Hey there sorry this has taken so long to get up. I am so busy and I have had hardly anytime to

relax I have been really busy trying to get all my service hours in so that I can go onto my junior

year in high school. LeWoot! Sorry that is my new phrase. Anyway on top of that I have been

camping every weekend for that past two weeks. I have finally found so time to enjoy the simple

things. Like breathing and being able to feel my toes. Anyway I am off Friday headed towards

Tampa FL for spring break. Le Woot...again. Anyway on with the story.

Disclaimer. I don't own it. It is a sad life being fifteen.

Had anyone been awake and outside on a cold December night, walking in the woods, they

would had seen a small figure running with tears streaming out of her eyes. As Kitty continued to

run she became more and more aware of the fact that she was only in sleep pants and an

oversized tee-shirt. Still Kitty pressed on, not sure where she was going but wanting to get as far

away from the man who had just attacked her and all the pain she felt.

Finally the girl's legs gave out and Kitty collapsed to the forest floor tears running from

her eyes. Leaning against a fallen tree she pulled her legs up to herself trying to keep warm.

Shivering, Kitty allowed the coldness to press in on her, wishing that it would numb her

memories just like it was numbing her hands.

The hardest thing for Kitty was the looks her friends had given her. "Pity," she spat the

hated word, "Why did they have to give me pity? If they were just cruel about it I could become

numb then nothing would ever hurt again." Slowly Kitty felt her body slip away into darkness as

she closed her eyes, going to sleep.

(Institute)

The Professor brought his hand down from his temples. Kitty had stopped moving now.

Looking back at the unconscious body of Josh he shook his head. How could Kitty, one of the

students he had grown closest to, hide all that pain. Much more how could she still go home

every year to see her parents after what they had said to her.

"Professor?" came a worried German accent, "Where is Keety?

"She is about two miles from here in a clearing in the woods. If I send you a mental

picture will you be able to teleport out there and bring her back," questioned the Professor.

"Ja," with that the Professor place a picture of the last thing Kitty saw before she felt

asleep. The next sound was a familiar 'BAMF'

(Woods)

Kurt 'ported into the clearing looking for his girlfriend hoping that he was in the right

place. It was dark but that was no problem because he could see very well in the dark. It was the

cold that Kurt was worried about. Not for him self, he had a nice warm coat of fur, but for Kitty,

she had left with no coat and if she was asleep she could easily become frozen in the cold air that

pressed in on all side like ice.

A slight shift brought Kurt out of his thoughts. There on the ground in the shadow of a

fallen tree a human size blob laid. Carefully Kurt reached out and rolled it over. He gasped and

yanked back his hand. The blob was Kitty, but her bloodless face and lifeless body cause Kurt to

fear she was dead.Recovering Kurt remembered that he had just heard her move. Picking her up

Kurt shivered a the feel of the coldness her body held through the shirt he had on. Cradling her

Kurt teleported back..

For the second time in two weeks Kitty woke up blurry eyed and unsure of where she

was. Shaking her head to clear it Kitty found that she was laying on her bed with the cover

wrapped around her.

'Kurt,' she imagined, he must have found her and brought her here. Laying back down

Kitty wished that she could go to sleep forever and not have to deal with facing the people she

had come to love. However her body would not comply with her command to go back to sleep,

so she sat up and got dressed. Looking the mirror she began to add makeup to her face. When

that was done she reached into a box at the bottom of her vanity drawer and pulled out a flat tub

of costume make up preparing to cover the scars that she had uncovered the night before, but she

stopped there was no point now everyone knew, so the girl closed up the tub again and put it

away.

'Well I guess I would have to face this sooner or later. I wonder what they will think of me

now. Oh boy. Why did they have to find out?' Kitty's face creased with worry. 'Well I guess I am

going to find out.' Kitty headed toward the kitchen for breakfast and could hear the voices of her

friends well before she got there. Sliding into a sitting position just outside the kitchen she

listened.

"How do you think Kitty is doing?" came Amara's voice.

"I don't know. I hope she is okay but how could a person be okay after something like

that," that was Sam.

"No one deserves something like that to happen to them," Rhane's soft voice agreed.

"What Ah can't believe is what her parents said to her. Ah mean Ah thought that she

always had a nice life, but Ah guess Ah was wrong," Rouge's soft draw added.

"Did you see Kurt's face when he came downstairs after he brought Kitty back," asked

Jean.

"Yeah," answered Scott, "I think that Logan has been down in the Med. Lab to make sure

that Kurt doesn't kill Josh while he is blacked out."

