Disclaimer: I own nothing here but the order in which the words are arranged. The Harry Potter characters are property of J.K. Rowling. Alice In Wonderland belongs to Lewis Carroll. And Miyuki-chan in the Wonderland belongs to that supreme manga studio, CLAMP.

Summary: A HP-based takeoff of CLAMP's manga Miyuki-chan in the Wonderland. Also features stuff from Alice In Wonderland.

Welcome to the Wonderland, where nothing is as it should be and Hermione finds herself adored, loved, and lusted after by all of the Wonderland's inhabitants.

WARNINGS: Everyone except Hermione is bisexual. Which means there WILL be guys loving guys and girls loving girls. Some characters tilt more towards gay than bi. If you don't like it, don't read!



~Hermione In The Wonderland~

*Chapter 1 - Down The Rabbit-Hole'*



Hermione was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her mother on the bank, and of having nothing to do; once or twice she had peeped into the book her mother was reading, but it had no pictures or conversation in it, and what is the use of a book, thought Hermione, Without pictures or conversations?
So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid) whether the pleasure of making a daisy chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a white rabbit with green eyes ran close by her.

It was not actually a white rabbit, Hermione noticed, but more of a boy about her age, dressed in a handsome navy tail-coat and white breeches, with rabbit ears emerging from his unruly black hair. This interested her, but what interested her more was the boy pulling out a golden pocket-watch, glancing at it, and saying : Oh! I'm going to be late!

And with that, he jumped down a rabbit-hole in the bank.

Hermione was so burning with curiosity that she jumped up at once and followed the boy down the hole, never stopping to think how in the world she would get out again.

That was a mistake. The hole went straight down, and Hermione found herself struggling to hold her skirt down as she fell through the air. It was a very long way down; she had plenty of time to look around and wonder what was going to happen next. She noticed the sides of the hole were bookcases and cupboards. She reached out and seized a jar from one of the shelves as she passed. The jar was plainly labeled, ORANGE MARMALADE, but to her great disappointment it was empty; she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody underneath, so managed to pop it into one of the cupboards as she fell past it.

After awhile, she began to feel bored, and so began talking to nobody in particular, just to occupy herself.
I do wonder, she said aloud, If there's an end to this hole. It seems to be going on for such a very long time. I must be near the center of the Earth by now, and she looked around as if expecting the cupboards give way to crumbling rock and dripping lava. Perhaps I'll fall straight through the Earth and come out on the other side of the world! Fancy coming out among the people that walk with their heads downward!
Caught in her fantasy, she continued, I suppose I'll have to ask where I am when I come out. She tried curtsying (imagine curtsying while you were falling!). Excuse me, ma'am, is this Australia or New Zealand? How ignorant she'll think me for asking!

And still she fell. There was nothing else to do, so soon she began talking again. Crookshanks will miss me tonight! I hope they remember his saucer of cream at tea today. Poor Crookshanks! I wish he was here with me! I could use a friend.

Down, down, down. The fall had continued for such a long time that presently Hermione began to feel drowsy; but as she closed her eyes, thump! bump! she landed on a heap of leaves and the fall was over.

Hermione was not a bit hurt, and she jumped to her feet in a moment. Ahead of her was a long passage, and she caught a glimpse of the rabbit-boy's tail-coat as he ran along it. She could hear him muttering, How late it's getting! The maid shall be cross with me!

Hermione followed the rabbit-boy, but when she reached the end of the hall there was nothing but a small door and a glass table.
The door was far too small to allow her to pass through. With a sigh of disappointment, Hermione cast a look at the table.

On it was a small bottle. A fancy label on it read, DRINK ME.

I wonder, if I drank that, what would happen? Hermione thought to herself. Naturally, she was not a stupid girl, and knew very well not to drink from unlabeled bottles, for they might be poison. She picked the bottle up and sniffed gingerly. The liquid inside did not smell like poison; in fact, it smelled rather like cherry tart.

Well, I suppose it can't hurt, she said, and drank the entire contents of the tiny bottle.

What a curious feeling! I feel as if I am shutting up like a telescope.

And this indeed seemed to be the case; as she looked round, the table and door grew larger and larger. Larger? No, they were the same - it was Hermione who had changed. She had shrunk!

But now she was small enough to pass through the door. Bravely, she turned the knob and pushed the door open.


~*~*~*~*~

When she opened the door, she found herself in a forest, and straight in front of her was the rabbit-boy, who gave a start when he saw her.

Hullo! Who are you? His eyes passed appraisingly over her legs.

