**************
1000 Ships
Three
"But now that I know it's just a fantasy, I feel a hard time coming around for me."
***************
A few days later, Jean-Luc's heart raced as he materialized at the private transport station in Seattle. He'd called Beverly immediately upon his arrival in France, and she'd agreed to meet him. Her reply had been truncated and cryptic, answering none of the slew of questions Picard had posed. He puzzled at the nature of the short message, but could hardly blame her. They had not spoken in more than a year. He hoped that years of deep friendship might help to bridge the gap the time apart had created.
His stomach roiled as he made his way onto the city streets. He pulled out a small personal padd and studied the directions Beverly had provided. Apparently he was to go to the waterfront and take a ferry over to the peninsula where she lived. She'd meet him there, where they would walk to her house.
He boarded the large boat and made his way to the upper deck. He strolled outside to the aft of the ship and watched the skyline as they departed. The afternoon was waning, and the sun glinted red off of the steel and glass buildings. The snow on the mountains was a soft pink, the sky a powdery blue. It reminded Picard of Beverly's eyes. His heart involuntarily skipped a beat.
Lost in thought, he started as he realized the trip was over. He moved with the other passengers toward the front and off the boat. His head spun and he felt dizzy with anticipation as he walked down the plank. He stood in the waiting area and looked around for Beverly. As the crowd thinned, she appeared in front of him, on the other side of the room. His breath caught at the site of her. She was, of course, even more beautiful than he remembered. Her lustrous red hair had grown much longer, cascading down to the middle of her back. It had been lightening with age over the past years, and she'd begun to dye it. It was now almost the same deep mahogany it had been when she was just a cadet. Indeed, the effect made her appear years younger. She was truly radiant. Her eyes twinkled with mirth as she spotted him, and she held out her arms to him as they approached each other.
It was all Picard could do to keep from crying out as they embraced. He held her for a few seconds, firmly, greedily. He pulled back as she tensed slightly. Her eyes were warm as she clasped his hands in hers and drew back to take him in. Her gaze raked up and down his trim form.
"The Admiralty suits you, Jean-Luc." Her tone was open, but there was something in it Picard could not place. Almost something missing.
He smiled nonetheless. It was sheer indulgence to see her again. "And Seattle suits you, Doctor."
She laughed. The sound was musical. Picard watched her eyes, mouth, everything about her as she did so. All exquisite. Jean-Luc was horrified to find that the time he'd spent away from the fair Doctor had served only to intensify his feelings. He was a man deeply and sincerely in love. His stomach pitched and rolled. He realized that she had spoken and was waiting for him to respond.
"I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm just realizing how long it's been since we've seen each other. I've missed you." The last he spoke in a voice thick with emotion. He realized he would not be able to hide his feelings for her indefinitely, if for any period of time at all.
"I know what you mean, Jean-Luc. It's almost surreal to meet you here, like this." An awkward silence fell over them. "Well. Let's be going, shall we?" She took his arm and headed toward the exit. Picard felt as close as he ever had to giddy.
They'd been walking for almost 5 minutes when they finally reached a small driveway leading off into the tall trees.
"You live here?" Picard glanced incredulously down the wooded path.
She laughed again. "A definite change for the Enterprise, I know. But I think you'll like it." She walked up the road and turned as Picard stood motionless. Again he was dumbfounded by how stunning she was in this setting. The trees, water, sky and mountains. It all seemed to blend with her in a way the austere environment on the ship had not. He was unable to believe it, but here she seemed to be even more herself. More entirely. His heart beat irregularly as he stood, jaw agape, staring at her.
"Are you coming?" She gave him a puzzled glance.
"Yes, yes." He shook his head and doubled his stride to catch up.
**************
Picard was not immune to the power of the sweeping vista off of Beverly's living room. He was drawn to it immediately.
"It's stunning, isn't it?" Her voice lilted lyrically, as always with a touch of humor. He turned and took her in. And he had to agree. All he could muster was a nod.
Sensing his unease, Beverly gushed to fill in the awkward stillness. He hated that their relationship had come down to uncomfortable silences, but he felt powerless to move his still tongue.
"How was the boat ride?" She sat and motioned for him to join her on the sofa. He did so, unable to take his eyes off of hers.
"It was splendid. I can see why you chose Seattle." He turned toward her and crossed his legs. "How have you been?"
