A/N: Hey everyone....I'm sorry this chapter is a little later than I said it would be, but there was little I could do to help that. Anyway, its all fluffiness, and really isn't all that important to the plot, so if you don't like fluffies, I ask that you don't read this...
In case you didn't already know, this chapter is going to be a song fic. Its to the song, 'I Don't Want To Close My Eyes' by Aerosmith from the Armageddon soundtrack..You'll find that I'll be using stuff from that soundtrack a lot during this fic...lol... R/R!!! ^_^
Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tamora Pierce's characters or ideas...I also don't own any of the Aerosmith song lyrics.....
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Last View:
The silence between the two was broken when Numair lifted a hand to her face and tilted her chin up to look at him and he said, "Shall we go back to my rooms, Magelet?" These words were uttered breathlessly, and Daine was sure she felt her heart skip a beat at hearing them. Her breath caught, and unab to utter a single word in response, she simply nodded, eyes filled with tears.
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Daine watched in a sense of utmost anticipation as she gazed into the eyes of her lover. For a brief moment, she could see them darken, as a flicker of an odd and passionate emotion flew through him. It seemed as if his thoughts were on the tip of his tongue, and yet he could not voice them. Some things were too important to waste by expressing through words.
Letting her eyes dart to either side, Daine realized that the room was completely empty now. She looked back to him, her lips curling into a true smile. He allowed himself to grin back at his love, despite the fury of emotions flowing through his very being in this moment. He too let his eyes scan the room quickly, and upon assuring himself that none would see, he gripped her hand in his larger one, and turned to lead her off of the dance floor where they had stood, captivated.
The young woman grasped his hand, silently accepting his offer. Hand in hand, he led her away and to the doors, which seemed so distant now. As they walked, it seemed as if they were walking for miles. After what seemed to the two and eternity, they reached the doors, which Numair pulled open with his spare hand, holding it open so that his love could step through. He soon followed after her, never letting her hand fall.
The two lovers walked back to Numair's room in silence. Daine gripped his hand tightly, not wanting to let go. She felt just now, that if she were to break contact from the man next to her, he would slowly fade away from her, never to return. Daine would admit it now, she was afraid. She felt more fear now than she had ever felt in her entire life. It was one thing to be in misery when its all you have ever known, but quite another to be completely content with a life you're used to, and have it stripped away in the blink of an eye. That was how Daine felt now. She felt like her life, the one she loved, was fading away and was almost gone now. Tomorrow, she would see her last Tortallan sunrise. It just did not seem real to her.
Before Daine knew what was happening, they had reached the mage's wing, and were soon standing in front of the door to Numair's room. Numair sighed, taking no further steps. Daine looked curiously at him, not understanding why he had stopped. The look on his face said it all. He looked hesitant, almost restrained. She watched as he hesitated for a brief moment, closing his eyes tight before taking a step towards the door.
Slowly, he turned the brass knob, all the while muttering a spell under his breath to unlock it. Still holding that restrained look deep within his eyes, he gave her hand an affectionate squeeze and led her through the door. Daine had been here so many times before, but it seemed like a whole new place now. To her, it seemed as if she had never come here before. She was not here now for a lesson.
Once inside, she let her eyes scan the room, almost as if it were a foreign land. He took her hand once more, and silently led her to a door towards the back of the room. Daine knew from experience that it led to the balcony. He opened it, letting the cool night air leak into the room. Soon, the pale light of the moon had seeped over the room like a blanket, providing a natural light for the room's occupants.
Squeezing her hand lightly, Numair led his love through the door and out onto the balcony, intent on showing her the view he could have every night. Daine caught her breath immediately upon stepping out into the moonlight. It was so beautiful! In her eyes, it was too beautiful to be put into words. Maybe she only felt this way because this was her last night in Tortall, and she was admiring the beauty it had had all along, but just now, it seemed so different. Everything she had loved before, only seemed to multiply in greatness.
"Its so beautiful!" Daine breathed, taking in the spectacular night's view. Before her, over the railing of Numair's balcony lay the entirety of the Royal forest, and if one stretched their eyes far enough, they could even see part of the glowing city of Corus. Up above all of this shone a brilliant full moon, alighting the night's sky with such splendor, that Daine had never seen before. It seemed as if the sky was a blanket of stars, not a cloud in sight. No, words could not ever begin to describe what she saw now.
"I know," Numair mused, eyes revealing that in his mind he was in a distant land, far away from here. In his heart, he seemed to venture away, running from the problems and fury of emotions he felt. "I've come to look at it every night since I moved into this room." There was a brief silence as the two lovers stared into the expanse before them, captivated by the night's splendor. Soon, Numair added to his previous statement in almost a hushed tone, "I never tire of it, either." Numair sighed, mind deep in thought. It was his actions and the look deep within his eyes that gave Daine the impression that there was some sort of inner meaning to his words. A sort of symbolism perhaps. Daine had never been good at solving any of those sorts of puzzles, so she would not even begin to try this one.
"I could stand out here all night, and I still wouldn't see all there is to see out there," Daine said, a sort of regret in her voice and mannerism. She did indeed regret that she would not get to experience more of Tortall. If she could have another chance to stay here, she would look around more. In her time here, it seemed as if she had missed so much, being busy with distractions of being a Wild Mage.
"Daine, I feel the same way about something else in my life," Numair said suddenly, voice choked, yet urgent at the same time. This last statement made Daine realize that she had been right in thinking that Numair's thoughts were not on the beautiful view before them, but else where. " That something is you."
Gasping upon hearing his words, Daine found herself speechless. She now felt oblivious, having not guessed where his thoughts had been venturing. "Daine," he continued, tugging his nose lightly, as if thinking. His eyes held a genuine, serious look. "You don't have to go through with this!" His voice was suddenly full of emotion, as he pleaded with her to listen. "You and I, we could leave, go into hiding. I know more spells that could hide us than there are fish in the sea!"
Daine looked into his eyes, shocked at his sudden outburst. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but then closed it quickly, not entirely sure how to respond. In her sudden confusion, all she could find to say was, "But-but-" she stuttered, feeling frustrated when Numair simply sighed.
"Don't you see?" He said, his hands flying threw the air to emphasize his point. "You don't have to go tomorrow! We can leave the palace, find a new start some where else. It could be only temporary, if you'd prefer." Daine was shocked to see that he was entirely serious about what he was saying. He himself had lived in hiding for almost two years, and those had, perhaps, been the most miserable years of his life. He had almost starved, being nothing more than a street magician. He could barely scrape up enough money in a week to buy one day's meal. "Daine, we could be together. We wouldn't have to be separated."
Daine had to admit, she did like the idea of this last statement. She did not by any means want to go to Galla tomorrow, or ever for that matter, if it meant staying there. She wanted to be with Numair, of course, for that had been why she had accepted his marriage proposal. Now, this proposition was tempting. It took her a while though, to realize all the bad points involved, but she finally did. If she went along with what Numair was saying, they would both live under harsh conditions, perhaps going days without food. It was likely they would have no definite home, or shelter to come home to. Daine did not mind that so much though. If anyone knew what it was like to live under harsh conditions, she did. It was one of the other downsides, that troubled her. If she and Numair were to run off, and she didn't go to Galla, then war would surely be declared on Tortall. Galla and Scanra would unite against the country she loved. Being the state Tortall was in now, it was likely they would easily be crushed by the combined forces.
"Numair, I can't do that," Daine said, trying to ignore the pleading look in his eyes. She could see that they were beginning to wet with tears, and she knew this was her fault. She had refused him, and it was likely he misunderstood her reasons.
"Why not?" He asked impatiently, hurt sounding clearly in his voice. He looked anxiously at her, refusing to let her look away, dark eyes pleading.
