AN: Well...it's been a while hasn't it? I'd like to take the time to thank all the people that reviewed.
Eev: Hmph, Sess/Kag? I'm not saying that they're a horrible couple; it's just that I really can't see them together. It's nothing against Sesshoumaru personally, he's not one of those characters that you'll find me ranting at. But, in case you're curious as to why this particular author dislikes this couple, here are a few: 1) Inuyasha and Kagome look soooo much cuter together. And Inuyasha deserves some love in life. Come on; give the poor puppy a break. 2) No offense to Sesshoumaru lovers, but he's just a cold-hearted bastard, okay? I know, I know; there will be people protesting about Rin-chan but I prefer to see that as sort of a fatherly gesture because even the cold-hearted have to have some sort of maternal instinct. And little Rin-chan happens to be there for that daughter part. 3) He and Kagome just DON'T belong together. And I think it's really quite annoying that in several hundred fics where she ends up with Sesshoumaru, it's because Inuyasha betrayed her with Kikyo or something like that. Hellooooo. Inuyasha is NOT the betraying type, he takes those kinds of things very seriously (ex. Naraku making Kikyo betray him). 4) I just don't like them together for unknown reasons.
CheesieCake: Sadly, what used to be automatic no longer is. Due to ff.net's stricter html rules, you now have to do it by hand. Once you've saved your fic to the html format, you'll have to manually go to the source and add in tags. Here are the few tags now accepted by ff.net. itext you want italicized here/i center text you want centered/center On the bright side, you still don't have to manually add b and /b for bold. Just do it on your document before you save it to html format. It'll all work out.
Julia: I know exactly what you mean. I've read a few fics where Inuyasha picks Kikyo and then when it doesn't work out, Kagome accepts him back with open arms. This fic definitely won't be like that. Things like that annoy me. In this fic, they're starting off as tentative friends with occasional hostility on Kagome's part. As for wandering off and having long stretches in between chapters, it's probably for lack of inspiration. Don't worry, I won't go hiatus on you.
To the rest of you: Thanks for reviewing! :)
Dedications: This chapter is dedicated to DracOnyx. I probably only worked on it because I found it on your favorites list.
One Last Chance
by
Iris
'Just friends.'
Those two words rang through her head, echoing over and over again as she stared at the ceiling above her. The digits of her alarm clock blinked back at her from its projection onto the ceiling. 3:27 AM. The red numbers flashed over and over again, mocking her as they flickered.
But she still couldn't sleep. Inuyasha was right across the hall.
Was he having trouble sleeping too?
'No, dammit!' Kagome slammed her eyes shut, 'Don't think of him. Do. not. think. of. him.'
However, it was harder than it sounded.
Her fists clenched, nails digging into her skin to form little red half-moon indentations. She flinched slightly as she felt the warning prickle before her nails dug deep enough to draw blood. The stinging barely bothered her, she didn't really notice the scarce throb until one warm drop of blood slid down her palm.
Sighing softly, she slid out from under her bed covers. Carefully cradling her hand so as to not spill any blood onto her white carpet, Kagome moved into the hallway and padded softly down the wood floor to the bathroom. She squinted at the sudden bright light that flooded the bathroom when she flicked on the light switch.
With some sort of morbid fascination, Kagome studied the small injuries on her hand. They was bleeding sluggishly, one crimson drop at a time. So intent was she on the bleeding crescents that she failed to notice Inuyasha standing in the doorway. Not that she would have anyway if he really didn't want her to hear him.
"Kagome."
She started, brown eyes darting to the doorframe where Inuyasha stood. She mentally noted that he was only wearing a pair of loose sweat pants. But there were more important things at the moment than ogling his bare chest. Which she wouldn't do anyway, they were only friends and friends don't ogle at each other.
"Ah, Inuyasha!" her forced voice sounded fake even in her ears, "I didn't mean to wake you."
"You didn't." his amber eyes were narrowed as he watched her attempt to hide her right hand behind her back, "What's wrong with your hand?"
Kagome paled, "It's nothing really."
"You're bleeding."
He moved a step forward and she moved a step back. Kagome's eyes widened as she nearly tripped back over the shower/tub behind her.
"Well, yes, I'm bleeding." Kagome smiled nervously, "But it's nothing. Just a few harmless little scrapes."
"Then why are you acting so skittery?"
The question froze her on the spot and her eyes took on the look of a cornered deer. She couldn't let him see. She couldn't let him see the scars. Silently, she cursed herself for not taking the foresight to wear long sleeves.
"Kagome, what are you hiding from me?"
Since when had he gotten so close? He was just a few inches away now, she had thought her bathroom was big but now it seemed horribly small.
"I'm not hiding anything." the words rushed from her mouth before she could stop them.
A look akin to hurt filled Inuyasha's eyes and she belatedly remembered that he could smell when someone was lying, "I thought we could start over as friends."
His pained words hung in the tense atmosphere and it made Kagome want to cry. She wanted to start over, she really did! But she couldn't just forget the past.
"I'm sorry." she choked out when he moved away, "It's just that..."
He paused at the doorway and looked at her, a haunted look in his eyes, "I know."
And Kagome thought her heart broke again when she barely caught the next words that left his mouth as he moved into the hallway and back towards his room.
"I just wish that you could trust me again."
She heard his door shut with a click as she remained rooted to her spot. One minute passed before she finally moved to the porcelain sink to wash the blood off her hands.
