This Sesshomaru's Rin
Chapter 1
I can't sleep tonite, Rin. I've been so confused lately that it's hard to think straight. So I thought I'd get this out of my system, in the hopes that I'll be able to clear my mind. I hope you aren't angry that I woke you.
I don't know how to say this to you, Rin. I've rehearsed it a thousand times over, but though I've given it considerable thought, nothing that comes to mind seems fitting. I'm not so good with words, but I'll trust my instinct and hope I don't mess this up.
How you make me feel, I can't quite describe, Rin. But every time I hear you laugh, I want to laugh with you. Whenever I see you smile, I can't help but smile back, though I force myself to hide it so you don't think something's wrong with me. Seeing you playing with the children in the local villages makes me want to learn compassion, so that maybe someday I can make you understand that inside, I'm not really the coldhearted bastard that I seem. The simplest things you do or say can make me happy for weeks on end. Yes, I can be happy. I do have emotions, as you've helped me to realize.
You've grown up right before my eyes, Rin. To a demon, eleven years is nothing, so perhaps that is why it seems so odd that that's all it's taken for the little girl I once knew to be replaced by a stunning young woman. There are times when I'll think about that little girl, and how she cared for me without a single thought, when so many others would have run away in fear or tried to kill me while they had the chance. So many would have left me to die or finished me off right then, but that little girl chose to help me instead. You don't know how much that meant to me. It meant enough to compel me to keep that little girl around, though she was a human child. It meant enough for me to throw my own beliefs aside for the sake of getting to know that human girl more. I can't understand, to this day, why you did that for me, Rin. I was, and still am a monster, a ruthless beast with not a shred of humanity, yet you didn't run from me. No one else has ever been that bold, and it made me feel worth something, and, if only for a moment, it made me feel warm inside, like maybe I didn't have to be a cold shell of a man forever.
Is there anything you fear, Rin? Though you are human, you are braver than any youkai I've ever come across. If you are ever frightened, Rin, you hide it well, for not even I can smell the faintest scent of fear on you. You take on anything that gets in your way as if it were nothing. You are strong, Rin. My training has done you well, but that is nothing in comparison to what you've made yourself on your own. No matter how hopeless a situation, you always seem to see a way to make it better, and you do, because you aren't afraid of what may happen if you fail. Since you don't dwell on fear, you find no reason to. Your determination astounds me. There is no obstacle you will allow yourself to fall to; I have seen that over the years. You refuse to let your humanity bind you to any set of limits and rules. You live to break them all and to replace them with your own. You have confidence, and with reason. You can take on the world if you want to. You are free. You are wild, yet perfectly composed. You're immovable in your opinions, and you stick well to what you believe. You are the most courageous person I've ever met, Rin. You have no idea how much I admire you for that.
You're beautiful, Rin. Even when you were small it was obvious you would be; you were a pretty child. But now, you are gorgeous. You blind me, Rin. Whenever you walk into a room, I can see nothing but you, my Rin, and how fiercely stunning you've become. Your silky brown hair, dazzling chocolate eyes, perfect feminine figure, your soft laugh and gentle smile, there is no way you be anything but beautiful.
Always, Rin, I've been alone, and I've liked it that way. But now that I know you, I couldn't bear to go back to the way I was before; leaving you would break me. You're everything a man could want, Rin. You're perfect in every way imaginable. I'm beginning to understand what my father went through when he met Inuyasha's mother, and how Inuyasha in turn could fall for not one but two human women. I'm sure by now you understand what I'm trying to say, Rin. And yes, though it goes completely against what a man like myself typically stands for, I've taken a lesson from you, Rin. I'm willing to break all the rules, because you are right: I love you. There is no other way to describe it, Rin, but that I've fallen for you with everything I am, and though you are a human, I find that it doesn't bother me a bit. I know a demon like myself could never deserve an angel like you, but I need to ask you anyway, just to make sure.
"Will you be this Sesshomaru's Rin?"
End
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