"Good. I'm good." Nodding her head, she paused, and he could tell she was not finished. "My life has slowed down. It's nice. I can think here. There's more than just space and Starfleet."
"I suppose you've heard I'll be starting at the Academy next week." He watched her carefully for any reaction.
She seemed genuinely pleased as she responded. "I know. I never thought I'd see the day when Jean-Luc Picard would voluntarily step off the bridge of the Enterprise. I thought they'd have to drag out you kicking and screaming." Her brow arched and her voice took on an unspecified intensity.
But she gave him and impish grin and he returned a chastising look. Their old rapport surfaced momentarily. Then he responded in an introspective tone. "I have had cause to re-evaluate many aspects of my life recently, and I have found some of them wanting." His eyes glinted as he spoke and his voice was deep. As long as they had been separated, Beverly knew when Picard's words meant more than he articulated.
"Is that why you've come today?" Her response held a challenge, and a touch of sorrow.
"Beverly, I have come today because I have missed our friendship. I have missed you." His cards were on the table now, his heart laid bare before her.
"Jean-Luc." She stood and walked toward the window. She stood silently for a moment. When she turned back, her eyes shone with tears.
At that moment Picard knew it was too late. His heart plunged into his stomach and he felt sick. "Beverly?"
She turned, faced him in profile. She was lovely. "We can't go back to the way we were."
He felt relief as he shook his head. She'd misunderstood him. "That's not what I'm asking Beverly."
"Jean-Luc, I know what you're asking." Her tone held a touch of impatience. She wiped gently at an errant tear. "We can't go back Jean-Luc." She abruptly walked out of the room, and down a dim hallway. Picard felt a bit uncertain but waited for her return. His thoughts were a mass of confusion.
She emerged, no seemingly visible explanation for her departure. She sat directly opposite him on the sofa, hands in her lap. She carefully pulled the left one over the right. A plain gold band decorated her finger. "There's someone else."
Picard stared at her in disbelief. He was numb with shock. He had never anticipated this possibility. He could not think, could not respond. Then, suddenly, he felt the mantle of control he had worn so long settle back over him. He remembered himself and smiled. "Congratulations, Beverly." He opened his arms to embrace her, and she leaned forward gratefully. They were both tense as they held each other.
"Well. There are so many questions. The first being how you kept this little secret so well concealed?" He raised a jovial brow. His performance was masterful, and would continue to be. Neither she nor anyone else would know what the moment just past had cost him.
She smiled demurely. "I've worked very hard to keep my personal life out of Starfleet. It's been difficult, but worth it." Her mouth twitched in a terse grin.
"Married life seems to have done you well." He smiled warmly, but Beverly knew what she had done, what her admission had done to him. There was a dullness, a shallowness in his eyes, and a missing spark. They had danced around each other for so long. She could read him so well, like no one else. It was that intimacy that they could not reclaim while either of them was involved with someone else, and it was its absence that would doom their friendship. Both knew it in their hearts.
Beverly was unsure how long they had been starring at each other in silence. Picard stood. "It's getting late." Beverly smiled. The sun had set, but twilight still lingered. It was a small lie to ease them both out of a difficult situation.
"I hope someday we can have you over. I've already told Andrew so much about you. He's anxious to meet you." She delivered the invitation as softly as she could. It was only polite, but it still felt cruel.
Andrew. Andrew. Picard didn't even know his last name. Beverly had not taken it, and he was dying of curiosity. But it was an odd question somehow, and God knew Picard did not want to bring it up. There was so much he wanted to know about this man, but he could little stand even the thought of his existence. He needed to get out of her house – their house – as quickly as he could.
"Jean-Luc?" Beverly's eyes reflected her concern at his distraction. "Shall I walk you back to the dock?"
He smiled again and shook his head. "No, no that's fine. It's a lovely night, and I remember the way." They stood facing each other for a moment, before he finally moved to embrace her. When he took her in his arms, he fought to remember each millisecond. To record the way her hair smelled, how her body felt against his, the softness of her skin. He drank it all in, knowing it would be all he had left to savor.
She pulled back, and Picard was left feeling cold, inside and out. She walked him to the door, and he noticed how her slender fingers closed over the old-fashioned knob. He noticed the reach of her arm as she pulled the door open for him. He noticed the angles of her face, and her sapphire eyes. Each impression became etched indelibly in his mind.
"Goodbye."
"Goodbye."
Beverly shut the door and leaned her back up against it for support, tears running down her face.