Hermione flushed and said, I-I'm Hermione. Who are you?

The boy stopped staring at her legs. Er - I'm the White Rabbit. Call me Harry.

But you're not a rabbit, you're a boy, Hermione protested.

Harry rolled his eyes and brushed at his long, white rabbit ears. See those? He turned so she could see a fluffy white tail on the seat of his trousers. And that? I'm a rabbit! He turned back round and glared rather fiercely at her. You'd better be nice, or I'll call my godfather!

Who is your godfather? Hermione asked, trying to be polite.

The S & M King, Harry said proudly. He's good at punishing people.

Hermione shuddered. His name implies that much.

I think he's away now, Harry said thoughtfully. He looked back at her legs and a sneaky smile played across his lips. He looked back at her face and barked, Come with me!

And with that he seized poor Hermione by the arm and dragged her off into the trees.

He brought her to a small house surrounded by flowers. He opened the door and led her inside, Hermione looking all around, very curiously, at the inside of the house.

While it was well-tended and neat outside, the inside was a mess. Dust was an inch thick on almost all the furniture. Piles of dirty magazines (Hermione looked quickly away from these) were scattered over the dining-room table, while a selection of whips, chains, handcuffs, and other bondage items covered an entire wall. Harry noted Hermione's wide-eyed stare and said, That's the Wall of Torture. Don't look at me, all those things belong to my godfather.

How...... lovely, Hermione said faintly, not really meaning it.

Harry plucked a note off the nearest stack of hentai manga. Dear Harry, I'm not here right now. I've gone to see the Big Bad Wolf over something. Taken my favourite whip. I probably won't be back tonight; you and Ginny will have to enjoy the whipped cream by yourselves. Love, Sirius.' Well, that explains where he's gone.

He knows the Big Bad Wolf? Hermione asked fearfully.

They go way back. They were friends at school and they sleep together whenever they get the chance, which isn't as often as they'd like. After all, the Big Bad Wolf isn't the only person around who gets serviced by my godfather.

Hermione shuddered again and backed away quickly as Harry walked towards her, a gleam in his eyes that she really didn't like. He backed her against the wall and leaned close, so their faces were an inch apart. Maybe Ginny and I won't have to enjoy the whipped cream alone, he breathed, and licked the tip of her nose.

Just then, a door slammed, footsteps sounded, and a sultry voice called, Is that you, love?

Hermione sighed in relief as Harry pulled away from her. The person who had spoken came into sight. It was a young girl with long red hair and bright brown eyes, wearing fishnet stockings, stiletto heels, and a black dress, the hem of which barely covered the lace edging of her panties. It had the lowest neckline Hermione had ever seen, and she averted her eyes at once.

she cooed, sidling up to Harry and rubbing her breasts against his arm. Wherever did you find her?

Harry breathed, his attention to Hermione fading as the maid giggled and squirmed in his arms.

The maid pulled out of his embrace and instead pulled Hermione against her. She's cute. What's your name?

Hermione slapped away the maid's hand as it crept up her thigh and under her skirt. I'm Hermione.

I'm Ginny. Harry's .... handmaid, the maid giggled, before placing a sloppy kiss on Hermione's lips. Harry was drooling uncontrollably in the background.

Feeling really uncomfortable now, Hermione pushed Ginny away and began backing towards the door. Er.... it was nice meeting you both, but I really must leave....

Ginny pouted. Don't you want to stay and play with us?

Hermione said quickly, ducking out the door and running away from the house as fast as her feet would carry her.

The house was out of sight before she forced herself to stop. She looked around uneasily. She was surrounded by towering trees, and she was forced to admit that she hadn't the slightest idea of where to go or what to do. She sat down on the ground to keep her shaky legs from dumping her. The encounter with the pervert rabbit and his maid had left her shaken. She sniffed and pulled a hanky from the pocket of her pinafore.

Why are you crying, sweetheart?

Hermione dabbed at her eyes and looked round. There was no one there. She looked wildly in all directions, trying to locate the speaker.

Up here.

She looked up. In the branches of the nearest tree was sprawled a red-headed, freckled youth wearing a skin-tight, orange-and-purple striped catsuit. Orange cat ears poked up from his bright hair, a long striped tail waved in the air, and a shining bell hung at the boy's neck.

As Hermione gazed up at him, transfixed, the boy made an odd purring noise and sat up.

You got cornered by Dirty Harry and his whore, didn't you?



To Be Continued.......


(Coming Soon: Chapter 2 : Cheshire-neko')