Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you recognize. It all belongs to J K Rowling, and I'm just borrowing it because I can't get it out of my head.

Here are entries out of Lily Potter's diary. This fic is mainly written in support of other stories which are slowly working their way out of my head and onto the screen, so it may skip around a lot in her life. The first entries I'll be posting are the last few days before her death, then I'll go back to when she first started keeping a diary.

Any unconscionable delays in posting will be noted on my profile, as I hate adding a chapter with nothing but an author's note in it, and getting peoples hopes up prematurely.

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The personal and PRIVATE diary of Lily Evans

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October 29th, 1981

Sirius came by this morning as promised, but he didn't bring Peter with him. Apparently he wasn't there when Padfoot stopped by this morning. James had calmed down by then, but I know he still doesn't like the idea much. Siri convinced him to try it, so long as Peter agreed, and Siri left soon after agreeing to bring Peter with him tomorrow night. I wish he could have stayed longer, since there are still too many decisions up in the air, but he's been spending too much time here as it is. There's no point in being hidden from everyone but Sirius if they just follow Sirius to us and blow up the house.

As much as James agreed to the plan, I know he still doesn't like it. But Sirius is right, that it's his life to risk if he wants to. But I hate this, and I'm terrified of what James will do if Sirius dies. Those two are closer than brothers, and I'm not sure that he'd ever be able to deal with the guilt of letting his best friend die for him, and not even trying to save him. Because if Sirius gets caught, James will be faced with the choice of trying to save him, and making his sacrifice meaningless, or sitting here safely protected while his best friend, his brother is tortured. It's just not the way James works. He's used to being the one protecting others. I wonder sometimes how James was ever talked into using this charm in the first place. Or how I was, for that matter. Neither of us are much for hiding in the shadows.

But the answer to that question is easy. All I have to do is look at Harry and know that both James and I would give anything we had to protect him, and count it a fair trade.

On another note, we got a little more work done today. James still isn't having too much luck with the potion, but I'm starting too understand the dimensions of the charm, and how it would need to be stabilized and positioned. The magnitude of it is staggering, but perhaps not impossible. I was discussing the connections between the power flow from the castor and the innate power of the recipient with James when this light went on behind his eyes, and he started muttering at that parchment about the properties of salamander skin, and how the dragon's blood would react if it were first transfigured into unicorn blood. I lost track of what he was saying after that, except the parts where he was cursing at Siri and Remy for not being there and making him look up his own answer's, but he's still at it. I figure he'll either keep at it until he gets all of what he's thinking about down on paper, or until Siri arrives tomorrow night. Unfortunately, I'm betting on the latter, because I don't think he can quite grasp what he is thinking about.
Somehow, when I accepted that proposal two years ago, I didn't anticipate being married to a mad scientist.
I'm going to sleep. After all, someone will have to be awake tomorrow to take care of Harry.

October 30th, 1981

Well, that's done. In the end, James didn't even bother arguing, he just asked Pete if he was sure he was okay with this, and then told me redo the charm. The expression on Padfoot's face was priceless, especially when I reset the fidelius and we just faded out of existence in front of him. Then James demanded that Pete tell Siri where we were, and before Siri'd even had the chance to register our reappearance, James was already dragging him into the potion's lab and interrogating him about which properties would be reactive when using transfigured dragon's blood. Which really begs the question of how on earth you're supposed to create potions with transfigured ingredients, but then I remembered who I was thinking about, and decided I was better off not knowing. Even though I could swear I remember hearing that that sort of research was declared illegal because it was too dangerous and unpredictable. On second thought, that's probably why they got into it in the first place.
Poor Peter though. He was just left standing there, completely confused. And a bit annoyed I think, not that I'd blame him if he was. James does have a habit of ignoring everyone and everything else when he's this deep into one of his plots. I tried explaining to Peter that he'd had one of his ideas last night, and had been waiting for Siri to show up to answer some of his questions ever since. I'm not sure though, how much Peter accepted that explanation. Actually, I'm not even sure how much sense it made because I'm well beyond exhausted at this point.
James never did come to bed last night, and Harry woke me up before the sun came up this morning wanting breakfast. Not that that would exhaust me so much, the problem is that I made the mistake of bringing some food into James so he could eat with Harry and I. Because I found James sound asleep on his desk, in danger of falling face first into a cauldron if he so much as twitched. So I had to put Harry down so I could reach over and haul James upright. And while I was busy convincing James to eat something before getting back to work, Harry decided, why I can't imagine, that the shredded wormwood sitting next to him looked much tastier than his own food, and I just barely noticed what he was doing before he ate them.
James of course, found this highly amusing, even though our son almost ate something poisonous. I think I started ranting at him at that point, but honestly, whether or not wormwood looks edible, the thought of our son eating it is NOT FUNNY! Though I do admit I got a bit carried away. I didn't even notice when Harry decided to sample the extract of ?? Which is when James kicked me and Harry out of the room, reminding me that that's exactly why Harry's not allow in the lab, as if it were all *my* fault!
Of course, it couldn't end there. Not when Harry is just as single- minded and curious as his father is. Not to mention just as good at getting places he not supposed to be, even if he can barely walk. It was after the eight time I turned around and found Harry on his way over to the potions lab, and the third time he actually made it into the room that James insisted I just leave him there. I wasn't about to agree to that when he was so completely distracted by whatever it is he was doing, but he wouldn't even listen to my arguments, just pushed me out of the room, the big oaf.
It wasn't even five minutes later that I heard Harry screaming at the top of his lungs, and knew he'd gotten into something. I went running back into the lab only to find that blood man LAUGHING at my son again! And then he had the nerve to tell me to calm down! Ugh! Though I do have to admit, it worked. Once he got the taste of the horseradish out of his mouth, Harry showed absolutely no inclination to go back to the potions lab. Oh well, I suppose it takes a marauder to control one. And Harry is definitely James' son. I'm never quite sure whether to be glad or terrified by that fact.