"Hey," Shalimar said quietly as she approached Jesse's side as he stared
absently into the water next to the pond.
Within the week that had followed his physical recovery he had done lots of thinking. True, he was mending, Adam had told him that within time his extra abilities would fade, and soon, as the remainder of the treatment was deleted from his system. And Jesse hadn't felt comfortable inside himself the moment he had left the med lab, finding solitude where the others weren't, but gradually he had learnt not to flinch at the sight of pitying glances and enquiring sympathetic checkups. Instead, he'd tried to return his usual façade, of hiding behind a hard frontier, but this time even that option wouldn't work. He couldn't rid himself of everything that had happened.
Shalimar walked towards Jesse and put an arm round his, and sat beside the blond man. "How you doing?" she asked softly. This was the first time she had approached him with a talk in mind since he had got up, and Jess stared into space for a minute, reflecting. He shrugged. "Not great," he muttered, sending a piercing unhappy gaze at a pot plant the other side of the pond. "At least you aren't phasing or massing like you were. You're getting better." Shalimar said, sending Jesse a wistful glance. "I guess that means we have different definitions of better then don't we?" Jesse said, then winced. "Sorry." He hadn't meant to snap at her, but he couldn't understand how everyone could just go on with life as though it were nothing. Though they hadn't been through what he had.
He turned to Shal and looked down at her hand. "Sorry," he said again. "That's OK," Shal began, "I know you didn't mean to hurt me. Besides that, its nearly better; just a bit bruised." "No," Jesse corrected, "at least, your hand as well, I'm glad its feeling better. But I didn't mean that." He scanned the water, taking in its calmness, serenity. "For all those times when I may not have been there for you. For any trouble or pain that I caused-" "Jess," Shal said, turning to face her friend better. "You've never hurt me. You've always been here for me. Always."
"no I haven't'" Jesse contradicted. "For all the times I haven't been there if you've felt alone."
"That's what's bothering you then?" Shal asked and continued as Jesse shrugged. "How can you be there for me every moment. No one on this earth could ever do that, but hell Jess, you've been there for me more than I could expect anyone too. You're my brother, we belong together, I feel you're pain, you mine. And for that Jess, I thank you. It can't have been easy putting up with me. Thank you Jess."
She turned her eyes to his, and hugged his arm tighter, and he looked to the floor, overwhelmed. "I know how it feels, you see." He began, not wanting to talk about everything that happened, not even telling Adam in his debriefing interview, where he had emitted everything but bare facts. "I got an insight into everything, saw everything from a different perspective when I was like that, saw life from a lonely, cruel point of view. It was horrible, and man, it was scary. And I pity everyone, after. after what Sophie told me-," he paused, "for those people who are alone in the world. When I found out that Adam didn't tell me about my dad," he paused, not wanting to show his hurt, "I felt alone, isolated. Some people have to deal with that everyday. They haven't got a family, or people who love them, accept them. And I thank you Shal. For being here for me. We've grown up together, and at no point ever have I felt alone when I know that you've been here for me. Thank you."
Shal grasped his hand, and together they stared into the silent water, it's tranquility speaking for both of them.
* * *
"Jesse," a voice called from behind the blond man sitting at the computer console, making the other man stiffen, then relax as he tried to see an approaching Adam. "Results from your recent checkup-," He began, as he lent on the bar across from where Jesse was sitting. "And all further fluctuations of intangibility and imperviousness have be erased from your system." He smiled. "I didn't think it would have happened so quick, but obviously you were lucky." At these last words, any glimmer of a smile had disappeared from the young mans face. Adam sighed. There was something bothering him, not that he shouldn't be upset over everything that had happened. His father had betrayed him for god's sake, but he was preoccupied by more than that, it was deeper.
"You want to talk about it now?" Adam asked, looking into a face of hurt.
Jesse looked into the air, and turned abruptly to Adam, confused, and forlorn. "I could have saved her Adam. She told me to leave her and I did. What if I had stayed-"
"Jesse-" Adam began strongly.
"No, Adam, listen. Someone may have helped her if I had stayed, taken her somewhere for help, but instead I lost myself, and went after Avell, only to ruin his life as well. God knows what state he's in now. Probably still a ghost. But what gets to me most, what I cant forget, is that however much he may have deserved it, I don't feel repentance, sorrow, for ruining his life, but most of all, for not saving Sophie when I had the chance. And for that it makes me every bit as bad as Avell. Forgetting what really matters, and instead rushing to complete everything selfishly for me. And for that I feel incomplete. Bare, emotionless."
