Author's Note: The long awaited (I'M SO SO SO SORRY!!) fourth installment. I realize this chappy is VERY late, and I could give you a multitude of excuses, but the truth is, I had writer's block. But now I'm back, and I will be updating within a week… if not sooner. I PROMISE!! Another introspective chappy… shocking, right?? :P I contemplating ending it here, but then I had an idea – y'all should know how dangerous that is. *smiles evilly* Anyway, there are at least 3 more parts to come. ^_^ And, the section intro is in Rogue's voice, in case you lost track.
Disclaimer: I owneth not a thing… ith. Uhm, yeah.
"talking" - 'thinking' - *telepathic communication* - .::POV::. - section intro/foreign languages
Sometimes
by, Caliente
Regret
As hard as it is ta accept, sometimes thin's are outta yer control. Thin's like yer hair color, eye color, skin color. But sometimes ya have full control. Nobody forced ya ta do what ya did but you. You're completely ta blame. An' all yer left with is regret. An' that's cold comfort on lonely nights.
.::Rogue::.
She could feel it. Ever since she returned from New Orleans. It had followed her like a ghost, reminding her that this time it was her own fault. She hadn't said anything. This was all on her. Nobody had forced her into this situation. She couldn't even blame Remy. He couldn't control how she felt or what she did. Why didn't she say anything? It could have hurt more… she knew it could have… but at least she wouldn't have the burden of regret. She felt as if she was in a daze as she wandered through the mansion. Finding herself in front of the Professor's office, she let out the breath she had been holding and raised her hand to knock.
*Come in Rogue* the Professor's voice entered her mind.
Rogue entered the office, quietly closing the door behind her. She walked to the slightly overstuffed chair and sat down, her eyes never leaving the floor. Taking a deep breath and swallowing her nerves, she forced her eyes upwards. "The Courier was nice enough ta give me a finger," she shuddered slightly at the memory, "which Ah gave ta Doctor McCoy. The mission was a success."
"Good, thank you Rogue." Charles Xavier gave a short nod, wishing he could do something for his troubled student. 'No, she is not your student anymore,' he reminded himself. 'She's a grown woman who can make her own decisions. Her own mistakes.' "Is there anything else I should know about? That happened on the mission…?"
'Gee, subtle for a telepath,' Rogue quipped to herself. "Nah, everythin' went fine." Forcing herself to smile, she continued, "Ah'll write a report like Ah know Cyke wants." She paused for a moment. "If that's all, Ah should really be headin' home."
"Of course Rogue," Professor X agreed with his own smile, though his was tinged with sadness for his once untouchable woman. "Thank you for your help with this matter."
"No problem." The fake smile returned. "Ah'll be seein' ya."
*Good-bye Rogue* he projected as she make her way out of the mansion. 'Good luck,' he added to himself. 'For the affairs of the heart need all the luck they can get. Especially when it involves you and Gambit.' His heart ached for his student and her once-lover. Somehow, he, and most of the other members of the X-Family, had always believed they would end up together. Through all their pain and struggle, from Belle to Antarctica, they had always made it through. Until he sent him away. As much as he hated to do it, he blamed himself. At least partially. If only he hadn't sent Remy on that mission… then maybe this would have never happened. Maybe they would still be together. Too bad foresight isn't twenty-twenty, even for a telepath. In his line of work, he had to make hard decisions. And stand by them, but in his heart, he would always regret his decision to send him away. After all she'd been through, Rogue didn't deserve this kind of pain. Not anymore.
Rogue felt like a robot as she made her way out of the mansion and back to her home. She didn't even bother to remove her shoes, she just collapsed onto her bed. Finally, she allowed the pain she felt consume her. Why? Why did things have to go that way? Why was she too weak to tell him the truth? If only… Well, it was too late for that. All she had left was her regret. And boy did she regret how she had acted.
.::Remy::.
Remy stumbled home, a wreck. Drunk off his ass and a complete mess, he clamored his way into his home. Home. They used to have a home together. But now his home consisted of his once estranged family. And, though he loved them, because truly he did love them, he was still lonely. Sure he had girls, women even, but he was still alone. Always alone. And, unfortunately, he had nobody to blame but himself. Why didn't he just tell her? Another mistake he knew he would live to regret. Sometimes it felt like that was the sum of their whole relationship. He didn't regret their time together, but he did regret leaving and all of his subsequent actions. Boy did he regret them.
