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This fic was originally posted on theforce.net, where I go by the screenname of SaberBlade. If you recognize this, don't worry, it isn't plagiarized; I'm simply reposting it here also.
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General Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas and the characters belong to their respective authors. Anything you don't recognize is mine; please respect my muse. I don't intend any infringement with this fic; it was created because I have an abiding love for Star Wars and a wish to share my interpretation of it with the world.
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Details:
Name: Miracle
Time Frame: Post-NJO
Pairing: Kyp Durron and Jaina Solo
Summary: A crash landing leaves Jaina lucky to be alive, but she can't remember the last ten years of her life. What will this mean for her and the man she was to marry?
Rating: PG to PG-13.
Post: Chapter 11 of ?
Story Status: Work in Progress.
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As always, reviews are appreciated.
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SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1 Half-awake, Kyp bent his head, felt his chin brush something soft, and smiled. Jaina. She was cradled against him, her head tucked beneath his. No matter where they were when they fell asleep, when they woke, they always were in the same position. This night was no different; she had drifted into her habitual place in his arms.
He angled his head differently and lightly kissed the top of her head, all without opening his eyes. He'd missed this. She had been gone for days.
The thought drove the last vestiges of sleep from his mind. Kyp's eyes flew open. He started to sit up, and the woman he held protested.
"No," she murmured, and snuggled closer. "'S too early."
He froze, and carefully eased himself back down. Jaina sighed contentedly, a small smile on her face, and rubbed her head against his bare chest once more before sinking deeper into sleep. His movements hadn't roused her completely; before he could say a word, she was wholly asleep again.
Kyp lay silently, not quite sure he could trust what his senses were telling him. He was half-convinced he was still asleep, but Jaina was a soft, warm weight across his chest. His arms had fallen around her with the randomness of sleep; slowly, taking care not to wake her, Kyp repositioned his arms around her. When he was finally truly holding her, he brushed a hand down through the silky length of her hair and paused.
Jaina was in his bed.
He wasn't about to complain about it, but it did make him wonder. She still wore the simple tunic and pants from the day before, so she had yet to reach her home from whatever she and Jag had been up to. He quickly turned his mind away from that. She was here, wasn't she? He was the one holding her, not Jag. On reflex, his arms tightened around her. She shifted in his grip, but her murmur wasn't of complaint but of satisfaction.
She hadn't been back to her parents' home yet. It was morning- early morning, yes, but morning all the same. Jacen was an early riser; her absence had probably already been noted. Her family would be worrying. He should go to the comm and let them know that she was safe.
But later. Much later. Kyp shut his eyes briefly. She had come back. She might be leaving again as soon as she woke, but she had come back to him, if only for one night. He bent his head and kissed her forehead, and brought a hand up to touch her cheek. Her skin was soft, smooth as silk, and slightly flushed with sleep. He always feared that his rough hands would somehow catch against her skin and mar it, but once- nearly a year ago, when he'd voiced his fear- she'd simply laughed, and told him, her voice husky and teasing, that she liked having his rough hands on her. Apparently she still did; she turned her face into his hand, tried to follow his fingers as they left her face.
She had come back.
Why? Kyp didn't want to think about it, but he forced himself to do so. She'd met with Jag the day before, and yet she had come back. She had said she was considering continuing things with him- but that had been before she had spoken with Jagged.
Had she decided, after spending her time with Fel, that she needed to break things off? She'd come here, late at night- Fel knew the doorcode and could have let her in- and had decided to wait for him to wake so he could talk with her. She'd been so tired that she'd fallen asleep before she could accomplish what she'd came to do; habit took over and did the rest. She'd never intended to fall asleep and wake up in his arms.
Likely, Kyp told himself. Probable. It was the most reasonable explanation.
But part of his mind scoffed at himself. Reasonable, it sneered. Logical. When has Jaina ever been reasonable? He tried to ignore that little voice, but it whispered words and reasons that he longed to hear, and he could not banish it.
She came here because she loves me. She came back to me because she wants to be with me, and not Jag. Jag said something to her yesterday and she remembered everything, and she came back home by herself because she wanted to see me. But she didn't wake me up, and she fell asleep waiting for me. And when she wakes up and finds me here, she'll kiss me and tell me she loves me.
