Emperor Mage in a Nutshell

Dango: Yay! There's actually stuff that's in the book in this one! Mikki: That's because there's actually stuff in that book Dango: Whatever. Disclaimer. blah blah blah. We own none of it, except I own half of Dom's stuff. *drools* and we also own the rights to the movies Jurassic park and Free Willy, and the Covergirl Corperation, we own that. yes. and the song 'Rasputine'. Yes, of course we own that *runs away from the army of lawyers that're chasing after them*
Once upon a time a bunch of Tortallians went trooping off to Carthrak for no apparent reason.
And Daine was all like "Why are we doing this again?"
And Numair was like "Because Jon told us."
And Jon went prancing naked across the boat throwing flowers in the water and saying "Vote for the animal party! Free Willy!"
And then Alanna was like "It certainly is."
And Daine was like "Why do we listen to this guy again?"
And Numair was all like "Because he's our Sovereign Lord and we still live under the feudal system."
And Daine was all like "Well, that blows chunks."
And Alanna was like "Speaking of blowing chunks, I'm doing remarkably well considering this is a sea voyage."
And some random guy was like "I do the sign against evil on myself cuz the animals are freaking me out."
And Daine was all like "Support the animal lobby!"
And Kaddar was all like "I wear eyeliner."
And Daine was like "My, Kaddar, what big lashes you have!"
And Kaddar was like, "Why, the better to flutter in a flirtatious manner at you, my dear. I use cover girl, lash extension!"
And Orzone was like "Numair must DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cough cough* I mean, welcome, friends!"
And Daine got pooped on my lots of birds.
And Daine was like "My job is the shits."
And Numair was all like "Kaddar, get away from her before I turn you into a- why, hello Varice, what big brea- eyes you have. They are so beautiful, and large. Say, I have a very nice chamber, would you like to come and see?"
Meanwhile Daine outshot all the guys and was all like "Hahaha, kiss my ass!"
And Kaddar was like "Gladly."
And Daine was like "I thought you were gay."
And Kaddar was like "What? You're not a man?"
And Daine was like "You're too young for me. Besides, men who are fifty years older than me and wear sweater vests make my knees quake with desire." *cough* Mikki *cough*
Mikki: Shut up, 'Dango!
And Orzone was like "Hot damn, I need to score me one of them sweater vests!"
And then the Graveyard Hag manipulated some people and Daine brought a dinosaur to life.
And Daine was like "Ooooops."
And Numair was like "Dude, I must be on some powerful shit."
And Daine was like "You're on to talk about shit. Let's see how many time we can say shit within the course of this story. Shit, shit, shit, shit. Is there anyone left who's not offended? Shit."
And then Orzone poisoned Daine and locked her up in his fetish room (aka the band room)
And 'Dango was like "Shouldn't we stop putting in so many inside jokes? We might be confusing people."
And Mikki was like "Oh well, that's their problem!"
And Daine broke out and made a deal with some rats (not Numair, actual rats.)
And the rats were all like "Awww, we don't speak like gangsters."
And the Graveyard Had was like "No, that's reserved for the Bra- zhir."
And the rats were all like "Batta bing, batta boom."
And Daine brought a bunch of dinosaurs to life and smashed the palace while the Jurassic Park theme song played in the back round.
And Zek was like "Hey, you shit-monkeys, you forgot about me!"
And Faithful and Cloud and Kitten (who we haven't mentioned yet. ooops.) were like "Join the animal lobby!"
And Jon was like "Yay!"
And roger was like "Even the people you forgot about get a bigger part than me!

And Francis was like, "Cry me a river and go drown in it, Rasputine wanna-be."
And Roger was like "Here's a fun fact, did you know Rasputine had a thirteen inch penis?"
And all of the stormwings broke out in song. "Rah, rah, Raspoutine, lover of the Russian Queen."
And Thayet was like "Damn, I chose the wrong monarch."
And Raoul was like "Duh."
And Jon was like "Free Willy!"
And Alanna was like "Not much of one."
And Daine was like "Hello? I crushed the palace, we can end the book now!"
And Numair was like "Wait! No, I haven't seen you naked yet! Fair's Fair!"
And then the stromwings were like "Rah, rah, Raspoutine, Russia's greatest lover machine."
And Numair was like "Why, thank you." And he swaggered off into the sunset.
"Ouch! It burns!"
And Orzone was like "There was a cat who really was gone. Hey, I'm singing. crap! I'm a stormwing! Damn you batman, I will have my revenge!"