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~Chapter 2: The Replacement Elizabeths~

When the heroine stands between the hero and his true love, there is only one acceptable solution: bump her off. Throw in some cursed pirates and the audience will never miss her.

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WILL: Alas. Elizabeth has died in a terrible sailfish fishing accident. If only I hadn't been nancing about as a pirate, I would have been here to break it off properly, as our relationship was clearly doomed. But the lure of the sea was just too great.

SEA: You can't resist me.

WILL: Oh, who will convince me that I was too good for her and otherwise trample on her memory?

MARY SUE: Hello Will, who has known me since birth, thus establishing an unbreakable bond of friendship. Why do you look so happy?

WILL: Elizabeth has kicked the bucket. For the sake of our budding romance, she will never be mentioned again except when highlighting her many character flaws.

MARY SUE: How convenient, let us go away to sea.

JACK: You rang?

WILL: It's Jack, my comedic foil. What brings you back to the place where they tried to hang you twice?

JACK: I'm dying from scurvy.

MARY SUE: Oh, Jack, you are ever so comical. Look out, it's Norrington! He will surely be after you.

NORRINGTON: Nobody told you? I'm apparently incompetent and blind as a bat. Feel free to walk about in broad daylight and engage in felonious activities. Oh, and Port Royal has been renamed to the far more appropriate "Port Pirates-R-Us". Carry On.

WILL: I feel so much more amorous now that we have left Port Pirates-R-Us behind.

MARY SUE: It's only you and me now.

JACK: And me.

PIRATES: And us.

MARY SUE: I feel a chill of supernatural origins.

WILL: Could it be from the necklace that you keep around you neck and have suspensefully avoided mentioning until just this moment to add to the high drama of when it is finally revealed?

MARY SUE: I'll avoid that question by turning my back and gazing at the stars.

WILL: There's a ship in the distance! How rare it is to see ships on the ocean, this must have something to do with a curse and necklace that in no way reflects the movie.

GIBBS: It's The Other Black Pearl! It's even rattier than ours and is crewed by the damned who thought they were un-cursed, but turned out to be doubly cursed! This is in no way related to the movie!

WILL: Who captains such a ship?

JACK THE MONKEY: Eee. Eee.

GIBBS: Look at his incredibly ostentatious hat! He must be a commodore at least!

MARY SUE: In all the commotion of trying to avoid being captured, I have been captured.

JACK: Unhand her at once.

WILL: Your flair for the comedic is appreciated, Jack, but I will have to ask you to step back into your role as witless sidekick. It's my time to shine.

JACK THE MONKEY: Eee. Eee. Eee

WILL: Sod off, monkey breath.

JACK THE MONKEY: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

MARY SUE: This would probably be the best time to reveal my excessively detailed past. [Edited for excessive detail]...And that is why my pinky finger has the power to read minds.

ELIZABETH: I have returned to complicate matters. There was no terrible sailfish fishing accident. Prove your love to me or I shall raise a fuss.

MARY SUE: He loves me now. Go parley someone who cares.

ELIZABETH: Bring it on!

WILL: Elizabeth, please. You cannot compare to her. She exhibits all the passionate and rebellious qualities you painfully lack. In addition, she was a governor's daughter that was formerly engaged to a high-ranking member of the Port Pirates-R-Us navy. The necklace she has is the key to a sexy and dangerous backstory involving cursed monkeys. So you see, you and her are leagues apart.

ELIZABETH: Well that is both reasonable and highly plausible. I will attend the wedding and smile frequently to show I approve. And if Norrington attends, I will fall madly in love with him as some sort of consolation.

MARY SUE: Jack, turn the ship around.

GIBBS: Jack died from scurvy, miss. He would have said something, but your past was such a riveting tale he couldn't bring himself to interrupt. He wanted you to have the Black Pearl because of the unspoken connection you shared.

WILL: Don't cry, my sweet. We will lay him to rest on land, the only place he felt truly free and alive. He would have wanted it that way.

JACK THE MONKEY: Ee. Eee?

WILL: I do.

JACK THE MONKEY: Ee Eee?

MARY SUE: I do.

CITZENS OF PORT PIRATES-R-US: Huzzah!

DOUBLY CURSED PIRATES: Huzzah!

NORRINGTON: Give into the power of the wig.

ELIZABETH: Only if you stop saying that.

NORRINGTON: Huzzah.

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FIN .

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A/N: The author would like to add that she was incredibly happy that people took the time to give her feedback. It made her day ^-^ Now that she had experienced the sweet, sweet addictive power of reviews, she would be ecstatic to receive more. .

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An extra big thank you to Arwen Lune, CyberKath, Neveradullmoment, Yakkik, Seren and Electric Banshee. .

She hopes you enjoyed, please let her know how you liked it!