Well, here you have it! The oneshot wonder is finally writing
something with more then one chapter! In this story I hope to delve a
little deeper into the mind of Rei and take a closer look at her
motivations and justifications.
This starts a few weeks after episode six and will run the length of the
series.
(Yes, it's S/R, just like everything else I write. But not your usual WAFFy sugerfest, kinda sad, and pretty dark at times.)
If you like, review.
If you don't like... review anyway! Tell me how much I suck! Make me pay for all I've done!!!
Thanx to BrinDani for pre-reading! A great help, as always.
Thanx for reviews on my other stories, constructive criticism is teh r0xor!
(Disclaimer; I don't own Evangelion or any of the related characters. I do however own Hideki Anno. I keep him locked in my basement. He makes funny sobbing sounds!)
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What is life?
What is love?
What is pain?
Are these all the same thing?
Different interpretations of the same experience?
Can one exist without the others?
So many questions.
So few answers.
Then again, what is life,
but the constant search for answers?
Some questions are best left unasked.
And unanswered.
~Ayanami Rei~
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Shinji Ikari was bored. Not that being bored was such an unusual occurrence, what with Sensei's obsession with second impact lectures and all. The ageing teacher was droning on and on about the drastic effects that second impact had on the world economy.
"Because a majority of the worlds food supply came from fertile lowlands, the resulting floods covered over 80% of the usable farmland. This forced most governments to either explore alternative food sources or face widespread famine."
Shinji tuned out the rest of the tedious monologue and lapsed into juvenile daydreams. His mind invariably drifted back to the events of three weeks ago.
*flashback*
"Ayanami, just why do you pilot this thing?"
"Because I'm bonded to it."
"You're bonded?"
"Yes, it is a bond."
"You mean to my father?"
"To all people."
"You're very strong, Rei."
"I have nothing else."
"What do you mean, you have nothing else."
"It's time. Lets go. Goodbye Shinji."
*end flashback*
"Hey, Ikari, snap outa it!"
Touji's sharp cuff to the back of his head brought Shinji back to reality.
"What'd you do that for?"
"Well, we didn't think you'd wanna miss lunch." Kensuke answered.
"Ya, the best part of any day!" Touji was already tearing into his first sandwich with gusto.
'Does he even taste any of that?' Shinji wondered. 'Or does it all just go straight down.'
He slowly got up, still stiff from his prolonged sit, and left the classroom to retrieve his lunch from his locker. Touji and Kensuke followed him, together the three boys went up to their usual lunch spot on the school roof. Touji and Kensuke soon brought the conversation to its usual intellectual peak.
"I'm tellin' ya, man, Hikima wasn't wearin' no bra today!"
"Forget her, my lowbrow associate. Did you even SEE the new transfer student from NewOsaka? Tsutaka Djomayu."
"Took one look and moved on to da greener, untethered, pastures."
"What's wrong with Tsutaka?"
"Well, she's got da braces for one ting, and that acne would stop traffic!"
"I know, she's my new goddess."
"I'm sure da Pentium Six chips are jus' red with envy."
"Don't you bring them into this! I'll get one, just you wait! There'll be no network in all of Japan that will be able to stand before ME!!!"
"Ya, jus cuz all da sysadmins'll be on da floor laughing!"
"Hey, I only crashed my own system once, and that was by accident."
"Hey, Ikari, did I ever tell you about dat time Ken... Hey, Ikari? You still wid us?"
"Oh, ya..." Shinji replied, turning his attention away from the solitary figure sitting under a tree on the far side of the schoolyard.
"And what buxom young lass was distracting, Shinji?"
Kensuke and Touji rushed to the edge to see who he had been staring at.
"Hey, dere's nobody there but..."
"Ayanami!!!" The two chorused in perfect unison.
"Talk about a one track mind." Kensuke said. "He should really see what else the world has to offer."
"You got dat right, Ken, he might jus' find something with a personality!" Touji replied with a tone of mock seriousness.
"Ayanami isn't like that, guys. She has a personality. I know she does. But no matter what I do, she never lets me get close."
