Thanks to everyone for the reviews! (They're what kept me motivated to continue writing on this!) I'm sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up, but I hit a little creative block there for a while. (Admittedly, I didn't know how to end it. :P) It's a bit of a long chapter (roughly twice the length of the others according to word count :), and I'm not certain as to the quality compared to the previous two chapters, so I'll just cross my fingers that it doesn't produce too many unhappy reviews. ;)

Kitsune

(UPDATE: 07/03/05 - Reading through other songfics on this site, I was just made aware of the "no lyrics" rule. Yes, I've been away for a while, I guess. :P Thus, to prevent any repercussions to this story or my account - namely, the deletion of either - I have removed the lyrics. I will post a version with lyrics on my website at a later date.)

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"Figures. First night out on my own, and I'm gonna have to sleep in the stupid rain."

Nearing the far boundary of the junkyard, Eddy stopped momentarily and glanced about for a temporary shelter upon the signs of the nearing storm. Looking ahead with a frustrated sigh, he could see the city in the distance, but it would probably take a long while to get there. He didn't take well to the idea of making that trek with pneumonia.

"All right, all right, already!" Eddy groused as the first drops of rain began to fall, as if nagging him to find shelter. Even Mother Nature was against him, it seemed. Ain't like I'm in a rush, anyway, Eddy reasoned as he adjusted the strap of his duffle bag on his shoulder and started walking again. There was a big cardboard box not far ahead... he supposed that would do for now.

He didn't get five steps further when he swore he heard something coming from the direction in which he came. After pausing for a moment, he shook his head and continued walking.

"Yeah, now I'm hearin' stuff. Great," he muttered irritably. Just as he reached his makeshift shelter, the sound returned - this time louder than before. Eddy froze in place as he recognized what it was - a voice. A panicked one at that.

It can't be... Eddy slowly turned back to face the direction from where the voice had come from - back where he had been waiting in the van.

"Double-D...?"

Carelessly dropping his duffle bag onto the ground, Eddy dashed back toward the van as the rain began to pour. He wasn't just hearing things, was he? Would Double-D actually be there?

Eddy's answers came in the form of Edd curled up behind the van, eyes closed.

"Double-D!" Feeling a heavy weight in his stomach as panic started to take over, Eddy rushed over and shook Edd by the shoulders. Not getting a response, he immediately checked his friend's breathing. Letting out a sigh of relief after discovering Edd was only asleep, Eddy stood and tried to yank open the back doors to the van. The last thing he needed right now was the guilt of having Double-D get sick out in the rain because of him.

"Err, for cryin' out...! Not now!" Eddy kicked the van in frustration when his yanks and tugs on the rusted doors proved futile. Glancing over the nearby piles of trash, he caught sight of an old crowbar sticking halfway out of one of the heaps. Running over and grabbing it, he returned to the van and - after a few yanks and curses under his breath - was able pry the doors open. Eddy then picked his unconscious friend up and took him inside the van.

"Idiot..." he muttered as he set Edd down on the waterbed, worry still evident in his eyes. Kinda stupid for a genius, ain't he...? he thought as he shut the back doors to keep the rain out, glancing warily back at Edd. Falling asleep in the rain? Dolt... But even as frustrated, worried insults ran through his mind, his concern slowly subsided and he let out a relieved smile.

Double-D actually came.


"Eddy...?"

He didn't know how long ago he'd fallen unconscious, but he knew that he still had to be dreaming... opening his eyes to find Eddy there. He chuckled inwardly. To think, Eddy had left only such a short time ago - and here he was, already dreaming about him. He idly wondered if this would have any psychological repurcussions over time.

The shorter boy smirked, relief clearly showing itself in his eyes, if not his voice. "About time you woke up... I almost worried there for a minute."

Edd gazed silently at the boy before him as he slowly sat up. No, this wasn't a dream - Eddy was really here! But the smile that played on his lips was short-lived, the memory of Eddy leaving him alone in the first place taking precedence.

"You said you'd wait."

Eddy's own smile slowly dwindled as he looked away uncomfortably, unable to face his friend's hurt expression. "Yeah, well... I kinda figured you weren't comin'," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Eddy, why on Earth would you just assume that I - " Edd was cut off by a violent sneeze, startling Eddy half out of his wits. "... that I wasn't coming to meet you...?" he finished, sniffling.

