A/N: I know, I have been neglecting this story – that was due to a lot of things but mainly because I wanted to finish my website (which I did; go check it out: www.kruemelwelten.de) and, of course, RL kept me quite busy also.
Thanks again to RainbowsnStars for her help and patience.
Well, enough said and on with the story.
*****
"Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." Buddha
*****
A lot of things in life don't make sense. Most are confusing. And from what little we understand of life in general, that's not unusual. We search for answers and end up with even more questions. But there's a certain rule to that: it's life's circle.
A circle that eventually ends. For everyone. No exceptions.
And that's hard for anyone to accept.
Hard for me. For you.
For Greg.
Greg wrapped his arms around himself and focused his gaze on the ground before him. He had to pause for a moment and then, took a deep breath to continue his story.
"One evening, Ian burst into the living room and told us that he would go and visit some friends of his. Dad didn't want him to; it was a school night after all. They had quite a quarrel but Ian just wouldn't back down. When dad noticed that they wouldn't come to an agreement, he simply grounded him. You can imagine how well that went over with Ian. He was fuming when he was sent to his room. And, knowing Ian as I did, I suspected that he would try something and followed him."
*****
Greg silently approached Ian's door. Taking a look around and spotting no one else, he softly knocked on the door, "Ian?".
When he didn't get a response, he tried it again, a little louder this time.
"Ian!"
He reached for the doorknob and turned it. When he pushed the door open, the first thing that greeted him was a cool gust of wind, which turned his attention to the opened window.
"Damn it, Ian, what have you gotten yourself into now?" Greg mumbled under his breath and hurried to the window. He discovered Ian, as he was about to jump from the roof of the patio.
"Ian, wait up!"
But Ian paid him no heed and continued his journey. Quickly coming to a decision, Greg climbed through the window frame and followed his brother.
Greg hurried after him, yelling: "Ian!". As he reached him, Greg grabbed his arm and jerked him around to face him.
"Damn it, Greg, let me go!" Ian answered annoyed, trying to free himself from Greg's grasp, all the while avoiding his questioning gaze.
"Not before you tell me what's wrong with you."
"Nothing."
"Nothing? So that's why you freaked out in there just now? Because of nothing?" Greg barely held himself in check. He wanted answers and the only person who could give them was stubbornly refusing to do so. He stared intently at Ian, who in turn looked at the ground.
"Ian, please. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on."
Ian looked at the ground, his shoulders sagged and he sighed.
"C'mon li'l bro, give me something to work with." Greg said quietly. The muscles under his hand relaxed ever so slightly. Greg rubbed his thumb over the tight cords.
Heaving another sigh, Ian raised his eyes to meet Greg's.
"I..." Nervously biting his lip, he thought for a few moments before giving an answer, "I got some trouble with the track team and...Shit, I just can't."
"What happened? What did they do to you?"
"Forget it, OK."
"Ian, c'mon, tell me what happened. Maybe I can help you."
But Ian refused to listen and told him instead: "I said forget it."
"You want me to get dad and tell him about your little escape, huh?" Greg hated to have to blackmail his own brother but he didn't have a choice. This just wasn't like Ian.
"Why don't you just leave me the fuck alone!" Ian pulled free of Greg's grasp and ran.
"Ian!"
Ian didn't seem or want to hear and dashed further down the street to be swallowed by the night.
*****
"That was the last time I saw him alive. And you know what the worst thing about this is?" Greg looked at Melissa with tears in his eyes, "I could have stopped him." His voice was forlornly quiet.
He shook his head and continued: "I should have tried harder to get him to talk. I should have"
Melissa interrupted him when she placed her fingers over his lips and whispered "shh".
"Greg, it's not your fault. Your parents didn't know what he would do. How could you?" She finished softly.
Instead of answering her question, Greg said harshly, "We should have realized that something was wrong!" He felt the guilt of that night weighing him down again. What had settled across his shoulders so many years ago, was trying to press him into the ground. And he couldn't seem to escape. His soul was shattered into thousands of tiny fragments and picking up the pieces never came easy.
Melissa was rendered silent by the small outburst. Although it was expected, she was still a bit unsettled by it. That was so unlike Greg. The Greg she knew and loved was funny, always had the right words to spring from his mouth to make her feel special although he was the one that was special. So very special.
He made her see life through his eyes. She saw colors she had never known before. Experienced things one could only dream of. And, most of all, felt the love he had for her in every breath he breathed, in every word he spoke and in every kiss they stole.
For her, Greg meant pure life and seeing him like this made her heart ache, and all the colors fade away into black and white.
"Why?" Her quiet question startled him.
"Why what?"
"Why did he do it?"
Greg gazed at her intently, almost disturbingly so.
"Because he was raped."
The words struck Melissa like a blow. Her eyes became incredibly large and her breath caught in her throat.
"He was a such free spirit. And they took that away from him."
*****
Sweat ran in rivulets down his body. His breath came in short gasps.
"Hey, Sanders, what's up? Harvey making you run extra rounds, huh?"
"Yeah." Ian eyed Cory suspiciously. Something was off about him. Cory Matthews, aka the "All-Star", would never get as low as to talk to him. "He's always hard on the first years cause he wants champs in the second year. Hell, he even made me do this! But, it did help."
Ian gave him a nervous smile, "Yeah, well, I hope it will pay off for me as well.".
"Sure. Why shouldn't it? I mean, you're in great shape as it is, right?"
"Uh uh." As Cory advanced into his personal space, Ian took a step back.
"Hey, man, what are you doing?" He asked, slightly unnerved.
"Relax. We're just gonna have some fun."
"I don't think so." Shaking his head, Ian was about to turn around when Cory caught his wrist.
"Let me go!"
"Let me think about that. Hm, no." That was no game anymore. This was serious. Ian thought fast and kneed Cory in his crotch. Backing away from Cory, Ian was brought to an abrupt stop as he ran into someone. Arms snaked out from behind him, capturing him. He struggled to free himself, to no avail. He was pushed face first into one of the benches.
"What are you doing!?"
Cory came into his line of sight and whispered into his ear: "Payback's a bitch, Sanders."
"Stop it!"
"Please."
"Aw, c'mon. It ain't all that bad. You'll see."
"No, Cory. Please!" Ian clenched his eyes shut. This wasn't happening.
*****
"We found out after they did the autopsy. He didn't leave a letter, so we had nothing else to go on."
"How did you find out who did it?"
"There was still semen in his body."
The silence seemed to stretch into forever until Greg said, "Nothing was ever the same after that. Our family became distanced. Instead of gathering strength from each other, we only pulled further apart. No one spoke to anyone. There was just that oppressing feeling everywhere. Mom completely withdrew into herself. Only talked when she was spoken to. And, her eyes, they were void of any signs of life. My dad found his refuge in alcohol. There wasn't an evening when he wouldn't swallow his grief in a bottle of beer."
"And you? What about you, Greg?"
"Me? I learned to cope."
*******
To be continued...
