Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl or Britney Spears (thank god).

A/N: My second songfic, though my first bombed so don't bother reading it. Based on Britney Spears (no laughing) song "Every time." Takes place after EC, Holly reflects on how she feels in diary form. I wrote this story for two reasons: One, I wanted to prove to myself that I could write a good songfic, and two, Britney isn't all that quote unquote popular anymore, so I don't think that anyone else will do this song but it's like perfect so........... oh and BTW I do NOT like Holly/Artemis fics, I just think that some ideas are to good to resist. Enjoy, r/r.

Dear Diary,

Ha, I never thought that I would write those words in my life. Diaries are for girls like Lily Frond, not Holly Short. I guess I need an outlet though, I need something. I let myself fall into those eyes.......... Those ocean eyes. I drowned in them, but now my ocean has dried up. He's a monster again, and I allowed it to happen.

"Notice me

Take my hand

Why are we

Strangers when

Our love is strong

Why carry on without me?"

He haunts my dreams, watching me, pleading with me, taunting me. He loved me. I could see it in every move. He was young, very young, but his intellect made him mature faster then anyone should ever have too. His genius was a gift and a curse. He was never a child. I feel bad for him.

"Everytime I try to fly

I fall without my wings

I feel so small

I guess I need you baby

And everytime I see you in my dreams

I see your face, it's haunting me

I guess I need you baby"

His heart was tainted by darkness, trickling up every blood vessel 'till he was willing to risk lives to achieve his goals. He concealed every emotion, happiness, sadness, everything from everyone. Except me. I was his only outlet, what is he going to do now?

"I make believe

That you are here

It's the only way

I see clear

What have I done

You seem to move on easy"

I loved him. I changed him. I was there when everyone else abandoned him as hopeless. I restored his family. It doesn't matter now though, his memories are gone. He's evil again, but I don't blame him. I blame the council, I blame Root, I blame Foaly.

I blame myself.

"And everytime I try to fly

I fall without my wings

I feel so small

I guess I need you baby

And everytime I see you in my dreams

I see your face, you're haunting me

I guess I need you baby"

If I had tried, could I have saved him? I'll never know. I was weak, and I was only thinking of myself. He pulled me in, and it scared me. He knew my thoughts, and it scared me. I loved him, and it scared me. Every time he looked at me I was left shaken.
I thought that is he was out of my life he would fade from my memory, and I would be alright. I thought that I wouldn't have to love him anymore. Now there Is a sucking feeling in my chest, a hook in my heart.

"I may have made it rain

Please forgive me

My weakness caused you pain

And this song is my sorry

Ohhhh

At night I pray

That soon your face

Will fade away"

Love doesn't go away. Never ever. I'll always love him, but it doesn't matter now. I hope that he'll always be happy. I hope that he'll find someone else. I hope that he'll find goodness again. I hope that he'll live.
I hope that he'll forgive me.

"And everytime I try to fly

I fall without my wings

I feel so small

I guess I need you baby

And everytime I see you in my dreams

I see your face, you're haunting me

I guess I need you baby"