A Hundred Years

Disclaimers: Don't own 'em, I'm just a spoony bard.

WARNING!!! This is a yaoi fic. That means boys loving boys in the physical way. Get over it or don't read it. Oh yeah, it also had some shitty language. Yeah, I know, fuck it.

Dedication.

This fic goes out o Kristina Elaine Sarow. Born May 1, 1985 Died September 29 2003. I love you Kristi.

Ch6 (Seifer's depression)

It's been four years since Seifer graduated. The first two years were great. Seifer and I got married, Zell finally asked Quistis out, and Selphie and Irvine had a little girl they named Tabitha.

Two years ago everything changed. Seifer had never remembered much about when he was Ultemecia's knight, but then he started to. And his depression started. He won't talk to people anymore. He drinks a lot and I think he's taking drugs. He doesn't even touch me if he can avoid it. I'm really worried about him.

I sat in my office going over the pile of paperwork that never ends around here. My mind keeps straying, my eyes looking to the picture of Seifer and I on our wedding day three years ago. He was so happy then. What was it that made him so fucking sad?

"Squall?" Quistis opened the door. "We have that meeting today."

It was Selphie's idea. She knew this was tearing me apart, watching Seifer like this. So she set up a meeting with Dr. Kadowaki so we could tell him. So I could tell him.

"I don't wanna do this." I told her. "He's going to be really pissed at us."

She sighed. "I know. But it's for the best. None of us want to see him like this."

"Is Selphie bringing Tabby with her?" Please say no.

"Yes. Tabby loves her Unckee Seifee and to top it all off Selphie and Irvine think she should have a say too."

"She's only two and half." I muttered, "How much of a say can she have?" But I grabbed my jacket and followed Quistis to the infirmary.

At least Seifer had no idea why we were all meeting. Selphie had told him that Zell had a drug problem, and for whatever reason, he bought it. It's actually kinda believable. A lot of people think he's on speed or something. But he's not.

Seifer was the last one to show up. He sat down and for once, he was actually sober. I have no idea how this is going to go, or even start for that matter.

"I suppose we should get this thing started." Selphie said as she handed Tabby over to Irvine and stood up. "This isn't about Zell Seifer. This is about you."

He blinked, confused. "Me? Why?"

"Because you're hurting yourself." I said quietly looking at the floor. "You drink all the time, your depressed and it's hurting us too. It's hurting me." I dared a look at him

He too was looking at the floor like a child who's been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to.

"Look man, we're all worried about you." Zell put his hand on Seifer's arm.

"Let us help you. I don't want to see my favorite student hurting." Quistis offered him a smile."

Irvine didn't say anything but he put Tabby down, who immediately ran over to Seifer and started tugging on his Fingers.

"Unkee Seifee? Daddy don't want you ta be sad no more."

Seifer looked at Tabby, his eyes filled with pain. "Get her out of here." He whispered.

Irvine stood up now. "Why? So you can push us all away?"

Seifer's eyes flashed with anger and in the coldest voce I've ever heard him use, turned to Irvine. "You want me to say it in front of her? Because I will, thought I'd rather not talk about how I was forced to rape girls her age."

Selphie gasped and rushed Tabby out of the room with Dr. Kadowaki. Tabby protested, wanting to know what 'rape' meant.

Seifer turned to the rest of us. "Do you want me to tell you what it was I did to soldiers who disobeyed me? Do you want me to tell you what I did to Squall in the D-district prison? It's not pretty." He looked at me. "I'm sure you remember. Having your ex-lover stand over you while a guard rapes you and just laughs isn't something you forget."

I closed my eyes. "That wasn't you. Not really."

"Oh really? Then who was it? Was it Zell? Was it Irvine? Was it Rinoa? Tell me, because as far as I remember it was me. So I drink to forget. Sue me."

Selphie smacked him. "Did you ever try talking to us you self- centered bastard? Did you ever think that your friends would give a shit and want to help you?"