"Some people are just like that, in the three years that she's been here I've never seen her talk to ANYone unless she had to. Honestly, most people are OK with that. When she does say anything, its usually something really weird."
"Ya, but it's not right." Shinji said. "Nobody deserves to be alone all their life, especially not somebody like Rei."
"Oh, so she's Rei, now, is she?" Kensuke taunted.
"Man, I tink da Shin-man gots himself a nasty case of da Ayanami Flu." Touji joined in.
"Why do I even bother trying to talk to you guys?" Shinji asked, half to himself. "All you ever care about is what's on the outside. Ayanami may be pretty, but its what I've seen on the inside that makes..." *sigh* "Never mind."
His short attention span having reached its limit, Kensuke piped up. "Did I tell you guys yet? I found this guy online, he was on the other side of the valley for the fight against the fifth angel, he has it on tape from a completely different angle! That whole battle was SO COOL!"
"So?" Shinji asked. "It wasn't really that big a deal."
"What are you talking about! You killed that flying fortress! It was a BEAUTIFUL shot too! That angel never saw it coming!"
"I'm no hero." Shinji said sombrely. "I missed on the first shot. If it wasn't for Ayanami, I'd have never gotten the chance for the second shot."
Sensing that Shinji wanted the subject changed, Kensuke turned to Touji. "So, Touj. Are you taking anybody to the School dance on Friday?"
"Naw, I don' really go for da whole formal ting."
"So in other words, you don't have the guts to ask the class rep but you don't want her to see you with another girl?"
"You jus' don' know when ta keep yer trap shut, do ya, ya lil otaku?"
Shinji turned away as the argument dissolved into a vigorous, albeit one sided, wrestling match. He looked down at Rei, she was still sitting with her back to the tree, oblivious to the conversation that had just taken place. He could barely make out the book in her hands, it look suspiciously like a school textbook. His mind wandered back to what Kensuke had asked Touji a few minutes before.
'Hmmmm...' He thought, 'School dance...'
"I'll see you guys later." He said. "I've got something to do."
Kensuke looked up from the Full Nelson that Touji was gleefully applying. "And what could be more important then spending time with your dearest friends?"
"It's nothing, really." Shinji said as he turned to leave. "I'll se[?]e you guys in class." Touji finally released his victim and leaned back, arms crossed, against the low wall that ran around the parameter of the school roof. "Wonder what dat was all about?"
As one they turned to look down at Rei and then turned back to face each other.
"I bet you five bucks that..." Kensuke started.
"No bet, man. We both know where he's goin'."
"That poor little guy has no idea what he's trying to get himself into."
"True dat."
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Shinji exited the school and looked around. Rei was still sitting under 'her' tree, reading. Trying to build his courage to the point where he could talk without stammering and rambling, he made his way over to her.
"Um, hi Ayanami."
"Ikari."
"So, how are you doing."
"I am well."
'Ok,' He thought, 'the polite pleasantries are out of the way, time to bite the bullet.'
"Did you know that there's a school dance this Friday?"
She didn't respond verbally but silently gave a single nod. Rei was starting to get concerned. She disliked any form of questioning, and she was worried about where Shinji's string of questions was going.
"Well, I was wondering... You know, maybeifyouwerentdoinganythingelseyoudliketogowithme?"
'Great, just great, you idiot. Now you look like a moron!'
"Excuse me?" Rei asked, not quite understanding the meaning of his words.
"Well, would you like to, um, go. With me, I mean."
She sat in silence for a several seconds before answering.
'I cannot.' Rei thought. 'That's not my place.'
"I... Such events are of little interest to me.."
"Well, okay, if you change your mind, let me know."
She gave him another silent nod.
Shinji turned away in defeat, but he was determined not to let the entire encounter go to waste. Half turning to glance at her, steeling his resolve, he asked one last question.
"What is 'of interest' to you, Ayanami? If you don't mind my asking."
The faintest of blushes spread across her cheeks, so slight that Shinji didn't even notice. 'You.' She thought.
"I... I don't know." Her voice was barely more then a whisper.
"Oh... Well, um, I guess I'll see you at the synch tests later."