Eddy let out an exasperated groan as he watched Edd curl up against the wall, clutching his knees to his chest and sniffling. "Great... hold that thought, will ya?"

Edd blinked as he watched Eddy open the doors to the back of the van. "Eddy?" he called, feeling uneasy about letting him leave again.

"I'm just gonna get my duffle bag, all right?" Eddy explained over his shoulder, hopping out of the van. "I left it outside."

"But, you are... coming back, right...?"

Eddy turned around to face Edd and immediately regretted doing so. The look on his face was a heartrending mix of doubt and fear. Fear at the thought of Eddy leaving him alone again - there was no question in his mind about that. It killed Eddy to see it... and it was only made worse knowing that it was his fault.

"Y-yeah. I'll be back." He smiled in an effort to reassure Edd, who merely gave a slight nod in return, then headed into the rain.


It was like a load off of his shoulders when he saw Eddy's duffle bag being tossed into the van. A very wet Eddy soon followed, griping about the lousy weather as he crawled back inside, shutting the doors.

"This thing better be waterproof like the ads said," he mumbled as he plopped onto the waterbed and dug through his bag, examining the contents, apparently in search for something.

"I... I apologize..."

"It ain't your fault. I dropped it," Eddy replied with a quick glance towards Edd before returning his attention to the bag.

"No... I mean, I - I didn't mean to worry you."

"What?" Eddy halted his search and looked back up at his friend. "I ain't worried! I just... uh..." Eddy stuttered, wondering why he could feel his face heating up all of a sudden. "Oh, forget it," he growled and turned back to his bag, finally finding what he'd been looking for. "Here," he said, tossing Edd a blanket from his bag. "You're gonna get sick, pullin' a stunt like that..."

Edd thanked him silently with a smile before wrapping himself in the refreshingly cozy blanket and leaning against the side of the van. He silently watched Eddy continue to dig through his bag and pretended not to notice the occasional concerned glance he threw in his direction.

"Look, I know I should've waited... but I just didn't think you'd show, okay?"

Edd cocked his head to the side curiously at Eddy's repeated explanation. "And why not?"

"Because you're too much of a chicken," Eddy said with a shrug as he turned to face Edd. "You always have been."

Edd's face betrayed his irritation at Eddy's insult. "I'm not the chicken, here, Eddy. If anyone is a chicken here, it's you."

"Me? What are ya talkin' about?" Eddy argued, grateful for the opportunity to be angry. This territory was much more familiar to him than that awful awkwardness. "At least I ain't too chicken to take chances! It's like my brother says - you can't get anwhere if you don't take chances!"

"You aren't your brother, Eddy! Stop trying to be!"

As Eddy looked on, speechless at Edd's words - or, rather, the anger spent voicing them - Edd sighed and looked away guiltily. He hadn't meant to snap at Eddy like that, but sometimes the way he idolized his brother just angered him. A brother that rarely put any effort to communicating with Eddy... how could he hold such an apathetic sibling in such high regard? Then again, reflecting on his own family situation, he supposed he wasn't one to talk.

It was a moment before Eddy found his voice again. "I'm not tryin' to be anyone here!" Eddy snapped back. "But who do you think taught me everything - "

"Everything you know - I know, I've heard it a million times before, Eddy."

"You heard it but you don't understand what I'm saying!" Eddy paused for a moment. He hadn't realized the depth of his own words until they left his mouth. Edd had always heard him - how could anyone not? Naturally, he would always hear Eddy give orders and boss him around. But he didn't truly understand him. If he had, he'd surely know that he only did that stuff - now, at least - because he wanted nothing more than to be the person Edd looked up to. The one Edd went to for answers when he was stumped - the one Edd went to, period. But, then again, how could he expect Edd to see that when he barely saw it himself?

"You just don't understand what I'm sayin'," Eddy repeated lamely.

"All right, then... what are you saying...?"

Eddy looked on at Edd's pained expression - an expression he was clearly trying to mask with anger - and wondered if he looked at all the same in Edd's eyes at that moment.

"I'm sayin'... I know it's hard. And I know there's risks. But, dammit, Double-D... how're we gonna get anywhere if you're too afraid to leave the people who're gonna hold us back?"

