Doom Witch

Author's Note : Hi my people! Did you download Travis like I told you to? Bet you didn't . . . please do, they really are very good. Moo. Don't know what I'll put at the end of this chapter, I'll decide when I get there. If any of you would like to recommend songs for me to put at the bottom or give me some of your own lyrics to do likewise don't be shy! Bliddy hell I sound like a desperate man fish. Don't if you don't want to, okay guys? I LOVE YOU! A bit of a shorter chapter here. Chapter Twenty (twenty-one if you count the prologue as a chapter!) is up now folks. Nope . . . NOW! WOO! Champagne!

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- Chapter Twenty - Neither Gateaux Nor Casserole -

It was a Saturday, Jed had gone to the Hi-Skool for two days and was already bored of the education system the humans used. She was glad to have a day off, even if it did mean that she was stuck in the base for the whole day desperately trying to avoid Zim. After what had happened the previous night, she couldn't afford to have any close contact with him. But she had promised the Tallest she would contact them as soon as she had a spare moment, and she had to keep her promise.

She went downstairs to the Communication Deck and to her dismay saw Zim resting in the chair at the foot of the main viewing screen. Not knowing how to divert transmissions while the Computer was set on Zim's commands only, she decided she was going to have to transmit her message from that viewing screen.

She approached Zim, his red eyes closed and his breathing rhythmical. She didn't know how Zim had managed to obtain this 'sleeping' mechanism he had told her the humans had, but he seemed to have managed it somehow and was deep in this 'sleep'. The Tallest underestimated Zim's intelligence, Jed thought, but she still had to keep her promise to both her leaders and her Gemini sister.

"I WISH I was a TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE!" GIR, a few yards away sang loudly, and Jed noticed Zim stirring. If he woke up, then she doubted very much she would be able to make a transmission without his supervision, so she waved her gloved hand that Zim had healed so gently at MAX, signaling for him to take GIR upstairs and keep him quiet. The robot did so, she was glad that her SIR Unit, though slightly goofy, was only occasionally violent.

Zim mumbled something in his sleep, and Jed looked at him, her eyes softening at his restfulness. Normally he was so intense, so manic, but just now he was almost peaceful. She shook her head. Jesus, she thought, what would Tak say? Jed was full aware of her sister's utter loathing for Zim. She hadn't seen her since the incident on Earth three years ago, but she knew she was living somewhere in hiding on Planet Moriara, which was a well known retirement centre for Invaders and other elite military soldiers to the Irken Army. Once she had killed Zim and taken over Earth, Jed's plan was to go out and find her sister.

Leaning over Zim carefully, she programmed the co-ordinates for where she wanted the transmission to go on the long range scanner, which found the Irken Armada in a matter of seconds. Jed plugged headphone-like peripherals into the appropriate socket in the control panel so only she could hear what was being said. She heard a vague crashing sound from upstairs in the house, but left MAX to deal with it. She placed the earphones over her invisible ears as the screen switched on to the Almighty Tallests' control deck.

It was a good thing she had her earphones too, because the Purple Tallest's girlish scream when he saw Zim would have woken up Jed's assassinee for sure. The Red Tallest was slightly more distinguished, but couldn't pretend not to be surprised when he saw Jed standing next to Zim, who had his feet up on the control panel and his head down on his chest.

"Invader Jed reporting in, Sirs," Jed whispered as quietly as possible.

"Huh?" Purple misunderstood, but Red had probably got it because he repeated it in his colleagues' ear, "Oh, okay. Um . . . hi?"

He gave a little wave to Jed, and then Red took over, "So, um, why isn't Zim dead yet? He told us that you held him and a human hostage, then his stupid robot ate your Drill A House, and you had a crushed up Voot Cruiser so you reached a compromise. Is that true?" he asked.

Jed shrugged and nodded, "Yeah, that's pretty much it." Red raised an eyebrow. Even Purple looked very serious, so she quickly added, "But of course, I am still intending to kill him. Soon. Very soon. Almost immediately, in fact." She looked at Zim, breathing the same air that she was, that the humans everywhere were. She knew right then, when she looked at him that if she didn't assassinate him very soon, almost immediately, in fact, that she would never be able to, and thus the mission would fail.

Not being able to help but make a little whining noise in frustration, she looked back to the Tallest, who were both slurping squishees happily. The Red one looked her right in the eye. "You kill Invader Zim," he told her, "And then complete your sister's plan. You do so, and you will both be given credit, and your sister will no longer have to live in shame. She will be an Invader, and you will be decorated as one of the finest Invaders. Is this understood?"

