AN: I'm sorry for the ridiculously long wait with this chapter but a writer
needs some inspiration to work, right? I'd like to explain the (possibly)
bad quality of this chapter with the fact that I don't have a betareader.
Anybody want that job? And also, my writing is going through some major
changes right now so I apologize if the style change is very drastic. And
this chapter is just madly boring...
*
Third chapter: Ritardando
*
In the following morning, Hinata found herself in her own room but in a rather unusual position crouching in the corner. The pain in her lower back told her that everything wasn't in its right place. She had probably been sitting in the corner of the room for all night, though she couldn't quite decipher how she had gotten on the floor in the beginning. She furrowed her brows and tried to clear her head but regretted it only a second afterwards as the memories of the last nigh came to her.
Hinata shook her head; she didn't want to think about it. She tried to distract herself by something else but when the wall didn't transform into anything more interesting she had to resign. No matter what she did, her thoughts came back to one person. And that person happened to be the one she didn't consider worth thinking of anymore.
She stretched her shoulders trying to relieve the numb stiffness in them and in the progress managed to haul herself up from the ground. She took a few shaky steps towards her bed in an attempt to get some real sleep but the demands from her stomach decided to make themselves audible at the same moment so she changed her direction and headed for the kitchen. It didn't take her long to start to boil the water and find tealeaves and after a few minutes of searching she even found a few cookies to go with the tea.
She didn't want to enter the dining hall where the other members of her family were probably having their own breakfast so she settled for sitting on the ground again, leaning against the cupboards under the water sink. Closing her fingers slowly around the teacup she felt the warmth spread from her hands to her arms and to her body, making her feel much more comfortable on the cold floor. But when she took the first sip of the tea she noticed that she had forgotten to add the tealeaves and went to retrieve them from the table, in the same time noticing that her hands were trembling considerably.
Ignoring the sensation she rested her head against the doors of the wooden cupboards as a stifled sigh escaped her lips. She felt like something heavy was placed on her and pressed her towards the floor, making it difficult to breathe. Hot tears prickled the back of her eyes for no specific reason and she tried to fight them, only letting a small broken cough emit from her throat. She clenched her eyes shut tightly and tried to block out the bad thoughts coming to her mind.
Just then the door to the kitchen slid open, revealing the most unexpected person Hinata could have thought to enter the room. Her cousin stood in the doorway, eyeing her with little interest. When she saw that he wasn't moving Hinata turned her face away from him. She wanted to be alone. She didn't want him to see her like this, when she was weak both physically and mentally. But he didn't let her.
It was obvious that Hinata had been crying. Neji was uncharacteristically curious to know what made the usually timid woman show her emotions so freely and stepped inside the small kitchen, closing the shoji behind him. He invited himself for a cup of tea and sensing that his cousin was in great discomfort leaned against the light-colored wall, as though mocking her.
Over the years he had grown to respect her as his cousin, not as the heiress of the family she was. It felt like Hinata enjoyed that kind of respect more and he felt no real reason to change it. Their conversations few and far between were still none too enthusiastic but sometimes both of them were able to enjoy them, at least a little. Neji still saw her as a shy person even though she had become a great deal braver when she grew up, and he had never really begun to see her as a woman, only a girl with the habit of sealing her feelings inside herself, trying to appear stronger.
The moment caused Hinata extreme discomfort. She tried hard to ignore the hot prickling behind her eyes and tried to blink the tears away and Neji could easily tell that his presence was only making her more nervous, if possible. He sipped his tea casually and set the mug on the table bedside him, crossing his arms over his chest. He had no real desire to know about how miserable her life was now but something told him that she needed support more than possibly ever before.
"Do you want to talk about it?" It was the best kind of offer of comfort he could give. He had never really cared about consoling others and needless to say, didn't like it one bit. Others' problems weren't his and they'd deal with them by themselves.
At first Hinata wanted to decline and just usher him away but seeing that it was probably the kindest thing he had ever said to her (despite their small discussion about medicines) she felt obligated to move her head a fraction of an inch up and down. Neither of them said anything for a long while because Hinata didn't know what to say and Neji waited for Hinata to say something. During the silence Neji silently poured himself another cup of tea and Hinata remained in her place, immobile on the floor.
It was their bond as cousins that gave Neji the patience to wait for his cousin's answer. Even if she tried to hide it, Neji could see that she was mentally shaken and that she couldn't think rationally. Neji saw everything, and therefore Hinata's inability to recognize that she had locked her feelings was more visible to him than to her. If she would only pull the trigger and launch them, she'd be saved from much grief.
Hinata swallowed a mouthful of tea with difficulty and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Looking at Neji, she saw his carefully hidden impatience and let out a deep, calming breath to begin her story.
When she began, however, her defenses didn't work in the way she wanted them to, and soon tears were prickling her eyes again. She continued with speaking, however, because Neji's demanding eyes didn't allow her to stop. He watched her carefully through all the time she spoke and her clear voice, though suffocated with continuous wavering breaths, filled the room with a strange feeling of sadness, one that wasn't known in the household. It was always only grim and stern, and happiness wasn't much allowed in the house.
When she finished, they remained silent for a long time, the other pondering the story, the other pondering the other's reaction. She had intentionally left out the part when Naruto told that he had the Demon inside him but otherwise the story was complete. She collected herself and now they stared at each other with an equal grimness. With equally white eyes set on an equally stern expression on a white face.
"You weren't born to become like me." Neji eyed her now coolly, almost disapprovingly. The indifference in his tone didn't surprise Hinata. He had never shown any kind of emotion and now was definitely not the right time to change. And him answering in riddles almost made Hinata laugh had she been in the condition to laugh to start with.
Seeing that he didn't want to talk anymore nor did he want an answer Hinata stood up and with a nod of farewell headed back to her room to receive the proper sleep she had lacked the previous night. Her head began pounding cruelly the second she stood straight and the quick rising made her feel dizzy. Leaning against the thin wall of the kitchen she took the turn towards her room. When she heard him following her, however, she stopped. She was surprised that he showed any kind of care for her and for him to follow her certainly didn't suit him.
"I also have something to tell you. In your room, please." Neji's voice lacked all emotion and it was impossible for Hinata to tell if the matter was about the previous conversation or about something else. Assuming that it included other subjects she let him follow her to her room. The dizziness she had felt slowly resigned while they walked and her head cleared, giving her an opportunity to think better.
Once they reached her room they stepped inside and Neji closed the door behind him. He had been in her room for a couple of times before so it was not unfamiliar. The room was much like the rest of the house, emotionless and stern and it didn't suit Hinata at all. No wonder she spent more time outside on her own than in there. At least the Branch family's quarters weren't used for political meetings so they could decorate it with the furniture they wanted. Not that it differed from the Main family's, but there was the feeling of alternation that made the air easier to breathe.