His racket attracted some attention and his father, along with several other thieves, came to investigate. Seeing it was just his wayward son, Jean-Luc sent the others away, following them. He knew that Remy would be intercepted by his Tante Mattie, he probably needed her more than him.
True to his beliefs, the large black woman was waiting in the kitchen for the boy she practically raised as her own. She watched him stumble in and collapse in a chair, completely unaware of her presence. She clucked her tongue at him as she poured him a glass of water. "Boy, y'been comin' in drunk ev'ry night f'r a week," she scolded in a motherly tone. "Dis has got t'stop. Now."
"'m sorry," Remy slurred, his head resting on the table. "'m so sorry. It wasn' s'posed t'be dis way. 'm sorry…" his voice trailed off as he closed his eyes.
Mattie looked at the pathetic sight in front of her and sighed. "Remy, Remy, Remy… what am I gon' do wit' you?" She shook her head, wiping his forehead gently with a cool cloth.
"Have a list, but left it in my ot'er pocket," he mumbled, eyes still closed.
Shaking her head again, Mattie allowed herself a small smile. At least her Remy was somewhere inside there. "Why don' y'tell me why you're so unhappy," she suggested, rubbing his shoulder gently.
Remy let out a small sigh, but immediately shot that idea down. "Who's unhappy?" he muttered sarcastically. 'Just a week ago, I was so close to her,' he recalled silently. 'I touched her, I could smell her sweet scent… but none of that matters.' "'m jus' playin' too hard. Not'in' unusual dere." He pulled himself up, sobered by his pain. "I'll be seein' you in de mornin' Tante."
"Fine," she agreed, watching him go. There would be time for yelling in the morning. Right now, the boy was hurting. She had never seen him such a wreck. His shoulders were slumped, face in a perpetual grimace, and his eyes… His strange demon eyes no longer glowed red. Now, there were dull, lacking their usual fire. She had seen him "play" as he so eloquently put it and this was not playing. He was mourning, acting as if his favorite dog had died. She didn't know why he was in such a stupor but she prayed with all her heart that he would pull out of it. He was a good boy, he deserved to be happy. After all the pain in his life, he deserved as much. At the very least.
Remy managed to make it to his room before he plopped on his bed, the full weight of his loss hitting him. Tears filled his red eyes, and at that moment he knew that he had never regretted anything he did as much as not telling her how he felt. Not his sham of a wedding, not the Morlock Massacre, not Mary… nothing. His regret over his actions, or lack thereof, outweighed everything he had ever done.
Review Responses: Hi y'all. Long time no update, I know. I beseech you to leave a review, even if it is just to yell at me for being a HORRIBLE author. I PROMISE next chappy will have less angst, and some cameos by various X-People. Thanks to EVERYBODY who reviewed. I'm SO sorry if I've missed you. Y'all kept me alive. Oh, and PLEASE don't ask me to update my other fic… I'm trying but I have writer's block. I'm sorry to all those who read it. - The Sphinx Minx: No worries, I can't spell either. YAY!! for spell checker. :P Why can't they get it together?? 'Cause if they did, I wouldn't have a story. Love/hate relationship… Gotta love those. -_- Thanks Erica. - Katrina5: Aw shucks. *blushes* You're UBER sweet!! Incredible angst?? *blushes harder* Wow, thanks. :) I'm glad you're happy Joe's dead. *head spins slightly* They are stubborn, aren't they. *shakes head at them* Oh well, we wouldn't have angst otherwise. And then where would we be?? Lost. That's where. :P Thanks!! - The Rogue Cajun: Aw thanks!! You're TOO kind!! *ears turn red* I'm happy you liked it. YAY!! :) - Jukebox: Sad?? My writing?? You must be hallucinating. :P Get their act together… they just might. - Aro: Isn't it a good thing I update while you're asleep… something good in the morning!! :P Angst is second… I agree. Emotional?? My story?? Surely you jest. ^_- Not the best reunion, true, but I think it's realistic. 