Adam stood up and walked over to the railings at which Jesse was now standing and took his gaze into his own.
"Jesse, what happened to you showed the amount of strength and goodness you have inside. The potential, the strength you had for that time could have made you go either way. With your increased anger there were only two possibilities. Either the kind, caring person underneath the angry exterior would settle everything so that the balance was more stable. Or it could have broken under the force of the anger and strength that had just been entrusted upon you, which in turn would have made you dangerous, a liability to everyone and everything. Yes you were powerful, but we could all still see the Jesse we know and love underneath it all the time, fighting to gain control. You were that first possibility, the person trying to gain control. Don't blame yourself for what happened back there. You did what you could. Sophie was beyond help, even by the time you got there. I made a thorough check on her to make sure. And as for Avell, no matter how much you think he would understand what he was doing, he wouldn't. What you did was for the best, and we'll stand by you with that."
Jesse turned his wilting eyes away from the fatherly man and stared into space, one thing only on his mind now. He didn't care about potential, all he wanted was normality, or at least however much was possible. He didn't ask for all the events to come about. But they had.
He turned his head slowly as Adam's voice came into hearing. "Jesse?" he asked, his face frowning softly.
Jesse turned painfully to look at him. "He talked, before. He said . things." He looked at the floor.
"I wouldn't take him seriously Jess-," Adam begun, as he figured out what Jesse was going to say.
Jesse didn't continue, and they stood together on the railings for sometime in silence. Jesse cleared his throat a little, as painful memories slid into his mind. He took a deep breath. "What did I do Adam?"
The older man looked questionably at him, a look of incomprehension on his face.
"Why didn't my dad love me? What did I do wrong?"
It was at that moment that Adams heart hurt for this younger man, whose ordeal had made him forget what love really meant.
"Jess, its not your fault-,"
"He wouldn't have done that if I had been the son he wanted. I should have known."
Adam looked at the Jesse as the younger man's hurt and painful eyes looked searchingly in the face of his own. His self esteem had apparently disappeared.
"Look at me Jess," Adam said, turning his arm so that the younger man had to face Adam straight on. "It's not your fault for anything. You are a son that any father should be proud of. And no matter what happens, no matter what you do, we will never stop being proud of you. Yes, these things have happened, but that's no reason to think like that. Your father may not be who you want to be, but hell you are the son that any father would be proud to have, and anyone who disagrees is wrong."
Adam took a breath. "Being truthful Jess, I don't know why your dad did that, but its done and you have shown yourself more than capable of remaining the good, strong person we look to when we need someone. You haven't done anything wrong Jess. You are the compassionate person you have and always will be, and we will admire that in you, just as we admire every other gift that you have."
Jesse smiled weakly, as the man finished, and squeezed his arm comfortingly. There was a pause. "Thank you," Jesse began. "For being here for me. I guess I haven't always been good and all, but you've always been there for me, when I really need you, and for that I am grateful. I found my father. I found him in you. The father that I really wanted."
Adam smiled contentedly, and emotionally as he gave the man he considered a son a hug, and they broke apart as the others came up to them, smiling encouragingly.
"Hey Jess, how you feeling?" Emma asked, smiling, she glanced at Adam.
Shal walked up to him and hugged his arm, knowing that an internal scar would remain for some time yet.
Jess looked at all of them.
"When I was in there with Avell," he began, "He told me how I had no reason to want to live like I was. He was wrong. You are my family, and no one can take that away from me. That's all I could think of when I was alone in there, and it gave me strength." He looked sadly down. "Something Sophie never had. I can't take this for granted. You are all special, and I know you are all here for me, just like I'm here for you."
"Yeah," Brennan began, "it's the same for us all. We in everything together. Always."
Everyone nodded, saying nothing, their action speaking for themselves. Jesse's heart felt heavy with emotion, having disclosed more than he thought it possible for his nature. He believed them. They were they for each other and him. After all of this. But no matter how much they stood by, there would always be a scar, and it couldn't help but hurt. And however much scars healed, they would always leave a sign. Temporarily mended. Just like his family. Though, he thought, this family was there for him. For life.
The End
* * *
Once again, a big thank you To Everyone who has reviewed me along the way. It's given me so much confidence. Also, all those people who have added me to either favourite authors or stories, it makes my day!
I really hope you enjoyed this, and I would love it if you could REVIEW this once - It is never too late!!
All I can say is that this can't be the last Jesse story! Criticisms and comments welcome! Thank you again, until next time!!!!!!!
