She looked at the darkened ceiling through squinted eyelids. She couldn't sleep, again. Looking over at the wall clock that Dr. McCoy kept in the room she could see that 1 am was fast approaching.

Leaning over the railing of the bed she rummaged though her book bag that Kitty brought her earlier in the day. She was fine, all of her injuries had nearly healed, but the ever careful Beast had insisted that she remained for at least a little while longer. Not that she minded staying out of school.

She finally grasp the object of her hunt, and pulled the green notebook out and into the bed with her. Going back for a pen, she opened the leaves of paper and flipped through the words and doodles to a clean page.
…God I haven't written in this thing for a while. To be honest I haven't wanted to. So you may be asking "Why is she writing now?" Well, because I'm still in this hospital bed and I'm about to go crazy. I swear if Kurt pops back in with some unbearable concoction that he and Kitty brought to life in the kitchen I'm going to scream. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

So much has happened in the past month I don't know where to start. Well, I guess I'll pick up after the last time I wrote in here.

First of all, I've decided that I'm never going to turn this over to the professor. I know I thought I would, but I'm not, okay Chuck? I think that I have just written so much in here that I wouldn't be comfortable having anyone read it.

Well, 'Mother' (I'll enplane later) was able to escape out of Area 51. And when she did she lured Scott to Mexico where she tried to kill him. Fortunately for Scott, Jean was able to find him and get there in time with Storm and Logan. Now they're a couple.

They are a couple.

Not that I care or anything… Well I do care; I liked Scott when I first came here. Heck, I guess he is the reason I gave the X-Men a chance. He is kinda a prick at times when he is in charge, but it's because he is worried about us. It's just, I always knew that we wouldn't ever have a chance together, but now I know I'll never have a chance with him. What's worse is that I can see them sometimes, I don't mean at the mansion, but I get these images of their feelings for each other. Another wonderful side effect of my 'gift".

Well, to add to that, Evan left the institute. Storm has been so upset, I see her a lot of times just looking at his skateboard or some of the things that he left behind. I remember one of the last times I saw him was when we were putting the finishing touches on the Mansion. He came sliding down the stares on a rug, nothing unusual for Evan, wiped out, and ended up spraying down the entire room with spikes. Two of which I had to catch to keep from hitting me. I think I told him I was going to kill him. I can't really remember, I was mad and had been trying to hang that picture straight for the past twenty minutes. Kind of sucks that that was the last thing I told him before he left.

In probably the worst news of the past couple of months, Kitty got her learners permit. I have never seen Logan so pale.

So, you may be wondering why I said I was laying in hospital bed. Well, Risty, rather Mystique, drug me out to a concert. I don't know what triggered it, but something about the concert and accidentally absorbing all those people in the mosh pit allowed them to take over. I've read that people can have seizures at concerts from all the lights and stuff.

I had been feeling it for a while. The people I have absorbed had starting bothering me less, but when they did it was so much stronger than before.

It's still all a blur, but in the split second when I collapsed it was like I was in the back of a mob of people all pressing forward. I fought against them actually thinking I was back at the concert, but then I noticed that I new all these people, these were people and mutants I had absorbed in the past. All of them were clawing against one another as they tried to rip back the ones of them who had been able to take control. It was horrible, I could see what it was like for them, watching through my eyes, feeling what I felt, and having no control of the body they were in. I saw Sabertooth, Magnito and Juggernaut at the head of the mob, fighting everyone off. It makes since, they are the most powerful (strong willed that it) people that I have ever come across. Apparently they were just testing their limits before, but now they attacked all at once, and Sabertooth was the first to grab hold.

I have patched memories for the most part. I remember being Magnito, Arcade, Pietro. Next thing I know, I'm back to myself, sitting in an ally with Mystique talking to me. I remember attacking her, I was so pissed that there was no Risty. She was my friend; I actually had a human friend. Somebody that stood by the poison skin, somebody that I could talk to, and then I hear the one thing that stopped me cold. Mystique tells me that I am her adopted child. I couldn't think, I was confused, and the mutants in my head were using that to try and take control again. Somehow I found Kurt's power and ported away. Then the worst thing happened, I attacked Logan.

I remember porting up to the roof of a building, I finally felt like I had gotten back in control. I remember hearing Logan's motorcycle; I never thought I would be so glad to hear that sound in my life. Just as I was getting ready to yell his name, it felt like a hand grabbed my arm, a large, hairy, clawed hand. Sabertooth took over once again.

You remember how I felt seeing the Professor right after I had absorbed his brother, that I hade the urge to choke him while he was unconscious? Magnify that by about a hundred times and you might be close to Sabertooth and Wolverine's relationship. I wanted more than to kill him, I wanted to destroy him. I was going to enjoy watching him die. I wanted to cut him open, I wanted to see his blood, bathe in it, smell it, taste it.

Scott and the rest of the X-Men came to Logan's aid, and I thank my lucky stars that he was able to smell me and know that I wasn't Sabertooth. I remember turning into Scott, Storm, Lance, Magnito, Jean, and somewhere along the way, although I didn't realize it, they weren't taking control; I was using them. At some point I was no longer being controlled by the people I had absorbed, I was using them. I was using them to try and kill Kurt, Kitty, Scott, all the people that had ever tried to help me.