Jed swallowed, then nodded slowly, her heart torn in two. She knew which path she should follow, but with her ever growing closer to the Irken disgrace next to her, she knew which path she may prefer.

"Y-yes, My Tallest," she stammered, and Purple nodded, Red following suit, for once.

"Good." The crimson eyed leader said, then smirked at the Invader next to Jed spitefully, and the screen turned black.

Jed let out a sigh, replaced the earphones and stroked Zim's antenna thoughtfully, and he stirred ever so slightly. She pulled the small flip dagger she carried in her boot and clicked it open. She laid it against his throat regretfully. The cold Irken steel made the skin around it come up in goose bumps and she closed her eyes, and opened them again, fighting back something she never wanted to feel. She knew what path she had to follow.

"I'm sorry, Zim, it's a shame you'll never know how much . . . " she whispered so quietly, then a crash came from behind her. Jed turned her head, the dagger tight against Zim's flesh that a small trickle of jet black blood dribbled from a cut. GIR and MAX emerged from the elevator, both giggling hysterically. Jed turned back to finish the job, but Zim had his eyes open now, the red sparkling cunningness regarding the situation.

Jed gasped, and Zim grabbed her wrist, forcing her hand upwards. She struggled against his grip but he was too strong for her, and he hopped out of the chair, letting go of her arm. MAX zoomed round to Jed's side, the giggling stopped. GIR walked randomly over to Zim and plopped himself down on the ground happily.

"So much for the compromise, Jed." Zim snarled nastily, "You are welcome no longer in the base of Zim! Get out with your SIR Unit now, or die, Jed. You choose."

"Zim, I-" Jed started, but she couldn't leave. There would not be a chance like this for a long time, "Zim, leave the planet and never come back, go live on a civilian planet . . . I don't want to kill you, but I-I will if you leave me no choice. I'm sorry . . . "

Zim nodded and walked right up to her, pressing their bodies together. Jed felt his squeedly-spooch thudding. He looked her straight in the eyes, then stepped back a couple of paces.

"I'm sorry, too," he said quietly, and then it began.

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Gaz sat on the couch in the so-called "family" room, that had only she and her GameSlave were sharing at that moment. She was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Her dad was crap, her brother was annoying and all she could think about Zim living with that Jed girl, which pissed her off greatly. She was at the time of her life, thirteen and nine months, when she was either depressed or happy, and since it was Gaz, it was pretty much always depressed unless she saw pain or the bats eating the cow. She hated thinking of Zim, how long did it take normal people to get over a guy? She had pretended she hated him, forced herself to believe she hated him, and then she had been threatened by some punk Irken that stalked in thinking she owned the place and Zim. But her annoying brother Dib had told her that Jed wanted to kill Zim, so why was he sticking up for her?

Nothing in this stupid world made any sense any more, and Gaz wanted out of it. She wondered what would be the best way. She could gorge at food until her stomach exploded, she could overdose on . . . um . . . cough sweets . . . she could jump off a building, slit her wrists, stick a fork inside Nelly and electrocute herself to mad extremes . . . there were so many possibilities.

And then her father came in.

He carried a hand puppet he nicknamed "Murphy" but it was the spitting image of him, except that the real Professor Membrane didn't have a hand up his ass. He sat down next to his daughter and patted her on the head lightly, before becoming overwhelmed by physical contact and put it back inside the puppet.

Murphy waved at Gaz, and she groaned. Professor Membrane used his own voice now. "I think it's time we had a talk, um, Gertrude," he announced, before adding, "It's not Gertrude is it?"

Gaz shook her head, "Gaz."

"Rigght." Her father chuckled, then used the funny voice Murphy owned, "Now why don't you tell Murphy all about your horrible pointless life?"

"Because it's horrible and pointless, I don't know," Gaz shrugged, "Cos no one cares, I guess."

"Don't be silly!" Murphy squeaked, "There are lots and lots of insane-er- normal people who like you, Geraldine!"

"Yeah?" Gaz scoffed, "Like who?"

"Well . . . how about that little foreign green man? I was preparing your dowry when you first brought him! Very interested in my Toaster Distributor, he was." Murphy suggested, looking back on the day that occurred over three years ago with nice things. Gaz shook her head.

"No," she said, "Not any more."

"Why not?"

"Because he likes someone else now."

Professor Membrane stood up and made Murphy put his hands on his hips professionally. "Well now! Then, small Geoffrey man, you must fight for the one you feel . . . um . . . what was it again . . . ah yes, compassion for! And then, when he is at your mercy, I will prepare your dear mother's wedding dress . . . oh yes."