Within the week that had followed his physical recovery he had done lots of thinking. True, he was mending, Adam had told him that within time his extra abilities would fade, and soon, as the remainder of the treatment was deleted from his system. And Jesse hadn't felt comfortable inside himself the moment he had left the med lab, finding solitude where the others weren't, but gradually he had learnt not to flinch at the sight of pitying glances and enquiring sympathetic checkups. Instead, he'd tried to return his usual façade, of hiding behind a hard frontier, but this time even that option wouldn't work. He couldn't rid himself of everything that had happened.
Shalimar walked towards Jesse and put an arm round his, and sat beside the blond man. "How you doing?" she asked softly. This was the first time she had approached him with a talk in mind since he had got up, and Jess stared into space for a minute, reflecting. He shrugged. "Not great," he muttered, sending a piercing unhappy gaze at a pot plant the other side of the pond. "At least you aren't phasing or massing like you were. You're getting better." Shalimar said, sending Jesse a wistful glance. "I guess that means we have different definitions of better then don't we?" Jesse said, then winced. "Sorry." He hadn't meant to snap at her, but he couldn't understand how everyone could just go on with life as though it were nothing. Though they hadn't been through what he had.
He turned to Shal and looked down at her hand. "Sorry," he said again. "That's OK," Shal began, "I know you didn't mean to hurt me. Besides that, its nearly better; just a bit bruised." "No," Jesse corrected, "at least, your hand as well, I'm glad its feeling better. But I didn't mean that." He scanned the water, taking in its calmness, serenity. "For all those times when I may not have been there for you. For any trouble or pain that I caused-" "Jess," Shal said, turning to face her friend better. "You've never hurt me. You've always been here for me. Always."
"no I haven't'" Jesse contradicted. "For all the times I haven't been there if you've felt alone."
"That's what's bothering you then?" Shal asked and continued as Jesse shrugged. "How can you be there for me every moment. No one on this earth could ever do that, but hell Jess, you've been there for me more than I could expect anyone too. You're my brother, we belong together, I feel you're pain, you mine. And for that Jess, I thank you. It can't have been easy putting up with me. Thank you Jess."
She turned her eyes to his, and hugged his arm tighter, and he looked to the floor, overwhelmed. "I know how it feels, you see." He began, not wanting to talk about everything that happened, not even telling Adam in his debriefing interview, where he had emitted everything but bare facts. "I got an insight into everything, saw everything from a different perspective when I was like that, saw life from a lonely, cruel point of view. It was horrible, and man, it was scary. And I pity everyone, after. after what Sophie told me-," he paused, "for those people who are alone in the world. When I found out that Adam didn't tell me about my dad," he paused, not wanting to show his hurt, "I felt alone, isolated. Some people have to deal with that everyday. They haven't got a family, or people who love them, accept them. And I thank you Shal. For being here for me. We've grown up together, and at no point ever have I felt alone when I know that you've been here for me. Thank you."
Shal grasped his hand, and together they stared into the silent water, it's tranquility speaking for both of them.
* * *
"Jesse," a voice called from behind the blond man sitting at the computer console, making the other man stiffen, then relax as he tried to see an approaching Adam. "Results from your recent checkup-," He began, as he lent on the bar across from where Jesse was sitting. "And all further fluctuations of intangibility and imperviousness have be erased from your system." He smiled. "I didn't think it would have happened so quick, but obviously you were lucky." At these last words, any glimmer of a smile had disappeared from the young mans face. Adam sighed. There was something bothering him, not that he shouldn't be upset over everything that had happened. His father had betrayed him for god's sake, but he was preoccupied by more than that, it was deeper.
"You want to talk about it now?" Adam asked, looking into a face of hurt.
Jesse looked into the air, and turned abruptly to Adam, confused, and forlorn. "I could have saved her Adam. She told me to leave her and I did. What if I had stayed-"
"Jesse-" Adam began strongly.
"No, Adam, listen. Someone may have helped her if I had stayed, taken her somewhere for help, but instead I lost myself, and went after Avell, only to ruin his life as well. God knows what state he's in now. Probably still a ghost. But what gets to me most, what I cant forget, is that however much he may have deserved it, I don't feel repentance, sorrow, for ruining his life, but most of all, for not saving Sophie when I had the chance. And for that it makes me every bit as bad as Avell. Forgetting what really matters, and instead rushing to complete everything selfishly for me. And for that I feel incomplete. Bare, emotionless."