7 years, not 4 million – it had to happen tho. They did hug each other… awkwardly, but it happened. As Rogue was leaving. *holds up hands innocently* I swear!! :) Okay, so I hope you had a good breakfast. Mmm… food. Thanks!! - Remy's Ange: I know what you mean. If only they would just say how they feel… but alas it is not meant to be. Yet. The next part is titled "Confrontation" so you can guess what's gonna happen. :P They don't wanna get hurt, since they've burned each other before. They're scared. Scott and Jean… there's a creepy comparison. Yes, stupid Remy. All will be explained next chappy. -_- I hope you still had a good day. Thanks!! - Panther Nesmith: Idiots?? Yep, that about sums it up. Sadist?? I've heard that before. Masochists are the best friends of sadists, right?? :P I'm not evil… I just get pleasure out of torturing my characters. BWAHAHA!! That doesn't make me evil, does it?? -_- Got Scooter and Jeannie's number I see. Thanks!! w00t back atcha!! - Roguelebeaux003: Very sad, wasn't it?? Glad you liked (and weren't confused by) the switching POVs. :P Yes. Poor Rogue and Remy!! They just can't get it together. Yet. Thanks!! - Risty: They're being "noble" and protecting each other. For shame. *shakes head* I liked Rachel better too… all the Sinister stuff is really played out. *wrinkles nose* Thanks!! - T.: Yeah, let's blame Remy. -_- I think they might just work it out in the end… we'll see. :P Thanks!! - Ishandahalf: Quack?? Nice. You know you're doing something right when you can get your readers to quack. -_- You're not the only person that's called me a sadist for this chappy. *pouts* Guess y'all are masochists for reading. Ha!! :P I'm glad you, er, liked it… I think. Uh, sorry that they're slow… next section is called "Homecoming" tho… so you can guess what's gonna happen. I said 7 years 'cause I wanted it to be a realistic amount of time for her to learn control. And for people to hook up and have kids, more on that next chappy. Good as your idea is… I don't really DO fluff. I'm more of the, everything builds up until it explodes, then there is an aftermath kinda person. :) YAY!! Angst star fun!! Happy that Joe died… shocking. *reader deadpans* Okay, predictable. Belle hating fun!! And of course the outside character (Bartender) could see what those two are blind to. *shakes head* If only they could get it together. Soon I will be forcing them back together. Next chappy!! Happy?? And you want a happy ending too?? Geez, you're needy I'll see what I can do. ^_- Thanks!! - Evanescence kicks ass: Dude, the word spiffy is awesome. -_- Sad, but ironic… yep that's me. I mean, that's my story. Yeah. Going with that. :P Act together?? Not quite. Next one's "Homecoming" so we're getting closer. Aw, thanks!! You're UBER sweet!! - Taz9: Aw shucks. You're TOO kind!! *blushes* Someday they'll get their acts together. Promise -_- Thanks. - Star-of-Chaos: Hehe. Sorry that they're irritating… it's just their nature. :P Love the angst!! YAY!! Thanks!! - Lady Sir Henry Morgan: Yep, they met up. Too bad they didn't admit their feelings. *shakes head* Aw, thanks!! You think I'm creatamative. *blushes* And you read my other stories. Poor thing. :P You're TOO sweet!! - Rogue77: I know. *pats reader on back* I feel your pain. I have to torture them just a li'l longer. Sorry. As for him not returning, look out for part 6, it should be in there. I'm glad you liked it!! ^_^ Thanks for everything. - ChaosCat: Why must all my readers twitch?? *sigh* I just have that affect on people. At least your twitching is in a good way. Get them together. Hmm… that might just happen. ^_- I don't want sad readers after all. Glad you like it!! You're TOO sweet!! - SassyGrl024: Sadness?? Nah. :P Aw, thanks. You're TOO kind!! Emotional and Sad… that's me!! :^D Confessions will happen… soon. Promise. Not next chappy, but soon. They are just trying to protect each other – it's s'posed to be noble. *shrugs* Stupid works too tho. ROMY will happen. That I can honestly say. Okay, okay. Update it is. ^_^