At the moment a 'BAMF" announced that Kurt had entered the room giving everyone

about three second to grab anything else they wanted to eat before the whirlwind known as Kurt

ate the rest of the food.

"I vasn't going to hurt him," retorted Kurt, obviously catching the last part of the

conversation, he hesitated before adding , "vell not much,"

Kitty smiled lightly. Her boyfriend may look like a demon but he had the heart of an

angel. Standing up Kitty put on her ever happy, valley girl, face and walked in smiling, the scars

on her body the only sign that she had a troubled past.

"Good morning everyone," She greeted cheerfully. All head snapped in her direction as

the sweet girl they knew as Kitty bounced into the room with a giant smile on her face.

Taking a seat next to Jean she smiled, "Could you pass the pancakes?"

Once breakfast was over Kitty stood up with the same smile on her face, "Well I had

better get going, if I don't get to the danger room before Mr. Logan I don't think I will survive to

see lunch." and bounced out of the room.

Scott looked at Jean, "Um....was it just me or did she seem a little-"

"To happy," finished Evan.

"Yeah I know. I mean I checked her mind but she didn't seem to be hiding her emotions.

I mean she acknowledged the fact of what happened last night but she seemed okay with it. But

then again we all know how well she can build up a mental story to take stress off her mind.

She's been doing it for years," replied Jean.



In the danger room Kitty worked out glad for just a few minutes to be able to drop her

"happy" mask. She focused on beating a punching bag with all her might, kicking it over and

over. All the pain, all the hate, all the bitterness came out in her fist and feet. Each time moving

faster and faster to the point where it was hard to follow her moves. The sound of Rouge's Linkin

Park CD driving her on. (A/N: Please read the words of this song I think that they fit.)

From the top to the bottom

bottom to top I stop

at the core I've forgot

in the middle of my thoughts

taken from my safety

the picture is there the

memory wont escape me

but why should I care

From the top to the bottom

bottom to top I stop

at the core I've forgot

in the middle of my thoughts

taken from my safety

the picture is there

the memory wont escape me

but why should I care

there's a place so dark you can't see the end

[Skies cock back] and shock that which can't defend

the rain then sends dripping/an acidic question

forcefully, the power of suggestion

then with the eyes shut/ looking thru the rust and rot

and dust/ a small spot of light floods the floor

and pours over the rusted world of pretend

then eyes ease open and it's dark again.

From the top to the bottom

bottom to top I stop

at the core I've forgot

in the middle of my thoughts

taken from my safety

the picture is there

the memory wont escape me

but why should I care

in the memory you'll find me

eyes burning up

the darkness holding me tightly

until the sun rises up

moving all around/ screaming of the ups and owns

pollution manifest in perpetual sound

the wheels go 'round and the sunset creeps past the

street lamps, chain link and concrete

a little piece of paper with a picture drawn floats

on down the street till the wind is gone

the memory now is like the picture was then

when the paper's crumpled up it can't be perfect again

From the top to the bottom

bottom to top I stop

at the core I've forgot

in the middle of my thoughts

taken from my safety

the picture is there

the memory wont escape me

but why should I care

From the top to the bottom

bottom to top I stop

at the core I've forgot

in the middle of my thoughts

taken from my safety

the picture is there

the memory wont escape me

but why should I care

in the memory you'll find me

eyes burning up

the darkness holding me tightly

until the sun rise up

now you got me caught in the act

you bring the thought back

I'm telling you that

I see right thought you



now you got me caught in the act

you bring the thought back

I'm telling you that

I see right thought you

now you got me caught in the act

you bring the thought back

I'm telling you that

I see right thought you

now you got me caught in the act

you bring the thought back

I'm telling you that

I see right thought you

now you got me caught in the act

you bring the thought back

I'm telling you that

I see right thought you

now you got me caught in the act

you bring the thought back

I'm telling you that

I see right thought you

now you got me caught in the act

you bring the thought back

I'm telling you that

I see right thought you

in the memory you'll find me

eyes burning up

the darkness holding me tightly

until the sun rise up

in the memory you'll find me

eyes burning up

the darkness holding me tightly

until the sun rise up

In the tower Logan and the other X-men watched as Kitty beat the punching bag to a pulp.

Showing it no mercy. When the song ended Kitty looked down at her hands and at the fallen

punching bag lay along with its innards of it had been spilled before she ran out looking at her

hands like they were diseased monstrosities.

