Chapter Eight- "Kiss Your Ass!"

Since their wedding night, Hippolyta and Theseus had been ruling over a prosperous Athens together. All was well and good, as was to be expected, although Hippolyta still didn't love Theseus. There were no real changes in the kingdom since their wedding.

Except for one. The play that had been performed at their wedding starred one Nick Bottom, a weaver who fancied himself quite an actor. Before the show, he already had one obsessed fan-girl, another member of the play's cast, Robin Starveling the tailor, who had been calling herself his 'groupie' since they met in London over a year ago. But four girls in the audience that night became willing members of his fan club. Those four girls were Renee Johnstown, Carol Warrington, Katia Grant, and Melanie Renton. They had all immediately proclaimed themselves his 'groupies' too. Of course, Robin Starveling didn't like this so much. They just liked him because he was famous. She was there for him, not his celebrity.

Nick Bottom himself didn't particularly care. He was full of himself, and was usually too busy looking in the mirror to notice anything going on around him. Ever since that night that he had a dream that he was an ass and fell in love with Titania, the fairy queen, he had been even more egocentrical, although it's not quite certain why exactly. However, rumors of that night's events had gotten out, and now the best way to get Nick Bottom pissed was to call him an "ass" or an "asshole". And he still had an odd fetish for whipped cream.

Athens noticed the problems with the Nick Bottom groupies more than Nick Bottom himself did. Although there were only five of them, one of whom traveled separately from the other four, they caused quite a stir in town.

Hermia and Lysander used their teleporting powers to return to Athens. Hermia's father Egeus had mysteriously died and they had to attend his funeral. Hermia was very sad, but she really didn't like her dad that much cause he almost made her marry Demetrius. But Hermia was still sad. She had to comfort her mother Kelliy at the funeral. It was a nice funeral, with black flowers for decoration.

The fairies came to Egeus's funeral. They did a sad fairy dance wearing all black at the funeral. Hippolyta and Theseus, being close friends of Egeus, sat in the front row. Theseus made a speech. It was touching. Philostrate was there too. He stood there and was Philostrate.

Nick Bottom also came to Egeus's funeral, although it cannot be said why. Because Nick Bottom came, his groupies Robin, Renee, Carol, Katia, and Melanie came too. They stared raptly and lustfully at him throughout the service. At the end, he got up and made a speech too. At the end of every sentence his groupies clapped madly for him. When he was done making the speech they clapped madly AND screamed things. It was insanity.

"Someone get a hold of those girls!" Kelliy, Hermia's mother, exclaimed. Nobody listened to her, because we made her up.

Theseus was sad that Hippolyta didn't love him. So Puck came with the magical Cupid flower and put its' spell on Hippolyta, so Hippolyta fell in love with Theseus. All was happy.

"Hi, Theseus, hi, Hippolyta," Hermia and Lysander said after the funeral, going up to talk to them.

"Well, hello there, Hermia," said Hippolyta.

"Hello, Lysander," Theseus said, putting emphasis on the 'a' so it sounded like LySANder.

"How are things in Athens?" LySANder asked politely.

"It is all well, except for those five crazy girls!" Theseus said. "Everywhere that Nick Bottom character goes, they follow him. It's insane."

At that moment Nick Bottom walked by admiring himself. Robin was hanging off of his left arm, Carol off of his right, and Renee, Katia, and Melanie were adoringly clustered around him, laughing and talking. Nick Bottom seemed to like the attention.

"I think it's sweet," Hermia proclaimed. "They are in love."

"Alas, judging by all I have ever read or heard of, in fact or fiction, the course of true love never did run smooth. It might be a class difference," said LySANder.

"That is true," said Theseus. Kelliy came up, mourning her husband. Hermia gave her mother a comforting hug. It was a true Kodak moment.

The fairies walked by. They didn't dance, because there are no upbeat songs about funerals. Suddenly, they had an idea. "You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling" started to play. Peaseblossom grabbed Theseus. Mustardseed grabbed Hippolyta. Scooter grabbed Philostrate. Sparkles grabbed Nick Bottom, much to his groupies' chagrin. Cobweb grabbed Robin. Moth grabbed Hermia. Kitty grabbed LySANder. Paisley grabbed Kelliy. Soap grabbed Katia. Rosebud grabbed Melanie. Daffodil grabbed Renee. Bano grabbed Melanie. And Puck, who was there to put the Cupid flower spell on Hippolyta, grabbed Carol. All of the fairies led their mortals in a waltz. It was sad, yet funny. None of the boys, fairy or mortal, knew how to dance, except for LySANder, who had taken hip-hop classes with his sisters Meredith and Shellie when he was in the eighth grade.