Doom Witch

Author's Note: HELLLOOoOOO! O.o Ok. HOW ARE YOU!? I am an Irken evil chappie boy. Girl, actually. OHHHHHH WELL! ^_^ Next chapter up - NOW!

* * * * * * * * * * *

- Chapter Eight - A Liiiiiittle Weird -

Zim at once forced the front door open and knocked the roboparents out of the way in his hurry. GIR was watching the Scary Monkey Show and murmuring he loved it, but Zim grabbed him by his doggie ear and dragged him down to the base.

"I love this show," GIR said happily, and Zim looked at him irritably. He sat GIR down and walked over to the big screen. GIR sat facing it and grinned at the Irken symbol.

"I love this shoooow," he cooed, and Zim threw a can of sardines at him.

"Hey, where did they come from?" he asked himself, then shrugged and connected a transmission with the Tallest.

On the Massive, the Tallest were busy eating Space Tacos and other assorted foods. Red had since - uh - 'fired' the disgraceful Irken servant that had wasted the precious juice, and was in a good mood at the moment, until the over-enthusiastic transmission detecting guy yelled:

"Innnncomminggg Transmissssssiooooon from Eaaarth!" he informed, and Purple looked at Red wearily.

"Zim," Purple groaned, and his red friend nodded for the transmission to commence.

"My Tallest!" Zim cried, "I hope I find you in good health-"

"No, Zim. I have a - cough - disease and I'm slowly dying - I think it would be safer if you cut the message in case you catch it over the transmission-" Purple pretended to sink to the ground in agony, and Red tried his best to play along, he really, really did.

"NEVERR!" Zim roared, and Purple really did cough. Red hovered slightly above him, not sure what to do. He wanted some lasers, "I will come in the Voot Cruiser and find an antidote, then bring it to the Armada and give it to you personally!"

Red yelped, and Purple struggled to his little hover thing above the ground.

"Y'know, Zim, I'm feeling a loooooot better, I don't think that will be necessary," Purple said quickly, and Zim narrowed his eyes.

"Are you sure, My Tallest?" he asked.

"Yes. Look, he's dancing!" Red cried in pretend joy, and Purple kicked his partner, then began to hover around the room doing little twirls. Zim smiled, satisfied.

"Very well-" he decided, "The reason I called, My Tallest, was to speak to you, of course, but also to deliver a message to you, but I couldn't really do that without speaking, could I, and-"

"Get on with it, Zim," Red said with a bemused expression on his face. He grabbed Purple as he went twirling by and sat him on a chair, where he immediately began guzzling Space Tacos.

"Right. It's about my mission, Sirs. I have a new plan," Zim said proudly, "It involves-"

"Lasers?" Red asked hopefully, but when Zim shook his head, he lost interest. He might even be prepared to listen to Zim if it was about lasers, but no. Maybe one day there would be lasers in Zim's pathetic, very, very small life. But then, with the awesome and devious plan in motion to be performed on Planet Moriara, Zim may not have enough time to grow to lasers. Not that Red cared, anyway.

He realised Zim had been babbling while his evil plotting had gone on in his head.

"-And I just KNOW my evil testing on affection will work this time, My Tallest, as I am SURE the Gaz is not an Irken, like Tak. Is she dead yet, anyway? Anyway. Yes, yes - my evil affection scheme will bring me closer to the human's famous sciency father, who has the MAGIC TOAST MACHINE! With that Great Toast Distributor, I can do much things, evil things - TOAST WILL BE MEMBRANE'S DOWNFALL!" Zim cackled, and the Tallest looked at each other.

"Yes, Zim," Purple agreed, "Now go - do your evil - Toast - thingy."

"Very well, my masters!" Zim agreed, "Invader Zim out!"

"I love you!" GIR screamed, as the screen signed off.

Red looked at Purple.

"The sooner that midget is behind bars the better," he said.

"Yeah-" Purple agreed, "But I get to hit him first!"

"AWWWW!"

"HA HA!"

"NO FAIR!"

"WHHHEEEEEE WHEEEE HOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"What?" Red asked, a little worried at his colleague's strange, bizarre outburst.

"I don't know." Was all he replied.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Gaz was still wondering on whether to be mad at Zim or not. She had never been kissed before, never had wanted to be, so that was one reason for ripping his very brain out of his stupid green head, if he even had a brain, he was so dumb.

But then, she hadn't been angry at the time. Zim had kidnapped her, taken her GameSlave from her and put her in a suspended cage, demeaning her to the very ranks of low dignity in contacting her brother for her life. Would Zim really have killed her if Dib had refused to meet his demands, however lame they were?