"Because if I don't go to Galla, Tortall will have to go into a war it can't win," Daine said, hoping he would understand where she was coming from. If only he knew that there was nothing she would rather do than go into hiding with him and not go to Galla. "Numair, it just wouldn't be fair of me to send our men to die like that. There would be a slaughter."
Numair faced the floor, running his hand nervously through his mass of raven hair. Without warning, he began pacing, the stress clearly getting to him. "Numair-" Daine called to him, reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder to stop his pacing. "I'm sorry-" She pleaded for him to stop, and finally he did, looking her in the eye as he did so. Tenderly, he reached out and gripped her shoulders.
"No, Daine, you were right," he said shaking his head lightly. The moonlight lit up his face, making his eyes blaze with emotion, "I was getting out of control there."
"Shhh," she soothed, knowing that he was on the verge of tears. Suddenly, as she was attempting to comfort him, she herself burst into tears. She hadn't seen it coming. It must have been a result of her holding in her emotions for so long. Not feeling able to stand any longer, she threw herself down on the love seat that had been placed out on the balcony.
Numair was soon sitting down beside her, holding her hands in his two larger ones. "Daine, sweet, I'm sorry," he said gently, bringing up a hand to lightly stroke her cheek. She opened her eyes to better look at him. He cupped her face lovingly. "I was being selfish. I need to let you go, but its hard. I don't think I ever truly will."
Her sobbing had slowly subsided by now, and she shook her head ever so slightly, "If you think I'm ever going to let you go, then you've got another thing coming," She said, voice clearly showing that she was sure of what she said. "We may be in two separate countries, but it doesn't mean we have to let each other go."
"I wish I could think like that right now," Numair admitted, forcing a small smile for her sake. He wished he could be as strong as she was right now. He wasn't even the one being torn from his home. After a moment of sitting in silence, he said, "Daine, you and I shouldn't be thinking like this now. This could be the last time we ever see each other. I hate to even think that, but we've got to face the facts," his tone was serious, and to Daine, that was what was disturbed her the most. Deep down, she knew that he was indeed right in his thinking. "What I'm trying to say Daine, is that we both need to just accept what is going to happen tomorrow, but we need to forget about it until then. I don't know about you, but I want our last hours together to be a time we can cherish, not one we can remember as the saddest time we ever spent together."
Daine continued to stay still, not moving an inch. Her eyes were transfixed on his own, and she fought in her mind for the right response. She knew he was right, and she wanted to tell him so. She also knew, how badly it would hurt tomorrow if she ignored her troubles tonight. Why did everything require so many choices to make? Slowly but surely, Daine nodded, afraid that if she responded with words, it would not come out the way intended. She had never been one to touch with words, of that much she was sure.
Before Daine could comprehend what was happening, Numair had leaned forward, closing the short distance between them. She accepted him willingly, feeling a tingling pleasure as he eased his lips over her own. She felt her lips twist into a painful smile as he began to caress her mouth with his. It all seemed so inviting, and she felt herself caving. She closed her eyes slowly, letting herself fall deeper into the moment, but then snapped them open suddenly, realizing that she was afraid to close her eyes. She didn't want to miss a single second of gazing at him. Taking a closer look, she realized that he too was gazing at her, not closing his eyes as they both usually did. It wasn't the first time the two had been thinking similarly, if not completely the same.
***Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing***
Reluctantly, Daine let her lips part from her lover's, an attempt to regain her breath. She inhaled heavily, gasping for breath. She looked into his dark brown eyes and smiled. Daine leaned her head forward to rest in the crook of his neck. Letting her ear rest against his chest, she listened intently to the rhythm of his heart. It was the most beautiful sound to Daine just now. In her mind, she played over and over the sound and tone of his voice when he told her that he loved her. She savored every moment of being in his presence right now, afraid of how it would feel to have to let him go.
She could feel him gently running his fingers through her mass of smoky brown curls. Idly, he would wrap several strands around his fingers and then let them uncurl. Her lips curled into a small smile, letting her mind drift to images of their time together over the years. This brought only more smiles to her face, eyes watering with tears. "I don't want to leave you," Daine said idly, trying to block out the memories that were whizzing every which way in her mind. There was so much to think about, and so little time to think of it in.
"I don't want you to leave me either," He said honestly, body suddenly tense. She could feel his hold on her body tighten as he pulled her closer.
"I'll never get to marry you," Daine said, a tear trickling down her face. She wanted to marry him so badly. This was the man she loved, and had had every intension of spending the rest of her life with. This would be her last time with him, if the Gallans had it their way.
Daine could hear Numair take in a sharp, painful breath at her last statement. Being he was the one who had proposed to her to begin with, she couldn't begin to imagine how hard of a subject this was for him. "You don't know how much I regret that," Was his choked response. Without shifting her body to look up at him, Daine knew that there were tears in his eyes. She could hear the pain in his voice.
Hearing, and also feeling his pain, Daine could not stand to sit like this and do nothing to comfort him. Shifting her body and turning around in his lap, she shifted so that she was laying on her back and looking up at him. Pulling herself up quite a ways, she quickly placed a hand behind his head, pulling him down to meet her the rest of the way. Daine wished she could capture the look in his eyes when their lips met forever. He was shocked, yet pleased at the same tame.
Almost immediately, Numair began deepening the kiss. Daine could feel an intense thunder in her heart and mind, booming through her head as if their were a raging storm around them. Daine tightened her grip on him by further burrying her fingers into his mass of raven black hair. Slowly, he removed his lips from hers to take a breath, but was back again before Daine had time to protest. This t he came down more roughly, caressing her lips teasingly.
Daine lifted his spare hand with her own, and brought it up around her neck. As the kiss went on, he lightly stroked her shoulder blade with the hand she had placed there. He let his lips curl into half of a smile when he heard her moan with pleasure, deepening their kiss further. Lightly, Numair removed his lips from that of his lover's and began to gently brush his lips down the side of her face and neck. Idly, he would trace small patterns with his fingers on her back, sending chills of pleasure up her spine.
***I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time ***
Despite the body heat the two lovers received from being pressed so closely to one another, Daine began to shiver ever so slightly. Her dress was made of a thin satin material, making it of little protection from the chill Tortallan night breeze. She ignored her drop in temperature and allowed her thoughts to focus only on the man before her.
As Daine's shivers became more persistent, Numair began to realize that it was likely to be more than just trembling from the intensity of their warm contact. Almost reluctantly, he pulled his lips away and tilted her chin up so that he was gazing into her blue gray eyes. Just by laying a hand on her face, he could feel just how cold she was. He was tempted to jerk his hand away from the chill. "Daine, sweet, you're freezing!" He said raggedly, trying to regain his breath from their last kiss. He could feel his heart racing, the passion of the moment consuming him. No, he told himself firmly, I shant stray too far with her. As much as he continued to tell himself this, his mind would continue to travel to other places, fantasies.
"I'm all right, Numair," Daine assured, curling closer to him, hoping that he would continue to kiss her. When he did not, she again looked up at him, and saw that there was that same odd emotion in his eyes that she had seen on several other occasions. It was a hesitant, restrained sort of look. Daine brushed this thought from her mind, deciding to think only of the present and worry about other things later.
"Come, you should be indoors," He said gently, scooping her up in his arms. In his mind, he continued to assure himself that his intentions were for her best interest and that alone. "You'll catch cold in that thin dress."
Lifting himself off of the bench, he lifted her along with himself. He was almost surprised when she threw no protest to his attempt at carrying her. Normally, she would refuse such a luxury, saying that she was very capable of walking. Numair pulled her tightly to his chest, shifting her body in his arms so that her dress fell down properly over her so that she was comfortable and covered. He began to carry her back indoors, kicking the oak wood door open with his foot. Once inside, he closed it behind him in the same fashion.
