Entry Ten
Tonight's another one of those plan nights. I haven't written in a real long time, but it wouldn't seem any different since my diary goes by entry numbers instead of the date of the day or month or year. Honestly I don't even know what day it is today, just that it's morning. (Since those puppets came in gave me my morning 'grub' although quite tasty, it looked revolting. And then took me for my daily shower. So fresh so clean.) To get to what I'm going to do. I'm going to do what I've been avoiding for days now. Instead of approaching him as the innocent Phoebe, since I am his personal 'puppet' I won't resist the pull of my strings.
I won't be Phoebe anymore.
I'm going to be, Phoebe, the puppet
Entry Eleven
Victory at last. Whatever victory I can claim is a victory. As Phoebe the puppet, I succeeded in getting what I wanted from Cole. His knowledge of knowing I'm not going to live the way I am now. I won't be his puppet forever, and I won't let him pull my strings. Yesterday night, I showed him. Just by playing the puppet I was able to cut my strings.
To make the story short, I was in every way not myself. I did not try to whisper my usual I love you's, nor did I try to persuade him to talk. Instead I headed the other direction, straight for sex. If that was all he wanted that was all he would get, forget all the little necessities of caresses and kisses. If he wanted sex, he'd get it. After all this wasn't making love. Just sex. And after we were done, I planned on dressing again and heading right back to my room and be over with it. See here, I thought I was just a toy for him anyway. I wasn't suppose to care, I wasn't suppose to feel, I'm not suppose to love, himespecially.
It must have been a shock to him, to watch me walk straight up to him, lust shining on my features and no more. I played his slave, gave him what he wanted, but the difference between thisencounter yesterday night then any other nights, would be he never took it. I handed it on a silver platter, even with a cherry on top, and he refused.
It was when I had started to unbutton his shirt with my teeth and slid my hand down his pants, he'd stopped me swiftly with his strong hands. One hand stopping the hand in his pants and other gripping my chin so strongly it forced me to look up into his eyes. The once dark greenish blueish eyes I use to see so often was now the light-green blue I had fallen in love with, in the beginning.
I knew I had won what I wanted to win, and he seemed clueless to what I was up to. I had to hold back the triumph smirk that began to spread across my face and pretend disappointment. He didn't let go of my chin, but held it more tenderly, his eyes searching mine and mine his. Maybe I had gotten through to him, not fully but I think I managed to grab the Cole I love from inside his hiding place. A sigh escaped his lips, and his eyes turned sorrowful. Still playing the fool, I raised my eyebrows at him, and leaned in to kiss him hungrily, but he stopped me, again.
"What's the matter?" I whispered to him, and I peered even closer into the depths of his light blue-green eyes. I must have really done something to wake him up inside to get him to act like this.
He let out another sigh, and pushed me gently off of him, and covered his face with his hands, his middle finger and thumb massaging his temples.
I tried again.
I pulled his hands away from his face, and massaged it for him, but he flinched at my touch, as though I had scorched him. Now I was really surprised, but I wasn't trying to play the fool anymore. I knew I broke into that shell that kept my love captive, but this was different. He was breathing hard, panting almost. I wanted to know what was going in that mind of his. I wanted to know. I went again at him, but he looked up at me, his light eyes still shining.
"Don't," he told me gruffly, "touch me. Just go, go back to your room."
I blinked dumbly at him, and then took a step backwards, but then I thought. Even if I was free tonight, and I had broken through to him, he stilled needed something more. I put that foot right back forward and bent my head down, my lips kissing him gently on top of his forehead. He flinched again, but it was better that I showed my love to him, even if it seemed to burn him to the touch. Then I retreated back to my room, gleefully. I had won, and I just know there are going to be many more victories ahead. One way or another.
Hopefully something productive comes out of what happened yesterday night. Just hopefully!
Later
Something weird is going on. The puppets are coming for me, right now. I know this for sure, because they're outside waiting for me to hurry up. I told them I need to tidy myself up, like I really have anything to tidy. He wants to see me, right now. And from looking out the window it seems around dinner. Something is just not quite right...
[ A/N: Sorry I took so long with this story. I really lost a lot of interest or well, I lost the whole point of the story, but then I found it again! So hurrah! I'm trying my best NOT to abandon this story, I have a really bad habit at leaving things unfinished because I get upset, (one. I feel I'm not doing it right, or two. It's just taking too long to do what I want to happen. Three. I like finishing stories in one night for some odd reason.) But here's another chapter, and I'm typing up the NEXT one after this one right now. So stay tuned. :) Lets hope my muse is still with me. If you want to send any suggestions, you can send it toJeezShuddap@yahoo.com with the subject "Suggestions for DOP" on it. It would be greatly appreciated. ;) ]
-Vivi
Songs Listened To:
Lover's Game - MÉtisse
Sousounde - MÉtisse
Sadness - MÉtisse