Hinata sat on the edge of her bed and gestured for him to take the only chair in the room. It was a plain white colored seat but while all the other furniture were designed to fit only the meaning, the chair was cushioned and looked comfortable. Neji preferred the floor again, though. He crossed his legs beneath himself and faced his cousin with serious eyes. Hinata's hands found their way to her lap and began their nervous pattern once again, despite Neji's disapproving look towards them.
"So, what is it?" Hinata asked quietly, as if fearing that her questioning would make him angry or otherwise disappointed at her.
"We were assigned for a mission", was Neji's reply. While it was nothing new for them to get missions, it was rare that they were ordered to go together. Neji didn't mind it, because over the years Hinata had progressed in both physical strength and endurance. And on top of that, she had a wide knowledge of plants and herbs to be used as medicine if someone got injured. But if he had to be with her for a longer time than he himself desired, he wouldn't be so enthusiastic about it anymore.
Hinata's eyes darted at Neji's and then back to the wall. "What kind of mission?"
"We have to retrieve a scroll that was stolen by a group of bandits. The scroll contains nothing very important, but the group is big so we have more than just the two of us to take part in the mission."
Hinata's hands stopped their movement. She looked at Neji and then back to the wall again, after finally settling on her hands. "Who else are coming with us?" She wasn't used to be on missions with somebody else because she was usually by herself. She didn't know how to react to the piece of news but hoped that it would work out. It had been a long time since she had worked with anyone else, and the last time had been with the people who had accompanied her all the way through their genin and chuunin years.
"Hokage-sama is still thinking about it, but there will at least be Shikamaru and possibly that Uchiha boy as well. Hokage-sama said that there will be others to come."
Neji had gotten in quite friendly terms with Shikamaru after their first and one of the most dangerous missions together - well, at least as friendly as Neji could get. Sasuke, on the other hand... There were still many who thought that he would have been better off if he had left permanently with Orochimaru. Neji didn't like him even though many said that the two were so alike that it was amazing that they weren't friends. But Hinata thought that both needed someone lighter to make them happy.
On Sasuke's behalf, it had worked out quite well. Sakura's not so secret crush on him had turned into something rather desperate when he had left the village. She had been so out of it for many months that her friends started to worry if she'd kill herself before long. Then the sudden news about Sasuke's return changed her so massively that she could no longer be identified as the silly girl who blindly followed her love. Sasuke's return made her face what she was: still weak and hiding behind a cheery smile.
When she realized that she was getting nowhere with only moping and sulking because Sasuke didn't look at her she began to train. And when she found the sparkle of strength to protect those dear to her inside her she truly began to change. It got her some time to get stronger but only two years after Naruto she became a jounin, along with her friend Ino.
Ino and Sakura's friendship had been revived somewhere between Sasuke's departure and return. But their rivalry was still between them, sometimes in only verbal arguments but sometimes they went so far as to actually start a real combat. Ino's interest in Sasuke had died as she had had to watch what had happened to Sakura when she had remained stuck in the boy. She had withered away before Ino's eyes and she couldn't even believe she had ever liked or even admired a boy who could cause so much pain on somebody else.
So Ino, too, had more time to concentrate on her training. And when she was more with her team doing simple missions and obeying Asuma's orders she realized how easy it actually was. She already had a good base on nin- and genjutsu so with a little effort she perfected her skills on those areas but as Asuma said, it was taijutsu she lacked. As many other kunoichi, she wasn't very good in the physical side of fighting. She had no special techniques so basics were what she concentrated on.
After she had used a few months training alone in the forests surrounding the village Asuma ordered her to work with Shikamaru. To kill two flies with one slap. So, Shikamaru used his Shadow Copy technique and Ino dodged the best she could and attacked with her own techniques, sometimes taking control over his mind, sometimes locking his arms or legs or whatnot behind his back, sometimes just punching him in the cheek. It was usually he who won, though, but no matter how annoyed at it Ino got she found herself day after day challenging him again. What amazed her was that Shikamaru didn't complain nearly as much as she expected him to.
Their relationship was evolving all the time and maybe, only maybe, they had both changed because of it. Maybe Shikamaru found more things interesting in his life and maybe Ino wasn't so explosive anymore. But if the right buttons were pushed they would both get back to their stuck up states again. It was a very intriguing combination, their relationship.
Neji rose from the bed taking his leave. At the door he stopped and turned back to Hinata, with words on his lips but uncertain if it was very wise to say them or not. Finally he decided that it was better to speak his mind than to remain silent.
"If you don't have anything better to do than to mope your heart out you should come to the meeting Hokage-sama holds concerning the mission. Sulking here is only a waste of time. Be in her office at six."
He turned to leave and Hinata didn't stop him. She knew that he saw how she was feeling despite her tries to keep her emotions to herself. She also knew that he was right. It did nothing good to just lie inside all day. She'd go to the meeting and then train, anything to keep her mind from wandering back to Naruto. She got to her bed and lay down in an attempt to get some sleep before the meeting.
Attempt was what it became. Her sleep was restless and short and she woke up constantly only to stare at the ceiling with wide eyes with her heart thumping so hard that it hurt and her skin glistening in sweat. Horrible images of red eyes with narrow black irises swirled in her mind every time she closed her eyes. But the suspicion was the greatest cause for her to be awake. What if Naruto had told the truth? What if he really was the Demon?
Hinata was a wise woman. She knew what was reasonable and what was not. Unfortunately her brain was forced to move out of the way of the emotions raging inside her. She knew that she should think about it more and she knew even better that Naruto would never lie to her. Why did she suspect him then? Maybe it was because what he had said was so unbelievable that she didn't even know how to react.
She lay on her bed for a good while and finally decided to go to the meeting at the Hokage's office. She wanted to see who were coming with them and also find out what equipment they would need. While she was sure that the mission was nothing too difficult for her to handle she wanted to get accustomed to the idea of traveling with others. She had never been very comfortable with other people around her and had always been very shy and she still rarely enjoyed company.
Hinata had many times thought of moving to live on her own. She could provide a nice apartment with her income from the missions and occasional part-time jobs but she was more worried about her family's reaction. Now that she had received the title 'heiress of the Hyuga' she couldn't just go around on her own. Even if she knew that the title was partly only a play she understood that the Hyuga's fragile state of peace would waver if she left.
That's why she was bound to live in the mansion of the Hyuga but that didn't mean that she couldn't get out of there as much as possible. Her sister, despite her dislike for Hinata, also took care of the responsibilities given to her - probably so that she could convince the family to replace her in Hinata's position. Hinata didn't mind but she rather liked having even a bit of her father's pretentious attention sometimes.