Kyp took a deep, tight breath. Fantasy. He recognized his thoughts for what they were. Jaina wasn't here because she loved him. He was an old man- nearly old enough to be her father- and a haunted one. His past was more darkness than light. He pulled her down; he wasn't good enough for her. It had been a miracle that she loved him in the first place.
He had always believed in miracles. From what little he remembered about his parents, his brother, he knew they had been the ones to first tell him about miracles. Everyone gets a miracle, he remembered being told as a boy. Everyone. No matter what you do, you still get a miracle. That's the way things work. In his memory, the words came from his brother, a boy barely bigger than himself, when they were both children waiting to fall asleep at night. They'd played games, guessing what their miracle would be.
He'd thought that living through the Imperial raid was his miracle. He'd been certain of it. Vima da Boda, that crone who had first told him of the Force in the mines of Kessel, had told him otherwise. Yes, it had been a gift, but it hadn't been his miracle. His miracle was still years away. She'd said that when he'd first arrived on Kessel, alone and terrified and confused.
When, years later, Han Solo and Chewbacca had proved to be his ticket out of the mines and into the freedom of the galaxy, he'd thought that his first mentor had foreseen correctly, that his miracle had finally arrived. Then he'd thought that the miracle was that Luke Skywalker would teach him the ways of the Force.
But only months later, he'd thought that his miracle was being allowed to return to the Academy, being allowed to live and work towards doing something right with his life. He'd settled that as being his miracle; for most of his adult life, he'd assumed that it was the one miracle he'd been allowed. Jaina had come into his life, intersecting with him briefly a few times: Lando's Folly, where he finally realized that she was growing up, and then at Sernpidal, where he finally realized who she- and he- had become. He'd regretted using her, and that regret turned to guilt and sorrow and had stuck in his mind, waving her face like a flag into his mind whenever it was empty.
Then he'd seen her at Hapes, lost and angry and terrified, and he'd realized that he couldn't allow himself to stand aloof and do nothing. He owed it to her to help her. Somehow, they'd both gotten through those tumultuous times alive- though, he admitted wryly, they both had scars from them- and somehow, just as improbably, he'd fallen in love with her.
But he did nothing about it. He had watched her run toward Jagged Fel and had smiled and tried to feel nothing. He'd used up his one miracle. There was nothing left for him to do; he didn't stand a chance against Fel.
But somehow, he had won her. Somehow being still alive and accepted after his fall into darkness wasn't his miracle. Jaina was his miracle. Even though he had lost her, he still firmly believed that. No matter what happened, Jaina had been his miracle. The two years with her could never been taken away from him.
He'd never been certain about the other miracles. Things always had cropped up to question his belief in whether they were his single, destined miracle: an old witch's words, a semi-retired smuggler's brother-in-law, a nagging sense of unfullfillment. With Jaina there had been none of those. She had been his miracle.
And he didn't have another to win her back with.
But she had come back.
She loves you, that insistent voice in his heart sang out. She came back because she loves you.
He couldn't shut out the voice. It awoke feelings that he had been trying to repress and kill: hope, yearning, need. To distance himself, Kyp opened his eyes, took a deep breath, and loosened his grip. It took effort to slip away from Jaina, to gently position her against the pillows and blankets so she wouldn't awaken as he left the bed. But he managed.
Kyp only went so far as the chair on the other side of the bed, where he quickly sat and turned his eyes back to her.
Jaina was no longer sleeping peacefully. Her movements were fitful, searching; a small frown had settled into lines on her forehead. She tossed and turned for a few minutes, twisting the covers about her, and finally, face still unhappy, settled into the space he had occupied brief minutes earlier and resumed her deeper sleep.
And that's how it's going to turn out, Kyp told himself sternly. She might even miss me for a bit and flounder around, but she'll settle down and be all right again. He took a deep, shaky breath and let it out quickly. And I'll be sitting in the chair beside her watching over her the rest of her life. Whether she knows it or not.
He knew that he should go into the next room and send a comm message over to Jacen or Han so that they wouldn't worry. But he couldn't bring himself to move, nor could he seem to tear his eyes away from the woman asleep in his bed.
Just a little while longer. Then he would put a call through to Han. But if this was the last time he'd get to watch Jaina sleep, then he could put off the call.