**************
1000 Ships
Three
"But now that I know it's just a fantasy, I feel a hard time coming around for me."
***************
A few days later, Jean-Luc's heart raced as he materialized at the private transport station in Seattle. He'd called Beverly immediately upon his arrival in France, and she'd agreed to meet him. Her reply had been truncated and cryptic, answering none of the slew of questions Picard had posed. He puzzled at the nature of the short message, but could hardly blame her. They had not spoken in more than a year. He hoped that years of deep friendship might help to bridge the gap the time apart had created.
His stomach roiled as he made his way onto the city streets. He pulled out a small personal padd and studied the directions Beverly had provided. Apparently he was to go to the waterfront and take a ferry over to the peninsula where she lived. She'd meet him there, where they would walk to her house.
He boarded the large boat and made his way to the upper deck. He strolled outside to the aft of the ship and watched the skyline as they departed. The afternoon was waning, and the sun glinted red off of the steel and glass buildings. The snow on the mountains was a soft pink, the sky a powdery blue. It reminded Picard of Beverly's eyes. His heart involuntarily skipped a beat.
Lost in thought, he started as he realized the trip was over. He moved with the other passengers toward the front and off the boat. His head spun and he felt dizzy with anticipation as he walked down the plank. He stood in the waiting area and looked around for Beverly. As the crowd thinned, she appeared in front of him, on the other side of the room. His breath caught at the site of her. She was, of course, even more beautiful than he remembered. Her lustrous red hair had grown much longer, cascading down to the middle of her back. It had been lightening with age over the past years, and she'd begun to dye it. It was now almost the same deep mahogany it had been when she was just a cadet. Indeed, the effect made her appear years younger. She was truly radiant. Her eyes twinkled with mirth as she spotted him, and she held out her arms to him as they approached each other.
It was all Picard could do to keep from crying out as they embraced. He held her for a few seconds, firmly, greedily. He pulled back as she tensed slightly. Her eyes were warm as she clasped his hands in hers and drew back to take him in. Her gaze raked up and down his trim form.
"The Admiralty suits you, Jean-Luc." Her tone was open, but there was something in it Picard could not place. Almost something missing.
He smiled nonetheless. It was sheer indulgence to see her again. "And Seattle suits you, Doctor."
She laughed. The sound was musical. Picard watched her eyes, mouth, everything about her as she did so. All exquisite. Jean-Luc was horrified to find that the time he'd spent away from the fair Doctor had served only to intensify his feelings. He was a man deeply and sincerely in love. His stomach pitched and rolled. He realized that she had spoken and was waiting for him to respond.
"I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm just realizing how long it's been since we've seen each other. I've missed you." The last he spoke in a voice thick with emotion. He realized he would not be able to hide his feelings for her indefinitely, if for any period of time at all.
"I know what you mean, Jean-Luc. It's almost surreal to meet you here, like this." An awkward silence fell over them. "Well. Let's be going, shall we?" She took his arm and headed toward the exit. Picard felt as close as he ever had to giddy.
They'd been walking for almost 5 minutes when they finally reached a small driveway leading off into the tall trees.
"You live here?" Picard glanced incredulously down the wooded path.
She laughed again. "A definite change for the Enterprise, I know. But I think you'll like it." She walked up the road and turned as Picard stood motionless. Again he was dumbfounded by how stunning she was in this setting. The trees, water, sky and mountains. It all seemed to blend with her in a way the austere environment on the ship had not. He was unable to believe it, but here she seemed to be even more herself. More entirely. His heart beat irregularly as he stood, jaw agape, staring at her.
"Are you coming?" She gave him a puzzled glance.
"Yes, yes." He shook his head and doubled his stride to catch up.
**************
Picard was not immune to the power of the sweeping vista off of Beverly's living room. He was drawn to it immediately.
"It's stunning, isn't it?" Her voice lilted lyrically, as always with a touch of humor. He turned and took her in. And he had to agree. All he could muster was a nod.
Sensing his unease, Beverly gushed to fill in the awkward stillness. He hated that their relationship had come down to uncomfortable silences, but he felt powerless to move his still tongue.
"How was the boat ride?" She sat and motioned for him to join her on the sofa. He did so, unable to take his eyes off of hers.
"It was splendid. I can see why you chose Seattle." He turned toward her and crossed his legs. "How have you been?"
