Chapter 3

He was in her room. Shihio felt uncomfortable just watching him, looking around in that cold, calculating way. How could her own mother do this to her? But of course there were other times she was unfair to her…no. She shouldn't think about that. It was best to try and forget it. It was the reason she kept the scrapbook, to put the pain inside and forget about it. Then, to her horror, he saw it.

The man picked it up, and opened it. All she could do was stand there and gape as he looked through it. Her mother would be told, and it would be lost. But then he said the most unexpected thing to her; something she never thought could be said about the white book.

"It's…nice."

"What?"

"I think it's very nice. Such a creative hobby."

She couldn't believe it. Was he really being honest? The look in his eyes as he scanned the pages of blood and pain said yes.

"But these ones with no labels, what are they?"

"I don't know. Those are the ones that I don't know the cause of the scratch. I could have been sleepwalking when I got those…"

She was lying. He knew it by the flat tone in her voice. He looked at the imprint her soul had obviously left behind.

He saw her on the floor where he had talked to the woman. She was scratched everywhere, and there was glass and beer cans all over the floor. There was the sound of someone lighting a cigarette, then footsteps before a door was opened.

The 'housekeeper' wasn't talking to her. His eyes were on his finger, which was on the bag where one of the photos of a bruise was. There was no way he could know…what? What could he not know? Shihio couldn't remember…

It was best not to tell her that he knew, yet. He didn't want any more negative emotions from her, or things might not go as he planned. She was not supposed to hate him.

He closed the book and slicked back his hair; the fiery orange was such a contrast to the dark room.

"I'll be sleeping in the closet."

With that, he turned and shut the closet door. Shihio heard a click, tried the knob, and it was locked. She was about to go downstairs when she realized something. Her closet had no lock.

"Hey, open up!"

Banging as hard as she could, the only answer she got was maniacal laughter from the other side of the door.

Why me? What did I do? Mama stop, please! Papa, please help me! From what? What's happening why is this happening to me? STOP IT STOPITSTOPIT STOP IT!!!

Awakened by her own screams, her eyes jolted open. From the clock besides her bed, it was 12:30. The closet door was ajar. The window was open. Ganon was gone.

I wonder how he made the door lock? Maybe I should see what he did, just for a few minutes.

She reluctantly went over to the door, in nothing but a white T-shirt and short black biker shorts. Even in the winter, he room was always burning hot. The whole house was.

Opening the door, she saw no locking mechanism on the knob, inside or out. She checked it once, twice, three times, still to no avail.

The inside was pitch black. Her common sense told her to stay away, but her curiosity got the best of her. The next thing she knew, her bare feet were leading her through a wet, dark corridor. A single light shone ahead. Her hands felt around, and she found the handle. The door opened with a steady creak.

The interior was incredible. It was much like how she always wanted her room to be. Everything was made in fine materials. Red carpet draped the floors, and everything seemed to shimmer with a god-like radiance. There were church-style windows and gothic chandeliers, and it even had a private study. The study's walls seemed to shimmer, and none of the shelves had a single empty space. There was a door leading to a bedroom. As Shihio advanced, she glanced at the spines of the books. "Honey, I Shrunk the Kingdom," "How to Dress When Going on a Bloody Rampage," and "Shape Shifting for Dummies" were some of the titles.

I knew it! He's a warlock of some sort. Who else would keep such books in their library, and who else would transform a closet into some sort of miniature mansion?

Then she saw the window. There was nothing but ocean, and she was in the top room of some kind of high tower.

Okay, so it's a portal. She thought. Now I'm a little intimidated.

The bedroom wasn't as splendid, however. There was just a mat on the floor, and a bureau, and a book on a stand. It was a diary of some sort. She looked at the pages with some difficulty. It wasn't in English. Fortunately, her father let her study many types of dead languages, and she found this one to be in one that she knew by heart, Gerudian.

It was by mere luck that I found her, the savior of my race and the world. The one whose life or death will decide everything, the tool to begin the final battle, and she's all mine. I must be careful, for she is sensitive, and easily offended by being touched against her will. Fortunately, I have already marked her without much resistance. She apparently does not know of her power, because she could have easily sensed my approach. She was about to commit suicide when I reached her, and it was fortunate that I stopped her. Apparently, her name is Shihio. Such a pretty name, three syllables, much like mine.

