2 The Battle of the Woolly Socks

"Excuse me?" Zero said dumbfounded.
"THIS MEANS WAR!" Juliet yelled.
"What? No! We need your help to find Ginny," Fred screams hopelessly.
"You should be worried more about yourself now that you've got Juliet angry," Charlotte said, "You don't stand a chance now. I'm not on either side so don't expect me to help you."
"You mess with the best, you die like the rest!" Frodo screamed.
"They're the ones who brought us here! Let us burn the dumb one! He is the cause of all this!" Gimli shouted maliciously.
"Wait! No! I don't wanna be burnt to a crisp!! There must be some other way!" Lockhart stammers while backing further into his cage.
"There is no other way. Good-bye, Gilderoy," McGonagall said, "Besides you deserve it! You broke far too many rules!
"THE WOOLLY SOCKS SHALL BATTLE! HOGWARTS AGAINST THE REST OF THE WORLDS!" Gandalf yelled.
"What an unfair war!" George yelled.
"Very fair. Nice work, Gandalf!" the quidditch team yelled in unison.
By this time, George had completely lost his mind with fury. His face was red and he looked as if he was going to kill every last person on the Gryffindor team one by one.
A rather solid looking poltergeist flies into the Great Hall directly followed by a tired-looking man with shabby robes.
"Hello, Professor Lupin! And Peeves too what a pleasant surprise," growled Filch who had been hiding in a broom closet the whole time. Several people jumped at the sight of him.
"Hello, Filchy-Wilchy! Come to get the poor puppy and I in trouble have you? Well, I must say that I'm having far too much fun taunting my little wolf friend to get kicked out. Just not you're lucky day is it?" Peeves said in his most sing-song voice blowing loud raspberries every few words. He started zooming around the room out of Filch's reach. "Lupin! Lupin! Looney, Loopy, Lupin!"
"Oh, you'll be expelled outta here faster than you can sing "Oh Potter you Rotter," I'll go talk to Headmaster Dumbledore now," Filch said out of breath.

(Next few paragraphs are a curtsey of Eileen Spath. THANKS BEANS!)

A man with straggling hair and a gaunt face enters the room. "I was tired of hiding behind the curtain" the man said loudly and cheerfully. "All those brains too. It was rather disturbing. Plus I wanted to see my most favorite godson."
"Sirius? What?"
"PADFOOT, OLD PAL! YOU'RE BACK!"
"Harry! Look, it's SNUFFLES!"
"Well, I'll be! If it isn't the man that can turn into a dog! I had bet my socks that he could never leave without winnin' a war!"
"Wasn't he supposed to be a murderer and sneak?" No one had noticed a dreamy girl with a wand behind her left ear wander in. "But I bet that isn't really the real Sirius Black. Maybe it's Stubby."
"It's Looney Lovegood! Ha! Looney!" Ron said quite loudly. "Not Luna! Looney!"
"We should think of a battle plan. GROUP HUDDLE!" Moody screams hoarsely.

HOGWARTS HUDDLE

"What are we even fighting about?" Sirius says questionably.
"Well Lockhart was stupid enough to say that our worlds were better than all of theirs so we got in a huge fight," Fred explained.
Moody made his magical eye swerve to Lockhart's cage. "Maybe we should let him out. He could prove helpful. His disastrous spells could kill every person on the world down to the last grandma." Lockhart looked hopefully at McGonagall.
"Fine. We'll let him out on one condition. If he breaks anything he has to find the exact replica to replace it." McGonagall still didn't seem too happy about the idea of letting him out.
"WAR! What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing!
Say it again!" (Just guess who said that.)
"Everyone, aim for Dumbledore look-alike. He seems to be one of the most powerful people here," Lupin put in. Over on the other side of the room Aragorn and Legolas were practicing fighting and techniques; they looked much more threatening than Gandalf who was looking into space blankly in a corner.
Luna was humming a songless tune and Frodo started to drift towards the Hogwarts Huddle to spy. Luna took her wand from behind her ear and muttered something inaudible. Frodo looked like he had went mad or something. Everyone looked at Luna stunned.
"I didn't know she could do stuff like that!"
"She is Ravenclaw."
"Okay we pretty much have our techniques down," Moody said. "CONSTANT VILLAGENCE! Just keep your eyes peeled."
"But wait! We haven't planned anything! We have no techniques!" Hermione yelled loudly.