"Why bother. You were all so fucking happy. Zell finally asking Quistis out, you and Irvine having the baby, and Squall-"

"Squall was right by your side." I finished for him "I was there. And you never came to me. Do you think for one fucking second that I would have married you if I had thought that you had any control over what you did to me there? Any of it?"

"I-" I didn't let him finish.

"I've been watching you do this for two year. I've been watching you tear yourself apart. And it's tearing me apart."

"Then leave." He looked at the floor again.

"I can't, because I love you. But I can't watch you do this to yourself either." My next statement was probably going to send him over the edge. "I've called my father and have arranged for us to go to Esthar. There's a re-hab center there."

"What?" he blinked and I could tell by the look on his face that he couldn't believe what I just said.

"You heard me. We're leaving in two days."

"Hold on here. Can't we-"

"No and we're not discussing it. And that's final."

"Whatever. Are we done here? Wait, it doesn't matter. Because I'm done here." And he walked out on us.

"Well." Quistis sighed. "That went well."

"Better than I thought it would." Zell added.

"Except for the whole rape mention." Irvine hugged Selphie who was sobbing quietly in Irvine's arms.

"I better go." And I left.

There wasn't really anywhere for me to go except back to mine and Seifer's room. And I knew that's where he was. When I walked in I could hear him crying in the bedroom. I followed the sound and when I saw him he was face down on the bed, crying as if his heart was broke.

I sat down on the bed next to him and lightly touched his shoulder. He lifted his head off the pillow and for the first time in a long time, looked at me and not through me. His eyes have sunk back into his face and they have dark circles around them. He's lost a lot of weight and he looks so tired.

"Squall I-" and the tears came again. He put his head in my lap, sobbing. My poor Angel, and all I can do is hold him.

The trip to Esthar was only a few hours long. Selphie took us there in the Ragnarok and dropped us off at my father's palace. Seifer slept most of the way. My suspicion of his drug use had been confirmed when he started to go through withdrawal. His skin has taken on an ashy appearance and he's been prone to fits of rage over practically nothing.

When we arrived Laguna was there, but he was quiet, as if the severity of the situation was evident to him. He had Kiros take our bags up to our room and since Seifer as still dead asleep, I simply carried him inside.

We ate dinner with Laguna and Kiros. Laguna's babble kept up even though Seifer wasn't talking to anyone right now and I was to worried to keep a conversation going. So it was left up to Laguna and Kiros.

"I was wondering if you and Seifer would like to go to some of the really nice restaurants with me while you're here. There's a couple that-"

"This isn't a vacation for us Laguna. Seifer has a problem."

Laguna sighed. "I know I was just hoping that, oh nevermind."

We stayed in Esthar for three weeks. When we left Seifer was still sober, his skin was a normal color, he wasn't going through withdrawal and he's even laughed at a few of Laguna's lame jokes.

Selphie picked us up and as we were getting ready to leave Laguna stopped me.
"I'm glad you could come to me. I know I'm not the best father but-"

"I know." I felt awkward but I offered him a rare smile. "Thanks, dad." And for the first time ever, I hugged him. He squeezed me tight and gave Seifer a hug as well before we boarded and took to the skies. I wrapped an arm around my husband, happy to be going home.

"Are you feeling better?" Selphie asked Seifer as she turned around in the cockpit.

"Lots. I feel better than I have in years. I've even been taking to a therapist." Seifer smiled at her.

We sat in the back of the Rag. Seifer was writing something in his journal. And I was gong over some crap paperwork for Garden.

"So Squall, the Garden Festival is all set for two weeks from tomorrow." Selphie's pet idea. The Garden Festival. I dreaded it every year. But for some odd reason I was looking forward to it this year. She's changed the whole idea around and is even having an open mic part. I wanna do something for it but I'm not sure what. But Seifer and I have played the guitar since we were little but I haven't played in along time.

"It's not too late to sign up for open mic is it?" Seifer asked suddenly.

"I think I can squeeze you in." She winked at him "what ya gonna do?"

"I'm gonna sing a song."

That surprised me. "I didn't know you sang."

"I don't."

"But- oh nevermind."