He wrote about her. What was that part about being a savior?

If They find out about her whereabouts, I will flee with her. There is no way they can sense her now, but when she is taught about what she can do, her power can and will be easily sensed. And if she finds out about me, what I TRULY am…

Her reading was interrupted by the sound of a door opening. She could hear shuffling in the other room. Low gutturals were sounding from the study. Without hesitation, she hid inside the conveniently placed bureau. Opening the small door so she could see what came inside the room.

Large, clawed hands picked up the diary. There were sounds that indicated the creature smelled the diary. An earsplitting shriek soon followed, for it had her scent. It KNEW she was here, and there were only the flimsy walls of the furniture item to protect her. Her eyes widened as the unseen threat slowly approached. The door opened, and without looking at the horror, she kicked it in the face.

"EYARGH!"

Grabbing an also conveniently placed scythe on the wall, she turned to face her opponent. If there was only one word to describe the thing, it would have to be 'fugly.'  She had no idea if it was a lizard, a dog, or a mongoose. The thing had bright red hair pulled back into dreadlocks, and it was wearing clothing that looked vaguely familiar to her, but she couldn't quite grasp where she had seen them before. Fortunately, her father, being an archeologist and all, had also taught her the Gerudo fighting style. The monster was also armed with two crude, yet very efficient looking blades.

Screaming as she rushed at the beast, she swung the scythe at it, only to be blocked with such immense force that her weapon snapped in half. The thing was upon her in a matter of seconds, and there was evidently no hope for her whatsoever, if she had been a stereotypical heroine or a wimpy princess of course. She had a mind almost as sharp as her tongue, and she got an idea.

Shiho waited until it was close enough, she could smell the thing's foul breath, and she looked into the thing's eyes and said…

"Sir, you are the very definition of ugly itself…I'm not fucking saying this."

"CUT!!!"

Time froze, and a young girl descended, riding on a small cloud. She was dressed in a sweater and purple pants, with cute purple glasses to match. She looked much like Megumi from Aa! Megami-Sama, except for the small, gray wings on her back.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" I roared.

"I said I'm not fucking saying this. It sucks a goat's ass."

"THIS IS MY FANFICTION! IN THIS, I AM GOD, sort of…"

"Yeah, like I'm scared of you."

"I SHALL EXACT MY ETERNAL WRATH UPON YOU, MERE MORTAL!!!"

"If you do that, I'll tell the readers what happens in the next chapters."

"WHAT? Oh, fine. Go ahead, do what you want. I shouldn't have made you so smart. But next time you do something like that, remember…ETERNAL WRATH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I'm working with lunatics." Shihio sighed.

"OKAY PEOPLE, BACK TO YOUR POSITIONS." I screamed with the much unnecessary help of a megaphone, but who gives a fuck. I like to scream.

The scene resumed, and Shihio looked the thing in the eye and said…

"You're goin' down, you ugly bastard."

(Personally, I liked my line better.)

She then grabbed it's wrist, and twisted it as hard as she could. The monster roared a scream of pain, then started cursing in a very familiar voice.

"SONOFABITCH! WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT! IT FRICKIN HURT, DAMN YOU!!!"

"IT'S YOU!!!" Shihio cried in a manner suggesting shock.

Meanwhile, I was letting out all the animals in the zoo, and giggling in glee as they trampled the tourists. Stupid tourists.

Back in the fic, Shihio was still in shock.

Meanwhile, again, I was hacking into the Matrix, hopefully to put an end to the crappy sequels once and for all.

Shihio finally regained her composure, and gaped at the monster.

"I had no idea you weren't human, I mean, there was hair all over the carpet that looked suspiciously like yours, but besides that…"

You don't read that many books do you Shihio?

"Who said that?"

"It's the author. She got all pissed because I didn't read what she wanted me to. But it's my right to say what I want, even if this is her fan fiction."

"Fan fiction?"

"I'll explain it to you later."

Sure you will.

"Stop saying that."

No.

"I don't care if you're the author! Come down here and fight me like a man…er…woman."

Sorry, no can do. And the fun won't stop in this chapter, either.

"Oh, no…"

OH YES!

And so the chapter of total insanity ended. I told you there would be humor.