Stopping by the couch in his main room, Numair tenderly set her down. He made sure she landed softly, head against the arm of the couch before he too sat down, moving in next to her. She sighed inwardly as he took her hands in his two larger ones, pulling her close to him so that she could snuggle into the crook of his neck as she always did.
"Daine?" Numair called to his lover, voice soft. He lightly untangled his hand from her own, and brought it to rest tenderly on her shoulder.
She turned her head slightly, so that she was looking partially at him. "Hmm?" she asked softly, staring at him intently from the corner of her eye.
"Were you serious about accepting my proposal that night a week and a half ago?" Numair asked, voice hoarse. Even from her partial look at him, she could feel the heat radiating from his voice, and she could see the darkening of his eyes. Once again, like those times before, she could feel a wonderful fire burning within herself, a thunder in her heart. She could not get enough of this feeling, and wished only to push it further.
Daine's eyes widened momentarily at the mere suggestion of her tricking him in such a way. "Do you think I'd lie about something like that, Numair?" Daine asked, voice serious, with a small amount of hurt at his accusation. By now, she had shifted her body completely around, so that she was looking up into his eyes as she lay sprawled in his lap.
"No, Daine, its just that it still amazes me at how close I was to being a married man," Numair mused, mostly to himself rather than Daine. The young woman could see the thoughtful look in his eye, and despite the tense moment, she felt herself slightly amused by his train of thought. But was there more to it than what she was seeing on the surface?
"Did you not think you'd ever get that far?" Daine asked, curious. She had assumed that since it had been Numair that had proposed to her, that he would have expected marriage at one point or another. She couldn't imagine him not being sure of something.
"I honestly didn't think I'd ever marry. I had always been known for one night stands, and I never thought anyone would take me seriously so long as I had that name," Numair said, smiling lightly at his own misfortune. It really wasn't something to be laughed about. He had indeed defied the odds and found the perfect young woman for him, one that loved him as much as he loved her. The only problem was, he couldn't have her. It wasn't her choice to give herself away. At least, it wasn't anymore.
"I don't care about any of that. I love you," Daine said, expressing through words exactly what she thought. She wanted to make sure that before she left, he knew for certain just how much she loved him.
In response to her statement, Numair managed a crooked smile, but it faded all too soon for Daine. She knew what was bothering him, for it bothered her deeply as well. Slowly at first, Daine moved her face closer to his, close enough so that he could feel her breath upon his face. His eyes seemed to light up with her sudden actions, pleasing Daine. In a breathless tone, barely more than a whisper, Daine uttered these words, "Numair, before I go, I want to show you how much I love you."
Numair's eyes grew wide, darkening with a fiery emotion that Daine had come to know well. "Daine-" Numair said, eyes showing his hesitation in going through with Daine's request, "Are you sure you want this?"
"I've never been more sure," Were Daine's simple, yet effective words. She watched in approval as Numair simply nodded, agreeing.
***I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure ***
Numair closed the short distance between them, easing his lips gently over Daine's. She accepting him with pleasure, throwing her arms around his neck to pull his closer to hers. After what seemed an eternity, Numair pulled away from the kiss, drawing in ragged breaths. Daine too found herself breathless, as she fought to take in air.
Gently, Numair pulled her up in his arms, letting their lips meet lightly as he did this. She kissed him back with a passion, releasing some of the fire that burned wildly within her heart and soul. Without breaking their kiss, Numair walked to his bed chamber door, Daine in his arms and pulled closely to his chest. The door to his bed chamber was already slightly ajar, so he simply kicked it open the rest of the way with his foot. Carrying Daine through the door, he let her fall easily from his arms and down onto the scarlet coverlet of his bed.
Daine did not even have time to blink before he was once again at her side, wrapping his arms firmly around her waste and shoulders. Daine snuggled closer to him, welcoming his lips as they brushed lightly against the side of her neck. She let her lips rest against the collar of his shirt as she buried her face in his chest. After a while, she pulled herself up, letting her lips brush his cheek lightly. He moaned slightly at her actions, feeling the desire rise up to unbearable levels in his heart.
Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew that they shouldn't be doing this. It was wrong. They weren't married yet, and even though he had done this before on several occasions with other women whom he had not been married to, it was different now. Those other women had been nothing more than flings to him; they didn't matter, for he didn't love them. He was in love with the woman who lay before him now. He had vowed to himself, while in the Divine Realms, that he would let them wait until their wedding night to go any farther than kissing. Should he really be breaking that vow now, no matter what the circumstance? I'm doing it for her, he told himself quickly, wanting to justify his actions. But was it just for her, just because she had asked, that he was doing this?
Pushing all thoughts of doubt about the propriety of what he was doing now, he continued to rain kisses down the side of her face and neck. He soon moved down to her chest, kissing all of the exposed skin that the dress had left. He felt shivers of pleasure run down his spine as she began to kiss him as well. Every once in a while, she would plant a kiss on the side of his neck, or on his face. Unable to resist, Numair brought his lips up to hers, and kissed her fully. She responded to him almost immediately, kissing him back with a yearning.
***Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing ***
As the desire built up within Numair's heart and mind, he knew he could take it no longer. He kissed her one last time, swiftly on her lips before moving his hands behind her back and fumbling with the ties on her dress. He could feel her trembling within his grasp, and once again felt doubt cloud his mind. Was she ready? Was he ready?
Daine gasped, fighting to draw in air when she felt him begin fumbling with the ties of her dress. They had never gone this far before, so this was all new to her. She wanted this so badly that it hurt, but she still felt a sense of uncertainty. Unable to control herself, she began trembling without relenting.
She began trembling more violently as she felt Numair undo the last tie of her dress and begin slipping it off. She lifted her body, helping him to remove her clothing. Her mind was in a fury of confusion and desire just now, and she wasn't sure if she should continue, or put a stop to this right now. She knew what she wanted to do, but was it the right thing?
Daine soon lay before her lover clad only in her breast band and loincloth. She felt extremely bare and exposed, but she quickly pushed these unwanted thoughts away. Perhaps doubt was normal in a time such as this, she told herself constantly. Feeling a sense of instinct, she reached up to his chest as he once again brought his lips to her own. She began undoing the buttons to his black silk shirt, one at a time. She felt an odd sort of emotion when she felt him trembling within her grasp. Could he be as nervous as she herself was? Laying her head against his chest, she once again began listening to the rhythm of his heart, intrigued by it.
***Laying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever ***
Before long, Numair too was clad only in his undergarments. Though Daine could never have guessed, he felt very much the same way she did. He was nervous, and felt completely exposed, almost shy. Just as she did, he tried to brush these thoughts away; forget them. "I love you," he whispered softly into her ear, pressing his body closer to hers.
"I love you too," she whispered breathlessly. Though he could not see it, her face was twisted into a smile. For the time being, she had completely forgotten about the fate she was to face in the morning's light. She had forgotten all about the Gallans that were coming to get her tomorrow and take her away. She forgot that she would be leaving Numair. None of it was real to her in this moment; it was wonderful.
Daine looked over at her lover and gazed deeply into his darkened eyes. Once again, he held a hesitant look, as if he were having second thoughts. Daine didn't want him to think of such things in a time like the present. She felt her breath catch within her throat when she could feel his arm brush her thigh and move up to her breast band.
