Chapter Nine: "Car Chase!"
"Ooh, I hate you, stupid Craterface," Danny said angrily to Craterface, his girl Sandy at his side.
"I hate you too," said Craterface. "Why don't we have a big race down at the long road to see who has the fastest car?"
"Fine. Let's race right now," Danny said.
"Fine. Let me go get my girlfriend Cha-Cha so she can stand off to the side and cheer me on in really tight pedal-pushers that I somehow find attractive," Craterface replied.
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Craterface drove off in his car. Sandy and Danny stood there. Sandy started talking in her Australian accent.
"Oh, I wish you wouldn't race him, Danny," said Sandy. "You could get hurt!"
"I won't get hurt, Sandy baby," Danny said patronizingly.
"Well, all right," Sandy said, giving in. They got in Danny's flying car and drove to the long road to have a big race.
When they got there, they were met by Hermia and Lysander, who used their teleporting powers to get there. "Danny," Sandy hissed, poking him and pointing at Hermia and Lysander, who were still wearing the pink-for-girls blue-for-boys outfits that Barbie and Ken had given them. "Look! There are two strange people here."
Danny honked his horn at them. "Who are you?"
Lysander bowed grandly. "I am Lysander," he said, with an emphasis on the 'a', so it sounded like LySANder. Hermia curtsied. "And this is my wife, Hermia."
"Well, I'm Danny, and this is my girl Sandy," said Danny. "We're here cause I'm going to have a car race with Craterface."
"Cool," said Hermia. "Can we watch?"
"Sure!" said Sandy. "Come on, we can come stand on this side of the road!" Sandy, Hermia, and LySANder went over to one side of the road. Craterface drove up in his car with Cha-Cha. Craterface started to say something to Danny and honked his horn appropriately cause it was expletive-y and inappropriate. Cha-Cha got out of the car flirtatiously and went to stand on the other side of the road. She took her scarf off and was about to use it as a start-flag for the race, but...
All twelve fairies skipped up. Kitty waved her snowflake-patterned scarf and Danny and Craterface started racing. The fairies stood in the middle of the road, screaming "Go Danny!" or "Go Craterface!" depending on their mood. They drove down to the end of the long road and they tied. Their cars were equally fast.
"Oh my goodness!" exclaimed Hermia. "Why are both of their cars equally fast?"
"Now there is no PLOT!" LySANder said.
"Was there ever?" asked Rosebud. Hermia and LySANder shrugged.
"Now that they have equally fast cars, what in the world are we supposed to do?" Sandy asked, clearly distressed.
Full of ideas, the fairies skipped down to the end of the road where Danny and Craterface were glaring at each other. The fairies made them get out of their cars and stand next to each other nicely. Hermia, LySANder, Sandy, and Cha-Cha scuttled down to the end of the long road.
Danny and Craterface stood next to each other and bowed at their audience. Hermia, LySANder, Sandy, and Cha-Cha all sat on the roof of Craterface's car. Someone started to play "Kung-Fu Fighting".
"Oh my God! They're going to fight!" Hermia shouted.
Craterface pushed Danny. Danny pushed Craterface back. They got in a cat fight. Sandy shielded her pure little eyes from all of the violence. Cha- Cha shielded her eyes cause she didn't want to see them act like teenage girls.
Then Craterface and Danny started running at each other and falling over. The fairies were watching all of this from frozen karate poses. Craterface and Danny fought with each other for a long time. Then they knocked each other over. At that moment in time, Kitty and Sparkles walked by with signs that read "ROUND 2" in dripping red letters. Then Cobweb, Mustardseed, Moth, Kitty, Rosebud, and Paisley ran over and picked up Danny and sat him on a rock that just so happened to be there, and Peaseblossom, Sparkles, Soap, Scooter, Daffodil, and Bano ran over and picked up Craterface and sat him on the other rock that just so happened to be there.
An upbeat fight-like song started to play. Danny's fairies made him all ready for the next round and Craterface's fairies made him all ready for the next round. Everyone was being made ready for the next round. It was fun. Sandy was going, "Oh my goodness!" Hermia and LySANder were watching in antici...pation.
Cha-Cha got off of her seat on the car and brought out a suitcase. She drew two swords from it. LySANder and Hermia shook their heads no. Cha- Cha then drew two green lightsabers (plastic of course) from the suitcase. LySANder and Hermia madly shook their heads yes. Sandy looked at Cha-Cha with anxiety. Cha-Cha rolled her eyes. What harm could they do to each other with plastic green lightsabers?
Danny and Craterface started to fight with the lightsabers. Hermia and LySANder laughed because LySANder had fought Demetrius with green plastic lightsabers once. In fact, Demetrius and LySANder had had a fight sequence almost exactly like this once... hmm. Déjà vu. Hermia and LySANder looked at each other because of the déjà vu. Then in unison, they shrugged and returned to watching Danny and Craterface fight.
"GO DANNY!" shouted Sandy. Hermia and LySANder just shouted random things.
"GO CRATERFACE!" shouted Cha-Cha.
Danny and Craterface finished their fight with Danny knocking Craterface's lightsaber out of his hand. Danny held his lightsaber in the air triumphantly.
"Danny is the winner!" announced Mustardseed. Hermia and LySANder clapped. Sandy ran over and hugged Danny. It was cute.
