Chapter seven:
"It Looks like cement, it tastes like play doe, and you actually expect me to eat it?" Richie asked eyeing the bowl distastefully.
"You either eat it or go back to hospital," Connor said from the bottom of Richie's bed where he was watching Richie play with his breakfast.
"Except we both know I can't go back cos if I do some nut job with a machete will probably finish what nut job with kitchen knife started."
"Who said anything about a machete?" Connor asked frowning. "And you shouldn't make light of serious things."
"Why not?"
Connor started to say something but obviously thought better of it. "Just eat your breakfast," he said instead.
"That," Richie poked at his porridge, "is not breakfast. That is off white tarmac."
"It's good for you," Connor tried.
"Yeah, so is drinking your own pee but I'm not about to do that either," Richie said stubbornly.
Richie could have sworn he heard Connor muttering something about not knowing how Duncan put up with him as he swiftly exited the room. Certain of his victory on the breakfast front Richie out the bowl on the table next to his bed and slid down under the covers a little further. He wasn't really all that tired, but he was more than a little worried.
Yes, he was glad to be out of hospital. Yes he was glad to be back home in his own bed. But he certainly wasn't happy with the circumstances surrounding it. So far noone had told him what the hell was going on. Mac had gone out early in the morning before Richie had woken up and Connor was refusing to tell him anything till Mac got back, saying something about it not being his place......
And then Connor had attempted to make breakfast...... Something told him Connor hadn't tried to make porridge for a while.
Richie had been distracted for a few minutes by Connor, but now he was on his own again he was back to thinking about that day. He remembered everything so vividly. The feel of the rope around his wrists and ankles. The sound of the two men talking quietly in the background as they completely ignored him. The unparalleled fear he'd felt when he heard that emotionless voice declare they had to kill him. The desperation when he'd known it was going to happen then and there was nothing he could do to stop it. The pain when the knife had actually pierced his skin. The cold as his life drained away. The hopelessness and feeling of total abandonment when Mac hadn't come.
He saw it all every night in his dreams. He wanted so desperately to just forget it and move on with his life. But how could he when he had to relive it everytime he closed his eyes? Connor thought he should talk to Mac about it. But that was a problem aswell. Mac. Richie didn't want to be angry with him anymore, and he wasn't really. But that didn't take away from the hurt he felt whenever he thought about those last conscious moments.
Mac hadn't known what was going on, and he couldn't possibly have guessed that Richie would be kidnapped while he was out. But it was still because of something that had happened in his past that had caused all this, so Mac was doing the guilt thing. He was trying to sort everything out without telling Richie what everything was. Connor said they didn't want to worry him, but when were people going to get that the things he imagined going on were probably worse than what was actually going on?
Maybe if Mac just told him what was going on and why...... well, it would probably make no difference whatsoever, but at least Richie would then know why this had happened to him. Then he would know the reason why he was afraid all of the time he was awake.
"Go and talk to him and do it now." Connor said the moment the door had closed behind Duncan.
"Why? What's happened?" Duncan asked immediately assuming the worst.
"He was stabbed in the chest and nearly died. Then last night the person he trusts most in the world practically drags him home from his hospital bed without an explanation." Connor said, a definite note of disapproval in his voice.
"Oh," Duncan said.
"Go and talk to him," Connor repeated.
"I don't know what to say," Duncan admitted. "I don't know how to tell him this has all happened because of me."
"Duncan......." Connor said, a small smile playing on his lips. "He knows that much. What he doesn't know is why. He'll be much happier when he knows the reason. And you need to discuss a few other things with him aswell."
"Such as? Has he said something to you?"
"Yes, he has. He needs to talk to you. But he won't if you don't start the conversation and make him tell you what he told me." Connor said turning away from Duncan and heading for the door.
"Where are you going?" Duncan asked as Connor swept passed him.
"Out to give you both some time and privacy." Connor said without slowing. "That way you have no excuses. Go and talk to him. Now."
Duncan watched the door close behind Connor. He knew he was right. Richie deserved an explanation and they did need to talk about everything that had happened, but he had so much on his mind. He didn't know if now was the right time to get into it all. Maybe it would be better to tell Richie about Campbell when it was all over....
But would he be doing that for Richie's benefit of his own? Sighing and shrugging off his coat Duncan mentally prepared himself for what he was about to do. Facing the most deadly of sword fighters was nothing compared to getting ready for a conversation with Richie about his feelings when he wasn't in a sharing mood....... Maybe Duncan would get lucky and Richie would be in a sharing mood.
Duncan knocked lightly on Richie's door.
"Come in," Richie called out softly.