Rei nodded again and went back to her book, which, Shinji noticed for the first time, was a collage level textbook, Advanced Trigonometry and Related Functions.
"Goodbye." He said, sadly.
She ignored him, feigning interest her book.
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Touji and Kensuke were waiting for Shinji just inside the school, leaning against opposite walls of the hallway, amused grins on their faces.
"Rejected and de-NIED!!" They chorused as soon as they saw the dejected look on his face.
"I had to try something." Shinji mumbled, not lifting his gaze from the floor.
"Well, ya, man." Touji said. "But why Ayanami? Dere's lotsa girls in dis place dat would jump at da chance to hook up wid you!"
"I don't know. It's just that after the fifth angel, I feel like I owe her something. She saved my life."
"You can't keep using that as an excuse! We know the truth." Kensuke leered.
"Ya, yer jus tryin' ta get wid her, eh, Ikari you sly ol' dog!"
"Wha? No! No, it's nothing like that!"
"Shinji loves Ayanami!" Shinji's two tormentors chanted.
"Why do I even bother." Shinji mumbled as he walked away.
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Shinji slumped into his chair, half-heartedly poking at his supper.
"Wha's the matter, Shinji?" Misato asked, finishing her third beer of the evening.
"What do you know about Rei Ayanami?" He asked. looking at her kind of funny.
"Not much." Misato replied, thinking hard. "When ever I try to talk to her, it's like trying to pull nails with you teeth. It almost feels like she thinks she's doing me a favour by not talking."
"I know. it's weird, I spoke with her today, she hardly said anything."
"And what exactly w you talking about?" Misato asked with a knowing grin.
"Uhh... Nothing."
"Were you trying to insert your entry plug?" She leered. "You have to tell me, as Director of operations, it's my responsibility to know about any fraternisation between people under my control."
Shinji immediately discovered several new shades of red to turn.
"Misato!"
"It's just no fun anymore! You're too easy."
Misato laughed out load, cracked her fourth beer and downed half of it in one gulp. "You should go fer it, lil' man." She said, the affects of the alcohol taking their toll on her speech.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Shinji blurted out.
"Oh, come on. I've saw you sneaking peeks at her during the syn... the syn... the tests today. *hic*"
*sigh* 'It's no good talking to her anymore.' Shinji thought to himself.
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Deep within Terminal Dogma, Rei Ayanami floated, naked, in a cylinder of LCL. She let her mind flow away and lost herself in the sensations of the memory backup. She was vaguely aware of the other minds in contact with her own, but they were empty, hollow, like a voice without breath. They were, quite literally, minds without souls. They spoke to her, like little children, thirsty for information. She could feel them digging through her memories, examining her life.
Rei knew why this was necessary, the clones had to be kept up to date in case anything were to happen to her. But still, it felt wrong to her. Like an invasion of what little privacy she had. She could feel them, like a probe, digging into her innermost thoughts. Relentlessly searching for and taking everything they wanted.
She was relieved when she heard the commanders voice.
"That's enough, Rei."
"Hai." She said, though only she could hear.
As the tank drained, the other minds disappeared, leaving her be until the next memory backup.
She gingerly stepped out of the tank and went to the changing room. It was very clean and sterile, after all, she was the only one who used it. Her school uniform and undergarments were still in pile on the tiled floor where she had left them. She ignored her clothes and stepped into the shower stall. Her body was still covered in LCL and she was anxious to wash it off for once it dried, it coagulated like blood. Rei knew where Nerve got its LCL.
She turned the knob on the side of the stall and let the steaming water wash over her. The water heater in her building had not worked in years, hot showers were one of Rei's few pleasures. The hot water felt like it was searing her sensitive, pale skin, but Rei stayed under the under its stream, feeling it cascading over her body, flowing down skin, washing away the offending orange fluid. She disliked the LCL, it smelled of blood, and Rei hated blood. Her likes and dislikes were not an issue however, so she never said anything. She knew that it would make no difference if she did. But still, she almost gagged every time she was immersed in it. She knew where NERV got its LCL and she did not relish the thought of bathing in her mother's blood.
