to be able to be happy on your own," she told him.

"I don't think that's possible," he breathed eerily.

"Josh," she called him. "Come over here," she ordered as he got up and moved slowly to the couch and sat down next to her in a huff.

"It's going to be alright," she whispered to him, grabbing his face and forcing him to look at her. "Do you hear me? It's going to be okay."

"I don't think so," he cried.

"I do, okay? I promise," she told him.

"I'm just so fucked up Donna," he confessed. "I haven't really been sleeping or...I am just so fucked up," he sniffed.

"Shhhh," she hushed him and moved over so he could rest his head in her lap. He laid down and cried on her legs as she ran her fingers through his hair and lulled him to sleep. It'd been years since she'd seen him like this.

Once he fell asleep, she was afraid to move so she sat there. For hours it seemed. Finally Toby popped his head inside. "Hey," he whispered noticing Josh on the couch. "Everything okay?"

She smiled at Toby, "Would it be bad if I said no?"

"No," he smiled back and sat down near the couch. "How's our boy doing?"

"He's not doing so good, Toby," she answered honestly. "I'm kinda scared."

"He'll pull through," Toby told her. "He's been like this on and off," Toby leveled with her. "He's been seeing Stanley more frequently."

"He hasn't tried to hurt himself, has he?" Donna asked, scared.

"No. Nothing like that," Toby sighed. "He's just got this whole worthlessness thing going on at the moment. He doesn't feel happy with Amy and he can't pinpoint why. And then he misses you so much," Toby smirked. "He feels like you left him and he can't figure out how to deal with that quite yet."

"I don't know what to do," Donna said.

"Do you love him Donna? I mean, despite everything. Do you still love him? Regardless of Michael or his job or your job or whatever?" Toby inquired.

Donna looked at Toby and shook her head. "I can't do this," she said as she started to get up.

Josh jerked away from her and she looked at him sadly and smiled. "I have to go now Josh," she told him.

"I'm sorry," he told her.

"It's not your fault, Josh," she told him honestly. She kissed his cheek and nodded to Toby and left the room.

"I'm going to bed," Josh informed Toby as he left the room.

Josh walked out of the room and Toby sighed. "Good night," he said to no one in particular.

Zoey ran into Donna in the hallway. "Hey," she smiled at her friend. "Where's the fire?" Then she noticed Donna's tear-stained face. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Can we go home? I just...I need to get out of here," Donna said, breathlessly as she left the office.

"Um...okay," Zoey said skeptically. Then she saw Josh leave Headquarters for his room. "Josh?" she called.

"Not now, Zoe," he called over his shoulder and continued walking.

Zoey looked down the hallway to Sam's office where Toby was staring out the doorway. "A little help here?" she asked.

Toby shook his head. "Thank God we're leaving after tomorrow."

"I'll go talk to her," Zoey offered Toby. "Make sure he's okay," she said pointing to where Josh just went.

"Yeah," he said quietly and went to his task. "I didn't sign on to be a freaking therapist," he muttered while walking away.

Zoey got to the car and Donna was inside pulling herself together. "Donna?" Zoey asked when she joined her in the car.

"Don't Zoe," Donna sighed. "Just don't okay?"

"Okay," Zoey said as she hugged Donna.

"I just wanna go home," sighed Donna. "And I want Josh to go home too."