Instead of going to the coffee shop like she intended, the girl was too
upset by her encounter with Harry that she went straight back to Privet
Drive, and sat at the thing that gave her a comfort, that took up most of
one of the 2 rooms that she was renting at the "blanks". She sat at her
piano, took the elastic bands off of her note book and pulled out the
latest song that she had written. Although she didnt need it to look at the
music, she needed it for the words. Not because she didnt know them , but
because she over changed them as she went along. She flipped up the lid to
the piano and started hitting the keys, humming as she went along, before
realising the window was wide open and that people could hear her. She
didnt care. Then she added the words to the song and sang, tears streaming
down her face, threatening to break her voice into racking sobs at any
point.
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out
I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever said we'd never be together and we ended with goodbye, But we never did Well now I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you (Tears were streaming down her face at this point, and she had to stop to catch her breath, and to wipe at her eyes as she couldnt see the keys on the piano)
How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind
Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right but now youre not here with me
(Again ,the tears fell harder at this point, as she realised that Sirius was truly not here, he was gone, and that she was Lost Without Him, this she had never denied. Before, in the coma-like state, she knew that Sirius was alive, albeit in Azkaban, and that there was a sliver of hope...but now there was none. As her voice hit the highest note, and she belted it loudly, she didnt know how she got her voice to stay straight as Lupin Apparated into her bedroom. This was the first time that she had ever cried, everyone else was showing their pain in different ways, and she couldnt even begin to show hers...she was beyong anger...beyond tears....until this point. The tears were coming down faster and more of them now, blurring her vision, but she was so caught up in the song and her grief that she couldnt stop. Lupin stood there, quiet and grieving himself, eyes glassing over as he heard her voice singing, thick with emotion, grief, misery and loss. He moved slowly and sat on the bed.)
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'd never be together and we ended with goodbye, But we never did.. Well now I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face
Oh
(She noticed now that Lupin was in the room now, and paid no attention, but felt a small small comfort that the man who had been like a brother to her was here, and that a few tears fell from his eyes. Whether because of hers or his grief, she did not know.)
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye,but we never did. Im lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
The song had finished and she was so totally lost in her grief, that as she tried to stand up to move across the room to Lupin, she fell to the floor, totally broken down and a complete wreck, in floods of tears, in so much pain and grief that it actually hurt her physically to move, to breathe, to just be here. "You should have let me die" she said, through huge racking sobs that shook her body. Lupin barely made out the words as she half sat, half lay on the floor, letting go of everything and just giving into the grief and pain, finally. "It hurts....It hurts.....It hurts so much..." she struggled to say, and she kept repeating "It hurts....it hurts.." . She looked so frail in her 18 year old body, yet Lupin knew she was more, so much more than she looked. He could not even begin to imagine her pain, but imagined it stretched far. She and Sirius had been soul mates, of that there was no doubt. Why Sirius had never mentioned her in front of Harry was another reason, and his reaction whenever Lupin mentioned her, well...Lupin crossed the room to the sobbing wreck and tried to lift her, but she just fell back down again, mumbling it "it hurts, let me die.. please let me die..". Lupin knelt down beside her and wrapped his arms around her, but she just pushed him away. Lupin was stung by this reaction, and a few tears fell from his eyes. He had cut it close by coming here, it was full moon tonight and werewolves, being perceptive to human emotions, powerful ones, Apparated here straight away. He decided to go to Dumbledore straight away, she could not be left alone like this. But maybe it was better to be left alone to grieve; he did not know, but cared too much about her to let her deal with this on her own. "Nay, listen to me" he said. She carried on sobbing, her eyes redder and puffier than they had been before, but that had been due to her hayfever or something or other. She looked up at Lupin, and he was moved to tears again by the look in her eyes. "Nay, listen...Its a full moon tonight, so I cant stay....but I am going to tell Dumbledore. You cant - " he stopped, and saw that she was wiping at her eyes, only to start sobbing again. He put his hand on her back, and felt the shakes that went through her body. "I will be here as soon as I can, I promise that." She muttered something that sounded like thankyou and sorry, then hugged him, tears staining his already worn robe. She pulled away, and carried on sobbing. Lupin was extremely worried about her, but not as much as when there had been no reaction from her.