After about fifteen minutes, when she was sure that no trace of the offending LCL remained, she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower stall in search of a towel. What she found was the commander.
'How long has he been watching me?' She thought.
The commander seemed to either not notice or not care about her current state of undress. Following suite, Rei remained stoic, though his eyes made her feel uncomfortable. Fortunately, however, they remained fixed on her face.
"Hello Rei." He said.
"Commander."
"How are you doing?" He asked. She knew that it wasn't the same question Shinji had asked her, he had been inquiring as to her well-being, his father was merely asking if anything was interfering with her ability to perform her duties.
"I am well." She replied.
"There was a slight anomaly in the carrier wave during your sync test earlier today, did anything... out of the ordinary happen?"
'It's not a question,' She thought. 'It's a test. He already knows. He knows everything.'
"The Third Child approached me today." She said, not really wanting to talk about the events of that afternoon.
"Why?" The commander pressed.
"He requested that I accompany him to a social event at the school in four days."
"And what did you tell him?"
"I denied his request."
"Why?" He asked. That question caught her off guard. He wasn't just seeing if she would give him the right answers, she also had to show that she understood WHY they were the right answers.
"Because my presence there would serve no useful purpose, and was therefore not necessary."
"Anything else?"
"He... Inquired as to my interests."
"And...?" The commander prompted.
"I informed him that I had none." She knew that part was not quite true, but it was close enough.
The commander considered her words and gave a curt nod. He spent a few seconds looking her up and down as if considering something before turning to leave. When he got to the door, he stopped and spoke to her again.
"After you're dressed, lets go eat."
"Hai."
A slight shiver ran through her body after he left.
'Though he's looking at me, he always sees someone else. Why can't he accept that I'm not her? How far would he be willing to take his self- deception?'
She busied herself with drying her body, silently wishing that the cold feeling would go away. After slipping on her undergarments and school uniform, she exited the changing room to find the commander. Together, they went to the cafeteria.
They ate in silence. One lost in the past, the other considering the future.
End Chapter one.
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*sniff* My poor little Ayanami-San, how could I put you through such evils. I'll have the next chapter up in a few... uh... Well lets just wait and see what happens.
Redmage
(Yes, it's S/R, just like everything else I write. But not your usual WAFFy sugerfest, kinda sad, and pretty dark at times.)
If you like, review.
If you don't like... review anyway! Tell me how much I suck! Make me pay for all I've done!!!
Thanx to BrinDani for pre-reading! A great help, as always.
Thanx for reviews on my other stories, constructive criticism is teh r0xor!
(Disclaimer; I don't own Evangelion or any of the related characters. I do however own Hideki Anno. I keep him locked in my basement. He makes funny sobbing sounds!)
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What is life?
What is love?
What is pain?
Are these all the same thing?
Different interpretations of the same experience?
Can one exist without the others?
So many questions.
So few answers.
Then again, what is life,
but the constant search for answers?
Some questions are best left unasked.
And unanswered.
~Ayanami Rei~
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
Shinji Ikari was bored. Not that being bored was such an unusual occurrence, what with Sensei's obsession with second impact lectures and all. The ageing teacher was droning on and on about the drastic effects that second impact had on the world economy.
"Because a majority of the worlds food supply came from fertile lowlands, the resulting floods covered over 80% of the usable farmland. This forced most governments to either explore alternative food sources or face widespread famine."
Shinji tuned out the rest of the tedious monologue and lapsed into juvenile daydreams. His mind invariably drifted back to the events of three weeks ago.
*flashback*
"Ayanami, just why do you pilot this thing?"
"Because I'm bonded to it."
"You're bonded?"
"Yes, it is a bond."
"You mean to my father?"
"To all people."
"You're very strong, Rei."
"I have nothing else."
"What do you mean, you have nothing else."
"It's time. Lets go. Goodbye Shinji."
*end flashback*
"Hey, Ikari, snap outa it!"
Touji's sharp cuff to the back of his head brought Shinji back to reality.
"What'd you do that for?"
"Well, we didn't think you'd wanna miss lunch." Kensuke answered.
