1341 ZULU
Marine Corps Base Hawaii
Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii


Harm was rolling and spinning in his bed, totally incapable of sleeping. The conversations he had had with Mac and Mattie were playing endlessly in his mind. 'Only to have sex with me.' So Mac was really dating Webb. The spook had laid his dirty hands, hell, his whole body on her beautiful and delicate frame. The thought disgusted Harm so much that his eyes closed despite himself to erase the image from his mind. Seeing Mac kissing Clay in Paraguay has already been hard to bear; imagining them making love was intolerable.

'As if I was his personal courtesan.' Harm was wondering how many times Webb had imposed himself on her. The way she had said it, probably more than once. 'How could I ever look at her in the eyes again, knowing that?' Harm asked to himself. 'Mac is the last person to deserve to be treated that way. She's beautiful, ultra feminine and sensual in or out of her uniform. She's strong and steadfast. How could she accept this?'

The question stayed unanswered as another thought filled his mind. 'I love her!' Those words had lingered for so long in his mind. Since when exactly? He had no idea. Probably since the rose garden, eight years ago, when he first met her. From a phantom lover at the beginning, she had rapidly changed into an incredible friend before turning into one of the most important people in his life. Like most chums, they'd had their fights, and usually made up soon after, except that time… After Paraguay, he wasn't sure the sentiments were still there. Since their discussion near the taxicab, pain, jealousy and resentment had secluded his love for her into a dark shaded corner of his heart. For the first time ever, Mattie has been able to bring that feeling back to daylight, to his utmost happiness.

While sending a silent thankful prayer to his ward, Harm heard footsteps in the kitchen. Without a sound, he got out of bed and walked along the wall, trying to identify the somnambulist peering into the fridge. When he recognised Mac's silhouette in the dark, he approached her softly from behind and tenderly leaned both hands on her shoulders.

Mac let out a high-pitched cry and disengaged herself swiftly from the loose embrace, before she realised who had touched her. "Harmon Rabb! What are you doing in here at 0358 in the morning?" she asked, in a muffled, irritated voice.

"I think I could return the question," he whispered back, smiling. "You hungry?"

"No, thirsty. But that doesn't tell me what you're doing here."

Harm stared at her beautiful hazel eyes, his hands now joined in front of him. "Mac," he started, nervous and uneasy, "I just can't sleep because of something I said yesterday…"

Mac slammed the fridge's door shut and faced him with her fists on her hips. "Just take it back, then! Why change the pattern of a lifetime?" she asked angrily.

He looked at her, puzzled. "Whoa, Mac. Step down, please. What are you talking about? What am I supposed to take back?"

She turned her back to him, leaning her hands on the counter. He couldn't see her face, but her vaulted spine told him something was wrong. When she spoke, her voice was defeated, barely above a whisper. "I heard what you told Mattie last night."

"So?" he ventured, a glimpse of hope in his voice.

"I already told you," she replied dryly. "Why would you change anything right now? Just take those damn words back before you have any regrets."

The words stabbed Harm through the heart. Was that really the way she pictured him? 'Hey, remember,' he scolded himself, 'you acted the same way when Mic left. You asked her closer just to slam the door shut in her face. You can't blame her for reacting like this.' Lost in his thoughts, he didn't notice that the time had ticked by until he felt a breeze as Mac rushed past him. "Do you really want me to take it back?" he inquired, on a demanding intonation, making her stop.

"It has never been about what I want," she answered, without looking back, before she reached her bed and slipped under the sheets.

The kitchen seemed suddenly obscure and cold to Harm; even the moon was hiding itself behind a cloud. Beside the regular hum of the fridge, the silence was only broken by Mac's irregular breathing. He knew that she wouldn't fall asleep anytime soon, but he also knew that he was better to stay out of her way for a while. Quietly, he opened the backdoor and vanished into the dark.



* * * * *



2148 ZULU
Marine Corps Base Hawaii
Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii


The admiral sat back in his chair in the audience as the judge motioned for everyone to have a seat.