Seeing what the time was Hinata started to make her way to the meeting. Throwing her jacket over one shoulder she stepped out of the room and to the garden, blinking at the bright sunbeams. The day was clearly opposing her state of mind and gave her a perfect view of a blue sky with no clouds and a calm breeze stoking her skin. It was almost ironic how the weather was so much different from what she felt. It would have been better if it had rained and been dark because then her unnaturally white and sweaty face wouldn't be seen so easily.
She journeyed through the village the short way to the Hokage's building. She was glad that there weren't many people around and searched her way swiftly through the corridors and finally found the office. Knocking twice before entering she noticed the other people there almost immediately. Or rather, one person.
Naruto was sitting just opposite the Hokage's board, the right foot thrown over the left leg with his hands crossed over his chest. He turned to the door just at the moment when Hinata entered and it took quite a while for him to recover from the shock. He didn't even finish the sentence he had been saying to Tsunade and just stared at her. Hinata returned the stare once before her bravery gave up and she moved her gaze to the floor.
Tsunade raised an eyebrow at this interaction. Usually the two got along pretty easily but now the tension was almost touchable. Well, she couldn't always know what was going on between others. It wasn't even her business and if it didn't affect their work then she would leave it to the two to handle.
They didn't say anything and Hinata moved to take her seat on a chair near the doorway. Naruto looked like he wanted to say something but he couldn't do anything under Tsunade's attentive eyes. The stretched silence was finally broken by Shikamaru's ever-so-lazy entering. He knocked on the door twice and entered the room accompanied by Neji and Sasuke a few steps behind. They broke the strained atmosphere in the room and although Shikamaru wondered why they were so grim he didn't say anything.
Tsunade rose from her chair and walked to sit on her board. She eyed the people there and a frown appeared on her face. "Didn't I tell you to tell Sakura? Where is she?"
Sasuke took a step forward from the wall he was leaning on. "I told her, yes, but she said that she'd be a little late for who knows what reason."
Just after his words Sakura came running through the hallway and nearly stumbled over when she entered the room. She leaned her hands heavily against her knees and it took a moment for her to recover so that she could explain herself. Finally after a few moments of deep breathing and calming down she straightened her back and bowed hastily to the Hokage.
"I'm waiting for an explanation, Sakura", Tsunade said grumpily. Despite her light attitude towards most affairs she really didn't like when somebody came in late for an appointed meeting.
"I'm sorry I'm late, but you see, I was training and Kakashi-sensei didn't let me leave unless I had finished and then he was awfully late and I had to wait for him..." She trailed on with indecipherable words and finally shut her mouth when Tsunade gestured her to take a seat. She took her place next to Sasuke and elbowed him in the side. "You could have told her that I was training!" she hissed at him and hmphed.
Sasuke merely shook his shoulders slightly and leaned back on the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. He suspected that the mission was going to be a difficult one, if not because of the enemy then because of Sakura. And probably Naruto. They were both such idiots that it was a miracle that he had stood them even for this long.
It had been a hard time for their team to recover when he had returned from Orochimaru. Even Sakura's never-ending love for him had wavered and he had been rather unsure of his return. But then she had promised with her life to Tsunade that he wouldn't do anything against the village and he had been grateful. It was thanks to Sakura that he was now there. Naruto hadn't done more than shook his shoulders and yelled at him for a bit, and already the bond between them was recreated.
But still they weren't the same cell anymore. Sometimes he'd see Sakura and Naruto change glances that only they could share, and occasionally they would feel more like a brother and sister than just friends. Sasuke didn't feel that much left outside because he had always been a lone wolf but it still reminded him of the years he had been absent.
Tsunade cleared her throat to get everyone's full attention. She gave them a grin before starting but those who knew her better knew that she was serious when the time required despite how she appeared.
"As you all know, the mission is to retrieve a scroll with a sealing technique in it. The scroll, while nothing very important, can cause damage on us if it is in the wrong hands." Her eyes scanned everyone in the room and she held a small pause before continuing.
"The people who stole it while it was being moved to here are trained fighters and there are many of them. That's why you all will go and all of you will give it the best you can. I will give you the current location of the group later today and after that it will be for you to decide who will be the leader and how you will attack." She stopped her pacing and sat back down on her desk, putting her hands in the pockets of her robe.
There was silence and everyone waited for Tsunade to continue. Shikamaru yawned and scratched his nose. Sakura ran her fingers through her hair. Naruto fidgeted on his chair. Sasuke merely stared in front of him, ignoring everything else but Tsunade's voice. Hinata's eyes wandered from Neji to Sasuke and back to the wall where she had been staring. Neji changed the foot he was supporting his weight with.
"That's it, you're dismissed", Tsunade said.
"Wait, you're not going to tell us anything more? How are we supposed to complete a mission with so little information?" Shikamaru asked. If he was being dragged to the mission he had the right to demand more instruction.
"No, is there a problem with that?" Tsunade asked, raising an eyebrow at his reaction. "That's what ninjas do, gather information."
"Yeah, right..." Shikamaru scratched his scalp. The mission was becoming way too annoying for his tastes. But on the other hand, now he could leave the office quicker than he had planned to. Maybe Ino was still free to train with. "Well, if that's all, can we leave?" he asked, taking a step towards the door.
"I already told you that you're dismissed. I'll call for you when I get to know the location of the group. Now move your butts or I'll throw you out."
Under Tsunade's threatening stare they quickly took their leave. As if of a silent agreement they stopped when they reached the gateway leading to the huge building where the Hokage worked. After a moment's silence Neji calmly said, "I take it clear that Shikamaru will be our leader."
Shikamaru sighed at this and scratched his head again. Just because he had become a chuunin two years before Neji and Naruto didn't mean that he was any more capable of handling the responsibilities of a leader. "Let's not make any hasty decisions. We should wait until we know the location before we decide leaders or anything..." He would much more enjoy relaxing before the mission than planning their positions and actions.
Others respected his words and despite silently swearing that Shikamaru was going to be the leader no matter what everyone left the matter be. Neji took off first, heading to the Hyuga Branch family building which was not far from the Main family's quarters. Sasuke and Sakura left together to the direction of the center of the village and Shikamaru, with a low grumbling, left to Ino's. Hinata started to run after Neji because they were, after all, heading to the same direction.
"Hinata, wait!" Already when the words left his mouth he regretted them. He wasn't going to gain her trust back with asking her to stay with him alone. He was still so confused about the happenings of the previous night that he could hardly face anybody, yet alone talk to Hinata. But he knew that if he didn't get Hinata to believe that what he had done hadn't really been him their relationship would be as good as gone.
Hinata slowly stopped her steps and hesitantly turned her head slightly to tell Naruto that he was free to speak. All her thoughts raced through her mind in one huge storm and she found it extremely difficult to look into his eyes without breaking. Maybe if he offered a rational explanation she could believe him and could move on with it.