As Duncan entered the room he began to worry. Richie was sat up in bed looking pale and tired, despite the fact that he'd slept soundly all night and half the morning.
"You don't look so good, Rich," Duncan said sitting on the edge of the bed and touching Richie's forehead.
"I'm ok," Richie said pushing Duncan's hand away.
"You feel hot," Duncan said.
"I'm ok."
"Richie, the last thing you need is an infection on top of everything else." Duncan warned.
"Yeah I know, but that's why I have antibiotics. I'm ok." Richie insisted.
"So you're up for a chat?" Duncan asked, seeing an opening.
Richie's eyes narrowed slightly. "Depends what you want to chat about."
Nope. Definitely not in a sharing type of mood this morning.
"I owe you an explanation." Duncan said carefully, deciding to start with explanations then go onto apologies and recriminations.
"Go ahead," Richie said relaxing noticeably.
Taking a deep breath Duncan told Richie what he'd told Connor the night before. Richie listened impassively until Duncan told him about the meeting with Campbell last night and what he'd said about the two men hired to kill Richie still waiting for the chance to do just that.
"That's why you bought me home?" Richie asked. "So I wouldn't be left alone?"
Duncan nodded. "Me and Connor couldn't stay with you all the time if you were in hospital. At least here you're just down the hall at all times."
"You think they woulda tried something if I'd stayed?" Richie asked, paler than he had been when Duncan entered the room.
"I think they would. But they won't get to you here Richie. I promise you that," Duncan said, willing Richie to believe him.
"But they..." Richie paused and looked down, "they took me from here. The other day. They know their way around. You can't promise they won't get to me here."
Duncan mentally kicked himself. He should have remembered that and took it into consideration. Maybe Richie would have been happier staying somewhere else for the time being... Too late for that now, they'd just have to work round that fear.
"I'll be here. So will Connor. We'll protect you," Duncan said.
"How? You can't guard me 24/7." Richie said looking back at Duncan.
"I won't have to because I intend to find them. I will stop them Richie. I just need you to trust me again Richie."
The words were out before he'd realised what he'd said.
"I do trust you," Richie said looking crestfallen. "I never stopped."
"Really?" Duncan asked skeptically. "Then why have you been so distant from me lately Rich?"
"Because..." Richie said swallowing. "Look, Mac, I'm kinda tired..."
"This won't go away because you ignore it." Duncan interrupted.
"You don't know that," Richie said. "Have you ever tried just leaving things alone?"
"Yes. It doesn't work." Duncan replied. "Talk to me Richie. You say you still trust me but you aren't acting like it."
Richie swallowed again. "I was angry," he began slowly. "Cos you're supposed to always be there. But you weren't."
Duncan felt a fresh wave of guilt hit him. That was the first time Richie had confirmed out loud what they both already knew.
"I am sorry Richie. If I'd known..."
"I know." Richie said with a small smile. "That's why it was so hard. I knew you'd be there. I was so sure. But you didn't show., And they kept saying it was cos of you they were gonna kill me. The guy that did it said he was sorry and he didn't want to, but cos you didn't show he had no choice."
Richie was staring at one spot on his bed clothes, never looking up at Duncan.
"I thought I was gonna die Mac. I really didn't want to. And it felt like it was all your fault. The stuff they said, because it had to do with an Immortal, all of it made it your fault. Except..."
Duncan touched Richie's hand gently and was relieved when Richie left it there. "Except what?" he prompted.
"Except... everyone's responsible for their own actions aren't they? I mean, noone made that guy stab me. He had a choice no matter what he said. Right?"
Richie looked up and met Duncan's eyes. He looked so unsure...
"Right," Duncan agreed.
"Yeah," Richie said looking away again. "See, I always knew that. But it's kinda hard to go with what you know and not with what you feel sometimes."
"I can understand that," Duncan said
"So you aren't mad at me?" Richie asked in a small voice.
"Mad at you?" Duncan repeated. "Why would I be mad at you?"
Richie shrugged, pulling his hand out from under Duncan's and crossing his arms. Duncan almost let it go but Connor had said to make Richie talk and he couldn't figure how or why Richie could possibly think he was mad at him.
"Richie, I'm not mad at you." Duncan said firmly. "But I would like to know why you think I might be."
Richie shrugged again. Duncan thought he wasn't going to say anything else but he suddenly blurted out; "For feeling like I did. For almost hating you for something you had no control over."
That was unexpected... "Richie... No... I understand how you felt. You had a right to be angry."
"But not at you."
"Why not? I wasn't there. Reason or no I wasn't there when you needed me. It's natural to lose trust in someone in a situation like that."
