A thought came to my head at that moment, " What if she's not what she
seems?"
I wonder if maybe, despite her kindness, she's from the Masters. Perhaps she's one of their tools. I've seen it before. They implant people into our world, and have them spy on us. They win our trust and confidence over the months, and then they go to work. They find out what they need to know, and then they get their spy out of there. When you find out that the person you trusted so much was just acting, it kills you. You always come out of the situation even more scared of the Masters and their power. But looking at Sarah in front of me, I sure hope she isn't working for them. She's the first real girl I've seen in a long time. She's got something about her that I can't describe. It's something more then looks and personality; it's something deeper. It's that certain attribute that only few have. It's funny if you think about it. The Masters work so hard to tear us down so they can control us, but then someone comes in who has that attribute, and it seems like she breaks it apart like bread and hands a slice to each of us. Just looking at her lifts the fear I had. Listening to her smooth voice talk makes me want to stand up, and lay a fat punch on one of those guards standing near the door. Call me crazy, but I think Ms. Sarah is an angel in disguise.
As the hours of that Monday go on, Sarah sits across the room, sleeping in her wooden chair. I can't help but notice that even in her sleep she looks angelic. I see Jake and Peter catching glances at her and whispering to each other about something. I guess Jake can't take just looking any more, so he gets up, slicks back his already slick hair, and walks up towards her. Jake is a mammoth of a man, standing two times my height, and weighing nothing but pure muscle. He stands in front of her and taps her shoulder. She opens one eye, and squints it in his direction. He smiles big.
" I couldn't help but notice that you were sitting all alone over here." He's trying to act smooth, but he isn't much of a talker.
Now Sarah's got both of those big eyes open, and she's staring at Jake. " I couldn't help but notice that you just woke me up from a very well deserved sleep," She grins a bit and goes on, " so if you'd please go over to you're boyfriend and leave me alone, I'd be pretty darn happy." Jake's just standing there, gawking at this girl's attitude. He's got to be five years older then her, and at least twice her size. Peter's just lying back on his chair, laughing at the fact that big bad Jake just got put down by a little girl. Jake sees this, and starts to get mad. " Aw come on little girl, I'm just tryin' to be friendly. Lighten up." A bit of that smile on Sarah's face disappears, and she leans closer to Jake. I see she's holding something shiny in her pocket, a ring I guess. " Lighten up? Do you know what you're sayin'? You expect me to lighten up when I know I'm gonna be stuck in this joint for the next five years, havin to stare at you're ugly face all day? You want me to lighten up? You want me to sit next to you, just so you can tell all you're friends you sat near a girl? You think I'm just gonna look at you're manly body, and fall head over heals for you without realizing you don't got a brain? Lighten up he says, HA! I'm not a girl to be toyed around with like all these other jaspers 'round here. Looking at you, I'd think you were an eighteen-year- old man, yet you hit on a defenseless fourteen-year-old girl. People like you make me sick." By now, everyone in the room is staring at her, wondering how she can be talking to Jake that way. Sarah doesn't even back down. She's got her chin up high and there's a little vein showing on her forehead. Jake's still staring at her in disbelief, and now even Peter is in aw of her confidence. I think about how she's got that attribute to her, that something that separates her. If what I think she has is really there, then there's no way she's of the Masters. She's just to perfect. Jake backs down, and walks off mumbling something. Sarah finally eases up, then looks at me, winks, and closes her eyes in sleep. That wink assured me of one thing. She isn't of the Masters; she's of something else. They say she's from the foggy world, but I don't think that's true. I think she's of the world where everything is clear. She's from the world that I can't describe. She's from that place that's deep in your heart, that place of serenity. I wonder if she's being friendly with me like she would anyone else, or if maybe she's seen something in me that I don't realize I have. Maybe I'm just like her in the way that we have that same attribute. If that's true I haven't seen it in me. I know she has it, and I know she knows she has it. But I doubt I have it. There's no way a kid like me could have the attribute that only few have. But that wink she gave me made me think I was different in that way. Maybe I am different. Maybe I'm just like her. Or maybe I'm just a puppet. Maybe I'm a puppet not to the Masters or to a person, but to myself. Yes, I'm just a puppet to my own desires. But the thing is, I don't know what my desires are. Do I wish to get out of this place? Do I wish for love and peace? Or do I wish for something that's so detestable, so wrong, that I hate myself for it? I start to think that maybe all my philosophizing about puppetry and about Sarah is in vain. Would she laugh if she knew that I was killing myself over this? " I like ya buddy." That's what she said to me. Those four words got me to think about the possibility of me having a friend. Friends are so elusive to me that I just decided to give up on trying to have them. People may call that misery, but I call it brilliance. What is the point of having friends if they're going to eventually just let you down. What's the point if they're just going to end up deserting you, or vice versa? The world is a scary place, whether it be a world of fog, or one of clear days. The fact is we're all puppets, like it or not. But we're puppets to ourselves, not to any other. But then there are those who shine like her. They shine not only to others, but more importantly to themselves. They shine to the point that they actually like themselves and have confidence. The possibility that I am not a puppet, but instead the one who pulls the strings, is something I've never considered before. But this girl has got me thinking without even knowing it. Maybe she's just being herself, or maybe she's trying to make me see what I really am. When I think about her looking at me, I feel warm inside, and I feel good. Is this love? Is this courage? Is this friendship? I've never felt any of those things, so I can't be sure it's any of them. But I like that feeling. Whatever she's doing, I like it, and whoever she is, I like her.