'I wish I could trust you again too.'
~*~
"I was thinking of finding a place of my own, an apartment or something."
"You were?" the words scraping out of her throat sounded oddly sharp, even to herself. Coffee spilled over the sides of her mug as the hand pouring it shook. Muttering something, she grabbed a few paper towels to clean it up as Inuyasha continued from his spot at her kitchen table.
"Yeah, I was." he closed his eyes and sighed, "I don't want to impose on you."
"You're not." again, the odd sharpness to her tone. Kagome quickly picked up her beverage and sipped, maybe her throat was just dry.
"Yes, I am. I can tell that you're uncomfortable with me living here."
"How I feel is none of your business." Kagome hissed, eyes flaring with anger, "And-"
The rest of her sentence was lost when Inuyasha slammed his hands down on the table, "Like hell it is, Kagome! How you feel is damn well my business! Especially when what you're feeling is about me!" he sighed again and buried his face in his hands, "I don't need to know that you hate me. If you've forgotten, I can smell your emotions. I don't need that."
"I don't hate you." Kagome placed her shaking cup down on the table and sat in front of him, "I don't hate you at all."
"Keh. I know." she avoided his amber gaze as he sought her chocolate one, "I know you don't hate me. At least right now you don't. But I don't want to know what'll happen in the future if I continue to stay here. And I know you can't guarantee what you'll feel in the future either."
Kagome choked on a sob, "I'm sorry."
"Oh god, Kagome, don't cry." Inuyasha murmured as she hiccupped miserably, "Please don't cry."
"I'm not crying." Kagome snapped bitterly. She was Higurashi Kagome! And Higurashi Kagome did not cry...that's what she would have liked to believe anyway.
She hiccupped again and watched him through eyes that were shadowed with trickles of emotion, trickles of pain, "Inuyasha, do you know how long it took me to find this house?"
He stared at her, her seemingly random question completely off topic. But not that off topic at all in her mind.
"It took me more than a year, Inu. It took me that freakin long to find this dump."
"Kagome, your house is not a dump."
"It was."
It was her eyes that scared him. Darkened, shadowy eyes that seemed to see his soul although they barely looked like they were seeing him.
"And you know what else? During that year and a half, I lived on other people's money. Mine was useless you see. I had plenty of it, I assure you. It was just useless. I lived on charity." she laughed darkly and, inwardly, Inuyasha winced. When had she become so...so...so bitter?
"We live in a corrupted society, Inu. Bribes, thievery, threats. All a part of this world." Kagome smiled, "I couldn't find a place to live, you know. No one would rent me an apartment no matter how much money I offered. I had to live with a friend from work. I'm sure you've heard of Shikon Corporations, neh? They were the only company that would hire me. Not even the WacDonalds down the street would do that."
"It's a hard life when everyone around you has been bribed to shun you. I was given the cold shoulder in stores, restaurants, etc." she finally met his eyes and the sudden emptiness there scared him.
"And it was all Kikyo's fault."
Kagome took some sort of perverse pleasure in watching the shock that skittered across Inuyasha's face. Sure they were divorcing, but you couldn't forget feelings just like that. She knew that lesson from experience.
"Sakira Kikyo. Daddy's little girl. And of course Daddy's little girl has got Daddy's extensive influence as well. It wasn't hard to pay everyone to make my life a living hell. It wasn't hard at all."
Another bitter laugh. Another shiver sent along Inuyasha's spine. Another tingle of apprehension.
"And she didn't stop at that either. Oh no, that wasn't enough for Kikyo. That was just the tip of the iceberg."
Before she could continue, Inuyasha cut in, "Kagome, I'm sorry. If I had known-"
Kagome wanted to laugh. She really did! Did he think that those words could make all the pain just leave? Did he really think that they could?
"So what did she do?"
"What?"
"What did she do to make you want to leave?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
And Kagome left it at that. She was no idiot. She could feel the pain laced into those words. Smiling sadly, she picked up her purse and pulled on her coat.
"I tried to warn you."
And with those five words, she left the house.
~*~
'I'm horrible.'
The thought echoed in her mind as she hurried down the sidewalk, the tiniest trickle of tears slipping down her cheek.
'I'm such a horrible person.'
It was wrong. Wrong to wish all the pain she had felt onto another person. Wrong to feel happiness that the other person felt pain at her words. It was all wrong.
The revelation at finally meeting him over all these years was shocking. She hadn't realized it but she had changed. And, she thought, not for the better.
'What have I become?'
Her hands came up to brush against the wetness on her cheeks. Feathery light touches that barely registered in her mind.
'I'm a monster. How can anyone stand to be near me?'
And she cried. In the middle of the empty sidewalk, she stopped walking and cried.
Because deep in her heart, somewhere so very deep, there was a little voice that screamed. It was his fault! He should feel the pain. He should suffer!
And she cried because no matter what she did, she couldn't quell that voice.
"Somebody help me."
The rain began to pour again.
AN: Sorry for the delay. I just recently got inspired again. Well then, as you've noticed, Kagome and Inuyasha have been going through some serious problems and mood swings. This isn't going to be like other fics. Kagome will not just accept Inuyasha back without question. No girl really would, I'm sure. And fanfiction should be a tad realistic, neh?
Disclaimer: I do not own Inu-Yasha.
When sorrows come, they come not in single spies, but in battalions.
- William Shakespeare