"Ooh, I hate you, stupid Craterface," Danny said angrily to Craterface, his girl Sandy at his side.
"I hate you too," said Craterface. "Why don't we have a big race down at the long road to see who has the fastest car?"
"Fine. Let's race right now," Danny said.
"Fine. Let me go get my girlfriend Cha-Cha so she can stand off to the side and cheer me on in really tight pedal-pushers that I somehow find attractive," Craterface replied.
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Craterface drove off in his car. Sandy and Danny stood there. Sandy started talking in her Australian accent.
"Oh, I wish you wouldn't race him, Danny," said Sandy. "You could get hurt!"
"I won't get hurt, Sandy baby," Danny said patronizingly.
"Well, all right," Sandy said, giving in. They got in Danny's flying car and drove to the long road to have a big race.
When they got there, they were met by Hermia and Lysander, who used their teleporting powers to get there. "Danny," Sandy hissed, poking him and pointing at Hermia and Lysander, who were still wearing the pink-for-girls blue-for-boys outfits that Barbie and Ken had given them. "Look! There are two strange people here."
Danny honked his horn at them. "Who are you?"
Lysander bowed grandly. "I am Lysander," he said, with an emphasis on the 'a', so it sounded like LySANder. Hermia curtsied. "And this is my wife, Hermia."
"Well, I'm Danny, and this is my girl Sandy," said Danny. "We're here cause I'm going to have a car race with Craterface."
"Cool," said Hermia. "Can we watch?"
"Sure!" said Sandy. "Come on, we can come stand on this side of the road!" Sandy, Hermia, and LySANder went over to one side of the road. Craterface drove up in his car with Cha-Cha. Craterface started to say something to Danny and honked his horn appropriately cause it was expletive-y and inappropriate. Cha-Cha got out of the car flirtatiously and went to stand on the other side of the road. She took her scarf off and was about to use it as a start-flag for the race, but...
All twelve fairies skipped up. Kitty waved her snowflake-patterned scarf and Danny and Craterface started racing. The fairies stood in the middle of the road, screaming "Go Danny!" or "Go Craterface!" depending on their mood. They drove down to the end of the long road and they tied. Their cars were equally fast.
"Oh my goodness!" exclaimed Hermia. "Why are both of their cars equally fast?"
"Now there is no PLOT!" LySANder said.
"Was there ever?" asked Rosebud. Hermia and LySANder shrugged.
"Now that they have equally fast cars, what in the world are we supposed to do?" Sandy asked, clearly distressed.
Full of ideas, the fairies skipped down to the end of the road where Danny and Craterface were glaring at each other. The fairies made them get out of their cars and stand next to each other nicely. Hermia, LySANder, Sandy, and Cha-Cha scuttled down to the end of the long road.
Danny and Craterface stood next to each other and bowed at their audience. Hermia, LySANder, Sandy, and Cha-Cha all sat on the roof of Craterface's car. Someone started to play "Kung-Fu Fighting".
"Oh my God! They're going to fight!" Hermia shouted.
Craterface pushed Danny. Danny pushed Craterface back. They got in a cat fight. Sandy shielded her pure little eyes from all of the violence. Cha- Cha shielded her eyes cause she didn't want to see them act like teenage girls.
Then Craterface and Danny started running at each other and falling over. The fairies were watching all of this from frozen karate poses. Craterface and Danny fought with each other for a long time. Then they knocked each other over. At that moment in time, Kitty and Sparkles walked by with signs that read "ROUND 2" in dripping red letters. Then Cobweb, Mustardseed, Moth, Kitty, Rosebud, and Paisley ran over and picked up Danny and sat him on a rock that just so happened to be there, and Peaseblossom, Sparkles, Soap, Scooter, Daffodil, and Bano ran over and picked up Craterface and sat him on the other rock that just so happened to be there.
An upbeat fight-like song started to play. Danny's fairies made him all ready for the next round and Craterface's fairies made him all ready for the next round. Everyone was being made ready for the next round. It was fun. Sandy was going, "Oh my goodness!" Hermia and LySANder were watching in antici...pation.
Cha-Cha got off of her seat on the car and brought out a suitcase. She drew two swords from it. LySANder and Hermia shook their heads no. Cha- Cha then drew two green lightsabers (plastic of course) from the suitcase. LySANder and Hermia madly shook their heads yes. Sandy looked at Cha-Cha with anxiety. Cha-Cha rolled her eyes. What harm could they do to each other with plastic green lightsabers?
Danny and Craterface started to fight with the lightsabers. Hermia and LySANder laughed because LySANder had fought Demetrius with green plastic lightsabers once. In fact, Demetrius and LySANder had had a fight sequence almost exactly like this once... hmm. Déjà vu. Hermia and LySANder looked at each other because of the déjà vu. Then in unison, they shrugged and returned to watching Danny and Craterface fight.
"GO DANNY!" shouted Sandy. Hermia and LySANder just shouted random things.
"GO CRATERFACE!" shouted Cha-Cha.
Danny and Craterface finished their fight with Danny knocking Craterface's lightsaber out of his hand. Danny held his lightsaber in the air triumphantly.
"Danny is the winner!" announced Mustardseed. Hermia and LySANder clapped. Sandy ran over and hugged Danny. It was cute.