"I already told you I never stopped trusting you," Richie said, seemingly only hearing the last bit of the sentence. "Don't you see? That's what made it all the worse. I blamed you. I took it out on you. But I couldn't stop myself trusting you."
Was that a tear on Richie's face?
"I wanted to hate you. I wanted to be able to think you had just abandoned me completely cos then I could focus on that. I wouldn't have to think about them. What they did, cos it'd all be your fault. I can handle being dumped, I'm used to it. But someone intentionally trying to kill me? How do I deal with that? How do I get my head round it? I have no idea what the hell's going on half the time and noone tells me anything so I end up thinking the worst is gonna happen and they're gonna find me and this time I won't be found in time and I'll end up dead somewhere and - "
"Richie!" Duncan cut in as Richie started to get hysterical. He had no idea Richie had been dwelling on it all this much. Though he should have known of course, how could he not think about it all the time. He was only eighteen, far too young to be in the middle of something as twisted as all this.
"Listen to me," Duncan said, taking hold of Richie's arms gently but firmly and forcing Richie to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry we haven't told you what's been going on. I didn't want to worry you, but I guess you were doing a pretty good job of that on your own... I'm sorry you're involved in this. But you have done nothing wrong. Nothing," Duncan repeated to emphasize his point, as tears began to slide freely from Richie's eyes. "I am not angry with you, I don't blame you for anything you've been feeling over the last few days."
Letting go of Richie's arms Duncan found himself wrapping them around Richie's shoulders in the next instant. It was spontaneous, but somehow felt like the right thing to do at the time, and Richie lent readily into his arms.
"Noone will hurt you again Richie. I will not let them. You are not going to end up dead anywhere." Duncan said soothingly as Richie cried softly into his shirt.
"You're safe with me Richie." Duncan continued. "You'll always be safe with me."
Duncan felt Richie relaxing more and more and the tears seemed to be stopping too, but he didn't attempt to pull away so Duncan stayed exactly where he was too.
"Will you stay for a bit?" Richie asked after a few minutes had passed without movement or words being spoken.
"If you want me too," Duncan said, letting Richie pull away a little to look him in the eye.
Richie nodded, his eyes still unusually bright. " I have nightmares sometimes..."
Ah. No wonder he looked tired, Duncan thought. He slept a lot, just not well.
"I'll stay Rich," Duncan said. "You scoot down under the covers and get comfy."
"It Looks like cement, it tastes like play doe, and you actually expect me to eat it?" Richie asked eyeing the bowl distastefully.
"You either eat it or go back to hospital," Connor said from the bottom of Richie's bed where he was watching Richie play with his breakfast.
"Except we both know I can't go back cos if I do some nut job with a machete will probably finish what nut job with kitchen knife started."
"Who said anything about a machete?" Connor asked frowning. "And you shouldn't make light of serious things."
"Why not?"
Connor started to say something but obviously thought better of it. "Just eat your breakfast," he said instead.
"That," Richie poked at his porridge, "is not breakfast. That is off white tarmac."
"It's good for you," Connor tried.
"Yeah, so is drinking your own pee but I'm not about to do that either," Richie said stubbornly.
Richie could have sworn he heard Connor muttering something about not knowing how Duncan put up with him as he swiftly exited the room. Certain of his victory on the breakfast front Richie out the bowl on the table next to his bed and slid down under the covers a little further. He wasn't really all that tired, but he was more than a little worried.
Yes, he was glad to be out of hospital. Yes he was glad to be back home in his own bed. But he certainly wasn't happy with the circumstances surrounding it. So far noone had told him what the hell was going on. Mac had gone out early in the morning before Richie had woken up and Connor was refusing to tell him anything till Mac got back, saying something about it not being his place......
And then Connor had attempted to make breakfast...... Something told him Connor hadn't tried to make porridge for a while.
Richie had been distracted for a few minutes by Connor, but now he was on his own again he was back to thinking about that day. He remembered everything so vividly. The feel of the rope around his wrists and ankles. The sound of the two men talking quietly in the background as they completely ignored him. The unparalleled fear he'd felt when he heard that emotionless voice declare they had to kill him. The desperation when he'd known it was going to happen then and there was nothing he could do to stop it. The pain when the knife had actually pierced his skin. The cold as his life drained away. The hopelessness and feeling of total abandonment when Mac hadn't come.
He saw it all every night in his dreams. He wanted so desperately to just forget it and move on with his life. But how could he when he had to relive it everytime he closed his eyes? Connor thought he should talk to Mac about it. But that was a problem aswell. Mac. Richie didn't want to be angry with him anymore, and he wasn't really. But that didn't take away from the hurt he felt whenever he thought about those last conscious moments.