Adam stood up and walked over to the railings at which Jesse was now standing and took his gaze into his own.
"Jesse, what happened to you showed the amount of strength and goodness you have inside. The potential, the strength you had for that time could have made you go either way. With your increased anger there were only two possibilities. Either the kind, caring person underneath the angry exterior would settle everything so that the balance was more stable. Or it could have broken under the force of the anger and strength that had just been entrusted upon you, which in turn would have made you dangerous, a liability to everyone and everything. Yes you were powerful, but we could all still see the Jesse we know and love underneath it all the time, fighting to gain control. You were that first possibility, the person trying to gain control. Don't blame yourself for what happened back there. You did what you could. Sophie was beyond help, even by the time you got there. I made a thorough check on her to make sure. And as for Avell, no matter how much you think he would understand what he was doing, he wouldn't. What you did was for the best, and we'll stand by you with that."
Jesse turned his wilting eyes away from the fatherly man and stared into space, one thing only on his mind now. He didn't care about potential, all he wanted was normality, or at least however much was possible. He didn't ask for all the events to come about. But they had.
He turned his head slowly as Adam's voice came into hearing. "Jesse?" he asked, his face frowning softly.
Jesse turned painfully to look at him. "He talked, before. He said . things." He looked at the floor.
"I wouldn't take him seriously Jess-," Adam begun, as he figured out what Jesse was going to say.
Jesse didn't continue, and they stood together on the railings for sometime in silence. Jesse cleared his throat a little, as painful memories slid into his mind. He took a deep breath. "What did I do Adam?"
The older man looked questionably at him, a look of incomprehension on his face.
"Why didn't my dad love me? What did I do wrong?"
It was at that moment that Adams heart hurt for this younger man, whose ordeal had made him forget what love really meant.
"Jess, its not your fault-,"
"He wouldn't have done that if I had been the son he wanted. I should have known."
Adam looked at the Jesse as the younger man's hurt and painful eyes looked searchingly in the face of his own. His self esteem had apparently disappeared.
"Look at me Jess," Adam said, turning his arm so that the younger man had to face Adam straight on. "It's not your fault for anything. You are a son that any father should be proud of. And no matter what happens, no matter what you do, we will never stop being proud of you. Yes, these things have happened, but that's no reason to think like that. Your father may not be who you want to be, but hell you are the son that any father would be proud to have, and anyone who disagrees is wrong."
Adam took a breath. "Being truthful Jess, I don't know why your dad did that, but its done and you have shown yourself more than capable of remaining the good, strong person we look to when we need someone. You haven't done anything wrong Jess. You are the compassionate person you have and always will be, and we will admire that in you, just as we admire every other gift that you have."
Jesse smiled weakly, as the man finished, and squeezed his arm comfortingly. There was a pause. "Thank you," Jesse began. "For being here for me. I guess I haven't always been good and all, but you've always been there for me, when I really need you, and for that I am grateful. I found my father. I found him in you. The father that I really wanted."
Adam smiled contentedly, and emotionally as he gave the man he considered a son a hug, and they broke apart as the others came up to them, smiling encouragingly.
"Hey Jess, how you feeling?" Emma asked, smiling, she glanced at Adam.
Shal walked up to him and hugged his arm, knowing that an internal scar would remain for some time yet.
Jess looked at all of them.
"When I was in there with Avell," he began, "He told me how I had no reason to want to live like I was. He was wrong. You are my family, and no one can take that away from me. That's all I could think of when I was alone in there, and it gave me strength." He looked sadly down. "Something Sophie never had. I can't take this for granted. You are all special, and I know you are all here for me, just like I'm here for you."
"Yeah," Brennan began, "it's the same for us all. We in everything together. Always."
Everyone nodded, saying nothing, their action speaking for themselves. Jesse's heart felt heavy with emotion, having disclosed more than he thought it possible for his nature. He believed them. They were they for each other and him. After all of this. But no matter how much they stood by, there would always be a scar, and it couldn't help but hurt. And however much scars healed, they would always leave a sign. Temporarily mended. Just like his family. Though, he thought, this family was there for him. For life.
The End
* * *
Once again, a big thank you To Everyone who has reviewed me along the way. It's given me so much confidence. Also, all those people who have added me to either favourite authors or stories, it makes my day!
I really hope you enjoyed this, and I would love it if you could REVIEW this once - It is never too late!!
All I can say is that this can't be the last Jesse story! Criticisms and comments welcome! Thank you again, until next time!!!!!!!