Suddenly, his hands fell to his side as he moved his body completely away from her own. She felt suddenly cold now that he had moved away, and wondered what had caused this so suddenly. "I can't do this, Daine," he said, surrendering to his intense feelings of doubt. It would not be fair to her if he continued, and he knew that. No matter what she told him now, he could not go through with it. "It wouldn't be right."
"Numair, I want this," Daine said, scooting over so that her body was once again pressed firmly against his. She felt him shiver lightly at this, and knew how hard his inner battle must be for him.
"We aren't married," This was one of the main reasons that he felt doubt. He loved Daine, more than ever, and he knew this was what he wanted for her, for them.
"If I'm not mistaken, that didn't seem to matter with those court dandies, Numair," Daine pointed out, a slight tone of hurt. Numair cringed at the mere idea that his hesitation was hurting her. He could not give in.
"They didn't matter to me," Numair's voice begged her to understand what he was feeling. If only he could put his thoughts, his heart, into words. Then, she would understand. Whatever he would say now, would not do his true feelings justice, he knew. "They weren't like you. I love you. I want to marry you."
Tears spilled from Daine's eyes as she heard him say this. It touched her deeply, making her feel so wonderful. But yet, she felt an intense sadness pour into her being, so much that she couldn't quite place a finger on it. She had to agree with him. It had been no more than a few minutes ago that she had hashed over similar thoughts, as the ones he voice, in her mind. She too, wanted to wait to take that next step until they were married. But they would not have that time. "You're right. You have no idea how much I feel the same way," Daine said truthfully, her voice mixed with sobs. Her tears continued to pour, and she felt a slight about of relief and comfort when Numair's arms snaked around her waste, and he pulled her to his chest. "We'll never get that chance though. We can't ever marry." Daine's voice was choked as she voiced these horrifying thoughts. She didn't want to even say such things, for she had not completely admitted them to herself until this very moment.
"Don't say that," Numair whispered softly into her ear, pulling her more tightly to himself. "We won't be apart forever, I promise you. I'll see you again, someday soon, and you'll get to come back," Tears streamed steadily down his face as he said this. His voice was choked and raspy, letting his intense remorse show clearly. "Veralidaine Sarrasri, I will marry you someday."
***Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing ***
Daine looked deeply into his eyes wanting desperately to believe that what he said now would truly come to pass someday. How could it though, without Tortall being put in danger? She just didn't see how he could promise her any of these things, and be able to keep his word at the same time. "Numair-" She started to say, but quick as lightening, he placed a finger to her lips, silencing her.
"No, Daine, I know you don't think that will ever happen, but I swear to you, I'll die before I break my word to you. I'll marry you someday, and we'll start a family," His eyes showed clearly how deep in thought he was, though they were filled with burning tears. "Please, tell me you can believe that." He pleaded with her to believe him, voice soft and tear stricken.
Daine nodded, barely moving her head at all. Tears were slowly trickling down her face, and once she got a look at her lover in the moonlight that shone in from the bed chamber window, she could see that he was in much the same state. Daine felt that it was a shame that they had both vowed not to think about tomorrow at all tonight, but here they were, not only thinking about it, but openly talking about. Daine wanted all of this to stop right now.
As Daine felt the pressure of Numair's body crushed against her own begin to let up, she realized that he had slid his body down so that his head was resting on his pillow. She watched as he brought his hands up to his face. He buried his face in his hands, mind racing with a wide variation of thoughts, mostly unwanted ones. His body was soaked in tiny beads of sweat, and it wasn't until just then that she realized that she was not far off from that. Daine knew that she was sweating as a result of a troubled mind, not to mention stress. She shivered lightly, as she felt the chill of the night air reaching her bare skin. Numair's body no longer covered her as it had before, so she was cold as ever clad in nothing more than her under garments.
Numair removed his face from his hands and looked up from where he lay, to see his lover shivering ever so slightly. He tenderly reached out a spare hand to her, letting it rest against her bare side. She felt his cold fingers rest against her body, and she jumped slightly. She felt a relief spread over her like a blanket when Numair proceeded to snake his arm the rest of the way around her waste, applying pressure to make her move down to where he lay. Once again their bodies were crushed closely together, giving off body warmth for each. Idly, Daine lifted her spare hand and began to run it down her lover's bare chest. Though she had know way of knowing this, Numair felt a series of chills move eerily down his spine as she performed this task.
Despite the warmth each recieved from being so close to one another, both Daine and Numair were still rather cold. With this in mind, Numair lifted his body and pulled back the coverlet that covered his bed to reveal a burgundy goose feather down blanket, which he also pulled aside along with the first layer of maroon cotton sheets. Ge tenderly wrapped his arms around Daine's torso, and tucked her under the layers of blankets and sheets. He soon lifted himself and moved under the blankets to join her. She seemed, in a way, distant just now, and that troubled Numair. He didn't want thoughts of tomorrow to cloud her mind. He supposed though, that there was no stopping it.
***I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure***
Almost timidly, Daine leaned over closer to Numair and kissed his cheek. She snuggled closer to him, sadness flowing through her veins when she realized that sleep was beginning to over take her. She didn't want to sleep tonight, not at all. Daine wanted to stay up, all night long, and gaze at her lover. She wanted to memorize every inch of him, log all of his features into her mind forever. Though his promises to her rang clearly in her mind, she still felt much doubt that they would ever come true. Numair may be the most powerful mage in the realm, but no mage, no matter how powerful, could prevent a war. It seemed that no one, especially not Numair, would be able to dig her out of this fix she had managed to create for herself. If only I had thought to get proper permission from the Gallan king, Daine thought sadly. She was sure, that had she requested it, that she would be granted it in a second. Back then, no one in Gallan had even a notion as to what wild magic was. They all though she was some odd child that had gone insane over the grief from the loss of her family.
Beside her, she could hear Numair yawning. She got the idea that he too feared drifting off to sleep, but there wasn't much either could do to prevent it. It was a natural thing, that every mortal had to endure. Most of the time though, it was not a hindrance as it was now, but a relief. Most nights, Daine had welcomed sleep, for it meant a time to rest herself and recharge her energy to better work herself the next day. She had nothing to wake up for tomorrow, nothing at all.
"Sweet dreams," Daine whispered into her lover's ear, as she watched his eye lids slowly shut, weighed down by sleep.
He took in a sharp breath at hearing her words, but didn't waste time in replying, "Not even the sweetest dream could ever compare to you," His reply was quick, voice soft. Daine savored every word, a small smile playing on her face. It wasn't until she too began to drift off, that she realized that his words had been uttered in a regretful sadness. It was not a cheerful statement, as she had taken it.
Again she felt her eyes watering, as she watched images and memories of her time with Numair flash before her. She was in a sleep of a sort, though she was still partially awake. She felt like thrashing this way and that, anything to make the images and memories stop. She did not, however, wish to disturb the sleep of her lover. In her mind, she saw images of him moving on in life, living without her. He looked to be a sorry sight, and from what he had told her, what more could she expect? Next, Daine saw images of what her life could be like of she stayed. She saw herself walking towards the altar where Numair stood. Everyone present was dressed in lavish finery, nothing less for this wedding. It was this image that troubled Daine the most. It was things like this that she wanted with all of her heart to happen. She didn't want to miss this, or anything else that would come if she spent the rest of her life with the man who lay sleeping beside her. "I don't want to miss a thing," she whispered before falling off into a complete slumber.
***Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing ***
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A/N: Well, did you love it? Hate it? I'd appreciate some feedback from you guys....you've never failed to give it to me before, so I'll be surprised if you hold back now...Oh, and I do have a question for the lot of you. Did I take the whole fluff factor too far? Was this all too intimate? Was it not intimate enough? I really need to know what you guys think on these things.... Also, I thought I'd take this time to announce that the next chapter holds some very interesting things, so you'll want to review so you can read it! It includes Daine leaving, among other things......DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!! ^_^
In case you didn't already know, this chapter is going to be a song fic. Its to the song, 'I Don't Want To Close My Eyes' by Aerosmith from the Armageddon soundtrack..You'll find that I'll be using stuff from that soundtrack a lot during this fic...lol... R/R!!! ^_^
Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tamora Pierce's characters or ideas...I also don't own any of the Aerosmith song lyrics.....
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Last View:
The silence between the two was broken when Numair lifted a hand to her face and tilted her chin up to look at him and he said, "Shall we go back to my rooms, Magelet?" These words were uttered breathlessly, and Daine was sure she felt her heart skip a beat at hearing them. Her breath caught, and unab to utter a single word in response, she simply nodded, eyes filled with tears.
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Daine watched in a sense of utmost anticipation as she gazed into the eyes of her lover. For a brief moment, she could see them darken, as a flicker of an odd and passionate emotion flew through him. It seemed as if his thoughts were on the tip of his tongue, and yet he could not voice them. Some things were too important to waste by expressing through words.
Letting her eyes dart to either side, Daine realized that the room was completely empty now. She looked back to him, her lips curling into a true smile. He allowed himself to grin back at his love, despite the fury of emotions flowing through his very being in this moment. He too let his eyes scan the room quickly, and upon assuring himself that none would see, he gripped her hand in his larger one, and turned to lead her off of the dance floor where they had stood, captivated.
The young woman grasped his hand, silently accepting his offer. Hand in hand, he led her away and to the doors, which seemed so distant now. As they walked, it seemed as if they were walking for miles. After what seemed to the two and eternity, they reached the doors, which Numair pulled open with his spare hand, holding it open so that his love could step through. He soon followed after her, never letting her hand fall.
The two lovers walked back to Numair's room in silence. Daine gripped his hand tightly, not wanting to let go. She felt just now, that if she were to break contact from the man next to her, he would slowly fade away from her, never to return. Daine would admit it now, she was afraid. She felt more fear now than she had ever felt in her entire life. It was one thing to be in misery when its all you have ever known, but quite another to be completely content with a life you're used to, and have it stripped away in the blink of an eye. That was how Daine felt now. She felt like her life, the one she loved, was fading away and was almost gone now. Tomorrow, she would see her last Tortallan sunrise. It just did not seem real to her.
Before Daine knew what was happening, they had reached the mage's wing, and were soon standing in front of the door to Numair's room. Numair sighed, taking no further steps. Daine looked curiously at him, not understanding why he had stopped. The look on his face said it all. He looked hesitant, almost restrained. She watched as he hesitated for a brief moment, closing his eyes tight before taking a step towards the door.
Slowly, he turned the brass knob, all the while muttering a spell under his breath to unlock it. Still holding that restrained look deep within his eyes, he gave her hand an affectionate squeeze and led her through the door. Daine had been here so many times before, but it seemed like a whole new place now. To her, it seemed as if she had never come here before. She was not here now for a lesson.
Once inside, she let her eyes scan the room, almost as if it were a foreign land. He took her hand once more, and silently led her to a door towards the back of the room. Daine knew from experience that it led to the balcony. He opened it, letting the cool night air leak into the room. Soon, the pale light of the moon had seeped over the room like a blanket, providing a natural light for the room's occupants.
Squeezing her hand lightly, Numair led his love through the door and out onto the balcony, intent on showing her the view he could have every night. Daine caught her breath immediately upon stepping out into the moonlight. It was so beautiful! In her eyes, it was too beautiful to be put into words. Maybe she only felt this way because this was her last night in Tortall, and she was admiring the beauty it had had all along, but just now, it seemed so different. Everything she had loved before, only seemed to multiply in greatness.
"Its so beautiful!" Daine breathed, taking in the spectacular night's view. Before her, over the railing of Numair's balcony lay the entirety of the Royal forest, and if one stretched their eyes far enough, they could even see part of the glowing city of Corus. Up above all of this shone a brilliant full moon, alighting the night's sky with such splendor, that Daine had never seen before. It seemed as if the sky was a blanket of stars, not a cloud in sight. No, words could not ever begin to describe what she saw now.
"I know," Numair mused, eyes revealing that in his mind he was in a distant land, far away from here. In his heart, he seemed to venture away, running from the problems and fury of emotions he felt. "I've come to look at it every night since I moved into this room." There was a brief silence as the two lovers stared into the expanse before them, captivated by the night's splendor. Soon, Numair added to his previous statement in almost a hushed tone, "I never tire of it, either." Numair sighed, mind deep in thought. It was his actions and the look deep within his eyes that gave Daine the impression that there was some sort of inner meaning to his words. A sort of symbolism perhaps. Daine had never been good at solving any of those sorts of puzzles, so she would not even begin to try this one.
"I could stand out here all night, and I still wouldn't see all there is to see out there," Daine said, a sort of regret in her voice and mannerism. She did indeed regret that she would not get to experience more of Tortall. If she could have another chance to stay here, she would look around more. In her time here, it seemed as if she had missed so much, being busy with distractions of being a Wild Mage.
"Daine, I feel the same way about something else in my life," Numair said suddenly, voice choked, yet urgent at the same time. This last statement made Daine realize that she had been right in thinking that Numair's thoughts were not on the beautiful view before them, but else where. " That something is you."
Gasping upon hearing his words, Daine found herself speechless. She now felt oblivious, having not guessed where his thoughts had been venturing. "Daine," he continued, tugging his nose lightly, as if thinking. His eyes held a genuine, serious look. "You don't have to go through with this!" His voice was suddenly full of emotion, as he pleaded with her to listen. "You and I, we could leave, go into hiding. I know more spells that could hide us than there are fish in the sea!"
Daine looked into his eyes, shocked at his sudden outburst. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but then closed it quickly, not entirely sure how to respond. In her sudden confusion, all she could find to say was, "But-but-" she stuttered, feeling frustrated when Numair simply sighed.
"Don't you see?" He said, his hands flying threw the air to emphasize his point. "You don't have to go tomorrow! We can leave the palace, find a new start some where else. It could be only temporary, if you'd prefer." Daine was shocked to see that he was entirely serious about what he was saying. He himself had lived in hiding for almost two years, and those had, perhaps, been the most miserable years of his life. He had almost starved, being nothing more than a street magician. He could barely scrape up enough money in a week to buy one day's meal. "Daine, we could be together. We wouldn't have to be separated."
Daine had to admit, she did like the idea of this last statement. She did not by any means want to go to Galla tomorrow, or ever for that matter, if it meant staying there. She wanted to be with Numair, of course, for that had been why she had accepted his marriage proposal. Now, this proposition was tempting. It took her a while though, to realize all the bad points involved, but she finally did. If she went along with what Numair was saying, they would both live under harsh conditions, perhaps going days without food. It was likely they would have no definite home, or shelter to come home to. Daine did not mind that so much though. If anyone knew what it was like to live under harsh conditions, she did. It was one of the other downsides, that troubled her. If she and Numair were to run off, and she didn't go to Galla, then war would surely be declared on Tortall. Galla and Scanra would unite against the country she loved. Being the state Tortall was in now, it was likely they would easily be crushed by the combined forces.
"Numair, I can't do that," Daine said, trying to ignore the pleading look in his eyes. She could see that they were beginning to wet with tears, and she knew this was her fault. She had refused him, and it was likely he misunderstood her reasons.
"Why not?" He asked impatiently, hurt sounding clearly in his voice. He looked anxiously at her, refusing to let her look away, dark eyes pleading.