Logan told me that I was being pushed around by all the people in my head when I had him suspended in the air with Magneto's powers. I could have killed him, no; I was going to kill him. With the twitch of an eye I could have ripped all of his Atamantium plated bones out of his body in separate directions. Everyone thinks that me realizing I was under someone else's control is what brought me around. They're wrong. It was the thought of me almost killing Logan that snapped me out of my power trip.

I haven't really talked to Logan after that happened. I feel guilty about it. When I woke up for the first time I could tell he was sitting next to the infirmary bed. I didn't even have to open my eyes, I guess I still had a little of his animal instincts in me. He was talking to me about how much it hurt to be betrayed. He was opening up to me, and all I did was lay there and pretend I was asleep. Some gratitude for you.

Anyway, by time I woke up and actually stayed awake Logan was gone. Kurt told me that he and Storm were off looking for "our dear mother". If you ask me I think he is taking this brother thing a little too far. Besides, she told me I was adopted when I was four. Still, it's nice to feel like I have family.

But there is more. Yes, after her somewhat crush was kidnapped by her stepmother, after one of her 'somewhat' friends ran away with her last words to him being a death threat, after her only friend turned out to be her terrorist mother, after she was overrun with the psychopath people that are in her head, and after she tried to kill the only person that tries or seems to understand her there is more.

Well, apparently Gambit broke into Angel's house and stole some sort of spider statue. Who is Gambit? Staff boy and Swamp Rat ring a bell anyone? Anyway, so Angel, Scott, Jean, Beast, Bobby and the Professor take off to London to track down the other half of the Spider thing. I'm sorry; I have only gotten bits and peaces of info from Kitty and Bobby. And all Bobby can seem to talk about is how cool it was to be fighting as an X-Man.

Anyway, and the quoting is secondhand information from Kitty, "the Two Spider things combined and created this, like, giant walking energy spider." Magnito thought it was another key to releasing Apocalypse, but the professor was able to find out that it wasn't, that it was actually a guardian made to keep Apocalypse from being awoken. Anyway, Mags had his crew try to kill it.

Actually, from what I heard, Gambit was the only one able to stop it long enough for Magnito to attack it. Bobby told me that he ran it over and did his little charge thing on one of those London busses. I knew he could charge little things like cards, but a bus?

Sorry, I got off track. So, Magnito killed the spider, and the professor told him that he did just what that Mesmero guy wanted. The funny thing is, I think that the Professor and Magnito might work together to stop this Apocalypse guy.

How do I know? Well, I couldn't sleep one night, and I was pecking away at some of the lime Jell-O that Dr. McCoy brought me for supper when I heard the elevator come down. I looked into the lighted hallway from my bed and saw the Professor wheeling down towards Cerebro. I thought it was funny that his hands were in his lap, and that his metal wheelchair was moving without him using the joystick. Until I saw Magnito, in what looked like some pretty expensive regular clothes (I know, it's hard to picture him without the cape and red brain bucket.) walking along side him with his hands in his pockets. I have to say that freaked me out, especially when he looked into the darkened room and directly into my eyes.

I have to say, that without the red armor of his usual getup, I can really see the resemblance to Pietro, especially those pale blue eyes. I wonder what his mother looked like, must have looked like Wanda. If Pietro looked so much like his father, Wanda must look like their mother.

I'm going to have to wrap this thing up for now. Writing has actually helped me to relax and I actually yawned a minute ago.

One last thing. Magnito killed the Spider at about 3 in the morning according to Bobby, at the same time here (10 pm) I felt a burning in my chest, a feeling like something was either being ripped from me or was trying to hold on. And the Mystique in my head felt it too…
Rubbing her eyelids she sat the green notebook onto the nightstand with the call button to Hank's room. She flicked off the reading lamp that softly illuminated the room. Sleep overtaking the young woman before she could even register that a pair of eyes were watching her from the darkness of the hall.
Sorry for the long hiatus.

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Rollo: Thanks for sticking with me from the start. I hope you have the patience to stick with me some more.

TeedilyDumplin: Thanks for the correction; eixid can't spell none too good.

Erica: Thank you, it's up to us old timers to educate these young whipper' snappers to what Gambit should really sound and look like.

School Kids: Thanks, actually I have no preference to whether Kitty should end up with Lance or Kurt, but from a Rogue point of view (and from the evidence the series is giving me) I'm leaning towards Kurt.

Furry Elf: Sorry I didn't mention what they did 'to work off all that extra energy', just think of an angry Logan supervised Danger Room session. Now that I'm back on ff.net, I promise to get off my butt and catch up on "Strange Eyes".

Wolviesfan: Well, here is you Self Possessed chapter, however how late it may be. Thanks for mentioning the Logan/Rogue relationship. Truth is, I can't decide whether to make it an Older Brother/Younger Sister, or Father/Daughter thing so I just keep switching between the two.
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