Eternity as a Horse.

I can't believe they would do this to me.

I didn't do anything wrong, I swear it, and all of a sudden I find myself stuck in the mortal world in the body of an animal!!!

One little mistake and my eternal luxury privileges are revoked and I am told I must redeem myself or live out my eternity with the filthy mortals.

Stupid Roses.

See, My name is Altivo, which, translated into the tongues of mortals means mischief maker, or something to that effect. I was wooing a gardener's daughter and plucked a rose from Audria's rosebush. Audria the goddess of adventures has the ability to retain minor details, like, oh, say, how many roses are on each of her twenty odd rose bushes.

But I digress.

Anyway, I am stripped of my supernatural powers, and told that if I'm a good god, I can come back home. I've got no clue what they're talking about. I *am* a good god. I'm very good at what I do.

So I get myself a cushy job as a war horse, where I learn the hard way that war is not as cushy as I thought it would be, and that all of my powers, including the power of self healing, have been indeed stripped away. I spent weeks in the infirmary, where I was quite cheeky with the healing assistant. Oh the fun I could have had with her, if only I had arms!!

(Ahem) Moving on.

We're on our way to 'the new world' which, if you'll believe it, will be filled with gold and riches beyond compare. Pffft. Here I am, God of mischief, with powers far above and beyond the imagination of anyone other than a fellow god or goddess, and *I'm* on 'half-rations'. Orders from my 'master', Cortes. Dirty rotten bum.

Halfway there, a couple of stowaways are discovered, flogged, and thrown into the brig. Oh well, not my problem, right? Wrong. I'm so hungry, that when one of them offers me an apple in exchange for his freedom, I'm all too eager to jump right in and help. Pry-bar my horse rear end. Keys work so much better.

So I get them the keys, and where's my apple? Overboard that's where. And after a jolly little swim, I'm not on the cruise ship anymore, and there's no food left in the little dingy. Oh well, at least I'm away from that lunatic Cortes.

Maybe life with these two mortal thieves won't be so bad. Of course if Audria's not bored yet with my misfortune, life could be a lot more interesting.