"We're having a party for you tonight Seifer. Tabitha's idea. And we ordered a clown!"

A clown? Well Selphie said it was Tabby's idea. She babbled on to Seifer about the party. I'm so relieved that he's okay. His skin is back, his eyes are back, and he's gained some weight. He's clean now and I'm proud of him. I thought I was going to lose him for a while to an overdose or slit wrists or something.

But now it's all gong to be alright. Whatever darkness it was that had almost consumed my Angel was gone. He was whole again.

"Squall, we're home." Seifer's voice was abrupt in my thoughts.

"Sorry, I spaced."

"I know. Internal monologue mode." He smiled.

"So Selphie's throwing you a party with a clown?" I frowned at the idea. I hate clowns.
"No, Tabby's throwing me a party with a clown. Selphie's is throwing me a party with you as the stripper."

"What? I don't remember being asked about that!!" Damnnit!! How the hell do I get volunteered for this shit?

"She did ask you. You said fine, whatever." He grinned. "But you were talking to yourself in your head."

"Figures. Guess I get to be a stripper."

"Let's go. They're waiting for us in Selphie's room." And he leaned down and for the first time in forever, he kissed me.

It was light and all too brief. But it felt real, and tasted so sweet.

And though it was all too brief I relinquished his lips and followed him inside to the party that was waiting for us. A clown. Probably magick tricks too.

There were magick tricks. But I wasn't allowed to enjoy them. Selphie pulled me off to the side and informed me that I was on in a half hour and my outfit had been put on her bed for me.

"He looks a lot better and it seems like he's actually enjoying the clown. Go get ready." And she winked before shoving me into her's and Irvine's room.

I swore under my breath. Laid out for me was a cowboy outfit with a black thong, leather chaps and a vest. Right out of Irvine's closet.

There was no way in hell I was wearing that. I may be gay, but I'm not that flaming. So I started digging through Selphie's underwear drawer. And here's where I found what I wanted. Black thigh high's with a yellow garter and a yellow trimmed black corset. My moots would have to be my own since there was no way I'd ever fit into her shoes. But I raided her makeup for black eyeliner, and bright red lipstick. This was much moiré Seifer's style. But a few people were going to be very surprised.

The wait was short. She knocked on the door to let me know she was opening it.
"Ladies and gentlemen, your entertainment, Squall Leonheart-Almasy!!"

I threw my shoulders back, fully confident and strode into the room. I 'fell' into Seifer's lap and crossed my legs in a provocative pose.

"Squall!!! That's not what I put out for you!!" Irvine's eyes were wide.

"I can't wear that." I simply told him. "Besides, this looks better anyway. Don't you agree?" I winked at Seifer. I could feel the growing bulge in Seifer's pants hardening against my ass. Selphie applauded.

"I am supposed to be dancing here so..." and I got up and since the mod was still light I started with the straightest man in the room. Zell. He laughed at me and pushed me off his lap. Next I danced for Quistis who tipped me a 20 gil note and Irvine and Selphie each gave me 50's. Finally it was Seifer's turn. And time to turn on the sex appeal. I wanted him to want me again now that he was back. He wanted to touch me but I batted his hands away playfully.

I ground into him, giving him a taste of how much I wanted him. He groaned and before I could do much more he stood up, dumping me from his lap.

"Excuse us. You don't want this show." And he put his coat 0on me before he hauled me over his shoulder and out of the room. I waved to everyone as we left.

He threw me on the bed.

"God's Squall, I need you." And he leaned over me, capturing my lips and stealing away my breath.

Out tongues met, exploring like it was the first kiss. He slipped his coat off my shoulders and kicked off his boots. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight. He released my lips and looked into my eyes. The jade depths of his own filled with wonder.

"Hyne, your so fucking beautiful." He whispered to be as he stood and in seconds it seems I was naked and under him again. His infuriatingly clothed body against mine. I wanted that flesh. I want him. I unconsciously removed his vest, and the feeling of his bare flesh against mine sent fire and electricity through me I gasped at the pure pleasure o fit all.