Naruto was surprised that he couldn't see a cold back staring back at him and was startled when she actually allowed him to talk. But if this was what he wanted, then what was he going to say? All the things he had sworn to tell Hinata, from an apology to a promise to be her slave eternally now fled his mind and he could only stare at her. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. After several attempts he shut up and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry", he said, looking away from Hinata. He just couldn't face her like this, not after what he had done.
She didn't answer and Naruto nearly lost his faith that he'd be forgiven. When he looked at her, he saw that she, too, was desperately fighting for the right words so that the fragile moment between them wouldn't be shattered. It was like balancing on the edge of a knife, one slip and their story would be over.
They remained silent. Neither knew what to say so that it wouldn't destroy the moment. Hinata wanted Naruto to explain his actions but somehow it didn't feel right to ask so directly about it and left it alone. He would have the second chance, she decided. She knew that she would be happy with Naruto and one misunderstanding or accident or whatever it had been couldn't destroy that happiness.
And if she were to get hurt, she wanted Naruto to be the one to hurt her.
***
Neji stepped inside the Branch family's house. It was quiet and comforting. He couldn't see anybody but it didn't surprise him because very few wanted to wander in the hallways of the mansion. He, too, had for a long time been thinking of buying a house of his own but he just couldn't bring himself to leave his mother alone. She had always been rather weak and after his father had died she had been nearly constantly sick.
When he arrived to his and his mother's home he was surprised to see her sitting in the kitchen. She gestured for him to take a seat opposite hers and set a plate of food in front of him. Her colorless eyes - even more so than his - were dull as she looked at him, asking him quietly to eat. She herself had a plate full of food before her but she had apparently only nibbled at it and then left it to cool down and now it was so cold that it wouldn't taste good.
Neji cast a worried glance at her when he went to put her meal in the oven for a while. The small bit of sympathy he harbored inside himself was all saved for this person. A person who couldn't take care of herself and who was very important to him. He had had to watch her wither away after his father had died though he had then been too small to understand the depth of her feelings and love for him. He still didn't understand the emotion called love but at least he knew how much she suffered of the loss.
When he carried the plate back to his mother she stuck her fork in it and left it be. Neji wasn't hungry either but knew that his mother would be disappointed if he didn't eat.
"Do you have something to tell me?" he asked, trying to get a clue as for why she was up at this time of the day - usually she could only be seen during the night, sitting in the swinging chair in the inside garden of their house. Sometimes Neji would wordlessly bring her a blanket and wouldn't ask about the tears streaming across her face because he knew she didn't want to answer.
"The Main family. They're having a meeting. You should go there."
He inwardly wondered why the Main family would want to have him in the meeting but kept his façade indifferent on the outside. "You think? Did they tell you what the subject is?"
"I think they mentioned something about your cousin. You know, Hinata-chan. She's such a cute child, don't you think? You used to like her when she was small, and said that she was cute."
"Mother... Hinata-sama is an adult. You shouldn't refer to the leader of our clan as a little girl."
"Is that so? But I so liked her eyes when she was young... She used to smile a lot even if she was shy."
Neji didn't remember the way his cousin's eyes had gleamed happily when he had been looking at her. He didn't remember the small curve of her lips when she smiled. He didn't remember her being happy for a second in her life. He had no happy memories of his home and he didn't need to.
"Indeed, Hinata-sama must have been an adorable child." His voice sounded far away even in his own ears and he replaced the small talk by taking a mouthful of the food his mother had made. It was burnt and too salty but he ate it like the most delicious of meals. His mother looked at him happily, as if enjoying the sight of him eating.
"You, too, were such a cute child, Neji", she sighed and leaned her chin on her hand. "Tell Hinata-chan to come over some time. I'd like to talk to her."
Neji knew he wouldn't but nodded nevertheless. His mother smiled happily at his response but her smile never reached her eyes. They remained dull and hunted even during her better times and this certainly was one of those. Bad days weren't rare and then she would be hysteric and on the verge of snapping completely. Neji feared that one of those days he would lose her.
"I want a grandchild."
Neji's head snapped to look at his mother and he was surprised to see that the seriousness in her eyes was true. Why was she talking about something like this now?
"Mother, what are you talking about?"
"Just what I said. I want a grandchild before I die."
"You won't die in a long time."
"Don't lie to me. I know rather well how weak I am."
Neji was starting to get scared. He could handle tens of enemies and hundreds of weapons thrown at him, but when his mother was like this he knew that the false happiness in their home would be gone soon. He wanted his mother to be as happy as possible for the last years of her life but she was almost deliberately making it more difficult.
"Are you going to give me a grandchild? It'd have such cute, pearl-white eyes..."
"I don't have a wife, mother. Something as important as a child isn't produced in a short time."
"Oh, you could get one. You're a charming man, dear. Just one look at the ladies and they'd fall at your feet, I'm sure."
Neji's face remained immobile and he didn't know what to say. Just seeing his mother like this hurt him and it hurt even more to know that he'd cause her pain if he didn't fulfill her wish. But he wasn't about to make a random woman pregnant just so his mother could pamper it to death. He had never seriously thought that something as children would be a part of his life. Now that he did think about it, it seemed as stupid as Naruto becoming the sixth Hokage.
Just to keep her mother from wandering to unpleasant thoughts again he asked, "Have you thought about the mother? Who would you like it to be?"
She was silent for a minute, going through the options in her mind. "Wasn't there this lovely girl in your team? What was her name again? Penpen?"
"Tenten, mother. And she moved in with a woman from the Sand Village a while ago."
"Oh, what a shame. She had such a bright attitude. She would've completed you in many ways."
That was partly true, yes. Tenten had just never been more than a teammate to him and he had hard time thinking of loving her. It was good that she had found her place next to someone even if the relationship was as strange as one with a Sand kunoichi. They were thankfully living in the Leaf Village - Neji wouldn't have tolerated Lee's overflowing tears that would definitely have streamed had she left them behind.
"I don't know many of your friends... Aren't there any girls you'd like?"
"At the moment, the alternatives are on short, I'm afraid."
"Oh well, I can wait. Just be sure that you never make her cry, okay? I won't forgive you if you ever make a woman cry."
Neji nodded wordlessly and finished his meal. These kinds of discussions between them were rare and she had never brought up a very sensitive subject such as this. Should he give her what she wanted? True, he had never had a longtime relationship with anyone nor did he want to but he was an experienced lover. He didn't know how he could make any human happy, not to talk about being happy with him for the rest of the life. He had long time ago decided that love wasn't for him, even if physical pleasure was nothing he despised.
He stood up and saw that his mother had once again fallen into the trance - her dream world where only she and her husband could visit. He could tell that the conversation had exhausted her. He patted her shoulder lightly and when he didn't receive a response, picked her up in his arms and carried her to her bedroom. He threw a blanket over her to keep her warm and shut the door quietly. She would wake up in a few hours and he wanted to be home at that time.