INTRUDERS HUDDLE

"Battle them with the thing you do best. Do not rest until they are beaten," Aragorn said.
"Everyone, start practicing your technique!" yelled Legolas
All the intruders went to different corners and started practicing what they did best. Meanwhile two girls from no book strode in. Immediately they spotted when they saw Legolas and Aragorn.
"OH MY GOSH! It's Orlando Bloom! Cute!" one of the girls shrieked.
"Hmm. You must have mistaken me for someone else. I'm Legolas Greenleaf, King of the Woodland Realm."
"And what about Viggo Mortensen? He's handsome too!" the other girl screamed equally enthusiastically.
"Who's he?"
"ARAGORN!"
"OH! Legolas is so much cuter!"
"I think they're both attractive in their own way."
"No way! Aragorn is OLD. He's like 45"
"He is SO not old!"
"He SO is!"
"Excuse me, what are your names?" Frodo asked.
"Gladys. But some people call me 'happy bottom.' Ms. I-love-Aragorn is Laura," the first girl that spoke said.
"Completely insignificant names."
"EW! EW! It's Elijah Wood! His initials are EW!" both girls screamed.
"NO! Shush! That was my previous life as a completely crazy man and now I'm a character in a book. DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME!" Frodo whispered urgently.
"Yeah, if that's true, I'm the wicked witch of the west," Laura said.
Both girls sigh deeply in unison thinking of their favorite Lord of the Rings character.
"LOOK, LAURA! It's Ron! Let's go over to say hi," Gladys screamed.
"And Harry and Hermione too! Pinch me! I must be dreaming! OUCH!" Laura screamed loudly.
The girls started to head towards the other huddle but Harold prevented them. "No one can go over there! They'll accuse us of spying!"
"But we WANT to spy on them! If you won't let them go I'll go!" Frodo strode over to the Hogwarts Huddle, returned a moment later completely crazy, and was put away from the battle field.
"HA! It serves the self-admiring Elijah Wood right!" Gladys says triumphantly.
"The Huddle has ended! INTO BATTLE!" bellowed Gandalf awakened from his daze.

THE BATTLE

The Intruders lined up facing HP Army. Aragorn draws his sword. Legolas readies his bow. Gimli sharpens his axe. Mostly everyone on the HP side raise their wands. Stanley and Zero slap their shovels to their hands like bats. Kit and Nita look in their manuals for the killing spell while Dairine sets it up on the floor. Alanna and George of Tortall draw their swords. The quidditch team ascends on their brooms and gathers up the Bludgers, Quaffles and snitches and get ready to release them. Holly puts on her shield and gets ready to mesmerize anyone who comes near her. Juliet punches mid air and Artemis starts up his computer. Dumbledore and Gandalf whip out their woolly socks. Ron and Chix clear their voices. Harold calls his elephants. Ponch starts barking in excitement. Lockhart was wobbling around mumbling things under his breath.
The battle started. This is pretty how much the scene looked: Gandalf and Dumbledore glaring at one another brandishing their woolly socks, Artemis blasting everyone who came near him with his computer, Holly, invisible, recruiting more members to the army with her mezmer, Chix and Ron singing songs against the other, ("Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings? The world for once, in perfect harmony, with all its living things!" sings Chix. "I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain! What a glorious feeling! I'm happy again! I'm laughin' at clouds! So dark up above! The sun's in my heart and I'm ready for love-"Ron sings.), Hermione, Harry, Snape Luna and Neville, who had just appeared, were trying to jinx Nita, Dairine and Kit who were sitting on the floor conjuring sheild spells, Juliet was pouncing anyone who came near her, Lupin was in his werewolf form and Sirius was the big, shaggy black dog biting at Harold's elephants and fighting with Ponch, the quidditch team flying around looking for Holly, Aragorn, Gimli Legolas, Alanna and George all trying to deal with Lockhart who was pointing random spells at even more random places, Frodo still drooling in the corner and Laura and Gladys looking eager with their hands clasped following Aragorn's and Legolas's every move, and Charlotte Doyle was, oddly, laughing her head off, once again, in a corner.

Everyone was so busy fighting that they didn't notice that Lockhart was making up another spell. He shouted it very loudly so that Alanna, George, Gimli, Aragorn and Legolas jumped and stepped back. Standing near the great hall doors were the Pirates of the Caribbean Characters: Captain Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, Commodore Norrington, and the two stupid soldiers. Lockhart shouted another spell. It was even louder and more complicated. A mass a figures appeared at the doors of the great hall: Voldemort and a some death eaters, Barbosa and a few of his pirates, Sauron's tower, the Lord of the Nazgal, and some orcs, The Lone Power, the Warden, and Flip's boyfriend.