Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognize. It all belongs to J K
Rowling, and I'm just borrowing it because I can't get it out of my head.
Here are entries out of Lily Potter's diary. This fic is mainly written in support of other stories which are slowly working their way out of my head and onto the screen, so it may skip around a lot in her life. The first entries I'll be posting are the last few days before her death, then I'll go back to when she first started keeping a diary.
Any unconscionable delays in posting will be noted on my profile, as I hate adding a chapter with nothing but an author's note in it, and getting peoples hopes up prematurely.
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The personal and PRIVATE diary of Lily Evans
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October 27th, 1981
Sirius came over tonight with more bad news. I can't believe little Jenny is gone. She was barely twenty-two, and now she's gone forever. It's not FAIR. Who does Voldemort think he is? She was just a child, what did she ever do to him? I just can't...
As hard as this is for me to take in, it's been much harder on Sirius. When he showed up today, he couldn't even get the words out, finally just handing over a copy of the Daily Prophet. I think a part of him was hoping that as long as he didn't admit it, it wouldn't be true. Instead he was raving about the fidelius charm and its drawbacks, and saying he couldn't do it much longer. I knew when we asked him to do this how much we were asking, but Sirius as usual didn't stop to think. Jenny was furious at him when she found out he'd agreed to do it, for the risk he was taking, not realizing he was going to go into hiding himself. He tried to tell her, but Jen never did let anyone else get a word in when she was angry. So she stormed out, and he had to leave before she came back, leaving just a letter behind to explain things.
And now she's gone, and he'll never have the chance to explain, to apologize, and it's tearing him apart. I don't know how to help him, to make him see she'd never have blamed him. I can tell James feels as helpless as I do. Hiding like this, letting our friends face the danger for us chafes on him even more so than me. But what else can we do?
James insisted Padfoot stay here tonight, going so far as to take away his wand when he tried to leave. It's better this way, he's in no condition to apparate, but he didn't stop pacing the floor for hours, and even then he only stopped because Harry was starting to get upset. James settled him on the couch with Harry and I slipped some dreamless sleep into his tea. I know he'll be furious in the morning, but he looks like he hasn't slept since he heard the news, and it'd do no one any good for him to pass out from exhaustion. James thought he had when he just collapsed. When I told him what I'd done, he just smiled and said he'd leave me to face the music alone in the morning. And I know I'll have to, but it'll be worth it. We still need to get the whole story out of him, I'm sure there's more than was published.
October 28th, 1981
Sirius was more coherent this morning, after he stopped shouting at me for drugging him. Which of course wasn't until after he got Harry angry at me for upsetting his Pafoo. We got the whole story, and the reasoning behind his rants from him, but I almost wish we hadn't. No wonder Padfoot can't sleep, after seeing Jen like that. And Jay too.
But worst of all is that the Death Eaters should never have known they were there. With the research she and Jay were working on, only a select few knew where they were. According to Sirius, Dumbledore is now more certain than ever that one of the Marauders has turned. I still can't believe it, but with this latest news, Sirius is starting to think he might be right. I think he's just looking for someone to blame. He and James got into a shouting match today, with James insisting that he and Sirius would both turn before Remus would even consider it, and Sirius claiming that Wormtail would never have been able to hide it from them if he'd betrayed them, so it must be Remus.
Personally, I think they're both right. Remus is the gentlest person I've ever met. He abhors violence of all kinds, and could never enjoy hurting someone. And all you ever had to do was look Peter in the eye to see if he was telling the truth. He was always the one the ask to find out what the Marauders were planning next, because he couldn't keep a straight face. Not that he'd tell you what they were planning, but if you asked the right questions you could piece together the truth from his reactions. But he'd never have been able to hide something as big as this, not from those who know him best. Which still leaves the question of what we're missing. Because he's finding our plans out SOMEhow, and if it's not a spy, then how is he doing it?
However he's doing it, I think Sirius's new idea is a good one, but I hate to use it. I'm sure no one will think that we'd trust Peter as our secret keeper, when everyone knows he couldn't tell a convincing lie to save his life. But that won't matter, because if everything goes right, he won't have to tell anyone anything, because he'll be hidden away where no one can find him, and not even Sirius will know where he is, only Dumbledore. He'll probably travel to wherever he's going as a rat, just to be sure no one finds him. We won't even tell Dumbledore or Moony about the switch until Wormtail is safely gone.