Mac hadn't known what was going on, and he couldn't possibly have guessed that Richie would be kidnapped while he was out. But it was still because of something that had happened in his past that had caused all this, so Mac was doing the guilt thing. He was trying to sort everything out without telling Richie what everything was. Connor said they didn't want to worry him, but when were people going to get that the things he imagined going on were probably worse than what was actually going on?
Maybe if Mac just told him what was going on and why...... well, it would probably make no difference whatsoever, but at least Richie would then know why this had happened to him. Then he would know the reason why he was afraid all of the time he was awake.
"Go and talk to him and do it now." Connor said the moment the door had closed behind Duncan.
"Why? What's happened?" Duncan asked immediately assuming the worst.
"He was stabbed in the chest and nearly died. Then last night the person he trusts most in the world practically drags him home from his hospital bed without an explanation." Connor said, a definite note of disapproval in his voice.
"Oh," Duncan said.
"Go and talk to him," Connor repeated.
"I don't know what to say," Duncan admitted. "I don't know how to tell him this has all happened because of me."
"Duncan......." Connor said, a small smile playing on his lips. "He knows that much. What he doesn't know is why. He'll be much happier when he knows the reason. And you need to discuss a few other things with him aswell."
"Such as? Has he said something to you?"
"Yes, he has. He needs to talk to you. But he won't if you don't start the conversation and make him tell you what he told me." Connor said turning away from Duncan and heading for the door.
"Where are you going?" Duncan asked as Connor swept passed him.
"Out to give you both some time and privacy." Connor said without slowing. "That way you have no excuses. Go and talk to him. Now."
Duncan watched the door close behind Connor. He knew he was right. Richie deserved an explanation and they did need to talk about everything that had happened, but he had so much on his mind. He didn't know if now was the right time to get into it all. Maybe it would be better to tell Richie about Campbell when it was all over....
But would he be doing that for Richie's benefit of his own? Sighing and shrugging off his coat Duncan mentally prepared himself for what he was about to do. Facing the most deadly of sword fighters was nothing compared to getting ready for a conversation with Richie about his feelings when he wasn't in a sharing mood....... Maybe Duncan would get lucky and Richie would be in a sharing mood.
Duncan knocked lightly on Richie's door.
"Come in," Richie called out softly.
As Duncan entered the room he began to worry. Richie was sat up in bed looking pale and tired, despite the fact that he'd slept soundly all night and half the morning.
"You don't look so good, Rich," Duncan said sitting on the edge of the bed and touching Richie's forehead.
"I'm ok," Richie said pushing Duncan's hand away.
"You feel hot," Duncan said.
"I'm ok."
"Richie, the last thing you need is an infection on top of everything else." Duncan warned.
"Yeah I know, but that's why I have antibiotics. I'm ok." Richie insisted.
"So you're up for a chat?" Duncan asked, seeing an opening.
Richie's eyes narrowed slightly. "Depends what you want to chat about."
Nope. Definitely not in a sharing type of mood this morning.
"I owe you an explanation." Duncan said carefully, deciding to start with explanations then go onto apologies and recriminations.
"Go ahead," Richie said relaxing noticeably.
Taking a deep breath Duncan told Richie what he'd told Connor the night before. Richie listened impassively until Duncan told him about the meeting with Campbell last night and what he'd said about the two men hired to kill Richie still waiting for the chance to do just that.
"That's why you bought me home?" Richie asked. "So I wouldn't be left alone?"
Duncan nodded. "Me and Connor couldn't stay with you all the time if you were in hospital. At least here you're just down the hall at all times."
"You think they woulda tried something if I'd stayed?" Richie asked, paler than he had been when Duncan entered the room.
"I think they would. But they won't get to you here Richie. I promise you that," Duncan said, willing Richie to believe him.
"But they..." Richie paused and looked down, "they took me from here. The other day. They know their way around. You can't promise they won't get to me here."
Duncan mentally kicked himself. He should have remembered that and took it into consideration. Maybe Richie would have been happier staying somewhere else for the time being... Too late for that now, they'd just have to work round that fear.
"I'll be here. So will Connor. We'll protect you," Duncan said.
"How? You can't guard me 24/7." Richie said looking back at Duncan.
"I won't have to because I intend to find them. I will stop them Richie. I just need you to trust me again Richie."
The words were out before he'd realised what he'd said.
"I do trust you," Richie said looking crestfallen. "I never stopped."
"Really?" Duncan asked skeptically. "Then why have you been so distant from me lately Rich?"
"Because..." Richie said swallowing. "Look, Mac, I'm kinda tired..."
"This won't go away because you ignore it." Duncan interrupted.