That meant he had to make haste to be in time in the meeting at the Main family's quarters.
*
Third chapter: Ritardando
*
In the following morning, Hinata found herself in her own room but in a rather unusual position crouching in the corner. The pain in her lower back told her that everything wasn't in its right place. She had probably been sitting in the corner of the room for all night, though she couldn't quite decipher how she had gotten on the floor in the beginning. She furrowed her brows and tried to clear her head but regretted it only a second afterwards as the memories of the last nigh came to her.
Hinata shook her head; she didn't want to think about it. She tried to distract herself by something else but when the wall didn't transform into anything more interesting she had to resign. No matter what she did, her thoughts came back to one person. And that person happened to be the one she didn't consider worth thinking of anymore.
She stretched her shoulders trying to relieve the numb stiffness in them and in the progress managed to haul herself up from the ground. She took a few shaky steps towards her bed in an attempt to get some real sleep but the demands from her stomach decided to make themselves audible at the same moment so she changed her direction and headed for the kitchen. It didn't take her long to start to boil the water and find tealeaves and after a few minutes of searching she even found a few cookies to go with the tea.
She didn't want to enter the dining hall where the other members of her family were probably having their own breakfast so she settled for sitting on the ground again, leaning against the cupboards under the water sink. Closing her fingers slowly around the teacup she felt the warmth spread from her hands to her arms and to her body, making her feel much more comfortable on the cold floor. But when she took the first sip of the tea she noticed that she had forgotten to add the tealeaves and went to retrieve them from the table, in the same time noticing that her hands were trembling considerably.
Ignoring the sensation she rested her head against the doors of the wooden cupboards as a stifled sigh escaped her lips. She felt like something heavy was placed on her and pressed her towards the floor, making it difficult to breathe. Hot tears prickled the back of her eyes for no specific reason and she tried to fight them, only letting a small broken cough emit from her throat. She clenched her eyes shut tightly and tried to block out the bad thoughts coming to her mind.
Just then the door to the kitchen slid open, revealing the most unexpected person Hinata could have thought to enter the room. Her cousin stood in the doorway, eyeing her with little interest. When she saw that he wasn't moving Hinata turned her face away from him. She wanted to be alone. She didn't want him to see her like this, when she was weak both physically and mentally. But he didn't let her.
It was obvious that Hinata had been crying. Neji was uncharacteristically curious to know what made the usually timid woman show her emotions so freely and stepped inside the small kitchen, closing the shoji behind him. He invited himself for a cup of tea and sensing that his cousin was in great discomfort leaned against the light-colored wall, as though mocking her.
Over the years he had grown to respect her as his cousin, not as the heiress of the family she was. It felt like Hinata enjoyed that kind of respect more and he felt no real reason to change it. Their conversations few and far between were still none too enthusiastic but sometimes both of them were able to enjoy them, at least a little. Neji still saw her as a shy person even though she had become a great deal braver when she grew up, and he had never really begun to see her as a woman, only a girl with the habit of sealing her feelings inside herself, trying to appear stronger.
The moment caused Hinata extreme discomfort. She tried hard to ignore the hot prickling behind her eyes and tried to blink the tears away and Neji could easily tell that his presence was only making her more nervous, if possible. He sipped his tea casually and set the mug on the table bedside him, crossing his arms over his chest. He had no real desire to know about how miserable her life was now but something told him that she needed support more than possibly ever before.
"Do you want to talk about it?" It was the best kind of offer of comfort he could give. He had never really cared about consoling others and needless to say, didn't like it one bit. Others' problems weren't his and they'd deal with them by themselves.
At first Hinata wanted to decline and just usher him away but seeing that it was probably the kindest thing he had ever said to her (despite their small discussion about medicines) she felt obligated to move her head a fraction of an inch up and down. Neither of them said anything for a long while because Hinata didn't know what to say and Neji waited for Hinata to say something. During the silence Neji silently poured himself another cup of tea and Hinata remained in her place, immobile on the floor.
It was their bond as cousins that gave Neji the patience to wait for his cousin's answer. Even if she tried to hide it, Neji could see that she was mentally shaken and that she couldn't think rationally. Neji saw everything, and therefore Hinata's inability to recognize that she had locked her feelings was more visible to him than to her. If she would only pull the trigger and launch them, she'd be saved from much grief.
Hinata swallowed a mouthful of tea with difficulty and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Looking at Neji, she saw his carefully hidden impatience and let out a deep, calming breath to begin her story.
When she began, however, her defenses didn't work in the way she wanted them to, and soon tears were prickling her eyes again. She continued with speaking, however, because Neji's demanding eyes didn't allow her to stop. He watched her carefully through all the time she spoke and her clear voice, though suffocated with continuous wavering breaths, filled the room with a strange feeling of sadness, one that wasn't known in the household. It was always only grim and stern, and happiness wasn't much allowed in the house.
When she finished, they remained silent for a long time, the other pondering the story, the other pondering the other's reaction. She had intentionally left out the part when Naruto told that he had the Demon inside him but otherwise the story was complete. She collected herself and now they stared at each other with an equal grimness. With equally white eyes set on an equally stern expression on a white face.
"You weren't born to become like me." Neji eyed her now coolly, almost disapprovingly. The indifference in his tone didn't surprise Hinata. He had never shown any kind of emotion and now was definitely not the right time to change. And him answering in riddles almost made Hinata laugh had she been in the condition to laugh to start with.
Seeing that he didn't want to talk anymore nor did he want an answer Hinata stood up and with a nod of farewell headed back to her room to receive the proper sleep she had lacked the previous night. Her head began pounding cruelly the second she stood straight and the quick rising made her feel dizzy. Leaning against the thin wall of the kitchen she took the turn towards her room. When she heard him following her, however, she stopped. She was surprised that he showed any kind of care for her and for him to follow her certainly didn't suit him.
"I also have something to tell you. In your room, please." Neji's voice lacked all emotion and it was impossible for Hinata to tell if the matter was about the previous conversation or about something else. Assuming that it included other subjects she let him follow her to her room. The dizziness she had felt slowly resigned while they walked and her head cleared, giving her an opportunity to think better.
Once they reached her room they stepped inside and Neji closed the door behind him. He had been in her room for a couple of times before so it was not unfamiliar. The room was much like the rest of the house, emotionless and stern and it didn't suit Hinata at all. No wonder she spent more time outside on her own than in there. At least the Branch family's quarters weren't used for political meetings so they could decorate it with the furniture they wanted. Not that it differed from the Main family's, but there was the feeling of alternation that made the air easier to breathe.