Just for a few more minutes.
But nearly an hour later, when Jaina's restless motions finally tore her from sleep, he'd yet to move toward the comm.
Jaina woke quickly and completely, as she always did. She blinked, confused, and then sat up.
"You're awake," Kyp said softly. It seemed best to stick with easy observations.
"Oh. Yes. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep." Kyp's heart fell. She lifted embarrassed brown eyes to his. "I, um, came over after I left Wedge's house. Can we talk?"
He shut his eyes briefly, but then opened them and stood. "Yeah. Come on, I'll make us some caf."
She slid out of bed with boneless grace, and trailed after him into the small kitchen. In too short a time, they each had their hot cup of caf sitting ignored before them.
Kyp mentally sighed, and started the conversation. "You haven't been home yet," he said. "Your parents are probably worried."
"Oh. Um. Yes." She took a careful sip of her caf, and then decisively set her mug down. "So I, um, talked with Jagged yesterday."
She'd never called him Jagged before; it had always been Jag. Kyp forced himself not to read too much into it. He leaned back in his seat. "And how did that go?" he asked, forcing himself to keep his tone neutral, mentally tightening his shields so that she couldn't pick up on his inner turmoil through the Force.
Jaina let out a sigh. "Well. Really well, actually." But her hands were twisting nervously around her cup. "We went to a museum and had dinner with Wedge and Iella. I was going to go straight back to my parents' rooms afterwards, but, um, I wanted to talk to you first." She was beginning to flush now. Was she embarrassed? "So I came up here and I guess I fell asleep before we could talk."
It didn't make sense, and Kyp said so. "How'd you get in?" he asked. "I never told you the code."
Jaina hadn't met his eyes yet, but now she did, very briefly. "I guess I remembered the code." Her gaze dropped back down to her caf. "I don't know. I was thinking and just put my hand up and next thing I know, the door opened."
"So you came over to talk to me," Kyp prompted, wondering why he was making it easier for her to torture him.
"Yes." She finally seemed to notice how her hands betrayed her nervousness, so she removed them from the warmth of her cup and folded them in her lap. "Jag said some things that helped me figure things out. I know I told you I'd give think about things for a week, but I think I know my decision already."
He shut his eyes. "You think you know, or you know?"
"I'm as sure as I'll ever get," she said softly. "Do you want me to wait the full week before I tell you, or can I tell you now?"
It was tempting, so tempting, to make her wait the week. He'd have another few days knowing he hadn't completely lost her, another few days when others would look at her hand and see his ring and know that she was out of their reach. But that wouldn't be fair- not to her, and not to him. It would be easiest if he got it over with.
So he opened his eyes. "You can tell me now," he said, and waited for the words that would break his heart.
Jaina finally lifted her nervous eyes up to his. "I think I'm still in love with you," she admitted.
Kyp felt his heart lurch, and hope flared so intensely that it nearly hurt. "Jaina-" he began, mouth dry, but something in her eyes stopped him from continuing.
"I don't know if it's fair to either of us, but that's what I've come up with," she said, and dropped her eyes away from his once more. "And I've thought a lot about it over the past couple of days. I enjoy spending time with you. I miss you when I'm not with you. And I can't sleep well without you." Her blush was spreading. "I spend too much time thinking about you and wondering what it would be like to kiss you. I wonder how we spent out time before. I keep trying to remember things about us. About you."
She wasn't leaving him. The thought seemed to be eternally circling his head. She was staying with him.
"So you still want to marry me?" he asked carefully, trying to keep himself under control.
Jaina nodded.
Kyp finally looked down at the table, away from her. He wasn't going to lose her. She was staying with him. It felt like a weight had lifted off of his shoulders. "Are you sure?" he made himself ask.
"Kyp!" She sounded exasperated. "What do you want me to say? No, I'm not sure, and now that you've made me think about it again, I'm going to go off and marry Jag?"
"It's what I'd expect you to say," he muttered, and winced. He hadn't meant to say that out loud.
The legs of her chair scraped against the smooth floor, and he looked up as she came to stand beside him. "Stand up," she ordered.
Kyp stared up at her. "What?" he asked.
She heaved a sigh of impatience, took his hands in hers, and tugged him out of his chair. "Stand up. And look at me."