"You don't know that," Richie said. "Have you ever tried just leaving things alone?"
"Yes. It doesn't work." Duncan replied. "Talk to me Richie. You say you still trust me but you aren't acting like it."
Richie swallowed again. "I was angry," he began slowly. "Cos you're supposed to always be there. But you weren't."
Duncan felt a fresh wave of guilt hit him. That was the first time Richie had confirmed out loud what they both already knew.
"I am sorry Richie. If I'd known..."
"I know." Richie said with a small smile. "That's why it was so hard. I knew you'd be there. I was so sure. But you didn't show., And they kept saying it was cos of you they were gonna kill me. The guy that did it said he was sorry and he didn't want to, but cos you didn't show he had no choice."
Richie was staring at one spot on his bed clothes, never looking up at Duncan.
"I thought I was gonna die Mac. I really didn't want to. And it felt like it was all your fault. The stuff they said, because it had to do with an Immortal, all of it made it your fault. Except..."
Duncan touched Richie's hand gently and was relieved when Richie left it there. "Except what?" he prompted.
"Except... everyone's responsible for their own actions aren't they? I mean, noone made that guy stab me. He had a choice no matter what he said. Right?"
Richie looked up and met Duncan's eyes. He looked so unsure...
"Right," Duncan agreed.
"Yeah," Richie said looking away again. "See, I always knew that. But it's kinda hard to go with what you know and not with what you feel sometimes."
"I can understand that," Duncan said
"So you aren't mad at me?" Richie asked in a small voice.
"Mad at you?" Duncan repeated. "Why would I be mad at you?"
Richie shrugged, pulling his hand out from under Duncan's and crossing his arms. Duncan almost let it go but Connor had said to make Richie talk and he couldn't figure how or why Richie could possibly think he was mad at him.
"Richie, I'm not mad at you." Duncan said firmly. "But I would like to know why you think I might be."
Richie shrugged again. Duncan thought he wasn't going to say anything else but he suddenly blurted out; "For feeling like I did. For almost hating you for something you had no control over."
That was unexpected... "Richie... No... I understand how you felt. You had a right to be angry."
"But not at you."
"Why not? I wasn't there. Reason or no I wasn't there when you needed me. It's natural to lose trust in someone in a situation like that."
"I already told you I never stopped trusting you," Richie said, seemingly only hearing the last bit of the sentence. "Don't you see? That's what made it all the worse. I blamed you. I took it out on you. But I couldn't stop myself trusting you."
Was that a tear on Richie's face?
"I wanted to hate you. I wanted to be able to think you had just abandoned me completely cos then I could focus on that. I wouldn't have to think about them. What they did, cos it'd all be your fault. I can handle being dumped, I'm used to it. But someone intentionally trying to kill me? How do I deal with that? How do I get my head round it? I have no idea what the hell's going on half the time and noone tells me anything so I end up thinking the worst is gonna happen and they're gonna find me and this time I won't be found in time and I'll end up dead somewhere and - "
"Richie!" Duncan cut in as Richie started to get hysterical. He had no idea Richie had been dwelling on it all this much. Though he should have known of course, how could he not think about it all the time. He was only eighteen, far too young to be in the middle of something as twisted as all this.
"Listen to me," Duncan said, taking hold of Richie's arms gently but firmly and forcing Richie to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry we haven't told you what's been going on. I didn't want to worry you, but I guess you were doing a pretty good job of that on your own... I'm sorry you're involved in this. But you have done nothing wrong. Nothing," Duncan repeated to emphasize his point, as tears began to slide freely from Richie's eyes. "I am not angry with you, I don't blame you for anything you've been feeling over the last few days."
Letting go of Richie's arms Duncan found himself wrapping them around Richie's shoulders in the next instant. It was spontaneous, but somehow felt like the right thing to do at the time, and Richie lent readily into his arms.
"Noone will hurt you again Richie. I will not let them. You are not going to end up dead anywhere." Duncan said soothingly as Richie cried softly into his shirt.
"You're safe with me Richie." Duncan continued. "You'll always be safe with me."
Duncan felt Richie relaxing more and more and the tears seemed to be stopping too, but he didn't attempt to pull away so Duncan stayed exactly where he was too.
"Will you stay for a bit?" Richie asked after a few minutes had passed without movement or words being spoken.
"If you want me too," Duncan said, letting Richie pull away a little to look him in the eye.
Richie nodded, his eyes still unusually bright. " I have nightmares sometimes..."
Ah. No wonder he looked tired, Duncan thought. He slept a lot, just not well.
"I'll stay Rich," Duncan said. "You scoot down under the covers and get comfy."