"Counsellors," Judge Sherwood started, addressing both Harm and Mac, "I can't deny that I'm very glad for this case to be over. I now understand why you have such a reputation across the country. You turned this investigation head over heels, in a way nobody would have imagined. Your witnesses' testimonies were of a great interest for our personal knowledge, and gave us a different hindsight on this case. Your closing arguments were interesting, however, Colonel, yours lacked some conviction." The admiral glanced at his chief of staff as she bent her head down, looking briefly at her hands as a sign of apology. "That being said, I'm now ready to pronounce my final conclusions. Would the accused please rise with his counsellors?"

In unison, Harm, Lewin and Bud rose from their chairs and stood at attention.

"Captain Christopher Lewin," the judge read from his legal pad, "concerning the charges of premeditated murder, according to the article 118 of the UCMJ, I recommend not to forward any charges." Hearing those words, Harm looked at Bud and Lewin with a smile that faded as the judge went on with his conclusions. "However, concerning the charges related to the articles 89 and 95 – disrespect toward a superior commissioned officer, namely Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, and escape from confinement – I recommend to the convening authority to forward the charges for a general court-martial."

Judge Sherwood removed his spectacles, joined his hands and rested his chin on top of them, pensive, before continuing. "Captain Lewin, I do believe that your ex-wife's death was an unfortunate accident. However, the fact that you fled from the scene was conduct unbecoming an officer, leading to charges under the article 133. It will probably be impossible to know for sure if uninterrupted CPR manoeuvres would have saved Major Graham, but as I understood from Mr Piaf's and Commander Coulter's testimonies, you son's condition could have been avoided with immediate medical attention. I therefore recommend to the convening authority to deal with the three above-mentioned charges simultaneously and that the sole punishment should be a forfeiture of pay for six months. I don't think any other charges are required – dealing with the grief of a dead child is already enough. This court is adjourned," he said, banging the gavel on the desk.

The admiral rose as the judge left the bench and observed his lawyers. Bud and Harm were shaking hands with large smiles on their faces while their client was being embraced tightly by an old lady – Ms Graham. Across the aisle, Mac was gathering her files with a strange expression on her face. AJ wasn't sure how to interpret it – chagrin, disappointment, anger, pain? 'Even after eight years, I still don't understand how they do it,' he thought to himself, before looking at his watch. 'I think I'm going to wait until tomorrow to confront them – we still have a twelve-hour flight to get back in D.C. Anyway, I have better plans for the rest of the day,' he said inwardly, an unconscious smile gracing his severe features.



* * * * *



0621 ZULU
Marine Corps Base Hawaii
Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii


"Sweetheart, they are not going to disappear," Bud reminded Harriet gently. "Why don't you come over here, the dinner won't stay warm forever." His sincere smile and his warm voice told her that he was just being nice, not mad at her.

Harriet reluctantly rose from the side of AJ's bed and walked back into the kitchen, tucking Jimmy's blanket on her way. "Bud, what if the colonel hadn't been there on time? We were all on the beach, but we didn't hear a sound."

Bud approached her slowly, removed the dishtowel Harriet was absentmindedly tearing into pieces and held her tight. "Honey, the only important things are that she was there on time and that AJ's okay. Even Colonel Miller said he was top-shape after a thorough physical exam. You're not the only with 'what ifs' on your mind," he reminded her softly. "What if I haven't gone to The Hague for the SECNAV? Maybe AJ wouldn't have run away and Mikey would still talk to me. What if I haven't accepted the assignment on the Seahawk? Maybe I would still have my leg, but Jen would probably not be working at JAG and helping the commander with Mattie presently. We'll never know for sure, Sweetheart, but I do believe the road not taken might not always be as much brighter as we think." He led her to her chair and helped her to sit down, never letting go of her hand as he took the seat beside her. "Honey, look at me." He waited until her watery blue eyes met the tender love that shone in his. "We're in Hawaii, with our two sons and our closest friends. This should be a great moment in our life and there's nothing to ruin it," Bud said, getting up and leading her to the door.

"What are you doing, Bud?" Harriet asked, surprised.