"Dad, I'm thirteen and I -" Gaz tried, about to say that her name wasn't Geoffrey, and she wasn't a man, and she doubted very much anyone would be at her mercy unless she beat them up, and she didn't want to beat Zim up, unfortunately.

"Nonsense! You're at least sixty-four!" Professor Membrane said, plopping Murphy down on the couch and walking back into the lab, where he would be for another five hours at least.

Gaz sighed, but thought about what stupid, useless information her dad had given her, but he was right saying she should fight for Zim. Why should that stuck up little alien who thought the only way to win a fight was to hold someone at gunpoint get Zim and she shouldn't? It was then that Gaz decided to put suicide out of the picture, at least until she had gotten revenge on Jed. Because it wasn't just about Zim now, it was about wrath, and Gaz was an expert when it came to wrath. (Remember Iggins?!)

She strolled into the kitchen in a happy mood for Gaz, which was still miserable for everyone else. Dib was there sitting at the table, ready for lunch, with a pie sitting in front of him. Gaz peered over his shoulder.

"What kind of pie is that?" she snorted, "It smells weird."

"Yeah, I know." Dib agreed. "I think they gave me the wrong one. I asked for a chocolate gateaux." Gaz snorted again, and Dib looked up at her irritably, then pointed at the pie, "That's no chocolate gateaux!" he said accusingly, giving the pie a nasty glare.

Gaz rolled her eyes and nodded, "Wow, Mr Rocket Scientist, you got it in a oner." She clapped sarcastically, and Dib narrowed his crazy eyes at her.

"I'm a paranormal investigator," he snapped, "and I've just made a very good discovery."

"What, that that's in actual fact a pie and not a chocolate gateaux?" Gaz mocked. Dib snorted now, and laughed.

"Don't be stupid, anyone can see that's not a chocolate gateaux! I've also discovered that it's not a casserole, either." Dib said proudly. Gaz sat down in the chair opposite him, rolling her eyes again.

"Yeah, sure, whatever, Dib." She agreed, "Amazing. Congratulations. Are you gonna eat it?"

"Of course!" Dib exclaimed, "I have to make sure that it's neither a chocolate gateaux or a casserole, or even . . . " he looked at the pie, which looked like a pie so much that it hurt, " . . . an alien in disguise."

Gaz sighed. "He's flipped," she grumbled, "All because of that stupid Zita prep flirting with you the other day. Get a life, Dib. You're even more annoying than you usually are, which is very annoying.

Dib shrugged and cut a piece of the pie, pronging it on his fork and blowing. He looked up at Gaz, "Gaz, if I die, scatter my ashes at the nearest observatory. Now here I go, taking a daring expedition into the unknown hot dish!"

He put the forkful in his mouth, and since the pie that was definitely a pie had been cut, the scent wafted through the chunk, and Gaz could pick out several smells. She saw her brother's face become distorted with pain and distaste, and it was no wonder.

"Tell me, Dib, it doesn't taste like onion, buttery gravy, several different types of sea salts and have an interesting sliding sensation as it goes down your throat but has a crunch when you crush it with your teeth, does it?" Gaz asked. Dib glanced up at her, his hands over his mouth so he didn't puke, but nodded slowly. "I thought so," Gaz nodded, "it's snail pie. You see, at that baker's you probably went to, the secret code word for "snail pie" is chocolate gateaux."

Dib downed a whole glass of water, spluttering, "So what if I wanted an actual chocolate gateaux?" Gaz made a "duh!" face and rolled her eyes again. She was getting dizzy now.

"Well, you ask for a beef casserole, obviously, dumbass!" she sneered, and Dib looked confused for a moment, then his face turned green and he ran for the bathroom, his hand over his mouth. A few seconds later, Gaz heard a barfing sound, and chuckled to herself evilly.

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Purple was lounging around eating Shoe Tacos and burritos and all sorts of exciting tasty snacks, but Red was tense, and only had a blueberry squishee. He ordered a slave from a conquered planet to massage his shoulders, but he was so high up the poor slave had to use a step ladder, and that was when Red was sitting down, too.

"I'm just . . . " Red began, then waved the masseuse away before talking about assassination, "Tense about the whole, y'know . . . Zim issue. What if . . . what if Jed doesn't kill him?"

"She will," Purple assured him, "If she wants her sister to be able to come out of hiding. But if you're right, and she doesn't, then we might need a back up plan. Something that will be very, very nasty."

"And if it's not Jed who's nasty, who better than . . . " Red caught on. He looked his partner in the eye, and grinned nastily.

" . . . Tak." they said together.