"Ya, the best part of any day!" Touji was already tearing into his first sandwich with gusto.
'Does he even taste any of that?' Shinji wondered. 'Or does it all just go straight down.'
He slowly got up, still stiff from his prolonged sit, and left the classroom to retrieve his lunch from his locker. Touji and Kensuke followed him, together the three boys went up to their usual lunch spot on the school roof. Touji and Kensuke soon brought the conversation to its usual intellectual peak.
"I'm tellin' ya, man, Hikima wasn't wearin' no bra today!"
"Forget her, my lowbrow associate. Did you even SEE the new transfer student from NewOsaka? Tsutaka Djomayu."
"Took one look and moved on to da greener, untethered, pastures."
"What's wrong with Tsutaka?"
"Well, she's got da braces for one ting, and that acne would stop traffic!"
"I know, she's my new goddess."
"I'm sure da Pentium Six chips are jus' red with envy."
"Don't you bring them into this! I'll get one, just you wait! There'll be no network in all of Japan that will be able to stand before ME!!!"
"Ya, jus cuz all da sysadmins'll be on da floor laughing!"
"Hey, I only crashed my own system once, and that was by accident."
"Hey, Ikari, did I ever tell you about dat time Ken... Hey, Ikari? You still wid us?"
"Oh, ya..." Shinji replied, turning his attention away from the solitary figure sitting under a tree on the far side of the schoolyard.
"And what buxom young lass was distracting, Shinji?"
Kensuke and Touji rushed to the edge to see who he had been staring at.
"Hey, dere's nobody there but..."
"Ayanami!!!" The two chorused in perfect unison.
"Talk about a one track mind." Kensuke said. "He should really see what else the world has to offer."
"You got dat right, Ken, he might jus' find something with a personality!" Touji replied with a tone of mock seriousness.
"Ayanami isn't like that, guys. She has a personality. I know she does. But no matter what I do, she never lets me get close."
"Some people are just like that, in the three years that she's been here I've never seen her talk to ANYone unless she had to. Honestly, most people are OK with that. When she does say anything, its usually something really weird."
"Ya, but it's not right." Shinji said. "Nobody deserves to be alone all their life, especially not somebody like Rei."
"Oh, so she's Rei, now, is she?" Kensuke taunted.
"Man, I tink da Shin-man gots himself a nasty case of da Ayanami Flu." Touji joined in.
"Why do I even bother trying to talk to you guys?" Shinji asked, half to himself. "All you ever care about is what's on the outside. Ayanami may be pretty, but its what I've seen on the inside that makes..." *sigh* "Never mind."
His short attention span having reached its limit, Kensuke piped up. "Did I tell you guys yet? I found this guy online, he was on the other side of the valley for the fight against the fifth angel, he has it on tape from a completely different angle! That whole battle was SO COOL!"
"So?" Shinji asked. "It wasn't really that big a deal."
"What are you talking about! You killed that flying fortress! It was a BEAUTIFUL shot too! That angel never saw it coming!"
"I'm no hero." Shinji said sombrely. "I missed on the first shot. If it wasn't for Ayanami, I'd have never gotten the chance for the second shot."
Sensing that Shinji wanted the subject changed, Kensuke turned to Touji. "So, Touj. Are you taking anybody to the School dance on Friday?"
"Naw, I don' really go for da whole formal ting."
"So in other words, you don't have the guts to ask the class rep but you don't want her to see you with another girl?"
"You jus' don' know when ta keep yer trap shut, do ya, ya lil otaku?"
Shinji turned away as the argument dissolved into a vigorous, albeit one sided, wrestling match. He looked down at Rei, she was still sitting with her back to the tree, oblivious to the conversation that had just taken place. He could barely make out the book in her hands, it look suspiciously like a school textbook. His mind wandered back to what Kensuke had asked Touji a few minutes before.
'Hmmmm...' He thought, 'School dance...'
"I'll see you guys later." He said. "I've got something to do."
Kensuke looked up from the Full Nelson that Touji was gleefully applying. "And what could be more important then spending time with your dearest friends?"