But he had let her go. And then kissed her a few months later. Well, pecked her, or whatever.

It was her birthday, two days after 'it' had happened. She was eleven now, but she felt a lot older. Were eleven-year-old-video-game-obsessed-evil- scary-children supposed to be kissed by strange maybe twelve-year-old-green- big-brother-Dib-hating-power-ridden-no-eared kids? Only her brother remembered her birthday, her dad was either too busy or didn't care to get her a present.

It seemed like Dib had anticipated that. He had bought her a new GameSlave 2 game and bought her a cake and a packet of sodas he had sworn not to touch. He promised her pizza that night too, and he would have his own separate one, leaving her with a WHOLE pizza to herself.

It would have been nice if someone had given her a present as a friend though, but she hadn't told anyone, not that she cared or in fact had any friends. Did Zim count as a friend?

"Hey Gaz," Dib said as he came up to her in the cafeteria. It was lunch time, and the dreaded 'Ketchup and Rice' day, "How's the Birthday Girl?"

Zim heard the words from two tables down. He sat alone, as usual, he couldn't be bothered keeping up appearances with kids. It pained him to be around humans. Except Gaz, for some mutated, horrible, freakish, unnatural and completely insane reason.

"No - I will not yield to this Earth worm maiden, I will not YIELD!" Zim cried urgently, and as usual, no one paid any attention. He shrugged and went back to his ketchup, "Bluch, this stuff tastes like - nothing," he murmured under his breath, and refused to eat another bite. He thought enviously of GIR back home stuffing himself with tacos while watching the Scary Monkey Show.

That monkey -

* * * * * * * * * * *

After class had diminished, Gaz followed Zim home quietly, persuading Dib to go on without her as she had to speak to a new girl about her locker. There was no new girl, of course, and if there was, Gaz wouldn't think once about showing her to a locker, or the right one anyway.

She snickered, and was almost sorry there wasn't a new girl to show the wrong locker.

She walked slowly in her usual fashion and reached Zim's house eventually, and stood behind the fence. The fence Zim's bestest friend Keef had followed the Zim-Squirrel to his doom. The fence that either led Gaz to the 'boy' that had kissed her, or separated her from him.

She wavered slightly, but managed to urge herself forward, walking past the creepy garden gnomes, the blowfish and the flamingos. Including, of course, the tacky 'I love Earth' flag at the front of the garden. The gnomes seemed quite big, they came up quite far on Gaz.

She rang the doorbell and at once the squint - angled door swung open to reveal GIR in his green dog costume. Of course, Gaz didn't know it was a costume, or didn't care (take your pick), but she reached forward and attempted to pet it. It was drooling gunge from its open mouth.

"Gotta cupcake?" he asked conspicuously, turning a few people's heads outside the street. Gaz made a move to enter the house.

"Uh - is Zim in? I need to talk to him - " she said uncertainly, and GIR blocked her way. She snarled at him, which would make most people shake at the knees and run away squealing, but the dog just stared at her blankly and grinned.

"Gotta cupcake?" he asked again, "I looove the little tacos, I love them goooood-"

Gaz opened an eye, and closed it again. The sight in his open mouth was just too gross.

"GIR!" the dominative voice came from inside the house, "Who is that? If it's that blasted make - up human again - "

"WHERE?" GIR yelled, "I NEEEEEED STUFF!"

Zim emerged at the doorway and regarded Gaz.

"Hello," he said to her.

"Hi, Zim," she said, "I just came by - "

"You look like a flabbergasted turkey foot!" GIR screeched randomly at Gaz, and dodged Zim's blow, and flew inside the house on what looked like a jet pack. He then said, "Ooops! I forgot tha tuna!" and ran off out of sight.

Zim looked apologetically at Gaz, then scowled again.

"What do you want, Earth beast?" he demanded.

Gaz took him by the hand and led him out into the garden. Zim looked at her suspiciously.

"If you did not enjoy the dance then I will not destroy you," he said, "Because I didn't either, I mean - I will destroy you eventually, but not just now, I mean-"

Gaz leaned forward and kissed him. She knew it was stupid and she was young and it went against everything she stood for, or didn't stand for, or whatever, but it felt right. Plus, she wanted to shut him up. Zim pushed her back, a puzzled expression on his face.

"What was that, human?" he asked, "I have never known a human to do that before."

Gaz scowled. It had taken a lot of effort to do that, and now it seemed like he didn't know what she had done! Not that she was either, mind-

"I just gave you a kiss, Zim," she told him, "It's what people do when they - uh - like someone."

Zim narrowed his eyes.

"Is that the 'like like' or the normal 'like' you speak of?" he asked.

