January 15, 2004
I hate writing.
I hate blinking, I hate breathing, I hate living. I hate being me.
Not what you'd expect from the star of the spirit squad, right?
Well, get used to it. Because I'm going to have to get used to my new life. And my new pant size.
If you're scratching your head at this point, it's understandable. Allow me to explain.
I, Manuella Santos, am a whore. Not the good kind, like label whores or cam whores. Just a flat out whore. I sleep with other people's boyfriends. Just thinking about it makes me want to beat the shit out of myself. Then when I think about everything else, it makes me want to hang myself.
Craig Manning moving to Degrassi was the worst possible thing that could have ever happened to me. It all started when I looked into those eyes. Those beautiful eyes you could drown in. He just had this natural charisma and charm that none of the other guys at Degrassi had. Then, I did a little bit of research and found out he played guitar and sang.
Oh fuck me.
I didn't even have half a shot of not having a crush on him. No one did. Everyone harbored their little crush on Craig. Emma, Ashley, even Paige found him to be a little on the hot side. Ashley even got to go out with him. Emma and Paige got over it, like they always do. But me? I followed him around like a little lost puppy, hanging on his every word. And he barely noticed me, until my skankalicious makeover came into play. And then all of a sudden I'm so hot and so mature and so...fuckable.
That's really the only word I can use to describe myself. Fuckable. Because that's all there is to me. No brains, no beauty, no personality. Just a vagina. I'm the biggest walking cliché of all time...a slutty cheerleader. And you'd better believe I played that shit to the hilt. It was, after all, my only defense mechanism.
But defense mechanisms are a lot like atomic bombs. They tend to blow up in your face and destroy your entire existence.
I'm pregnant. With Craig's child. And I don't know what the hell to do. I'm in way over my head with the water level steadily rising. Do I have the abortion? Have the baby? Put it up for adoption? I don't know. But I do know that when this is all over, I'm just gonna save myself the agony and kill myself.
After all, they do say that once you become a mother you're no longer sexy. What is there to me besides sex? Nothing. So I may as well disappear. No one will notice I'm gone anyway.
In a nutshell, Manny Santos
I hate writing.
I hate blinking, I hate breathing, I hate living. I hate being me.
Not what you'd expect from the star of the spirit squad, right?
Well, get used to it. Because I'm going to have to get used to my new life. And my new pant size.
If you're scratching your head at this point, it's understandable. Allow me to explain.
I, Manuella Santos, am a whore. Not the good kind, like label whores or cam whores. Just a flat out whore. I sleep with other people's boyfriends. Just thinking about it makes me want to beat the shit out of myself. Then when I think about everything else, it makes me want to hang myself.
Craig Manning moving to Degrassi was the worst possible thing that could have ever happened to me. It all started when I looked into those eyes. Those beautiful eyes you could drown in. He just had this natural charisma and charm that none of the other guys at Degrassi had. Then, I did a little bit of research and found out he played guitar and sang.
Oh fuck me.
I didn't even have half a shot of not having a crush on him. No one did. Everyone harbored their little crush on Craig. Emma, Ashley, even Paige found him to be a little on the hot side. Ashley even got to go out with him. Emma and Paige got over it, like they always do. But me? I followed him around like a little lost puppy, hanging on his every word. And he barely noticed me, until my skankalicious makeover came into play. And then all of a sudden I'm so hot and so mature and so...fuckable.
That's really the only word I can use to describe myself. Fuckable. Because that's all there is to me. No brains, no beauty, no personality. Just a vagina. I'm the biggest walking cliché of all time...a slutty cheerleader. And you'd better believe I played that shit to the hilt. It was, after all, my only defense mechanism.
But defense mechanisms are a lot like atomic bombs. They tend to blow up in your face and destroy your entire existence.
I'm pregnant. With Craig's child. And I don't know what the hell to do. I'm in way over my head with the water level steadily rising. Do I have the abortion? Have the baby? Put it up for adoption? I don't know. But I do know that when this is all over, I'm just gonna save myself the agony and kill myself.
After all, they do say that once you become a mother you're no longer sexy. What is there to me besides sex? Nothing. So I may as well disappear. No one will notice I'm gone anyway.
In a nutshell, Manny Santos
