Knowing that she and Mort were going to need a lot of time to sort through things, Alex called Karen and asked her to take Julia for the day. Once Julia was gone, Mort knew that he wouldn't be able to stall any longer.
A can of Mountain Dew in his hands, and a bag of Doritos within reach, Mort simply blurted, "Alex, I think I'm losing my mind."
Normally, Alex would have laughed off such a comment, but something was telling her that Mort wasn't trying to make light of anything. "What?" she asked gently.
Mort's eyes pleaded with her. "I hear things…in my mind…I shouldn't be saying…"
Alex took a deep breath. "Mort, are you being…serious?" He nodded. "O.K., then." She moved closer to him on the couch and put her hand on his back, rubbing lightly. "Tell me more."
"Tell you more? Shouldn't this be where you either tell me I'm ridiculous, or say 'Well, it's been fun, but I can't have a crazy guy around my daughter?'"
"Thought about my reaction much?" she asked smiling.
"You shouldn't be so O.K. with this," he said insistently. Alex laughed. Yes, laughed. "What's funny about this?"
Alex calmed her laughter. "Mort, do you know why I needed some time to myself?"
"You got overwhelmed with…" Alex shook her head "no." "No? That wasn't the reason?" She shook her head again. "You weren't telling the truth, then?"
"It's not that I wasn't telling the truth, exactly – I was…I just wasn't telling you everything."
"Oh…"
"And the reason for that is that…" She pushed her hair away from her face. "…I thought you would think I was being ridiculous."
"Uh…why?"
"I had a dream about you and because of this dream – this totally unreal thing that only lives in my mind – I let myself get scared and I pushed you away."
Mort sat perfectly still, his eyes locked with Alex's. He reached for his comfort food, taking a handful of the chips. He seemed to be lost in thought as he chewed. She got scared over a dream…a dream. Maybe it's not so awful that my thoughts are…But I can see him. I shouldn't be able to see him.
Don't you see that it doesn't matter? She's not running!
I haven't told her the part about seeing things.
Maybe you don't have to. Not yet. And…You might want to say something.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Mort asked, cautiously.
"I thought you'd think I was being irrational."
Mort shook his head. "I wouldn't have thought that."
"Why?" Alex asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Because I lo…" He understood then why Alex wasn't judging him, why she wasn't running away or laughing.
"Get it?" she asked sweetly. Mort nodded, a smile appearing on his face. "Good, so now, please, tell me more."
"And you won't…"
She put her hand on his face. "I'm not running."
"I told you that my ex-wife cheated on me – but I didn't tell you what happened when I…I found them together."
"You found them?" Mort nodded. "As in you caught them?"
"In a motel room. In bed. I knew where they were and I tried my damnedest not to go in, but I lost the battle with myself, stole the key from the motel's office, and went inside their room."
"Oh, Mort…"
He shook his head. "Don't feel too sorry for me," he said softly. "I had a gun with me." He looked at Alex. "It wasn't loaded," he added quickly, "but I had it with me."
"Oh…"
"I wasn't going to hurt anyone, I knew it wasn't worth…I swear, it wasn't loaded."
"Why did you bring it?" Alex asked calmly.
"That's when it all started, at least I think it is." Mort took a final swig of Mountain Dew and reclined into the couch. "After I found out about the two of them, there was this voice in the back of my mind telling me to get my gun and let them know that I knew about it. I listened to it at first, but then I…I guess what you'd consider to be my conscience stepped in and I tried to listen to reason, but the other voice…it won in the end."
"Everyone has those voices, Mort. Especially when you're hurt and angry…"
Mort shook his head. "Not like this, Alex. It wasn't 'me' I was hearing. It was a totally separate voice – not mine at all. It had it a southern drawl…it was so distinct and…it overpowered my mind. I listened to it!"
"Maybe it was a way of coping," Alex offered. "I mean, I don't know how I would have dealt with something like that, but…"
"Alex, there's…there's a bit more I should tell you before you try and rationalize this." A worried look crept into Alex's eyes – she tried to keep this look from Mort, but he saw. "Are you all right?"
"I feel like I'm preparing myself for something – I just don't know what."
"I don't know how this is going to sound – I've never actually said anything out loud, but I think…I think I created him, this voice I mean."
"Created?"
Mort sighed. "I was with Amy a few summers ago and we went to Amish country. I bought this ridiculous farmer's hat and looked in the mirror. As soon as I saw myself, I created a character named 'John Shooter.' Right away I had thoughts about his life, his voice, his demeanor. Once I got back home, I started a story about him. I stayed shut up in my office writing about him. Pages and pages…" Mort's voice drifted. "I began to reread the story and there was too much violence, gore…this sense of…he was so oddly calm while he committed these horrendous acts…I can't even explain it. It scared – no, terrified me that I had written something that ominous…"
"Isn't that your job?" Alex asked softly.
"That's my point. I write this genre for a living and I was terrified of the person I created. As I looked back through the pages, I actually couldn't even remember putting in some of the details that I'd written. I'd succeeded at scaring the shit out of myself and decided that the story was better off being wiped away. I burnt the printed pages, just in case – there was always the possibility of a fan going through my trash – and deleted it from my hard drive."
"Are you trying to say that…Mort, what is it exactly that you're trying to say?"
Mort put his head in his hands. "I don't know." He looked at Alex, a mix of fear and adoration reflecting in his eyes. "After I moved out of my home, I was fine for a while, but then I…he…I could swear to you that I saw this…things started to happen. All I wanted to do was sleep and I swear that someone was stalking me. Someone that knew about this person that I created, only nobody else ever saw him and…" Mort's breathing changed – he was on the verge of hyperventilating until Alex brought him back. She put both of her hands on his face and forced him to look at her.
"Mort? Sweetheart…" Sweetheart? Yes, sweetheart, baby, anything that I want to call him. "…look at me. Calm down." Truth be told, Alex was scared to death at the moment. She couldn't understand what it was that Mort was experiencing, what he'd gone or was currently going through. All she knew for sure was that Mort needed something stable at the moment and her getting upset certainly wouldn't serve that purpose.
Mort curled his whole body up on the couch and placed his head in Alex's lap. He was trembling and she knew that he was crying. "I don't want to be crazy," he whispered. "I was finally happy again. You and Julia…I love both of you so…"
Alex ran her fingers through Mort's hair. "Shh…I know you do. We love you too and you're not crazy, Mort. If you were crazy, you wouldn't have said a word to me about this."
Mort stopped shaking and took a deep breath. "You're right…right?"
"I am." She kissed the top of his head. "Do you want to straighten all of this out?" He nodded. "Will you go and see someone about this?"
"A shrink?"
"Yeah," Alex said gently. "My shrink. He's very professional and…"
"I'll go."