"Good. I'm good." Nodding her head, she paused, and he could tell she was not finished. "My life has slowed down. It's nice. I can think here. There's more than just space and Starfleet."
"I suppose you've heard I'll be starting at the Academy next week." He watched her carefully for any reaction.
She seemed genuinely pleased as she responded. "I know. I never thought I'd see the day when Jean-Luc Picard would voluntarily step off the bridge of the Enterprise. I thought they'd have to drag out you kicking and screaming." Her brow arched and her voice took on an unspecified intensity.
But she gave him and impish grin and he returned a chastising look. Their old rapport surfaced momentarily. Then he responded in an introspective tone. "I have had cause to re-evaluate many aspects of my life recently, and I have found some of them wanting." His eyes glinted as he spoke and his voice was deep. As long as they had been separated, Beverly knew when Picard's words meant more than he articulated.
"Is that why you've come today?" Her response held a challenge, and a touch of sorrow.
"Beverly, I have come today because I have missed our friendship. I have missed you." His cards were on the table now, his heart laid bare before her.
"Jean-Luc." She stood and walked toward the window. She stood silently for a moment. When she turned back, her eyes shone with tears.
At that moment Picard knew it was too late. His heart plunged into his stomach and he felt sick. "Beverly?"
She turned, faced him in profile. She was lovely. "We can't go back to the way we were."
He felt relief as he shook his head. She'd misunderstood him. "That's not what I'm asking Beverly."
"Jean-Luc, I know what you're asking." Her tone held a touch of impatience. She wiped gently at an errant tear. "We can't go back Jean-Luc." She abruptly walked out of the room, and down a dim hallway. Picard felt a bit uncertain but waited for her return. His thoughts were a mass of confusion.
She emerged, no seemingly visible explanation for her departure. She sat directly opposite him on the sofa, hands in her lap. She carefully pulled the left one over the right. A plain gold band decorated her finger. "There's someone else."
Picard stared at her in disbelief. He was numb with shock. He had never anticipated this possibility. He could not think, could not respond. Then, suddenly, he felt the mantle of control he had worn so long settle back over him. He remembered himself and smiled. "Congratulations, Beverly." He opened his arms to embrace her, and she leaned forward gratefully. They were both tense as they held each other.
"Well. There are so many questions. The first being how you kept this little secret so well concealed?" He raised a jovial brow. His performance was masterful, and would continue to be. Neither she nor anyone else would know what the moment just past had cost him.
She smiled demurely. "I've worked very hard to keep my personal life out of Starfleet. It's been difficult, but worth it." Her mouth twitched in a terse grin.
"Married life seems to have done you well." He smiled warmly, but Beverly knew what she had done, what her admission had done to him. There was a dullness, a shallowness in his eyes, and a missing spark. They had danced around each other for so long. She could read him so well, like no one else. It was that intimacy that they could not reclaim while either of them was involved with someone else, and it was its absence that would doom their friendship. Both knew it in their hearts.
Beverly was unsure how long they had been starring at each other in silence. Picard stood. "It's getting late." Beverly smiled. The sun had set, but twilight still lingered. It was a small lie to ease them both out of a difficult situation.
"I hope someday we can have you over. I've already told Andrew so much about you. He's anxious to meet you." She delivered the invitation as softly as she could. It was only polite, but it still felt cruel.
Andrew. Andrew. Picard didn't even know his last name. Beverly had not taken it, and he was dying of curiosity. But it was an odd question somehow, and God knew Picard did not want to bring it up. There was so much he wanted to know about this man, but he could little stand even the thought of his existence. He needed to get out of her house – their house – as quickly as he could.
"Jean-Luc?" Beverly's eyes reflected her concern at his distraction. "Shall I walk you back to the dock?"
He smiled again and shook his head. "No, no that's fine. It's a lovely night, and I remember the way." They stood facing each other for a moment, before he finally moved to embrace her. When he took her in his arms, he fought to remember each millisecond. To record the way her hair smelled, how her body felt against his, the softness of her skin. He drank it all in, knowing it would be all he had left to savor.
She pulled back, and Picard was left feeling cold, inside and out. She walked him to the door, and he noticed how her slender fingers closed over the old-fashioned knob. He noticed the reach of her arm as she pulled the door open for him. He noticed the angles of her face, and her sapphire eyes. Each impression became etched indelibly in his mind.
"Goodbye."
"Goodbye."
Beverly shut the door and leaned her back up against it for support, tears running down her face.
**************