Eddy's face softened slightly as Edd let out a tired sigh. "I'm not as bold as you, granted," Edd admitted, keeping his gaze toward the windshield, watching the rain fall onto the hood of the van. "And maybe I am a chicken by wishing to remain here, safe, rather than leap into a world of uncertainty. But at least I'm not the one who's running away from their problems and hurting others - people they supposedly care about, mind you - because they're too afraid of what consequences lie ahead. If that's not the definition of a chicken, Eddy, I don't know what is."

Eddy had no clue why, but Edd's words hit hard. Probably because - though he'd never admit it out loud - he knew that Edd was right. But what else could he do? What other choices were there?

The sight of Eddy's uncharacteristically hurt expression immediately sent Edd into a state of guilt. This was the first time - to his knowldege - that he'd been the one to hurt Eddy's feelings. "Eddy, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you... I just - "

"Sorry? For what?" Eddy interrupted. "For bein' honest? Don't bother." Eddy tried to focus on rummaging through his bag again. He wasn't really searching for anything, but he had to do something - anything - to keep from having to look Edd in the face. "Look... you don't have anything to be sorry for, so stop apologizin' already. Maybe I'm bein' a chicken, too..." Eddy gave up on the bag and looked up at Edd, an unusual mix of confusion, frustration, and pain marring his features. "I just don't know what else to do, Sockhead!"

There were a few moments of awkward silence as both boys transfixed their eyes on the bed. Edd absently plucked at the blanket he was wrapped in as he combed his mind for something to say... an answer of sorts. But before he could find anything, Eddy started laughing quietly much to Edd's bemusement. Edd looked at Eddy strangely as the shorter boy stopped his chuckling and grinned.

"Y'know, I just realized somethin'."

"What...?" Edd inquired, hoping for the world that Eddy wasn't in for a breakdown.

"Well... if you're a chicken, and I'm a chicken... then I guess it's no wonder Lumpy likes us so much."

Edd blinked as Eddy began laughing again, but couldn't keep his own smile from showing itself. It wasn't long before he, too, was joining in the laughter - and it felt good.

Eddy smiled a little as he watched Edd giggle behind his hand. Could he really leave this? It seemed as though all those doubts he'd had while waiting for Double-D to show up were completely washed away with that smile of his. It was somehow different than the smile he showed others - as if it was only meant for him. But why would he of all people be given such a gift, when he had nothing to give in return?

He frowned again as that voice - much quieter than before but still loud enough to be heard - told him that this whole thing was nuts. This would just lead to heartbreak - it was already heading there! - and he'd deserve it. Worst of all, that voice kept telling him that they both deserved it - Eddy for growing too sensitive and giving his heart to another guy, and Edd for for being the cause of it all.

He could've killed that voice if it weren't a part of him.

Edd stopped smiling as he saw Eddy's face fall again. "Eddy...?"

It was then, when he came eye-to-eye with Edd, that Eddy saw what he was doing. He was causing his best friend - no, the one he loved (whether that stupid little voice agreed or not) - a world of pain. Pain that he did nothing to deserve.

And he couldn't stop it.

Going against his judgement, Eddy gruffly grabbed Edd by the arm and pulled him over. The sudden movement was rather jarring, causing Edd to let out a startled yelp. However, once he felt Eddy awkwardly pull him close and hold his head to his chest, he smiled. Eddy was trying. For him.

Eddy held him for a while, wishing the rain could solve everything. The rain would keep Double-D from going home, and it would keep himself from leaving. Maybe the rain would never let up, and they could just live here, in the van, like this. This could be their home. They could just live here and Ed could come over to visit whenever they wanted to hang out... wouldn't that be something?

He couldn't help but smirk humorlessly at his own foolishness. As if it could ever be that easy.

Edd glanced up as he felt Eddy's hold tighten ever so slightly. He felt something wet fall against a cheek... a tear. And it wasn't his.

"Eddy...?"

Seeing Edd's eyes on him, Eddy quickly wiped away the few tears that escaped. He took full notice of the frown on Edd's face as he did so. He then realized the real problem. And it was then that Eddy decided to stick with his decision to leave, seeing it as the only solution. By the look on Edd's heartbroken face, he knew it, too.

"You're leaving... aren't you?"