Hinata sat on the edge of her bed and gestured for him to take the only chair in the room. It was a plain white colored seat but while all the other furniture were designed to fit only the meaning, the chair was cushioned and looked comfortable. Neji preferred the floor again, though. He crossed his legs beneath himself and faced his cousin with serious eyes. Hinata's hands found their way to her lap and began their nervous pattern once again, despite Neji's disapproving look towards them.
"So, what is it?" Hinata asked quietly, as if fearing that her questioning would make him angry or otherwise disappointed at her.
"We were assigned for a mission", was Neji's reply. While it was nothing new for them to get missions, it was rare that they were ordered to go together. Neji didn't mind it, because over the years Hinata had progressed in both physical strength and endurance. And on top of that, she had a wide knowledge of plants and herbs to be used as medicine if someone got injured. But if he had to be with her for a longer time than he himself desired, he wouldn't be so enthusiastic about it anymore.
Hinata's eyes darted at Neji's and then back to the wall. "What kind of mission?"
"We have to retrieve a scroll that was stolen by a group of bandits. The scroll contains nothing very important, but the group is big so we have more than just the two of us to take part in the mission."
Hinata's hands stopped their movement. She looked at Neji and then back to the wall again, after finally settling on her hands. "Who else are coming with us?" She wasn't used to be on missions with somebody else because she was usually by herself. She didn't know how to react to the piece of news but hoped that it would work out. It had been a long time since she had worked with anyone else, and the last time had been with the people who had accompanied her all the way through their genin and chuunin years.
"Hokage-sama is still thinking about it, but there will at least be Shikamaru and possibly that Uchiha boy as well. Hokage-sama said that there will be others to come."
Neji had gotten in quite friendly terms with Shikamaru after their first and one of the most dangerous missions together - well, at least as friendly as Neji could get. Sasuke, on the other hand... There were still many who thought that he would have been better off if he had left permanently with Orochimaru. Neji didn't like him even though many said that the two were so alike that it was amazing that they weren't friends. But Hinata thought that both needed someone lighter to make them happy.
On Sasuke's behalf, it had worked out quite well. Sakura's not so secret crush on him had turned into something rather desperate when he had left the village. She had been so out of it for many months that her friends started to worry if she'd kill herself before long. Then the sudden news about Sasuke's return changed her so massively that she could no longer be identified as the silly girl who blindly followed her love. Sasuke's return made her face what she was: still weak and hiding behind a cheery smile.
When she realized that she was getting nowhere with only moping and sulking because Sasuke didn't look at her she began to train. And when she found the sparkle of strength to protect those dear to her inside her she truly began to change. It got her some time to get stronger but only two years after Naruto she became a jounin, along with her friend Ino.
Ino and Sakura's friendship had been revived somewhere between Sasuke's departure and return. But their rivalry was still between them, sometimes in only verbal arguments but sometimes they went so far as to actually start a real combat. Ino's interest in Sasuke had died as she had had to watch what had happened to Sakura when she had remained stuck in the boy. She had withered away before Ino's eyes and she couldn't even believe she had ever liked or even admired a boy who could cause so much pain on somebody else.
So Ino, too, had more time to concentrate on her training. And when she was more with her team doing simple missions and obeying Asuma's orders she realized how easy it actually was. She already had a good base on nin- and genjutsu so with a little effort she perfected her skills on those areas but as Asuma said, it was taijutsu she lacked. As many other kunoichi, she wasn't very good in the physical side of fighting. She had no special techniques so basics were what she concentrated on.
After she had used a few months training alone in the forests surrounding the village Asuma ordered her to work with Shikamaru. To kill two flies with one slap. So, Shikamaru used his Shadow Copy technique and Ino dodged the best she could and attacked with her own techniques, sometimes taking control over his mind, sometimes locking his arms or legs or whatnot behind his back, sometimes just punching him in the cheek. It was usually he who won, though, but no matter how annoyed at it Ino got she found herself day after day challenging him again. What amazed her was that Shikamaru didn't complain nearly as much as she expected him to.
Their relationship was evolving all the time and maybe, only maybe, they had both changed because of it. Maybe Shikamaru found more things interesting in his life and maybe Ino wasn't so explosive anymore. But if the right buttons were pushed they would both get back to their stuck up states again. It was a very intriguing combination, their relationship.
Neji rose from the bed taking his leave. At the door he stopped and turned back to Hinata, with words on his lips but uncertain if it was very wise to say them or not. Finally he decided that it was better to speak his mind than to remain silent.
"If you don't have anything better to do than to mope your heart out you should come to the meeting Hokage-sama holds concerning the mission. Sulking here is only a waste of time. Be in her office at six."
He turned to leave and Hinata didn't stop him. She knew that he saw how she was feeling despite her tries to keep her emotions to herself. She also knew that he was right. It did nothing good to just lie inside all day. She'd go to the meeting and then train, anything to keep her mind from wandering back to Naruto. She got to her bed and lay down in an attempt to get some sleep before the meeting.
Attempt was what it became. Her sleep was restless and short and she woke up constantly only to stare at the ceiling with wide eyes with her heart thumping so hard that it hurt and her skin glistening in sweat. Horrible images of red eyes with narrow black irises swirled in her mind every time she closed her eyes. But the suspicion was the greatest cause for her to be awake. What if Naruto had told the truth? What if he really was the Demon?
Hinata was a wise woman. She knew what was reasonable and what was not. Unfortunately her brain was forced to move out of the way of the emotions raging inside her. She knew that she should think about it more and she knew even better that Naruto would never lie to her. Why did she suspect him then? Maybe it was because what he had said was so unbelievable that she didn't even know how to react.
She lay on her bed for a good while and finally decided to go to the meeting at the Hokage's office. She wanted to see who were coming with them and also find out what equipment they would need. While she was sure that the mission was nothing too difficult for her to handle she wanted to get accustomed to the idea of traveling with others. She had never been very comfortable with other people around her and had always been very shy and she still rarely enjoyed company.
Hinata had many times thought of moving to live on her own. She could provide a nice apartment with her income from the missions and occasional part-time jobs but she was more worried about her family's reaction. Now that she had received the title 'heiress of the Hyuga' she couldn't just go around on her own. Even if she knew that the title was partly only a play she understood that the Hyuga's fragile state of peace would waver if she left.
That's why she was bound to live in the mansion of the Hyuga but that didn't mean that she couldn't get out of there as much as possible. Her sister, despite her dislike for Hinata, also took care of the responsibilities given to her - probably so that she could convince the family to replace her in Hinata's position. Hinata didn't mind but she rather liked having even a bit of her father's pretentious attention sometimes.
Seeing what the time was Hinata started to make her way to the meeting. Throwing her jacket over one shoulder she stepped out of the room and to the garden, blinking at the bright sunbeams. The day was clearly opposing her state of mind and gave her a perfect view of a blue sky with no clouds and a calm breeze stoking her skin. It was almost ironic how the weather was so much different from what she felt. It would have been better if it had rained and been dark because then her unnaturally white and sweaty face wouldn't be seen so easily.