"It's nothing, really." Shinji said as he turned to leave. "I'll se[?]e you guys in class." Touji finally released his victim and leaned back, arms crossed, against the low wall that ran around the parameter of the school roof. "Wonder what dat was all about?"
As one they turned to look down at Rei and then turned back to face each other.
"I bet you five bucks that..." Kensuke started.
"No bet, man. We both know where he's goin'."
"That poor little guy has no idea what he's trying to get himself into."
"True dat."
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Shinji exited the school and looked around. Rei was still sitting under 'her' tree, reading. Trying to build his courage to the point where he could talk without stammering and rambling, he made his way over to her.
"Um, hi Ayanami."
"Ikari."
"So, how are you doing."
"I am well."
'Ok,' He thought, 'the polite pleasantries are out of the way, time to bite the bullet.'
"Did you know that there's a school dance this Friday?"
She didn't respond verbally but silently gave a single nod. Rei was starting to get concerned. She disliked any form of questioning, and she was worried about where Shinji's string of questions was going.
"Well, I was wondering... You know, maybeifyouwerentdoinganythingelseyoudliketogowithme?"
'Great, just great, you idiot. Now you look like a moron!'
"Excuse me?" Rei asked, not quite understanding the meaning of his words.
"Well, would you like to, um, go. With me, I mean."
She sat in silence for a several seconds before answering.
'I cannot.' Rei thought. 'That's not my place.'
"I... Such events are of little interest to me.."
"Well, okay, if you change your mind, let me know."
She gave him another silent nod.
Shinji turned away in defeat, but he was determined not to let the entire encounter go to waste. Half turning to glance at her, steeling his resolve, he asked one last question.
"What is 'of interest' to you, Ayanami? If you don't mind my asking."
The faintest of blushes spread across her cheeks, so slight that Shinji didn't even notice. 'You.' She thought.
"I... I don't know." Her voice was barely more then a whisper.
"Oh... Well, um, I guess I'll see you at the synch tests later."
Rei nodded again and went back to her book, which, Shinji noticed for the first time, was a collage level textbook, Advanced Trigonometry and Related Functions.
"Goodbye." He said, sadly.
She ignored him, feigning interest her book.
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Touji and Kensuke were waiting for Shinji just inside the school, leaning against opposite walls of the hallway, amused grins on their faces.
"Rejected and de-NIED!!" They chorused as soon as they saw the dejected look on his face.
"I had to try something." Shinji mumbled, not lifting his gaze from the floor.
"Well, ya, man." Touji said. "But why Ayanami? Dere's lotsa girls in dis place dat would jump at da chance to hook up wid you!"
"I don't know. It's just that after the fifth angel, I feel like I owe her something. She saved my life."
"You can't keep using that as an excuse! We know the truth." Kensuke leered.
"Ya, yer jus tryin' ta get wid her, eh, Ikari you sly ol' dog!"
"Wha? No! No, it's nothing like that!"
"Shinji loves Ayanami!" Shinji's two tormentors chanted.
"Why do I even bother." Shinji mumbled as he walked away.
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Shinji slumped into his chair, half-heartedly poking at his supper.
"Wha's the matter, Shinji?" Misato asked, finishing her third beer of the evening.
"What do you know about Rei Ayanami?" He asked. looking at her kind of funny.
"Not much." Misato replied, thinking hard. "When ever I try to talk to her, it's like trying to pull nails with you teeth. It almost feels like she thinks she's doing me a favour by not talking."
"I know. it's weird, I spoke with her today, she hardly said anything."
"And what exactly w you talking about?" Misato asked with a knowing grin.
"Uhh... Nothing."
"Were you trying to insert your entry plug?" She leered. "You have to tell me, as Director of operations, it's my responsibility to know about any fraternisation between people under my control."
Shinji immediately discovered several new shades of red to turn.
"Misato!"
"It's just no fun anymore! You're too easy."
Misato laughed out load, cracked her fourth beer and downed half of it in one gulp. "You should go fer it, lil' man." She said, the affects of the alcohol taking their toll on her speech.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Shinji blurted out.