Edd's whispered revelation sent chills down Eddy's spine. That hallow voice wasn't the Double-D he loved. He longed for a way to change it back to that nagging, sarcastic tone he loved to quarrel with so much. But he couldn't, not right now. It would take too much, and he wasn't able to give it just yet.

"Eddy...?"

God, he didn't want to answer. He didn't have the heart to confirm Edd's fear. He wanted so badly to yell at Double-D then. To tell him to shut up and stop asking him to say it. But the look in Edd's eyes beseeching him for a confirmation quelled that urge. He'd been hurt enough, yelling would only worsen things. Edd had just always been the type who could never be left hanging... the type who needed a solid answer to everything.

So he nodded.

He'd originally made the decision to leave not half an hour ago. But it wasn't until that very moment that he had formed a good, solid reason.

He couldn't give Edd what he wanted, or what he deserved.

He was still too young. While Edd was, technically, younger than he, he was also inifintely more mature about things like love and romance. Eddy would never admit aloud that he had growing up to do. But it was plain to see that, as he was now, he could never give Edd the affection he needed. Not that he didn't want to - he wanted nothing more than to be able to hold him without feeling so awkward, to be able to admit his feelings without feeling disgusted with himself. But, right now, he couldn't do that. His pride still meant too much to him. So, for now, all he could do was hold and try to comfort Edd just once before leaving.

Edd deserved so much more than that simple gesture, but that was all he could give. And it hurt Eddy just as much as it hurt Edd.

"It ain't forever, Sockhead," Eddy soothed as gently as he could manage as he felt Edd sob quietly into his shirt. "I just... I got a lot of thinkin' to do... and I can't do it here. I'll come back, though. I promise." He couldn't bring himself to tell him that, to his ego, Edd wasn't good enough simply because he was a boy. The important thing was that, to the real Eddy - the one hidden deep down that didn't give a hoot about what other people thought of him - it was he who wasn't good enough for Edd. Until he was able to admit that, though, neither of them would ever be happy in a relationship, no matter how much they loved one another.

He only hoped that Edd would realize that instead of blaming himself for the whole thing. Edd didn't start this. It didn't start with that kiss. It had been there long before Edd got the nerve to kiss him. All that kiss did was bring it out into the open so that neither of them could deny it any longer... so that the subject had to be addressed, and something had to be done about it. And that was something only someone as sensitive and emotional as Edd could have done. If it had been up to Eddy, those feelings would most likely have been taken to his grave.

And, for that, Eddy thanked him.

"When...?" Edd's half-hearted inquiry came muffled from Eddy's shirt. "When are you coming back exactly...?"

Eddy frowned. Double-D knew the answer, why the heck did he have to ask? "I don't know, Sockhead... but I will, all right? Just trust me. I ain't leavin' you guys forever."

And he would come back - the day he was able to love Edd openly, with no voices inside telling him it was wrong... the day he no longer cared about what his parents thought of him for loving his best friend the "wrong" way. And, if Edd was still willing to love him back when that day came around, he'd be sure to repay Edd for the pain he was being put through now.

Eddy sighed as the rain began to subside, as did Edd's tears. Gently pulling away, Edd looked up at the boy that took his heart all those months ago. Perhaps this was what he needed - what they both needed. Some time away to collect their thoughts. Absence was supposed to make the heart grow fonder, after all. He could always tell Ed that Eddy had gone on vacation - Ed would be okay. And he would be okay, too. If he had Ed there to keep his mind off of things, everything would surely be okay...

Smiling a little more sadly than usual, Eddy pulled Edd in for a final hug, 'accidently' brushing his lips briefly against Edd's as he did so. That had to be okay. It was an accident, after all. His ego shouldn't put up a fight - not this time. It was an accident, so it was okay.

"I'll be back," Eddy quietly promised one final time before slowly letting Edd go.

He stood and picked up his duffle bag, heading out of the van without another word or glance in Edd's direction. He'd prove to Sockhead that he could become more than some egocentric kid who values his reputation above his own friends. But he knew that would take time. And, until that day came, Double-D deserved better, whether he realized it or not.

He would never give Edd up completely. They would be together one day, one way or another. But, as greedy as he may have been, even he knew that things this good were well worth the wait.

So he'd wait.