The problem with the plan, the reason James fought with Padfoot over it for hours today, is that it leaves Siri out there as bait. Like I said before, Peter is the one to pressure if you want the truth. Therefore if Siri goes into hiding as originally planned, then they'll look for Wormtail to find out where he is, and when they can't find him, they might start to suspect what we've done. So Siri will have to remain visible enough to be the primary target. Siri kept trying to laugh off James's concern, insisting he could stay ahead of any number of death eaters. But then James would point out that if Sirius was so sure of that, he wouldn't be worried in the first place. It finally ended with Padfoot yelling that he knew that they'd catch him some day anyway, and that if he had to die, he'd rather do so knowing that his death wasn't for nothing and that we still had a chance. James persisted that he wasn't willing to trade his life for Padfoot's, and Sirius just said that he had so much more to live for. James countered by asking why Padfoot was so willing to die for him, when he wasn't willing to live for him. At that point, Padfoot just said he was late for work and would be back tomorrow with Peter and slammed the door behind him.
So of course, James spent the next hour muttering about how Padfoot never listened, and Harry spent the next hour crying because his daddy and his Pafoo were upset. Needless to say, by the time James calmed down enough to admit it will be nice to see Peter, I had a splitting headache, and ended up joining Harry in his afternoon nap. Somehow, we didn't get much work done today.
I worry about Peter, I think this war's been hardest on him. His whole family's gone now, and the rest of the marauders were to busy to help him pick up the pieces after his mum died. James and I have been hit just as hard, but we have each other and Harry to cheer us up, and Sirius has his job, but Peter's alone now, and it's changed him. You can see it in his eyes. Remus has come out of this the best thus far, but that' s probably only because Voldemort hasn't figured out yet that he'll never sell out his friends. I don't even want to think about what will happen when he does.
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Auhor's Notes: For those of you who are confused, Jenelee (Jen) Prewett is Sirius's current girlfriend, and Jaidin (Jay) is her older brother. Since this is a diary, Lily wouldn't be explaining these things, though they will be introduced in earlier entries. They will not, however take over from the cannon characters. And yes, this story will introduce a number of original characters in bit parts, and a few in more pivotal roles, simply because a young girls life cannot revolve completely around her sister, her teachers and five boys, who are the only characters we've met from Lily's time at Hogwarts.
Here are entries out of Lily Potter's diary. This fic is mainly written in support of other stories which are slowly working their way out of my head and onto the screen, so it may skip around a lot in her life. The first entries I'll be posting are the last few days before her death, then I'll go back to when she first started keeping a diary.
Any unconscionable delays in posting will be noted on my profile, as I hate adding a chapter with nothing but an author's note in it, and getting peoples hopes up prematurely.
*************************************************
The personal and PRIVATE diary of Lily Evans
*************************************************
October 27th, 1981
Sirius came over tonight with more bad news. I can't believe little Jenny is gone. She was barely twenty-two, and now she's gone forever. It's not FAIR. Who does Voldemort think he is? She was just a child, what did she ever do to him? I just can't...
As hard as this is for me to take in, it's been much harder on Sirius. When he showed up today, he couldn't even get the words out, finally just handing over a copy of the Daily Prophet. I think a part of him was hoping that as long as he didn't admit it, it wouldn't be true. Instead he was raving about the fidelius charm and its drawbacks, and saying he couldn't do it much longer. I knew when we asked him to do this how much we were asking, but Sirius as usual didn't stop to think. Jenny was furious at him when she found out he'd agreed to do it, for the risk he was taking, not realizing he was going to go into hiding himself. He tried to tell her, but Jen never did let anyone else get a word in when she was angry. So she stormed out, and he had to leave before she came back, leaving just a letter behind to explain things.
And now she's gone, and he'll never have the chance to explain, to apologize, and it's tearing him apart. I don't know how to help him, to make him see she'd never have blamed him. I can tell James feels as helpless as I do. Hiding like this, letting our friends face the danger for us chafes on him even more so than me. But what else can we do?
James insisted Padfoot stay here tonight, going so far as to take away his wand when he tried to leave. It's better this way, he's in no condition to apparate, but he didn't stop pacing the floor for hours, and even then he only stopped because Harry was starting to get upset. James settled him on the couch with Harry and I slipped some dreamless sleep into his tea. I know he'll be furious in the morning, but he looks like he hasn't slept since he heard the news, and it'd do no one any good for him to pass out from exhaustion. James thought he had when he just collapsed. When I told him what I'd done, he just smiled and said he'd leave me to face the music alone in the morning. And I know I'll have to, but it'll be worth it. We still need to get the whole story out of him, I'm sure there's more than was published.