She journeyed through the village the short way to the Hokage's building. She was glad that there weren't many people around and searched her way swiftly through the corridors and finally found the office. Knocking twice before entering she noticed the other people there almost immediately. Or rather, one person.
Naruto was sitting just opposite the Hokage's board, the right foot thrown over the left leg with his hands crossed over his chest. He turned to the door just at the moment when Hinata entered and it took quite a while for him to recover from the shock. He didn't even finish the sentence he had been saying to Tsunade and just stared at her. Hinata returned the stare once before her bravery gave up and she moved her gaze to the floor.
Tsunade raised an eyebrow at this interaction. Usually the two got along pretty easily but now the tension was almost touchable. Well, she couldn't always know what was going on between others. It wasn't even her business and if it didn't affect their work then she would leave it to the two to handle.
They didn't say anything and Hinata moved to take her seat on a chair near the doorway. Naruto looked like he wanted to say something but he couldn't do anything under Tsunade's attentive eyes. The stretched silence was finally broken by Shikamaru's ever-so-lazy entering. He knocked on the door twice and entered the room accompanied by Neji and Sasuke a few steps behind. They broke the strained atmosphere in the room and although Shikamaru wondered why they were so grim he didn't say anything.
Tsunade rose from her chair and walked to sit on her board. She eyed the people there and a frown appeared on her face. "Didn't I tell you to tell Sakura? Where is she?"
Sasuke took a step forward from the wall he was leaning on. "I told her, yes, but she said that she'd be a little late for who knows what reason."
Just after his words Sakura came running through the hallway and nearly stumbled over when she entered the room. She leaned her hands heavily against her knees and it took a moment for her to recover so that she could explain herself. Finally after a few moments of deep breathing and calming down she straightened her back and bowed hastily to the Hokage.
"I'm waiting for an explanation, Sakura", Tsunade said grumpily. Despite her light attitude towards most affairs she really didn't like when somebody came in late for an appointed meeting.
"I'm sorry I'm late, but you see, I was training and Kakashi-sensei didn't let me leave unless I had finished and then he was awfully late and I had to wait for him..." She trailed on with indecipherable words and finally shut her mouth when Tsunade gestured her to take a seat. She took her place next to Sasuke and elbowed him in the side. "You could have told her that I was training!" she hissed at him and hmphed.
Sasuke merely shook his shoulders slightly and leaned back on the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. He suspected that the mission was going to be a difficult one, if not because of the enemy then because of Sakura. And probably Naruto. They were both such idiots that it was a miracle that he had stood them even for this long.
It had been a hard time for their team to recover when he had returned from Orochimaru. Even Sakura's never-ending love for him had wavered and he had been rather unsure of his return. But then she had promised with her life to Tsunade that he wouldn't do anything against the village and he had been grateful. It was thanks to Sakura that he was now there. Naruto hadn't done more than shook his shoulders and yelled at him for a bit, and already the bond between them was recreated.
But still they weren't the same cell anymore. Sometimes he'd see Sakura and Naruto change glances that only they could share, and occasionally they would feel more like a brother and sister than just friends. Sasuke didn't feel that much left outside because he had always been a lone wolf but it still reminded him of the years he had been absent.
Tsunade cleared her throat to get everyone's full attention. She gave them a grin before starting but those who knew her better knew that she was serious when the time required despite how she appeared.
"As you all know, the mission is to retrieve a scroll with a sealing technique in it. The scroll, while nothing very important, can cause damage on us if it is in the wrong hands." Her eyes scanned everyone in the room and she held a small pause before continuing.
"The people who stole it while it was being moved to here are trained fighters and there are many of them. That's why you all will go and all of you will give it the best you can. I will give you the current location of the group later today and after that it will be for you to decide who will be the leader and how you will attack." She stopped her pacing and sat back down on her desk, putting her hands in the pockets of her robe.
There was silence and everyone waited for Tsunade to continue. Shikamaru yawned and scratched his nose. Sakura ran her fingers through her hair. Naruto fidgeted on his chair. Sasuke merely stared in front of him, ignoring everything else but Tsunade's voice. Hinata's eyes wandered from Neji to Sasuke and back to the wall where she had been staring. Neji changed the foot he was supporting his weight with.
"That's it, you're dismissed", Tsunade said.
"Wait, you're not going to tell us anything more? How are we supposed to complete a mission with so little information?" Shikamaru asked. If he was being dragged to the mission he had the right to demand more instruction.
"No, is there a problem with that?" Tsunade asked, raising an eyebrow at his reaction. "That's what ninjas do, gather information."
"Yeah, right..." Shikamaru scratched his scalp. The mission was becoming way too annoying for his tastes. But on the other hand, now he could leave the office quicker than he had planned to. Maybe Ino was still free to train with. "Well, if that's all, can we leave?" he asked, taking a step towards the door.
"I already told you that you're dismissed. I'll call for you when I get to know the location of the group. Now move your butts or I'll throw you out."
Under Tsunade's threatening stare they quickly took their leave. As if of a silent agreement they stopped when they reached the gateway leading to the huge building where the Hokage worked. After a moment's silence Neji calmly said, "I take it clear that Shikamaru will be our leader."
Shikamaru sighed at this and scratched his head again. Just because he had become a chuunin two years before Neji and Naruto didn't mean that he was any more capable of handling the responsibilities of a leader. "Let's not make any hasty decisions. We should wait until we know the location before we decide leaders or anything..." He would much more enjoy relaxing before the mission than planning their positions and actions.
Others respected his words and despite silently swearing that Shikamaru was going to be the leader no matter what everyone left the matter be. Neji took off first, heading to the Hyuga Branch family building which was not far from the Main family's quarters. Sasuke and Sakura left together to the direction of the center of the village and Shikamaru, with a low grumbling, left to Ino's. Hinata started to run after Neji because they were, after all, heading to the same direction.
"Hinata, wait!" Already when the words left his mouth he regretted them. He wasn't going to gain her trust back with asking her to stay with him alone. He was still so confused about the happenings of the previous night that he could hardly face anybody, yet alone talk to Hinata. But he knew that if he didn't get Hinata to believe that what he had done hadn't really been him their relationship would be as good as gone.
Hinata slowly stopped her steps and hesitantly turned her head slightly to tell Naruto that he was free to speak. All her thoughts raced through her mind in one huge storm and she found it extremely difficult to look into his eyes without breaking. Maybe if he offered a rational explanation she could believe him and could move on with it.
Naruto was surprised that he couldn't see a cold back staring back at him and was startled when she actually allowed him to talk. But if this was what he wanted, then what was he going to say? All the things he had sworn to tell Hinata, from an apology to a promise to be her slave eternally now fled his mind and he could only stare at her. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. After several attempts he shut up and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry", he said, looking away from Hinata. He just couldn't face her like this, not after what he had done.