"The child may act as if she doesn't feel any pain but she holds a great deal of hate in her

heart," remarked Ororo softly, and everyone nodded in agreement.

Kitty had just put on a tank top and was about the change out of her jeans into sleep pants

when the Professor's voice sounded in her head. 'Will everyone gather in the common room

quickly,'. Kitty sighed and tossed her sleep pants on the bed so she could change when she got

back. Treading down the hall and into the common room Kitty was the last one there. As she

enter everyone turned to look at her. Many of them held great sadness for her. Biting back the

need to tell them that she did not want nor need their pity and to stop looking at her like that, she

leaned on the wall, her arms crossed and one foot against the wall.

"Now that we are all here I am afraid I have bad news. Magneto's son, Pietro, was in here

today and has stolen Josh. In the past hour Josh has joined forces with Magneto," Kitty didn't

hear the rest. She wasn't happy that Josh had gotten away from her, but she was also happy that

he wasn't around. When she came out of her thoughts Kitty realized that every pair of eyes had

turn to her. Raising her eyes to meet each one their's Kitty then shrugged, turned, and left.

The next few days Kitty spent trying to avoid Kurt. She had pretty much gotten use to the

stares from the rest of her friends, but Kurt was her boyfriend. She wasn't sure how to deal with

the fact that Kurt knew she wasn't a virgin. After all sex before marriage was a big no-no in his

religion, he had to be disgusted with her. Nevertheless Kitty wished that she could talk to Kurt

because he was her "go-to" guy. She could talk to him about anything.

It was because of these things Kitty found herself back at her pavilion staring at the ocean

and banging her head on the railing. It was freezing but Kitty didn't care she had resorted to

freezing herself to numb the pain she felt. Once again the snap of a twig brought Kitty out of her

thoughts. This time is was Rouge, not Kurt, who interrupted her thoughts. Kitty sighed part of

her was glad that it was Rouge cause now she didn't have to talk to Kurt just yet, the other part

wished it had been Kurt, she hadn't had a hug or kiss from him since he last time they were up in

the pavilion.

"Hey Suga' what are ya doing up here? Or do ya always come up here at three in the

morning when it's freezing cold," Rouge handed over a jacket to Kitty, but Kitty just let is dangle

over the rail.

Kitty looked at Rouge. Over anyone in the Institute she had been the only one who hardly

treated Kitty any different. "Actually yeah I do," Rouge tilted her head, she had not expected that

answer,(A/N: IMPORTANT!!!!!!! this conversation is from the manga MARS vol:8, written by:

Fuyumi Soryo. However the names were changed for obvious reasons) "Rouge, am I good

enough? I want to be with Kurt, but am I really good enough? I'm dirty."

"Stupid!," growled Rouge, "if you are dirty, what in this world isn't?! All men are

skeevy and all the girls are selling themselves to those skeevy men. Guys roam around town just

waiting for girl to hit on them. (A/N: okay back to my writing) You don't do that! You respect

yourself. Hell! I have even seen you slap Lance for making a rude comment to me. Me! And he

can't even touch me!"

"I know. I know," whimpered Kitty putting her head back on the railing wishing that tears

would form in her eyes, but once again her body would not listen to her, "but I can't help it. I

mean...err...I can't explain it but I just feel like no matter what I do I won't be good enough for

Kurt,"

Rouge's eye softened as she looked at the young girl who wanted nothing more then to

just be good enough for her brother. The older girl reached out and patted the younger's back

"Don't worry Suga', Ah know that only thang he wants is for ya just be around 'im again."

Kitty straitened up and hugged her best friend, "Thanks,". As the two started back down

the hill towards the house Rouge slung a arm over Kitty's shoulders.

"Ya know, Ah want ta know how ya hid ya past when I touched ya," joked Rouge.

Kitty smiled, "You stole the memories from the lie I created in my head. You remember

how I was always crying for a month after that play we were in?" Rouge nodded, "Well I was

building back up my lie,". As the two got to the house Kitty decided to stay out side for awhile

longer since they were out for Christmas break, Rouge nodded and headed inside for some sleep.

Kitty put on the jacket, but stayed out side for the rest of the night.

IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay here is the thing I wrote

this story up a long time ago up to his point. I figured that I would become inspired on the way.

Well my plan fell flat. I have NO FRICKIN' IDEA what I'm going to do now. I want the next

chapter to have something about Kitty's parents. Really dramatic ya know. Please I need help! I

want to get reviews ASAP so I can work on this thing in FL. PLEASE HELP!