October 28th, 1981
Sirius was more coherent this morning, after he stopped shouting at me for drugging him. Which of course wasn't until after he got Harry angry at me for upsetting his Pafoo. We got the whole story, and the reasoning behind his rants from him, but I almost wish we hadn't. No wonder Padfoot can't sleep, after seeing Jen like that. And Jay too.
But worst of all is that the Death Eaters should never have known they were there. With the research she and Jay were working on, only a select few knew where they were. According to Sirius, Dumbledore is now more certain than ever that one of the Marauders has turned. I still can't believe it, but with this latest news, Sirius is starting to think he might be right. I think he's just looking for someone to blame. He and James got into a shouting match today, with James insisting that he and Sirius would both turn before Remus would even consider it, and Sirius claiming that Wormtail would never have been able to hide it from them if he'd betrayed them, so it must be Remus.
Personally, I think they're both right. Remus is the gentlest person I've ever met. He abhors violence of all kinds, and could never enjoy hurting someone. And all you ever had to do was look Peter in the eye to see if he was telling the truth. He was always the one the ask to find out what the Marauders were planning next, because he couldn't keep a straight face. Not that he'd tell you what they were planning, but if you asked the right questions you could piece together the truth from his reactions. But he'd never have been able to hide something as big as this, not from those who know him best. Which still leaves the question of what we're missing. Because he's finding our plans out SOMEhow, and if it's not a spy, then how is he doing it?
However he's doing it, I think Sirius's new idea is a good one, but I hate to use it. I'm sure no one will think that we'd trust Peter as our secret keeper, when everyone knows he couldn't tell a convincing lie to save his life. But that won't matter, because if everything goes right, he won't have to tell anyone anything, because he'll be hidden away where no one can find him, and not even Sirius will know where he is, only Dumbledore. He'll probably travel to wherever he's going as a rat, just to be sure no one finds him. We won't even tell Dumbledore or Moony about the switch until Wormtail is safely gone.
The problem with the plan, the reason James fought with Padfoot over it for hours today, is that it leaves Siri out there as bait. Like I said before, Peter is the one to pressure if you want the truth. Therefore if Siri goes into hiding as originally planned, then they'll look for Wormtail to find out where he is, and when they can't find him, they might start to suspect what we've done. So Siri will have to remain visible enough to be the primary target. Siri kept trying to laugh off James's concern, insisting he could stay ahead of any number of death eaters. But then James would point out that if Sirius was so sure of that, he wouldn't be worried in the first place. It finally ended with Padfoot yelling that he knew that they'd catch him some day anyway, and that if he had to die, he'd rather do so knowing that his death wasn't for nothing and that we still had a chance. James persisted that he wasn't willing to trade his life for Padfoot's, and Sirius just said that he had so much more to live for. James countered by asking why Padfoot was so willing to die for him, when he wasn't willing to live for him. At that point, Padfoot just said he was late for work and would be back tomorrow with Peter and slammed the door behind him.
So of course, James spent the next hour muttering about how Padfoot never listened, and Harry spent the next hour crying because his daddy and his Pafoo were upset. Needless to say, by the time James calmed down enough to admit it will be nice to see Peter, I had a splitting headache, and ended up joining Harry in his afternoon nap. Somehow, we didn't get much work done today.
I worry about Peter, I think this war's been hardest on him. His whole family's gone now, and the rest of the marauders were to busy to help him pick up the pieces after his mum died. James and I have been hit just as hard, but we have each other and Harry to cheer us up, and Sirius has his job, but Peter's alone now, and it's changed him. You can see it in his eyes. Remus has come out of this the best thus far, but that' s probably only because Voldemort hasn't figured out yet that he'll never sell out his friends. I don't even want to think about what will happen when he does.
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Auhor's Notes: For those of you who are confused, Jenelee (Jen) Prewett is Sirius's current girlfriend, and Jaidin (Jay) is her older brother. Since this is a diary, Lily wouldn't be explaining these things, though they will be introduced in earlier entries. They will not, however take over from the cannon characters. And yes, this story will introduce a number of original characters in bit parts, and a few in more pivotal roles, simply because a young girls life cannot revolve completely around her sister, her teachers and five boys, who are the only characters we've met from Lily's time at Hogwarts.