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Shots fired from MAX, Zim, Jed and even GIR were scattered in all directions, none of them hitting each other but banging off walls and equipment. Everyone was angry, everyone was wanting each other dead (well MAX and Jed were trying to shoot Zim and GIR and vice versa). Once, after about an hour of fighting, GIR stood in the middle of the room and held his arms out.

"NOOOO!" he screamed, "Stop da fightin! Let's allll be friends with the tacos! I like food." And then MAX blew his arm off, and GIR looked at his arm, saying, "WOW! I got one! Zimmy! I only got one now! WOOOOO!" He ran up to Zim happily and hugged his leg with one arm.

"We'll fix it later, GIR!" Zim snapped, "Right now I have to inflict doom upon these traitors! Kill me in my sleep she would! Treacherous maiden of the . . . um . . . "

"DUDE!" GIR squealed, "Where's my car?"

Zim put his gun down by his side, distracted, "You don't have a c- arrrrgh!"

Jed had taken the opportunity while he was standing still to aim and fire, hitting him in the shoulder. He dropped his gun and made to pick it up, and MAX ran round and aimed all his guns coming out of his head at Zim, who stood dignified in the centre of the room. Jed looked at his shoulder and they looked at each other for a few seconds.

"Put the guns down, MAX," she told him, dropping her own. She looked at Zim, "We'll finish this between him and me."

Zim nodded, "Yes, let's finish this like men! MEN OF DOOM!" he looked at Jed, looking a bit disagreeable, "I mean, IRKENS!" She nodded, and lunged at him. He tried to swipe at her with his left arm, but that shoulder was damaged so he cried out in pain, but soon used his right to keep her off him. They rolled backwards and forwards on the floor and MAX walked over to GIR, who was sat on the ground already eating popcorn.

The SIR Unit took a handful and stuffed it down his system. It was amazing he didn't malfunction, as it was very buttery popcorn . . . I mean because robots aren't designed to eat. It's different for GIR, because he wasn't really designed at all. (awwww)

"They might be at that for some time," MAX noted, and GIR nodded in agreement.

"Yeeaaah," he enthused, hugging himself, "They so cute!"

Jed nearly had him, she could feel it, but then he caught her eye and she felt herself weaken. By the time she caught herself, a split second later, it was too late and Zim had her pinned under him, flinching with his shoulder but keeping her down steadily. He had a look of anger in his eyes but she didn't blame him, really.

"I'm sorry," they said at the same time, and then almost smiled at each other. They were apologising for different reasons. Jed was sorry she had betrayed his trust, or non-trust, or whatever they had, and Zim was sorry because now he was going to have to kill her, wasn't he? There wasn't any other way to do things.

"I'm sorry things worked out this way," she murmured.

"I'm sorry too," Zim agreed, the hand around her throat loosening its grip.

"I-I'm sorry because I betrayed you."

"I'm sorry I have to do this."

Jed nodded and closed her eyes, waiting for his hands to tighten around her neck while she suffocated and died, never knowing where her sister was, never seeing her again, never being decorated as an Invader, never seeing the end of Operation Impending Doom 2, never doing a lot of things she wanted to do in her life. She had lived over a hundred years, fifteen in Irken years and would never be proven stronger than Tak, whom she had rivaled and loved all her life.

When Zim said "I'm sorry I have to do this", she thought he meant kill her, but instead he moved closer despite the burning pain in his shoulder hurting him, and he moved his mouth towards hers, and they kissed, both of them moving into a world that they couldn't afford to be in, but both wanted to.

He took his hands from round her neck and pulled her up so they were sitting, her arms around his neck and his around her waist, and they were just kissing and kissing until the Computer began to sob with emotion and put them off.

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A/N : WOOOOOOOO! At last man! Or did you not want that to happen? *shrieks at the fact that she pleases not her people of absolute reigning doom!* HELP! MOOOOO! Please like it! PLEASE! I'll cry, or is that what you want? Do you want me to cry? I BET YOU DO! *gets paranoid and rocks back and forward* la la la la la . . .

Okay. Next chapter (or do you not want to know? AAARGH!): The two robots get high (I've not had a chapter with much GIR in it for a while so this is a treat for GIR fans) and Zim and Jed try to avoid each other but that doesn't really work. And then . . . ooooo . . . Jed gets a message from an unexpected person . . .

WHO COULD IT BE? Bet you've guessed, it's a bit obvious. Or do you want it to be obvioius???? *looks at everyone suspiciously . . . * Anyway . . . going to work on next chapter! BYE BYE!

"I feel I'm going down, ten feet below the ground. I'm waiting for your healing hands one touch can bring me round, I feel I'm going down ten feet below the ground, that's just the way I'm feeling." - Just The Way I'm Feeling, Feeder.