"Well," he answered with his eyes sparkling and a sly grin, "the fish is already cold and the children are sleeping. I'm just thinking of another way to spend our evening…"

Harriet's face lightened immediately and she quickly followed him in their bedroom, giggling.



* * * * *



"AJ, I can't see where I'm going," Melinda objected, laughing.

"You don't need to, I'm guiding you," he replied playfully. The admiral had blindfolded her in the guesthouse and was leading her onto the cool sand of the beach. The sun had set an hour ago, but the air was still warm and the soft breeze seemed to play with Melinda's long caramel hair. AJ stopped as he reached the spot he was looking for and stared at her. The time didn't seem to have had any impact on her. Her vaporous flowered dress graced her slim frame and her delicate bracelet twinkled under the moonlight. 'She is gorgeous,' was the first thought that crossed his mind. Slowly, he removed the scarf that was blocking her vision as he excused himself. "I know this is your beach, you're probably familiar with every single inch of it, but I love this site. After the delicious dinner we had, I thought it would be the perfect place to spend my last evening on the island."

"It's wonderful, AJ," she exclaimed, taking note of the quilt on the sand and the stray basket from which a bottle of wine was emerging. With an inviting movement of the hand, she sat down, tucking her bare feet under the rim of her dress, while the admiral poured two glasses of Bordeaux and handed her one of them. "To a formidable encounter!" she toasted.

"To a formidable encounter," he agreed, his glass clinking with hers, his gaze locked in her chocolate eyes. Smoothly, the whole world around them disappeared as the admiral slowly leaned in to lay down a soft kiss on her lips, followed closely by another, much more passionate.

A moment later, Melinda gently disengaged herself from his embrace and rested her head tenderly on his shoulder, her hand leaning on his chest. "We shouldn't do that, AJ," she murmured into his ear.

"Why not?" he asked, panting slightly.

"You weren't kissing me," she started explaining. "You were acting like if we were long-time lovers, but you barely know me." He looked down at her, blinking. "From what you told me yesterday, I'm certain you've been terribly hurt by her behaviour, but that does not mean you don't love her anymore. I would even say that I'm sure of the opposite – you're still madly in love with her."

AJ moved carefully behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close to him, and preventing her to see his face. "She betrayed me," he said on a wounded intonation.

"I know, but why don't you try to talk to her, to know exactly what happened?" she suggested kindly. "You still love her, don't you?" she inquired softly, trying to face him, but he stayed hidden behind her.

"Yes, I do," he admitted after a long hesitation, and then rested his forehead on her hair and closed his eyes. She turned around in his embrace and threw her arms around his neck to hug him fondly. "What was that for?" he asked, surprised.

"Cheering strategy," she smiled back. "But I'm not going any further," she bantered him.

He backed up just enough to look deeply into her eyes. "Thank you."



* * * * *



"Mattie!" Harm's voice reverberated throughout the cabin as he entered the kitchen.

"She's not here," Mac replied automatically from the living room. "Sneakers invited her downtown for a snooker competition, along with Chloe and Teresa. You said earlier this week that she was old enough to decide, so she took you at your word." Her intonation was just on the line between her pure professional tone and sarcasm.

"Have you eaten yet?" he asked her.

Mac continued placing her uniforms in her suitcase as she answered. "Yep. There are still pizza leftovers, though. We knew you were going to be late, so the girls left them in the oven to keep them warm. Mattie ordered a regional speciality, there's pineapple on it." She was retrieving her clothes for the next day when Harm sat next to her on the futon with a slice of said pizza.

"Mac," he started, hesitantly. She stopped searching in the closet beside the bed and looked at him. He needed a deep breath before continuing, staring at his pizza. "I don't want to take back what I said yesterday."

"Why not?" she asked warily, suddenly afraid of the implication of what he had just said.