"Because if I don't go to Galla, Tortall will have to go into a war it can't win," Daine said, hoping he would understand where she was coming from. If only he knew that there was nothing she would rather do than go into hiding with him and not go to Galla. "Numair, it just wouldn't be fair of me to send our men to die like that. There would be a slaughter."
Numair faced the floor, running his hand nervously through his mass of raven hair. Without warning, he began pacing, the stress clearly getting to him. "Numair-" Daine called to him, reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder to stop his pacing. "I'm sorry-" She pleaded for him to stop, and finally he did, looking her in the eye as he did so. Tenderly, he reached out and gripped her shoulders.
"No, Daine, you were right," he said shaking his head lightly. The moonlight lit up his face, making his eyes blaze with emotion, "I was getting out of control there."
"Shhh," she soothed, knowing that he was on the verge of tears. Suddenly, as she was attempting to comfort him, she herself burst into tears. She hadn't seen it coming. It must have been a result of her holding in her emotions for so long. Not feeling able to stand any longer, she threw herself down on the love seat that had been placed out on the balcony.
Numair was soon sitting down beside her, holding her hands in his two larger ones. "Daine, sweet, I'm sorry," he said gently, bringing up a hand to lightly stroke her cheek. She opened her eyes to better look at him. He cupped her face lovingly. "I was being selfish. I need to let you go, but its hard. I don't think I ever truly will."
Her sobbing had slowly subsided by now, and she shook her head ever so slightly, "If you think I'm ever going to let you go, then you've got another thing coming," She said, voice clearly showing that she was sure of what she said. "We may be in two separate countries, but it doesn't mean we have to let each other go."
"I wish I could think like that right now," Numair admitted, forcing a small smile for her sake. He wished he could be as strong as she was right now. He wasn't even the one being torn from his home. After a moment of sitting in silence, he said, "Daine, you and I shouldn't be thinking like this now. This could be the last time we ever see each other. I hate to even think that, but we've got to face the facts," his tone was serious, and to Daine, that was what was disturbed her the most. Deep down, she knew that he was indeed right in his thinking. "What I'm trying to say Daine, is that we both need to just accept what is going to happen tomorrow, but we need to forget about it until then. I don't know about you, but I want our last hours together to be a time we can cherish, not one we can remember as the saddest time we ever spent together."
Daine continued to stay still, not moving an inch. Her eyes were transfixed on his own, and she fought in her mind for the right response. She knew he was right, and she wanted to tell him so. She also knew, how badly it would hurt tomorrow if she ignored her troubles tonight. Why did everything require so many choices to make? Slowly but surely, Daine nodded, afraid that if she responded with words, it would not come out the way intended. She had never been one to touch with words, of that much she was sure.
Before Daine could comprehend what was happening, Numair had leaned forward, closing the short distance between them. She accepted him willingly, feeling a tingling pleasure as he eased his lips over her own. She felt her lips twist into a painful smile as he began to caress her mouth with his. It all seemed so inviting, and she felt herself caving. She closed her eyes slowly, letting herself fall deeper into the moment, but then snapped them open suddenly, realizing that she was afraid to close her eyes. She didn't want to miss a single second of gazing at him. Taking a closer look, she realized that he too was gazing at her, not closing his eyes as they both usually did. It wasn't the first time the two had been thinking similarly, if not completely the same.
***Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing***
Reluctantly, Daine let her lips part from her lover's, an attempt to regain her breath. She inhaled heavily, gasping for breath. She looked into his dark brown eyes and smiled. Daine leaned her head forward to rest in the crook of his neck. Letting her ear rest against his chest, she listened intently to the rhythm of his heart. It was the most beautiful sound to Daine just now. In her mind, she played over and over the sound and tone of his voice when he told her that he loved her. She savored every moment of being in his presence right now, afraid of how it would feel to have to let him go.
She could feel him gently running his fingers through her mass of smoky brown curls. Idly, he would wrap several strands around his fingers and then let them uncurl. Her lips curled into a small smile, letting her mind drift to images of their time together over the years. This brought only more smiles to her face, eyes watering with tears. "I don't want to leave you," Daine said idly, trying to block out the memories that were whizzing every which way in her mind. There was so much to think about, and so little time to think of it in.
"I don't want you to leave me either," He said honestly, body suddenly tense. She could feel his hold on her body tighten as he pulled her closer.
"I'll never get to marry you," Daine said, a tear trickling down her face. She wanted to marry him so badly. This was the man she loved, and had had every intension of spending the rest of her life with. This would be her last time with him, if the Gallans had it their way.
Daine could hear Numair take in a sharp, painful breath at her last statement. Being he was the one who had proposed to her to begin with, she couldn't begin to imagine how hard of a subject this was for him. "You don't know how much I regret that," Was his choked response. Without shifting her body to look up at him, Daine knew that there were tears in his eyes. She could hear the pain in his voice.
Hearing, and also feeling his pain, Daine could not stand to sit like this and do nothing to comfort him. Shifting her body and turning around in his lap, she shifted so that she was laying on her back and looking up at him. Pulling herself up quite a ways, she quickly placed a hand behind his head, pulling him down to meet her the rest of the way. Daine wished she could capture the look in his eyes when their lips met forever. He was shocked, yet pleased at the same tame.
Almost immediately, Numair began deepening the kiss. Daine could feel an intense thunder in her heart and mind, booming through her head as if their were a raging storm around them. Daine tightened her grip on him by further burrying her fingers into his mass of raven black hair. Slowly, he removed his lips from hers to take a breath, but was back again before Daine had time to protest. This t he came down more roughly, caressing her lips teasingly.
Daine lifted his spare hand with her own, and brought it up around her neck. As the kiss went on, he lightly stroked her shoulder blade with the hand she had placed there. He let his lips curl into half of a smile when he heard her moan with pleasure, deepening their kiss further. Lightly, Numair removed his lips from that of his lover's and began to gently brush his lips down the side of her face and neck. Idly, he would trace small patterns with his fingers on her back, sending chills of pleasure up her spine.
***I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time ***
Despite the body heat the two lovers received from being pressed so closely to one another, Daine began to shiver ever so slightly. Her dress was made of a thin satin material, making it of little protection from the chill Tortallan night breeze. She ignored her drop in temperature and allowed her thoughts to focus only on the man before her.
As Daine's shivers became more persistent, Numair began to realize that it was likely to be more than just trembling from the intensity of their warm contact. Almost reluctantly, he pulled his lips away and tilted her chin up so that he was gazing into her blue gray eyes. Just by laying a hand on her face, he could feel just how cold she was. He was tempted to jerk his hand away from the chill. "Daine, sweet, you're freezing!" He said raggedly, trying to regain his breath from their last kiss. He could feel his heart racing, the passion of the moment consuming him. No, he told himself firmly, I shant stray too far with her. As much as he continued to tell himself this, his mind would continue to travel to other places, fantasies.
"I'm all right, Numair," Daine assured, curling closer to him, hoping that he would continue to kiss her. When he did not, she again looked up at him, and saw that there was that same odd emotion in his eyes that she had seen on several other occasions. It was a hesitant, restrained sort of look. Daine brushed this thought from her mind, deciding to think only of the present and worry about other things later.
"Come, you should be indoors," He said gently, scooping her up in his arms. In his mind, he continued to assure himself that his intentions were for her best interest and that alone. "You'll catch cold in that thin dress."
Lifting himself off of the bench, he lifted her along with himself. He was almost surprised when she threw no protest to his attempt at carrying her. Normally, she would refuse such a luxury, saying that she was very capable of walking. Numair pulled her tightly to his chest, shifting her body in his arms so that her dress fell down properly over her so that she was comfortable and covered. He began to carry her back indoors, kicking the oak wood door open with his foot. Once inside, he closed it behind him in the same fashion.
Stopping by the couch in his main room, Numair tenderly set her down. He made sure she landed softly, head against the arm of the couch before he too sat down, moving in next to her. She sighed inwardly as he took her hands in his two larger ones, pulling her close to him so that she could snuggle into the crook of his neck as she always did.
"Daine?" Numair called to his lover, voice soft. He lightly untangled his hand from her own, and brought it to rest tenderly on her shoulder.
She turned her head slightly, so that she was looking partially at him. "Hmm?" she asked softly, staring at him intently from the corner of her eye.
"Were you serious about accepting my proposal that night a week and a half ago?" Numair asked, voice hoarse. Even from her partial look at him, she could feel the heat radiating from his voice, and she could see the darkening of his eyes. Once again, like those times before, she could feel a wonderful fire burning within herself, a thunder in her heart. She could not get enough of this feeling, and wished only to push it further.
Daine's eyes widened momentarily at the mere suggestion of her tricking him in such a way. "Do you think I'd lie about something like that, Numair?" Daine asked, voice serious, with a small amount of hurt at his accusation. By now, she had shifted her body completely around, so that she was looking up into his eyes as she lay sprawled in his lap.
"No, Daine, its just that it still amazes me at how close I was to being a married man," Numair mused, mostly to himself rather than Daine. The young woman could see the thoughtful look in his eye, and despite the tense moment, she felt herself slightly amused by his train of thought. But was there more to it than what she was seeing on the surface?
"Did you not think you'd ever get that far?" Daine asked, curious. She had assumed that since it had been Numair that had proposed to her, that he would have expected marriage at one point or another. She couldn't imagine him not being sure of something.
"I honestly didn't think I'd ever marry. I had always been known for one night stands, and I never thought anyone would take me seriously so long as I had that name," Numair said, smiling lightly at his own misfortune. It really wasn't something to be laughed about. He had indeed defied the odds and found the perfect young woman for him, one that loved him as much as he loved her. The only problem was, he couldn't have her. It wasn't her choice to give herself away. At least, it wasn't anymore.
"I don't care about any of that. I love you," Daine said, expressing through words exactly what she thought. She wanted to make sure that before she left, he knew for certain just how much she loved him.
In response to her statement, Numair managed a crooked smile, but it faded all too soon for Daine. She knew what was bothering him, for it bothered her deeply as well. Slowly at first, Daine moved her face closer to his, close enough so that he could feel her breath upon his face. His eyes seemed to light up with her sudden actions, pleasing Daine. In a breathless tone, barely more than a whisper, Daine uttered these words, "Numair, before I go, I want to show you how much I love you."
Numair's eyes grew wide, darkening with a fiery emotion that Daine had come to know well. "Daine-" Numair said, eyes showing his hesitation in going through with Daine's request, "Are you sure you want this?"
"I've never been more sure," Were Daine's simple, yet effective words. She watched in approval as Numair simply nodded, agreeing.
***I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure ***
Numair closed the short distance between them, easing his lips gently over Daine's. She accepting him with pleasure, throwing her arms around his neck to pull his closer to hers. After what seemed an eternity, Numair pulled away from the kiss, drawing in ragged breaths. Daine too found herself breathless, as she fought to take in air.
Gently, Numair pulled her up in his arms, letting their lips meet lightly as he did this. She kissed him back with a passion, releasing some of the fire that burned wildly within her heart and soul. Without breaking their kiss, Numair walked to his bed chamber door, Daine in his arms and pulled closely to his chest. The door to his bed chamber was already slightly ajar, so he simply kicked it open the rest of the way with his foot. Carrying Daine through the door, he let her fall easily from his arms and down onto the scarlet coverlet of his bed.
Daine did not even have time to blink before he was once again at her side, wrapping his arms firmly around her waste and shoulders. Daine snuggled closer to him, welcoming his lips as they brushed lightly against the side of her neck. She let her lips rest against the collar of his shirt as she buried her face in his chest. After a while, she pulled herself up, letting her lips brush his cheek lightly. He moaned slightly at her actions, feeling the desire rise up to unbearable levels in his heart.
Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew that they shouldn't be doing this. It was wrong. They weren't married yet, and even though he had done this before on several occasions with other women whom he had not been married to, it was different now. Those other women had been nothing more than flings to him; they didn't matter, for he didn't love them. He was in love with the woman who lay before him now. He had vowed to himself, while in the Divine Realms, that he would let them wait until their wedding night to go any farther than kissing. Should he really be breaking that vow now, no matter what the circumstance? I'm doing it for her, he told himself quickly, wanting to justify his actions. But was it just for her, just because she had asked, that he was doing this?
Pushing all thoughts of doubt about the propriety of what he was doing now, he continued to rain kisses down the side of her face and neck. He soon moved down to her chest, kissing all of the exposed skin that the dress had left. He felt shivers of pleasure run down his spine as she began to kiss him as well. Every once in a while, she would plant a kiss on the side of his neck, or on his face. Unable to resist, Numair brought his lips up to hers, and kissed her fully. She responded to him almost immediately, kissing him back with a yearning.
***Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing ***
As the desire built up within Numair's heart and mind, he knew he could take it no longer. He kissed her one last time, swiftly on her lips before moving his hands behind her back and fumbling with the ties on her dress. He could feel her trembling within his grasp, and once again felt doubt cloud his mind. Was she ready? Was he ready?
Daine gasped, fighting to draw in air when she felt him begin fumbling with the ties of her dress. They had never gone this far before, so this was all new to her. She wanted this so badly that it hurt, but she still felt a sense of uncertainty. Unable to control herself, she began trembling without relenting.
She began trembling more violently as she felt Numair undo the last tie of her dress and begin slipping it off. She lifted her body, helping him to remove her clothing. Her mind was in a fury of confusion and desire just now, and she wasn't sure if she should continue, or put a stop to this right now. She knew what she wanted to do, but was it the right thing?
Daine soon lay before her lover clad only in her breast band and loincloth. She felt extremely bare and exposed, but she quickly pushed these unwanted thoughts away. Perhaps doubt was normal in a time such as this, she told herself constantly. Feeling a sense of instinct, she reached up to his chest as he once again brought his lips to her own. She began undoing the buttons to his black silk shirt, one at a time. She felt an odd sort of emotion when she felt him trembling within her grasp. Could he be as nervous as she herself was? Laying her head against his chest, she once again began listening to the rhythm of his heart, intrigued by it.
***Laying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever ***
Before long, Numair too was clad only in his undergarments. Though Daine could never have guessed, he felt very much the same way she did. He was nervous, and felt completely exposed, almost shy. Just as she did, he tried to brush these thoughts away; forget them. "I love you," he whispered softly into her ear, pressing his body closer to hers.
"I love you too," she whispered breathlessly. Though he could not see it, her face was twisted into a smile. For the time being, she had completely forgotten about the fate she was to face in the morning's light. She had forgotten all about the Gallans that were coming to get her tomorrow and take her away. She forgot that she would be leaving Numair. None of it was real to her in this moment; it was wonderful.
Daine looked over at her lover and gazed deeply into his darkened eyes. Once again, he held a hesitant look, as if he were having second thoughts. Daine didn't want him to think of such things in a time like the present. She felt her breath catch within her throat when she could feel his arm brush her thigh and move up to her breast band.
Suddenly, his hands fell to his side as he moved his body completely away from her own. She felt suddenly cold now that he had moved away, and wondered what had caused this so suddenly. "I can't do this, Daine," he said, surrendering to his intense feelings of doubt. It would not be fair to her if he continued, and he knew that. No matter what she told him now, he could not go through with it. "It wouldn't be right."
"Numair, I want this," Daine said, scooting over so that her body was once again pressed firmly against his. She felt him shiver lightly at this, and knew how hard his inner battle must be for him.
"We aren't married," This was one of the main reasons that he felt doubt. He loved Daine, more than ever, and he knew this was what he wanted for her, for them.
"If I'm not mistaken, that didn't seem to matter with those court dandies, Numair," Daine pointed out, a slight tone of hurt. Numair cringed at the mere idea that his hesitation was hurting her. He could not give in.
"They didn't matter to me," Numair's voice begged her to understand what he was feeling. If only he could put his thoughts, his heart, into words. Then, she would understand. Whatever he would say now, would not do his true feelings justice, he knew. "They weren't like you. I love you. I want to marry you."
Tears spilled from Daine's eyes as she heard him say this. It touched her deeply, making her feel so wonderful. But yet, she felt an intense sadness pour into her being, so much that she couldn't quite place a finger on it. She had to agree with him. It had been no more than a few minutes ago that she had hashed over similar thoughts, as the ones he voice, in her mind. She too, wanted to wait to take that next step until they were married. But they would not have that time. "You're right. You have no idea how much I feel the same way," Daine said truthfully, her voice mixed with sobs. Her tears continued to pour, and she felt a slight about of relief and comfort when Numair's arms snaked around her waste, and he pulled her to his chest. "We'll never get that chance though. We can't ever marry." Daine's voice was choked as she voiced these horrifying thoughts. She didn't want to even say such things, for she had not completely admitted them to herself until this very moment.
"Don't say that," Numair whispered softly into her ear, pulling her more tightly to himself. "We won't be apart forever, I promise you. I'll see you again, someday soon, and you'll get to come back," Tears streamed steadily down his face as he said this. His voice was choked and raspy, letting his intense remorse show clearly. "Veralidaine Sarrasri, I will marry you someday."
***Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing ***
Daine looked deeply into his eyes wanting desperately to believe that what he said now would truly come to pass someday. How could it though, without Tortall being put in danger? She just didn't see how he could promise her any of these things, and be able to keep his word at the same time. "Numair-" She started to say, but quick as lightening, he placed a finger to her lips, silencing her.
"No, Daine, I know you don't think that will ever happen, but I swear to you, I'll die before I break my word to you. I'll marry you someday, and we'll start a family," His eyes showed clearly how deep in thought he was, though they were filled with burning tears. "Please, tell me you can believe that." He pleaded with her to believe him, voice soft and tear stricken.
Daine nodded, barely moving her head at all. Tears were slowly trickling down her face, and once she got a look at her lover in the moonlight that shone in from the bed chamber window, she could see that he was in much the same state. Daine felt that it was a shame that they had both vowed not to think about tomorrow at all tonight, but here they were, not only thinking about it, but openly talking about. Daine wanted all of this to stop right now.
As Daine felt the pressure of Numair's body crushed against her own begin to let up, she realized that he had slid his body down so that his head was resting on his pillow. She watched as he brought his hands up to his face. He buried his face in his hands, mind racing with a wide variation of thoughts, mostly unwanted ones. His body was soaked in tiny beads of sweat, and it wasn't until just then that she realized that she was not far off from that. Daine knew that she was sweating as a result of a troubled mind, not to mention stress. She shivered lightly, as she felt the chill of the night air reaching her bare skin. Numair's body no longer covered her as it had before, so she was cold as ever clad in nothing more than her under garments.
Numair removed his face from his hands and looked up from where he lay, to see his lover shivering ever so slightly. He tenderly reached out a spare hand to her, letting it rest against her bare side. She felt his cold fingers rest against her body, and she jumped slightly. She felt a relief spread over her like a blanket when Numair proceeded to snake his arm the rest of the way around her waste, applying pressure to make her move down to where he lay. Once again their bodies were crushed closely together, giving off body warmth for each. Idly, Daine lifted her spare hand and began to run it down her lover's bare chest. Though she had know way of knowing this, Numair felt a series of chills move eerily down his spine as she performed this task.
Despite the warmth each recieved from being so close to one another, both Daine and Numair were still rather cold. With this in mind, Numair lifted his body and pulled back the coverlet that covered his bed to reveal a burgundy goose feather down blanket, which he also pulled aside along with the first layer of maroon cotton sheets. Ge tenderly wrapped his arms around Daine's torso, and tucked her under the layers of blankets and sheets. He soon lifted himself and moved under the blankets to join her. She seemed, in a way, distant just now, and that troubled Numair. He didn't want thoughts of tomorrow to cloud her mind. He supposed though, that there was no stopping it.
***I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure***
Almost timidly, Daine leaned over closer to Numair and kissed his cheek. She snuggled closer to him, sadness flowing through her veins when she realized that sleep was beginning to over take her. She didn't want to sleep tonight, not at all. Daine wanted to stay up, all night long, and gaze at her lover. She wanted to memorize every inch of him, log all of his features into her mind forever. Though his promises to her rang clearly in her mind, she still felt much doubt that they would ever come true. Numair may be the most powerful mage in the realm, but no mage, no matter how powerful, could prevent a war. It seemed that no one, especially not Numair, would be able to dig her out of this fix she had managed to create for herself. If only I had thought to get proper permission from the Gallan king, Daine thought sadly. She was sure, that had she requested it, that she would be granted it in a second. Back then, no one in Gallan had even a notion as to what wild magic was. They all though she was some odd child that had gone insane over the grief from the loss of her family.
Beside her, she could hear Numair yawning. She got the idea that he too feared drifting off to sleep, but there wasn't much either could do to prevent it. It was a natural thing, that every mortal had to endure. Most of the time though, it was not a hindrance as it was now, but a relief. Most nights, Daine had welcomed sleep, for it meant a time to rest herself and recharge her energy to better work herself the next day. She had nothing to wake up for tomorrow, nothing at all.
"Sweet dreams," Daine whispered into her lover's ear, as she watched his eye lids slowly shut, weighed down by sleep.
He took in a sharp breath at hearing her words, but didn't waste time in replying, "Not even the sweetest dream could ever compare to you," His reply was quick, voice soft. Daine savored every word, a small smile playing on her face. It wasn't until she too began to drift off, that she realized that his words had been uttered in a regretful sadness. It was not a cheerful statement, as she had taken it.
Again she felt her eyes watering, as she watched images and memories of her time with Numair flash before her. She was in a sleep of a sort, though she was still partially awake. She felt like thrashing this way and that, anything to make the images and memories stop. She did not, however, wish to disturb the sleep of her lover. In her mind, she saw images of him moving on in life, living without her. He looked to be a sorry sight, and from what he had told her, what more could she expect? Next, Daine saw images of what her life could be like of she stayed. She saw herself walking towards the altar where Numair stood. Everyone present was dressed in lavish finery, nothing less for this wedding. It was this image that troubled Daine the most. It was things like this that she wanted with all of her heart to happen. She didn't want to miss this, or anything else that would come if she spent the rest of her life with the man who lay sleeping beside her. "I don't want to miss a thing," she whispered before falling off into a complete slumber.
***Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I'd still miss you, baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing ***
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A/N: Well, did you love it? Hate it? I'd appreciate some feedback from you guys....you've never failed to give it to me before, so I'll be surprised if you hold back now...Oh, and I do have a question for the lot of you. Did I take the whole fluff factor too far? Was this all too intimate? Was it not intimate enough? I really need to know what you guys think on these things.... Also, I thought I'd take this time to announce that the next chapter holds some very interesting things, so you'll want to review so you can read it! It includes Daine leaving, among other things......DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!! ^_^