"The 'like like'," she replied, and he nodded.

"So you 'like' me?" he said, as if he couldn't get his head round it.

"I guess so, yeah," she determined, realising it herself. She thought of how stupid it sounded.

"Do I like you too?" Zim asked.

"I don't know. What are you asking me for?"

* * * * * * * * * * *

It took Dib a while to realise that Gaz would NEVER, EVER help a new girl find her locker. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been. Maybe she had gone to the mall to look at a new GameSlave game, but he had just given her one for her birthday, and plus, Gaz would tell him and promise him never ending doom if he told on her if she had been going to the mall.

So where had she gone?

Had Gaz made a friend? Who would be friends with that scary, terrifying and oh so frightening little sister of his?

Dib's blood ran cold as he figured it out.

Zim.

He ran as fast as he could back down the road back towards the skool and took a left towards Zim's house. He skidded in front of it and screamed at the sight of Zim leaning forward to kiss Gaz. He didn't have much luck of what he saw in that damned garden.

He rushed forwards and tore them apart, knocking Zim off his feet and onto the grass. He picked himself up angrily and leapt at Dib, pinning him to the ground.

"Get off my property, Dib-Stink," he ordered.

"I can't - you're on top of me!" Dib protested, and Zim grumbled, rolling off Dib and standing over him beside Gaz, who, surprisingly, didn't have Poop Cola ready.

"Gaz! Are you okay? He didn't hurt you-" Dib panted, scanning her. She stood angrily with her hands on her hips. He grasped her forearm, "C'mon, let's get you home, we can get rid of the alien gunk there."

He dragged her off while she yelled at him. He didn't pay too much attention to what she was saying, he was too busy glaring at Zim, who looked less than well. He swayed on his feet a little bit, and staggered off inside the house. Dib turned back to the street when he bumped into a lamp post and hurt his morbidly large head.

He cursed, but held fast on Gaz's arm and stormed off down the road with her back to the Membrane residence. Gaz screamed at him the whole way, and Dib was frightened, but he tried to shut her out and concentrated on getting her as far away from Zim as possible.

'Why did he look so unwell?' he wondered, 'Maybe he has some alien virus thingy and has infected my sister!'

He almost broke into a sprint when the house came into sight, but Gaz was protesting and reluctant enough to hold him back. When they finally got into the house, Gaz turned on her brother and snarled.

"What did you do that for, Dib?" she demanded furiously, her arms behind her back in fists. Dib suddenly turned equally as angry and yelled back at her,

"Zim KISSED you, Gaz! Were you not AWARE of that happening? What the Hell are you yelling at me for? I saved you!"

"Saved me?" Gaz scoffed, "There was nothing to be saved from! And, I kissed Zim first if you must know, not that it's any of your business, Dib."

Dib's jaw dropped.

Gaz strolled past him and huffed up the stairs, leaving Dib seething with utter contempt. Why -

He stumbled up the stairs and into Gaz's room, he couldn't let her leave it there, there was still too much uncovered that had to be understood.

Gaz was sitting on her bed looking at her GameSlave but not playing it. She stared at it blankly before looking up at Dib and frowning, as if he had done something wrong. Wasn't it Gaz that had kissed an alien trying to take over her planet? Never mind the fact that she was ONLY JUST ELEVEN!

"Gaz," he tried, as softly as he could, "Please, please, tell me WHY you kissed Zim? Did he threaten you?"

"No," Gaz replied.

"Blackmail you?"

"Aren't blackmailing and threatening the same thing?"

"Did he try to bribe you?"

"A bit different, but no."

"What about - beg you?"

"Why would I kiss some moron that begged me to? I kissed Zim because - because -"

"Because what?" Dib pushed, and Gaz turned on him, hopping off the bed onto her feet to face her brother.

"It's none of your business!" she snapped.

"It is, because you're my sister and he's my arch nemesis!" Dib argued.

"You just can't see inside who he is and you look at WHAT he is!"

"This is coming from you, the one who despises all contact with living organisms and absorbs herself in a games console, and dresses up in little goth clothes and scares everyone that crosses you - or doesn't cross you!"

"SHUT UP!"

"NO! Gaz, you need to see, Zim isn't your friend, and if he is then he's only pretending to be."

"That sentence makes no sense whatso-"

"GAZ! Zim is the ENEMY! Bad guy! Naughty and bad also! No touchie! Don't go there!"

Gaz stormed right up to him and stared at him in his big bulbous eyes.

"Get out of my room, Dib, before I make you," she snarled, "Don't you DARE tell me what to do or what not to do, you are my BROTHER not my FATHER!"