She couldn't tear her gaze from his face while he was searching for his words. "I… Uh… It's… um … because I meant it…" he admitted, avoiding her penetrating stare. After the confession, the words tumbled out of his mouth at a frantic speed. "Since Paraguay, I haven't known how to act around you. I didn't know how to tell you about my resignation or about joining the company, so I just left without a word. We don't talk anymore like we used to, except for the minimum concerning work. When Mattie came along, I was sure you would have said I was insane, so I kept it to myself until I needed your help. I never dared to ask about Webb – I think I was afraid of the answer. I tried to convince myself that you were happy, abstraction made of the man you were with, but…"

She stopped him, raising her both hands in front of him. "Slow down, Sailor. Breathe! One thing at the time. I'll start. First of all, I think we should table this discussion for now," she said, trying to mask her feelings as she walked away towards the kitchen, using all her goodwill not to look back. "I really think we shouldn't be discussing this here," she added, more to herself, as she grabbed her overshirt and crossed the door. She had almost reached the waterline when she heard the door's hinges grating and footsteps descending to the beach. Staring into the immensity of the ocean, she addressed him. "There's no bridge here, Harm. There's no ferry either, but there's a breathtaking moonlight, so why don't we take a walk on the shore?" She finally turned to face him, so that he could see the encouraging smile that graced her lips. Hesitantly, without a sound, he joined her and they started walking on the beach in a comfortable silence.

Time passed by before Harm broke the hush. "Mac, I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions concerning Alberts. I should have known you better than that."

'This is as good as any other place to start,' she thought. "I was so exhausted that I didn't notice the girls were gone until the next morning," Mac explained. "I told Sneakers that it hadn't been a great idea, but he hadn't wanted to wake me up. Why didn't you just tell me in private, instead of yelling in front of everyone?" she asked cautiously.

Harm sighed. "You said it yesterday, I overreacted. For a moment, I was afraid for…"

"…for your life," Mac cut in. "I heard that part, too." Her intonation rose a little. "You really believe that my relationships are the reason you almost died, and that if I fall for someone else, your life might be endangered?"

He stopped walking, creating a distance between them. "The past proved me right, so why should it be any different now?"

Mac came back to face him. "Harm, it has always been your choice," she scolded him gently. "You decided to come back from the Patrick Henry during a storm, and you decided to quit everything to show up in Paraguay."

"But I wouldn't have done that for anybody else but you," he shot back, before slumping in the sand. "And I would still do it if I had to," he whispered under his breath.

Mac sat beside him and looked away. "I know that, and it's the same for me. I would go to hell and back if you were in danger. It's great to have someone on whom you can rely."

Harm faced her at the moment a lonely tear rolled down her cheek. He quickly cupped her face with his hand and gently brushed away the tear with his thumb. "Hey, I've never been far away," he said before understanding dawned as she looked down to avoid his gaze. "You weren't talking about me, you were talking about your boyfriend…"

Despite the defeated tone, Mac noticed that he had said the word without too much disdain, respectfully for her. "I'm not sure Clay ever earned that designation, but yes, I meant him. Since Paraguay, he says that he needs me, that he wants me, that he loves me, but he's never there when I really need him. After the incident with Sadik, I had to threaten to leave him to make him listen to me," Mac explained, still avoiding his scrutiny.

"You should have come to me. You know my door is always open for you, Mac," Harm replied, sincerely.

"I know," she answered, taking the hand that still rested on her cheek and holding it in hers. "But I've been really mean to you concerning Mattie and Sergei, and you already had enough to deal with." Her gaze wandered over the waves breaking on the shore; their regular rhythm soothed her tormented mind. "You know what I told Clay before I left his apartment, last time?" she asked, before turning her back to him.

"I have no idea," he responded softly, inviting her to answer.

Mac brought her knees up to her chest and circled them with her arms, letting go of his hand. "I needed to tell someone the real reason why I killed Fahd. Clay was there and for once, he was listening to me. That's when I told him that I killed the monster because he had hurt someone I love."

Holding his breath, Harm dared to ask. "You really love him?"

Closing her eyes, Mac needed a few seconds to express the answer. "No." Relief instantly washed over her as she felt Harm gathering her tightly in his strong arms. She rapidly leaned comfortably in his warm embrace and they stayed there, still, under the benevolent light of the moon.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *