A/N

For everybody who reads this fic, it's my first fic ever. I've started various before but never ended any of them -__-; Well, please don't be too hard with me, ne ^_^ Chronologically, it's set in the middle of Episode 13, where Shuichi comes home and doesn't find Eiri anywhere. I guess you know which point I mean.

Warnings

This fic may contain Yaoi, Shounen-Ai, Angst, depression, despair.... so please, if you don't like that, don't read.

Disclaimer

None of the characters of Gravitation nor Gravitation itself belong to me. Characters, personalities etc. belong to their respective owners. Gravitation is the masterpiece of Maki Murakami ^__^ *jumps* Pairings

I don't know yet... but even if I knew, I wouldn't tell... surprise ^_~

Without You ~ by asahi

Chapter 2 ~ Illusions

Black. All he could see was pitch-black. No shapes, no ray of light. Nobody was around. Only this darkness that seemed to swallow him just like that. Then, out of nowhere, there were faces.

Terrifying faces. Laughing at him.

You stupid moron, do you really think anybody can love something like you? Have you ever watched into a mirror? You're just a kid wanting to take advantage of somebody better looking, being more famous than you are. You just want to have the prestige and the attention you get when you're with Yuki. You don't really love him. Yuki deserves something better than you are. You're nothing, just a pile of misery. Why would anybody just like you? You piece of shit. You're worth nothing. Do you listen to me? Nothing! Yuki doesn't care about you at all... haha... HAHAHA

The white, almost transparent faces whirled around, came nearer, just to withdraw as soon as they almost reached him. They were circling around him. And they were laughing. Laughing at that foolish little person that only wished to be loved back. Not more. Just being loved. Out of a sudden, the faces fainted to black. And Shuichi was floating in the black void. It felt like he was falling constantly. Deeper. Deeper. It was bottomless. He would never reach the ground. This agony would last forever and ever and ever....

//But... it's not true. I do love him. I don't want...anything... only this love... I don't want it to be one-sided... help me... p...le...please.... Yu...ki.... I love you....//

Yuki can't help you here. This is your mind - he can't help you. Even if he could, do you really think he would? Really? Shindou Shuichi no baka. Seeing things as they are, there's no reason to like you. ... Why would-

"...lie...liar... not true... dame...yame....YUKI~~~!!!"

Shuichi's eyes snapped open, his chest moving up and down rapidly as he was panting heavily. Hiro ran into the room quickly.

"Shu-chan? Nightmare?" The guitarist sat next to the terrified looking, sweating boy and comforted him. Shuichi hugged him back while he was trying not to think about his weird bad dream he just had had. His hands were clutching the fabric of Hiro's T-shirt that was moistured by the tears of a special someone.

"Hiro... I can't take this anymore. I can't sleep. I can't be awake. When I'm awake, Yuki haunts me and when I'm sleeping some scary faces tell me that Yuki deserves better than me." He cried out hard. " I can't carry on anymore, Hiro. I... need Yuki."

" Hiro... tasukete...help me..."

Shuichi pulled Hiro even closer.

This wasn't exactly what he had expected of his life. No. He literally was a mental wreck. Why was he so dependant of Yuki? Why wasn't he able to ... to reject him. He was like a moth to a flame. He himself was the moth and Yuki the deadly flame. The nearer he came the more Yuki would hurt him. But why did he? Why could Yuki love him back? Was it true, that he was an unlovable little brat that wanted nothing more than to be loved? He was sure, there were people that could love him but what he was also sure of was that he, Shuichi, [b]could not[/b] love anybody else than Yuki. And... if Eiri didn't love him - there .. there was nothing left to live for. What achievement would be greater than holding Yuki's heart in his hands?

Shuichi wasn't aware of how much it was like that. He had no clue of Yuki's pain and how close he was with holding Yuki's heart in his hands.

End of Chapter 2 ~ Illusions

Hope it's not boring *blinks* ... ummm... stay tuned for Chapter 3 ... and C&C P-L-E-A-S-E