I wonder if maybe, despite her kindness, she's from the Masters. Perhaps she's one of their tools. I've seen it before. They implant people into our world, and have them spy on us. They win our trust and confidence over the months, and then they go to work. They find out what they need to know, and then they get their spy out of there. When you find out that the person you trusted so much was just acting, it kills you. You always come out of the situation even more scared of the Masters and their power. But looking at Sarah in front of me, I sure hope she isn't working for them. She's the first real girl I've seen in a long time. She's got something about her that I can't describe. It's something more then looks and personality; it's something deeper. It's that certain attribute that only few have. It's funny if you think about it. The Masters work so hard to tear us down so they can control us, but then someone comes in who has that attribute, and it seems like she breaks it apart like bread and hands a slice to each of us. Just looking at her lifts the fear I had. Listening to her smooth voice talk makes me want to stand up, and lay a fat punch on one of those guards standing near the door. Call me crazy, but I think Ms. Sarah is an angel in disguise.
As the hours of that Monday go on, Sarah sits across the room, sleeping in her wooden chair. I can't help but notice that even in her sleep she looks angelic. I see Jake and Peter catching glances at her and whispering to each other about something. I guess Jake can't take just looking any more, so he gets up, slicks back his already slick hair, and walks up towards her. Jake is a mammoth of a man, standing two times my height, and weighing nothing but pure muscle. He stands in front of her and taps her shoulder. She opens one eye, and squints it in his direction. He smiles big.
" I couldn't help but notice that you were sitting all alone over here." He's trying to act smooth, but he isn't much of a talker.
Now Sarah's got both of those big eyes open, and she's staring at Jake. " I couldn't help but notice that you just woke me up from a very well deserved sleep," She grins a bit and goes on, " so if you'd please go over to you're boyfriend and leave me alone, I'd be pretty darn happy." Jake's just standing there, gawking at this girl's attitude. He's got to be five years older then her, and at least twice her size. Peter's just lying back on his chair, laughing at the fact that big bad Jake just got put down by a little girl. Jake sees this, and starts to get mad. " Aw come on little girl, I'm just tryin' to be friendly. Lighten up." A bit of that smile on Sarah's face disappears, and she leans closer to Jake. I see she's holding something shiny in her pocket, a ring I guess. " Lighten up? Do you know what you're sayin'? You expect me to lighten up when I know I'm gonna be stuck in this joint for the next five years, havin to stare at you're ugly face all day? You want me to lighten up? You want me to sit next to you, just so you can tell all you're friends you sat near a girl? You think I'm just gonna look at you're manly body, and fall head over heals for you without realizing you don't got a brain? Lighten up he says, HA! I'm not a girl to be toyed around with like all these other jaspers 'round here. Looking at you, I'd think you were an eighteen-year- old man, yet you hit on a defenseless fourteen-year-old girl. People like you make me sick." By now, everyone in the room is staring at her, wondering how she can be talking to Jake that way. Sarah doesn't even back down. She's got her chin up high and there's a little vein showing on her forehead. Jake's still staring at her in disbelief, and now even Peter is in aw of her confidence. I think about how she's got that attribute to her, that something that separates her. If what I think she has is really there, then there's no way she's of the Masters. She's just to perfect. Jake backs down, and walks off mumbling something. Sarah finally eases up, then looks at me, winks, and closes her eyes in sleep. That wink assured me of one thing. She isn't of the Masters; she's of something else. They say she's from the foggy world, but I don't think that's true. I think she's of the world where everything is clear. She's from the world that I can't describe. She's from that place that's deep in your heart, that place of serenity. I wonder if she's being friendly with me like she would anyone else, or if maybe she's seen something in me that I don't realize I have. Maybe I'm just like her in the way that we have that same attribute. If that's true I haven't seen it in me. I know she has it, and I know she knows she has it. But I doubt I have it. There's no way a kid like me could have the attribute that only few have. But that wink she gave me made me think I was different in that way. Maybe I am different. Maybe I'm just like her. Or maybe I'm just a puppet. Maybe I'm a puppet not to the Masters or to a person, but to myself. Yes, I'm just a puppet to my own desires. But the thing is, I don't know what my desires are. Do I wish to get out of this place? Do I wish for love and peace? Or do I wish for something that's so detestable, so wrong, that I hate myself for it? I start to think that maybe all my philosophizing about puppetry and about Sarah is in vain. Would she laugh if she knew that I was killing myself over this? " I like ya buddy." That's what she said to me. Those four words got me to think about the possibility of me having a friend. Friends are so elusive to me that I just decided to give up on trying to have them. People may call that misery, but I call it brilliance. What is the point of having friends if they're going to eventually just let you down. What's the point if they're just going to end up deserting you, or vice versa? The world is a scary place, whether it be a world of fog, or one of clear days. The fact is we're all puppets, like it or not. But we're puppets to ourselves, not to any other. But then there are those who shine like her. They shine not only to others, but more importantly to themselves. They shine to the point that they actually like themselves and have confidence. The possibility that I am not a puppet, but instead the one who pulls the strings, is something I've never considered before. But this girl has got me thinking without even knowing it. Maybe she's just being herself, or maybe she's trying to make me see what I really am. When I think about her looking at me, I feel warm inside, and I feel good. Is this love? Is this courage? Is this friendship? I've never felt any of those things, so I can't be sure it's any of them. But I like that feeling. Whatever she's doing, I like it, and whoever she is, I like her.
