A note: the following text (including the warning and the postscript) was created 2 years ago. Its creators ARE AWARE of the mistakes contained therein and are ASHAMED of them, and that was one of the reasons why it was not posted before. Some days ago though, as I dug it out of the depths of my hard drive, I felt that it ought to be somewhere on FF.Net. So here it is.

Disclaimer: We don't own the Phantasmagoria, Sierra does.
Warning: The printed text on Phantasmagoria CD box says that the material is unsuitable for persons under the age of 18. (Actually, we were 14 when we played it, but don't tell the cops.) Also the game was banned in some countries. If you live in one of those, do not read the poem: you are prohibited from knowing the plot of the game. Anyway, if 1) you don't care about these warnings, or 2) you are Roberta Williams, nothing can prevent you from doing so (some 'Consumite Furore' music here).

Phantasmagoric Flashback in Poetry

Mortar is best removed with a narrow scraping implement.
- Phantasmagoria's Official Hintkeeper

There lived a girl named Adrienne
Her husband was a worthy man.
His name was Don, and both his wife
And photographing formed his life.
They bought a house, big and old,
(Now our story will unfold)
At small town called Nipawomsett
Where future drama would be set.
Then Adrienne explored the house,
So curious and so aroused.
And then the demon she let go
Thus having started our show.
Our heroine had poor luck:
Right in the bathroom she was fucked
By her beloved husband Don.
His underwear... still was on!
That's what the movie tells us now...
We wonder: why? We wonder: HOW?
The previous owner's soul enraged
And he appeared on the stage.
Kept killing good-for-nothing wives,
Each one with the unique device!
So very soon our blondie learned
And it became of her concern
That foul demon from beyond
Possessed her darling husband Don.
So our good woman understood
She had to banish it for good!
She killed her husband, spelled the rhyme
And left the murder scene in time.
There is a moral in this song
Don't free the demons from beyond!
And never use a knife... I meant
'A narrow scraping implement'!
And if you want some nerve or kicks
Dial up, log in and write fanfics.

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We are great fans of Sierra, so we really loved the game, and we have wonderful memories of it. It's a pity Sierra don't do things of that kind now. If you (the reader) work for the game designing company mentioned above, consider creating a sequel. Please!

Well, do you think the poem is funny? Is it scary? Is it at least a poem? Come on and review, or Carno will come for you, all burned up and crazy.