DISCLAIMER : Above lyrics belong to Delta Goodrem, not me. I hear this song the other day, and really listened to the lyrics, and thought it would be how Harrys feeling, but even more appropiate to how Lana is feeling. Im sorry about the "blank" part, but I cant think of a name yet, but I will change it and add a name at some point! Not sure about the name Lana either, if you have any thoughts on the name, just email me on rp_faith@hotmail.com THANKS! and write more REVIEWS i wanna know how you feel about how the story is moving along and your thoughts and questions on it so far.
I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out
I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever said we'd never be together and we ended with goodbye, But we never did Well now I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you (Tears were streaming down her face at this point, and she had to stop to catch her breath, and to wipe at her eyes as she couldnt see the keys on the piano)
How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind
Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right but now youre not here with me
(Again ,the tears fell harder at this point, as she realised that Sirius was truly not here, he was gone, and that she was Lost Without Him, this she had never denied. Before, in the coma-like state, she knew that Sirius was alive, albeit in Azkaban, and that there was a sliver of hope...but now there was none. As her voice hit the highest note, and she belted it loudly, she didnt know how she got her voice to stay straight as Lupin Apparated into her bedroom. This was the first time that she had ever cried, everyone else was showing their pain in different ways, and she couldnt even begin to show hers...she was beyong anger...beyond tears....until this point. The tears were coming down faster and more of them now, blurring her vision, but she was so caught up in the song and her grief that she couldnt stop. Lupin stood there, quiet and grieving himself, eyes glassing over as he heard her voice singing, thick with emotion, grief, misery and loss. He moved slowly and sat on the bed.)
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'd never be together and we ended with goodbye, But we never did.. Well now I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face
Oh
(She noticed now that Lupin was in the room now, and paid no attention, but felt a small small comfort that the man who had been like a brother to her was here, and that a few tears fell from his eyes. Whether because of hers or his grief, she did not know.)
All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye,but we never did. Im lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you
The song had finished and she was so totally lost in her grief, that as she tried to stand up to move across the room to Lupin, she fell to the floor, totally broken down and a complete wreck, in floods of tears, in so much pain and grief that it actually hurt her physically to move, to breathe, to just be here. "You should have let me die" she said, through huge racking sobs that shook her body. Lupin barely made out the words as she half sat, half lay on the floor, letting go of everything and just giving into the grief and pain, finally. "It hurts....It hurts.....It hurts so much..." she struggled to say, and she kept repeating "It hurts....it hurts.." . She looked so frail in her 18 year old body, yet Lupin knew she was more, so much more than she looked. He could not even begin to imagine her pain, but imagined it stretched far. She and Sirius had been soul mates, of that there was no doubt. Why Sirius had never mentioned her in front of Harry was another reason, and his reaction whenever Lupin mentioned her, well...Lupin crossed the room to the sobbing wreck and tried to lift her, but she just fell back down again, mumbling it "it hurts, let me die.. please let me die..". Lupin knelt down beside her and wrapped his arms around her, but she just pushed him away. Lupin was stung by this reaction, and a few tears fell from his eyes. He had cut it close by coming here, it was full moon tonight and werewolves, being perceptive to human emotions, powerful ones, Apparated here straight away. He decided to go to Dumbledore straight away, she could not be left alone like this. But maybe it was better to be left alone to grieve; he did not know, but cared too much about her to let her deal with this on her own. "Nay, listen to me" he said. She carried on sobbing, her eyes redder and puffier than they had been before, but that had been due to her hayfever or something or other. She looked up at Lupin, and he was moved to tears again by the look in her eyes. "Nay, listen...Its a full moon tonight, so I cant stay....but I am going to tell Dumbledore. You cant - " he stopped, and saw that she was wiping at her eyes, only to start sobbing again. He put his hand on her back, and felt the shakes that went through her body. "I will be here as soon as I can, I promise that." She muttered something that sounded like thankyou and sorry, then hugged him, tears staining his already worn robe. She pulled away, and carried on sobbing. Lupin was extremely worried about her, but not as much as when there had been no reaction from her.
DISCLAIMER : Above lyrics belong to Delta Goodrem, not me. I hear this song the other day, and really listened to the lyrics, and thought it would be how Harrys feeling, but even more appropiate to how Lana is feeling. Im sorry about the "blank" part, but I cant think of a name yet, but I will change it and add a name at some point! Not sure about the name Lana either, if you have any thoughts on the name, just email me on rp_faith@hotmail.com THANKS! and write more REVIEWS i wanna know how you feel about how the story is moving along and your thoughts and questions on it so far.