"Some dad you've got that forgets your birthday," Dib snarled.

"He didn't forget - he just doesn't care," Gaz shrugged, "And some dad YOU'VE got that doesn't believe a word you say!"

"GAZ!"

"DIB!"

"GAZ! I -"

"Just get out of my room, Dib. Get out of the house, okay? I really just need to - not see you, okay?"

Gaz walked back into the room and Dib attempted to follow her. Suddenly she whipped out a can of Poop Soda and shook it up. Dib knew what was coming and he cried out. She leapt to attention and chased him down the stairs and out of the house, where he attempted to catch his breath.

She sprayed him through the window while he bent over panting in the garden.

"Witch!" he gasped, before he hurtled down the path out of her reach. She sure was skilled with that juice, and with Gaz in that temper it wouldn't be safe to go back to the house for at least a couple of hours, when she would be well into the Zone. But where would he go until then?

Zim's.

* * * * * * * * * * *

The Irken Armada was hovering towards Planet Moriara on a well - earned break while the Almighty Tallest visited their relatives, as it turned out that Purple's sister Fia was to be staying with Red's grandmother Zenin. They knew about the plot to capture Zim and disapproved, but then, they weren't the Almighty Tallest, although Fia was quite tall for a female Irken, with Zenin slightly smaller than her.

"Almost done, Sirs," the Irken designer announced, regarding Zim's cage. It would hold any life form and slowly suck out their life source, making them weaker and weaker by the hour. After about two weeks they would be saying their last prayers. It was in this cage they were planning on keeping the bait, and swap it for Zim instead when he arrived.

Nearly everything was set, and the only problem was that they didn't know what Zim's weakness was.

The trap was set in the Irken Head Quarters on Moriara, an Irken civilian planet, where the Tallest were currently contacting Zim to find out his weakness. Of course, they weren't in view of the cage, even Zim could get suspicious and would ask what it was for. Just in case one of the intelligence - lacking leaders let slip it was actually for him -

"Traaaansmissiooooon to Eaaaarth receivvved, my Mastters!" the guy exaggerated, and Red sat down on his little cool seat thing, they respected the Tallest here than other places, there were throne - things and everything. The screen flickered and Zim's face was seen.

"My Tallest?" he said weakly. He looked tired and exhausted, not like the Zim the Tallest knew him to be, crazy, insane, power-ridden and even paranoid, but never so weary.

"Zim?" Purple asked, "Are you alright? You look a little - dead."

"Peaky!" Red interrupted, "You just look a little pale, uh - Invader."

Zim nodded and looked a little anxious.

"I don't know what's come over me, my Tallest," he agreed, "One minute I was fine and the next I'm almost falling over my slave bot! It must be some kind of human resistance - it must be stopped - yes, stopped - but how?"

Red looked at Purple. That was a mixture of insane and paranoid.

"So, apart from you being - uh - resisted against, Zim," Red said, "How's it going? The exile - uh - mission, I mean."

"Oh, very well, my Tallest!" Zim said, a little more perkily, "I have just been - oh, excuse me, my Computer is - oh that blasted belldoor!"

"So, Zim, what's the thing that you'd say was your weakness? Your Achilles heel? Weak ankle? Funny knee? Demented elbow? Slightly unrounded chin? What human makes you tick?" Purple continued, not realising Zim was distracted.

"Uh - I like Kurt Cobain," he filled in, "I'm sorry My Tallest, I'm going to have to go now."

"Very well, Zim. Go get a rest, you're looking worse." Purple finished.

"Yes, Sirs. Zim out."

The screen went blank, and Purple came to sit on his throne - thing, and looked at his partner.

"You! Irken setting - um - guy! Find the co-ordinates on Earth for this 'Kurt Cobain' at once! This is our chance!" Red ordered, and the several workers at the front contacted the Armada, which had the equipment to scan Earth, and the process began.

They were going to get Zim at last.

* * * * * * * * * * *

A/N: Irkens love Kurt, it's a fact. Or Nurt, in Zim's case. Anyway, what do you think of the story so far then?

Tell me now -

I love this shooooooow.

Next chapter : Dib comes to confront Zim and has a big argument with GIR, who somehow mistakes him for the pizza man and demands his pizza, rightly so. Zim comes to the door eventually, and (great climax builds with drumrolls and little Indian bells - they rock cos they're pointless) - you'll just have to read and see.

MWUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ha. Hee.

A hoo.

REVIEW!

P.S. My sister is a SpongeBob lover. WHY IS IT ALWAYS THEM??? NOT MY SISTER! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???? It's so unfair! NOT SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTTSSSSSSS!

Noooooo-