Disclaimer: Guess what?! I don't own it! I know, I was surprised too! But… I do own: Uh… Nothing? Yah, that sounds about right… Wait! The Random Rabid Penguins are mine! And so is Billy Joe Bob, the sponge that met the stinky end…

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Worm: You know, just when I was beginning to think we were free from this awful story…

Abel: Tough luck isn't it?

Kade: I feel sorry for us…

Seadragon: SORRY FOR YOU?!! What about me?! YOU LIVE IN MY HEAD!

Kade: I know, that's why I feel sorry for us.

Seadragon: See what I have to put up with? Even figments of my deranged imagination insult me!

Abel: Get over it.

Worm: La la la laa, la la la laa, hey-ey ohhh, goodbye!

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RAAD: Welcome to the show where we kidnap random characters from Tamora Pierce's (amazing) stories and make them reveal their deepest, darkest secrets, or they have to do a dare! And please welcome your host Seadragon!

Seadragon: *runs on* HELP ME!!

Alanna: *stares*

Random Rabid Penguins (RRP): *chase her*

Random Audience Member (RAM) 1: Am I the only one wondering what exactly is going on?

Alanna: No, definitely not.

RAM 1: Oh, okay then.

Seadragon: Are you people just going to let me die?!

Alanna: That sounds about right.

Seadragon: Oh, okay then. *stops running and sits down on her stool* You know what I was thinking?

Alanna: Lets put it this way, do I want to know?

Seadragon: *flaps her hand* Doesn't matter, I'm going to tell you anyway.

Alanna: Gee, how ever did I guess?

RAM 2: *gasp* She's a psychic!

RAM 3: *screams*

Alanna: Alright then.

Seadragon: Well, I was thinking…

RRP: *glare*

Seadragon: One minute! You can kill me after I tell her this!

Alanna: How you got this far escapes me…

Seadragon: *thoughtful look* Y'know, my guidance counselor said the exact same thing…

Alanna: Why ever did I agree to this?

Seadragon: I dunno. Anyways, I was thinking we need to introduce more characters, we just don't have enough people to make all the sarcastic comments we need!

Alanna: In a strange, twisted way, that actually makes sense. And that's what scares me.

Seadragon: *grins evilly* It should.

RAM 4: Can we get on with it please?!

Seadragon: Oi! Keladry!

Keladry: *drops war hammer on RAM 4*

R/C: AGAIN?!

Seadragon: Look at it this way, you're getting tons of business.

Alanna: Only you could put it that way.

Seadragon: I know! Isn't it great?!

Alanna: Somehow, I was thinking more along the lines of disturbing, but, what the hey! It's all good.

Seadragon: Just like peanut butter and ice cubes!

Alanna: Ew?

Seadragon: Actually, not really… See, you just have to-

Alanna: I'll pass, thanks.

Seadragon: Meh, your loss. But, like I was saying, and you agree, we need more people!

Alanna: Sure… Whatever floats your boat.

Seadragon: Lily?

Alanna: She kinda rubs off on you after a while.

Seadragon: *dryly* I noticed. So, who should we bring on board?

Alanna: Uh…

Seadragon: I KNOW!

Alanna: *cringe*

Seadragon: Oi! Bob!

Bob: *rushes on stage and bows* Yes mistress?

Seadragon: Bring me… Treanz-Alyce!

Bob: *rushes off*

Alanna: Oh no! Not her!

Seadragon: *innocent grin*

Alanna: Y'know, the only one worse than Treanz, is… Actually, you.

Seadragon: Aww… That's so sweet! I didn't know you cared!

Alanna: I don't.

Seadragon: Well then! That hurts. But isn't it time we bring on our special guest?

Alanna: We have guests?

Seadragon: *smacks head* Oh course silly!

Alanna: You've been watching FriendsTM again, haven't you?

Seadragon: Fine! You caught me!

RRP: *growl*

Seadragon: Eek!

Alanna: *sigh*

Seadragon: Alright, we need to get Jon here, but I already sent Bob on a mission… Hmm.

Alanna: Why don't you just go get him yourself?

Seadragon: *stares* But that would be… Work!

Alanna: The things I get myself into.

Seadragon: Hey! I resent that!

Alanna: As you should.

Seadragon: True. *thinks* I don't know why I didn't think of this before! Billy!

Billy: *rushes on stage and bows* Yes mistress?

Alanna: *stares* Isn't that… Bob?

Seadragon: No, no. That's his identical triplet, Billy.

Alanna: Tri-plet?

Seadragon: *nods* Yup! Billy Joe Bob!

(A/N: Sorry everyone, I just had to do that! No one except me will get that though, so don't even try. See, my friend and I had a pet sponge at the stable, named Billy Joe Bob, and our other friend got really annoyed with him, and threw him in the dumpster, so, of course, we jumped in after… And the rest is history.)

Alanna: *blinks*

Seadragon: Billy! Go get me King Jonathan of Tortall!

Billy: *runs off*

Seadragon: I always knew I could count on Billy. *sigh*

Alanna: *shakes her head*

Billy: *rushes back*

Jon: Holy shit! Where am I?! Oh, hey Alanna! *sly smile* How you doin'?

Alanna: Alright, that's it! You've got a lot to answer to Warner BrosTM!

RAM 5: I'm beginning to wonder why I wanted to be part of the audience.

RAM 6: Join the club.

Seadragon: Hey! I have to ask you questions now!

Alanna: One thing. How did Jon get here before Treanz? Not that I'm complaining or anything!

Seadragon: Duh! Treanz is in Australia! Jon was only in Tortall!

Alanna: I'm not even going to bother trying to reason with you.

Seadragon: Probably a good idea. Now, for your first question! From Lyra of Queenscove, jon, whut is with drinkin' weird red dragon tea? can't u b normal like the rest of us. royal authority is no excuse in this one!

Jon: Uh, can you repeat that? In English preferably.

Seadragon: Don't mind her, people are like that. It says; Jon, what is with drinking the weird Red Dragon Tea? Can't you be normal like the rest of us? Royal authority is no excuse in this one!

Jon: Uh… Uh…

Seadragon: This is sad.

Alanna: Agreed. For once.

Jon: HEY! You're supposed to be on my side!

Alanna: Am I not?

Jon: *narrows his eyes*

Seadragon: Hey! For once, I'm not the stupidest here!

Jon: Okay, that was mean.

Seadragon: I never said it was you.

Jon: *blushes* Oh, who is it then?

Seadragon: You.

Alanna: *groans and rolls her eyes*

Jon: *whacks his head against the conveniently placed wall*

RRP: *chanting* Must eat Seadragon, must eat Seadragon!

Seadragon: Alright, that's just plain freaky.

Alanna: What? The fact that the Random Rabid Penguins want to eat you?

Seadragon: No. What are you? Stupid? Can't you hear them?! Have you ever heard a talking penguin?!

Alanna: Funny, I was a little more preoccupied with the fact that they wanted to eat you…

Jon: *whacks his head… Again.*

Seadragon: Alrighty then, so, Jon, why do you drink the nasty tea?

Alanna: *sigh*

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