She didn't answer and Naruto nearly lost his faith that he'd be forgiven. When he looked at her, he saw that she, too, was desperately fighting for the right words so that the fragile moment between them wouldn't be shattered. It was like balancing on the edge of a knife, one slip and their story would be over.
They remained silent. Neither knew what to say so that it wouldn't destroy the moment. Hinata wanted Naruto to explain his actions but somehow it didn't feel right to ask so directly about it and left it alone. He would have the second chance, she decided. She knew that she would be happy with Naruto and one misunderstanding or accident or whatever it had been couldn't destroy that happiness.
And if she were to get hurt, she wanted Naruto to be the one to hurt her.
***
Neji stepped inside the Branch family's house. It was quiet and comforting. He couldn't see anybody but it didn't surprise him because very few wanted to wander in the hallways of the mansion. He, too, had for a long time been thinking of buying a house of his own but he just couldn't bring himself to leave his mother alone. She had always been rather weak and after his father had died she had been nearly constantly sick.
When he arrived to his and his mother's home he was surprised to see her sitting in the kitchen. She gestured for him to take a seat opposite hers and set a plate of food in front of him. Her colorless eyes - even more so than his - were dull as she looked at him, asking him quietly to eat. She herself had a plate full of food before her but she had apparently only nibbled at it and then left it to cool down and now it was so cold that it wouldn't taste good.
Neji cast a worried glance at her when he went to put her meal in the oven for a while. The small bit of sympathy he harbored inside himself was all saved for this person. A person who couldn't take care of herself and who was very important to him. He had had to watch her wither away after his father had died though he had then been too small to understand the depth of her feelings and love for him. He still didn't understand the emotion called love but at least he knew how much she suffered of the loss.
When he carried the plate back to his mother she stuck her fork in it and left it be. Neji wasn't hungry either but knew that his mother would be disappointed if he didn't eat.
"Do you have something to tell me?" he asked, trying to get a clue as for why she was up at this time of the day - usually she could only be seen during the night, sitting in the swinging chair in the inside garden of their house. Sometimes Neji would wordlessly bring her a blanket and wouldn't ask about the tears streaming across her face because he knew she didn't want to answer.
"The Main family. They're having a meeting. You should go there."
He inwardly wondered why the Main family would want to have him in the meeting but kept his façade indifferent on the outside. "You think? Did they tell you what the subject is?"
"I think they mentioned something about your cousin. You know, Hinata-chan. She's such a cute child, don't you think? You used to like her when she was small, and said that she was cute."
"Mother... Hinata-sama is an adult. You shouldn't refer to the leader of our clan as a little girl."
"Is that so? But I so liked her eyes when she was young... She used to smile a lot even if she was shy."
Neji didn't remember the way his cousin's eyes had gleamed happily when he had been looking at her. He didn't remember the small curve of her lips when she smiled. He didn't remember her being happy for a second in her life. He had no happy memories of his home and he didn't need to.
"Indeed, Hinata-sama must have been an adorable child." His voice sounded far away even in his own ears and he replaced the small talk by taking a mouthful of the food his mother had made. It was burnt and too salty but he ate it like the most delicious of meals. His mother looked at him happily, as if enjoying the sight of him eating.
"You, too, were such a cute child, Neji", she sighed and leaned her chin on her hand. "Tell Hinata-chan to come over some time. I'd like to talk to her."
Neji knew he wouldn't but nodded nevertheless. His mother smiled happily at his response but her smile never reached her eyes. They remained dull and hunted even during her better times and this certainly was one of those. Bad days weren't rare and then she would be hysteric and on the verge of snapping completely. Neji feared that one of those days he would lose her.
"I want a grandchild."
Neji's head snapped to look at his mother and he was surprised to see that the seriousness in her eyes was true. Why was she talking about something like this now?
"Mother, what are you talking about?"
"Just what I said. I want a grandchild before I die."
"You won't die in a long time."
"Don't lie to me. I know rather well how weak I am."
Neji was starting to get scared. He could handle tens of enemies and hundreds of weapons thrown at him, but when his mother was like this he knew that the false happiness in their home would be gone soon. He wanted his mother to be as happy as possible for the last years of her life but she was almost deliberately making it more difficult.
"Are you going to give me a grandchild? It'd have such cute, pearl-white eyes..."
"I don't have a wife, mother. Something as important as a child isn't produced in a short time."
"Oh, you could get one. You're a charming man, dear. Just one look at the ladies and they'd fall at your feet, I'm sure."
Neji's face remained immobile and he didn't know what to say. Just seeing his mother like this hurt him and it hurt even more to know that he'd cause her pain if he didn't fulfill her wish. But he wasn't about to make a random woman pregnant just so his mother could pamper it to death. He had never seriously thought that something as children would be a part of his life. Now that he did think about it, it seemed as stupid as Naruto becoming the sixth Hokage.
Just to keep her mother from wandering to unpleasant thoughts again he asked, "Have you thought about the mother? Who would you like it to be?"
She was silent for a minute, going through the options in her mind. "Wasn't there this lovely girl in your team? What was her name again? Penpen?"
"Tenten, mother. And she moved in with a woman from the Sand Village a while ago."
"Oh, what a shame. She had such a bright attitude. She would've completed you in many ways."
That was partly true, yes. Tenten had just never been more than a teammate to him and he had hard time thinking of loving her. It was good that she had found her place next to someone even if the relationship was as strange as one with a Sand kunoichi. They were thankfully living in the Leaf Village - Neji wouldn't have tolerated Lee's overflowing tears that would definitely have streamed had she left them behind.
"I don't know many of your friends... Aren't there any girls you'd like?"
"At the moment, the alternatives are on short, I'm afraid."
"Oh well, I can wait. Just be sure that you never make her cry, okay? I won't forgive you if you ever make a woman cry."
Neji nodded wordlessly and finished his meal. These kinds of discussions between them were rare and she had never brought up a very sensitive subject such as this. Should he give her what she wanted? True, he had never had a longtime relationship with anyone nor did he want to but he was an experienced lover. He didn't know how he could make any human happy, not to talk about being happy with him for the rest of the life. He had long time ago decided that love wasn't for him, even if physical pleasure was nothing he despised.
He stood up and saw that his mother had once again fallen into the trance - her dream world where only she and her husband could visit. He could tell that the conversation had exhausted her. He patted her shoulder lightly and when he didn't receive a response, picked her up in his arms and carried her to her bedroom. He threw a blanket over her to keep her warm and shut the door quietly. She would wake up in a few hours and he wanted to be home at that time.
That meant he had to make haste to be in time in the meeting at the Main family's quarters.