He didn't really have a choice; she hadn't released his hands. "Now what, Goddess?" he asked wryly. His mood was already lifting, he realized. How could she make his mood change so abruptly from despair to amusement?
Jaina tilted her chin up; he recognized it as her stubborn side showing its face. "You are going to listen to me and pay attention," she said.
"Yes, Goddess," he said sarcastically, unable to keep his smile was spreading. He took a step closer to her; she didn't flinch.
"Stop worrying about Jag," she said flatly. "I'm not telling you why we broke up, but part of it was because he wouldn't marry me even if I asked him. And another part of it is that I was in love with you and not him. Even then. Can I get that through your thick head?"
Relief sang through him and made him giddy. He grinned down at her. "So you've always loved me?"
"Didn't I just say that?" she asked, thoroughly exasperated.
"Who's Jag in love with?" He took another step closer, so that there was barely any space between them.
"That'd be telling." He saw her swallow. "So are you going to stop thinking Jag's a problem now?"
"Mm-hm," he agreed lazily, enjoying how nervous she was becoming. He hadn't had the pleasure of making Jaina nervous in nearly a year- that was the one disadvantage to the familiarity. "Jag is no longer anywhere near what I'm thinking about now."
"Oh. Good." Her gaze flickered to his bare chest, then swiftly back up to his face. She tried to release his hands; he didn't let her. "So, um, I should probably let my parents know where I am."
"Yeah," Kyp agreed, tugging her closer until he could wrap his arms around her and pull her against his skin. "But first you're going to kiss me."
Her voice was a very un-Jaina-like squeak. "I am?"
"Yeah," he told her, still smiling. "You are. You said you'd wondered what it would be like. Here's your chance."
At that, her lips quirked upwards in a motion that strongly reminded Kyp of Leia. "You're enjoying this."
"Damn right I am. You're going to marry me, so you better get used to it." He watched her hesitate, and spoke again. "You're stalling."
"So?" she snapped back. "I don't remember any of this, all right? I'm allowed to be nervous."
Jaina nervous. He chuckled at the idea. "That'll be the day."
She gave a purely feminine growl of annoyance, and as he'd hoped, he'd teased her just enough to make her eyes kindle with fire. "You're a bit too please with yourself," she said, trying to slip away from him.
He merely tightened his hold. "I think I'm allowed to be, under the circumstances," he told her. "You're going to marry me. The first time you agreed, I didn't let you out of my sight for a day and a half."
"Don't think that's going to happen again this time," she warned.
"You're stalling again," he taunted, trying to rile her up. "Scared of me?"
"No," she said, and he could tell she was lying. He should be a bit gentler on her, he realized in some dim corner of his mind, but he was enjoying himself a bit too much. She was his still. She was staying. "I'm not afraid of you."
"If you want to marry me, you'd better be willing to at least kiss me," Kyp told her. He winked down at her blushing face. "You've done worse, you realize."
"I know!" she bit out, and went even redder. "You're not making this any easier."
"You like impossible things, don't you?" Her eyes lit with wrath, and he just grinned. "Come on, Goddess. You've kissed me before."
"Not in recent memory," she gritted, but he could tell she was weakening. Her arms had slipped around his waist; she was no longer stiff, but rather relaxed against him.
He could barely keep from laughing. "One kiss," he repeated, and his voice softened. "I kissed you the other night. Your turn. Just one kiss."
She shut her eyes and exhaled, then opened her eyes and looked back up at him.
"One kiss," she agreed, and Kyp felt her hands tug on his shirt as she pulled herself up to her tiptoes and pressed her mouth against his.
Her lips were soft, hesitant, and questioning- Kyp trailed his hand up her back to the back of her head and kept it cradled there. After a panicked second, Jaina relaxed completely, lingering in the kiss, savoring him as though she was returning home. He was more than willing to do the same.
How long they paused in the kiss he wasn't sure, but Jaina slowly released him and settled back down onto the balls of her feet. Or rather, tried to; Kyp lowered her until her feet were completely on the floor. Jaina ran her tongue over her top lip. "Um," she said.
"Yeah," Kyp agreed, feeling a bit lightheaded himself. "Maybe two kisses?"
"Yeah," Jaina said, still a bit dazed. She lifted her head back to his. "I could maybe do two."