"Oh, come on. I've saw you sneaking peeks at her during the syn... the syn... the tests today. *hic*"
*sigh* 'It's no good talking to her anymore.' Shinji thought to himself.
=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
Deep within Terminal Dogma, Rei Ayanami floated, naked, in a cylinder of LCL. She let her mind flow away and lost herself in the sensations of the memory backup. She was vaguely aware of the other minds in contact with her own, but they were empty, hollow, like a voice without breath. They were, quite literally, minds without souls. They spoke to her, like little children, thirsty for information. She could feel them digging through her memories, examining her life.
Rei knew why this was necessary, the clones had to be kept up to date in case anything were to happen to her. But still, it felt wrong to her. Like an invasion of what little privacy she had. She could feel them, like a probe, digging into her innermost thoughts. Relentlessly searching for and taking everything they wanted.
She was relieved when she heard the commanders voice.
"That's enough, Rei."
"Hai." She said, though only she could hear.
As the tank drained, the other minds disappeared, leaving her be until the next memory backup.
She gingerly stepped out of the tank and went to the changing room. It was very clean and sterile, after all, she was the only one who used it. Her school uniform and undergarments were still in pile on the tiled floor where she had left them. She ignored her clothes and stepped into the shower stall. Her body was still covered in LCL and she was anxious to wash it off for once it dried, it coagulated like blood. Rei knew where Nerve got its LCL.
She turned the knob on the side of the stall and let the steaming water wash over her. The water heater in her building had not worked in years, hot showers were one of Rei's few pleasures. The hot water felt like it was searing her sensitive, pale skin, but Rei stayed under the under its stream, feeling it cascading over her body, flowing down skin, washing away the offending orange fluid. She disliked the LCL, it smelled of blood, and Rei hated blood. Her likes and dislikes were not an issue however, so she never said anything. She knew that it would make no difference if she did. But still, she almost gagged every time she was immersed in it. She knew where NERV got its LCL and she did not relish the thought of bathing in her mother's blood.
After about fifteen minutes, when she was sure that no trace of the offending LCL remained, she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower stall in search of a towel. What she found was the commander.
'How long has he been watching me?' She thought.
The commander seemed to either not notice or not care about her current state of undress. Following suite, Rei remained stoic, though his eyes made her feel uncomfortable. Fortunately, however, they remained fixed on her face.
"Hello Rei." He said.
"Commander."
"How are you doing?" He asked. She knew that it wasn't the same question Shinji had asked her, he had been inquiring as to her well-being, his father was merely asking if anything was interfering with her ability to perform her duties.
"I am well." She replied.
"There was a slight anomaly in the carrier wave during your sync test earlier today, did anything... out of the ordinary happen?"
'It's not a question,' She thought. 'It's a test. He already knows. He knows everything.'
"The Third Child approached me today." She said, not really wanting to talk about the events of that afternoon.
"Why?" The commander pressed.
"He requested that I accompany him to a social event at the school in four days."
"And what did you tell him?"
"I denied his request."
"Why?" He asked. That question caught her off guard. He wasn't just seeing if she would give him the right answers, she also had to show that she understood WHY they were the right answers.
"Because my presence there would serve no useful purpose, and was therefore not necessary."
"Anything else?"
"He... Inquired as to my interests."
"And...?" The commander prompted.
"I informed him that I had none." She knew that part was not quite true, but it was close enough.
The commander considered her words and gave a curt nod. He spent a few seconds looking her up and down as if considering something before turning to leave. When he got to the door, he stopped and spoke to her again.
"After you're dressed, lets go eat."
"Hai."
A slight shiver ran through her body after he left.
'Though he's looking at me, he always sees someone else. Why can't he accept that I'm not her? How far would he be willing to take his self- deception?'
She busied herself with drying her body, silently wishing that the cold feeling would go away. After slipping on her undergarments and school uniform, she exited the changing room to find the commander. Together, they went to the cafeteria.
They ate in silence. One lost in the past, the other considering the future.
End Chapter one.
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*sniff* My poor little Ayanami-San, how could I put you through such evils. I'll have the next chapter up in a few... uh... Well lets just wait and see what happens.
Redmage