I fumbled with his pants before throwing them across the room. Bare skin against bare skin. God's I love this feeling.

Seifer rolled over so I was n top of him. "Squall. I want you to make love to me." His eyes certain and body willing he wanted me to top him. Seifer's final submission. The only gift he could ever give me besides his love.

"Are you sure? I mean-"

"Hyne yes. I want you inside of me. I want to be completely yours." And he pulled me in for another kiss.

My feeble-lust driven mind was vaguely aware of finding the bottle of lube and letting Seifer coat me. No thoughts graced my mind and as Seifer parted his thighs to offer his gift to me I groaned. I could feel myself pressed against his virgin opening. I pressed against it slowly, not wanting to hurt him.

The heat, the tightness that surrounded me was almost too mush and I almost came right then and there. But I held myself still, trying to gain control over myself. But when Seifer's arms wrapped around me again I couldn't take it anymore and I started the age-old rhythm.

Seifer moaned, for the first time my silent lover wasn't. It spurred me on as I reached between our bodies to grasp his cock. I knew I wasn't going to last long in this sweet tight heat. But I wanted him to come with me, to feel what it was I felt when he was inside me.

"Gods, Squall, you feel so good." He groaned and buried his face in my neck. I could feel my impending orgasm.

"Seifer, I'm gonna..." and I moaned as I came, feeling Seifer bite my neck to suppress the scream that erupted form him as he came as well.

I collapsed on top of him, desperately trying to catch my breath. And when I did, I rolled off of him, pulled him close and kissed hips lips softly.

"I love you so much wo mei tian shi."

"wo ye ai ni." And he closed his eyes and let sleep overcome him. (*)

The night of the Garden Festival was upon us. I never did find the time to sign up for open mic. Seifer had taken to kicking me out of the room when he practiced so I had no idea what he was up to.

The evening was going well, Selphie had started with open mic and Seifer was up next. He walked onstage with his guitar, adjusted the mic a little and sat down.
"I wrote this song about three weeks ago in Esthar. It's for Squall and it's called Sympathy."

Stranger than your Sympathy/ This is my apology/ I'm killing myself form the inside out/ All my fears have pushed you out/ I wish for things that I don't need/ (all I wanted) / and what I chase won't set me free/ (all I wanted)/ And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees/ Oh yeah/ Everything's all wrong yeah/ Everything's all wrong yeah./ Where the hell did I think I was?"/

I was in awe. His voice was beautiful, low and husky. And I knew what this was. This was he closing the door to this chapter in our lives. Closing the door to his depression and opening the door to the future.

Stranger than your sympathy/ I take these things so I don't feel/ I'm killing myself form the inside out/ Now my head's been filled with doubt./ It's hard to lead the life you choose/ (all I wanted)/ when all your luck runs out on you/ (all I wanted) / and you can't see when all your dreams are coming true/ oh yeah/ it's easy to forget yeah/ and you choke on the regrets yeah/ who the hell did I think I was?/

and stranger than your sympathy/ are all these thoughts you stole from me/ and I'm not sure where I belong/ nowhere's home and I'm all wrong/

and I wasn't al the things I tried to make believe I was/ and I wouldn't be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted/ and all the talk and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me / stranger than your sympathy/ stranger than you sympathy/ MMMMMMM

He let the last chords linger. His eyes locked with mine. The truth was right there out n the open. He's laid it all out for everyone to see. But now this chapter in out lives is over. He's back to Seifer and he's given me the most precious gift he could offer.

He's mine forever in every sense of the word.

A/N I had problomes getting this posted. But it's been done and I have started on the next one. This chapter is for El, because she so inspired me to write it. And the cotume idea is for my bachelotette party. I love dancing boys....Anyway, I love reviews, and if you love me you'll leave reviews. lol

oh yea, wo mei tian shi means my beautiful angel and wo ye ai ni means I love you too. It's chinease. So there I am getting something out of class!!

One more thing. The song used here is called Sympathy and is by the Goo Goo dolls. If they ever make a live action movie of FF8 Jhonny Reznik should totally play Squall. They are both so very yummy!!