Hello again, and many thanks to the reviewers! I've tried to make improvements but I still drew massive oopsies and bland lines (since chapter 2).

And many, many, many thanks to Mantichorus, who has been patiently reading and critiquing the story! I really appreciate your comments and advice ^_^ I completely agree with you, all the turks are defective gingerbread men...shows how badly burnt the dough was in the oven :D I guess I find them lovable as defective dudes!

Massive thanks also to Clorith, FF fangirlH, Crowvii and Sephiroth1Ripley8 for your encouragement as well! You guys make my day!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Disclaimer: (Read Chapter 1) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Gingerbread Man Part 3

Author: When we last left off, the gingerbread man had apparently fallen into a state of shock after slamming into Sephiroth...I mean, the old man's very well built brick wall of a chest.

Aeris: We've got to wake him up!

Yuffie: Oh, like that is so not obvious!

Sephiroth: Damn you gingerbread man!! I will not lose you!! *turns to others* Get some smelling salts or something!!

Aeris: right. *goes off camera, returns with a pair of boxers* It's Barret's. Not been washed for years.

(Author's Note: notice how the characters sometimes wear the same thing in the game for days till months on end.)

Sephiroth and Yuffie: eeewww...

Barret: *off-camera* Give that back you fools!!

*Sephiroth waves garment in front of Cloud's nose*

Cloud: _o

Cloud: 0_0

Cloud: x_x

Aeris: Great. We woke him up AND sent him back into a coma.

Yuffie: It's that stinky underwear!! Geddit away!!

*offending garment is thrown offscreen. A dark figure swathed in red emerges grandly, only to receive the underwear head-on straight in the face*

Vincent: ARGH! *whips underwear off face* Now what, you guys are into chemical warfare??

Barret: *Runs in, does his hilarious body shaking with fists in air* That's mine!! Give me back!!

Vincent: Ah, and here's the lethal chemical plant. Honoured. *sweeps a bow, passes garment back to Barret, who snatches it back in a huff. Barret leaves.*

Vincent: *yells* I didn't know you liked pink chocobo underwear!!

Yuffie: Cloud here just got it bad. Any solutions?

Aeris: We're trying to resurrect him! (Note: Cloud is merely unconscious.)

Vincent: That's easy, watch this. *Whips out and unleashes yet another cage full of fangirls out of nowhere*

Fangirls: *collective squeal* CLOUD-SAN!!!

Cloud: *cringes badly, wakes up* OMG! *Ups and runs*

Vincent: See? Nothing to it.

Aeris: *Shades eyes with hand, gazes into horizon* Wow, he's up and perky!

Cloud: *Is far away, running over the hills, train of fangirls following behind*

Yuffie: *Through binoculars* Yeah, but looks like he's gonna asphyxiate.

Sephiroth: Well I'm not gonna let my precious army conk out! *Runs after Cloud*

Aeris: Oh, where did you get all those fangirls Vincent?

Vincent: *shrugs* They come in the thousands. Not too difficult to get them.

Aeris: *looks jealous*

Vincent: You think that's bad? Wait till you see the Cloud fanboys.

Yuffie: *Through binoculars* Cor, Cloud's on the world map already.

Reno: Okay, screw the script. I have my own brains and mouth. *Ahem* So this gingerbread fellow runs towards a town, an' man was he tired cuz he was too stupid to know that he could ride a chocobo there instead.

Cloud: You've gotta be kidding! OOF! *whacks into town in the middle of the world map, which typically appears as a tiny cluster of houses*

Fangirls: squeee!!!

Reno: Alright guys!! I'm confused over this gingerbread dude's role in the story already! Throw me some facts!

Sephiroth: He's...

Aeris: *catches up with Sephiroth* my lover!!

Sephiroth: No, my gingerbread army!!

Aeris: who happens to be my lover!!

Sephiroth: ARMY!!

Aeris: LOVER!!

Sephiroth: Damnit!! Where the hell's Hojo?!

*Hojo is relaxing at Costa De Sol, in swimming trunks, surrounded by girls...his eyebrows twitch at the mention of his name. He shrugs and calls for a fruit punch.*

Reno: Right. So the gingerbread fella's actually a full-strength cloned army created by an old farmer man to rule the world, and is at the same time the lover of a local farm pig, I get that right?

Aeris and Sephiroth: Err...

Reno: Ah what the hell. Rude, take over. I'm getting too sober doing this crap.

Rude: ... *Adjusts tie, puts on dark glasses, stand to attention in front of camera. Minutes tick past*

~20 minutes later~

Reno: *swaggers back * Hey, ain't you narrating or something?

Rude: I am?

Reno: You crap, of course!! Why the hell do you think I left you there?!

Rude: Dude. I thought you meant to stand in your place.

Reno: Gods, you are another defective gingerbread man.

Rude: You knocked out the narrator! You're the defective one!

Rufus: *Clambers back into narrator seat* ALL of you are defects!! There's no sanity in this room!!

Tseng: Haha, President Rufus is defective too.

Elena: Oooh, I wanna play narrator too!

All: Elena!!

And so the story actually goes on without the gentle guidance of the narrator.

Sephiroth: *arrives just in time to see a confused crowd of fangirls* What the hell happened to my gingerbread?!

Aeris: *catches up* Gasp! You guys ate him??

Fangirl: He ducked into the forest. We can't find him. *sobs*

Sepiroth: So?! What are you saps waiting for?! Surround the forest!! Leave him no outlet for escape! *girls comply*

Reno: HAH! Wild gingerbread man on the loose in the jungle! Tactics changes to guerrilla warfare! Damn I'm good! This calls for a celebration. *leaves for minibar.*

Yuffie: Am I late? Did I miss anything?

Vincent: *Looks at ranting and raving Sephiroth and distraught Aeris* I think we just lost our star of the story. Oh dear.

*Suddenly giant buster sword hurtles out of the forest. Everyone ducks, and sword embeds itself into a tree behind them.*

Sephiroth: HAH! He is near! The end is nigh! *runs into forest*

Vincent: I think our friend is starting to turn violent. Hey, look at this. *Retrieves a small note pinioned to tree by sword*

Aeris: I'll bet it says something like, "I am wearied by the shadows of my past, I shall live my life in seclusion..." *sighs dramatically, lost in her fantasies*

Vincent: It says, "Leev mi alon".

All: ...

Yuffie: Err, he isn't very bright, is he?

Rufus: To tell the truth, I think he's actually getting smarter.

Sephiroth: *Emerges* I can't find him!! Right. This calls for a change of plan. I'm going with the narrator (for once). I'm hunting down my renegade army by cunning guerrilla tactics.

Aeris: So am I!

Yuffie: Me too! Sounds like fun!

Vincent: Right. So how are you guys gonna do it?

Aeris: I have no idea! Anyways, do you think we're scaring him?

Vincent: Well, must be desperate to abandon his buster sword... Wait...he never HAD a buster sword with him before, did he?

Everyone: O_O (suddenly the fact dawns upon them.)

We leave the gang to ponder upon this great mystery of the gingerbread man's newfound (and then lost) weapon, and we stop here due to the author's massive writer's block.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mir: Man, I think I better end this soon before it drives me nuts! And I'm falling into depression cuz Cloud hints that he wants to die in Advent Children... NOOO... *sobs* It gets worse from here...

Anyway, thanks again for your attention!