Disclaimer: Isn't this always first? One way or another I'm going to have to find a way to permanently stick the 'disclaimer' to the beginning of each chapter I write . . . Damn things . . . *Sigh* I do not own Trigun. THERE!! I said it!! *Psychologists around the world cheer at the accomplishment*
But anyway. This is my third written Trigun fic. I dunno which is going up first. Eh, I might've already uploaded one; who knows.
In a nutshell this is what might happen if a woman who had Vash's speed used it all for stealing and decided to steal from him, while he's asleep nonetheless.
And this here is . . .
Chapter Three: Hello Again
I woke up slowly, as I always did on days I was healing, and found I was clutching my Blaze Heart. Again. Every now and again I'd wake up with it in my hands, and it never ceased to amaze me. I never take it out the night before; I must be a sleep-walker or something, because I never believed in magic. Moon luck or no moon luck, magic was not something I thought could be real. I smiled a little and brought it closer to my chest, and lastly I sighed. Thoughts of Nor tended to calm me down, as long as I didn't relive that memory. No, if I ever thought of it again I'd. . .go mad or something of the like. I just couldn't allow myself to think about it.
Trying to get my mind off of that trail I turned to lie on my back, and caught something out of the corner of my eye. Something red, and pretty dang big. I sat up, almost to quickly, and narrowed my eyes at the intruder.
"Are you stalking me?" I asked, my voice turning unbelievably feminine in that instant. Now, that was new. Usually my voice was just cold, without emotion or thought. Huh.
"You're hurt," the other said. Stupid man. Not enough that I just had to steal from him, and then get saved by him, but now he wants to take care of me? This guy can't be an outlaw. No way.
"Yeah, so I noticed. Listen, I don't have anything of yours or your friends so just leave, okay? I don't need your help." He looked up, and I saw that he had those yellowish glasses on again. Uh-huh. Did that suddenly make him worth listening to or something? Men.
"It doesn't matter if you need help or not, it's still my responsibility to - "
"Down, boy," I said. I stood up, careful of my fractured back and horribly bruised leg. You ought to see the lump on it. "I'm my own responsibility, thank you very much. I don't know what got into your head to make you think that suddenly you have to take care of me, but I've been through worse before and don't need anything this time or the next so just back off and go do whatever it is you do!"
"This is what I do," he argued, standing up as well. "If I'd have made it to you earlier you wouldn't look like this now, so just let me try to make up for it."
I shook my head sharply, giving myself a headache in the process. I tightened my hand around my heart as though Nor could give me advice on this point. He was good at that. "If I hadn't decided to rob that hotel then I wouldn't have gotten caught by you and wouldn't have run directly into those guys, so this is technically my fault and you can just go. I don't want nor need you here, so just go and let me deal with my own aches and pains." Something was dawning on me as I said all of this, I interrupted him and let me go with it, and let me finish what I was saying every time I spoke. Damn, what was with this guy?
"I'm involved now; I can't just turn and go. I saw the way you got up; your back's badly hurt, isn't it? And you should just be glad I didn't decide to let Meryl turn you in."
"This coming from the sixty billion double dollar man?" I snapped. Gods, if I didn't calm down, and soon, I was going to crush my heart and have nothing left of Nor. That got me. I loosened my grip and brought the thing up to my chest, hoping it'd give me more patience to deal with this guy.
"Is that one the things you stole?" he asked, pointing at my chunk of Blaze.
"It's Blaze, and why do you care? It's mine." I brought my arm behind my back to hide it, rather pathetically, but I hid it.
"If you took that you're going to have to give it back," he said, trying to get it from me.
"No!" I snapped. I couldn't fight like this, I knew that, but if he tried to get it too many more times I was going to have to hurt him. "Back off! I didn't take it; it was a gift!"
"From who?" he snapped, as though challenging me.
"I can't tell!" I snapped back, not wanting to delve into my thoughts of Nor out loud. That always made me break down. Thinking wasn't too bad, but talking killed.
"I knew it!" he said, actually getting a grip on it. I yelled at him and then dropped my weight, effectively taking it back and out of his grip.
I curled up, sitting on the floor, in my best defense technique to keep in with me. If I lost this, if it was taken away. . .I didn't want to think of that possibility.
Apparently he was starting to believe me, since I was halfway to Tearstown by now. "Just go away!" I said, my voice breaking. Not now, oh Gods, not now. . . Once a year, at least, I would sit down and cry, just cry, for hours on end, simply because it was necessary if I were to keep up my life of being cold and without mercy.
I heard one step taken, but I knew it wasn't away from me. It was towards me, and I suddenly got the reminder of Nor, as though I needed it, when I broke down another time and wanted him to leave and let me pour out my emotions, and he just came closer and hugged me until I was better. And this man, this outlaw, this avenger, was doing that exact same thing. I could feel it, the way his arms went around me to try to comfort me, the way he was almost overly careful where he knew I was hurt, and the way his voice softened when he spoke.
"Hey, come on now, I didn't mean to make you cry. If it means that much to you I won't take, really," he said.
Stupid man, he didn't even know why I was crying. Wait - I was crying? I hadn't realized, but yes, my cheeks were wet and dripping onto my lap and my Blaze, and I was shaking pretty badly. I had my head down, on my knees, and my left arm was around my legs. My right arm was against my chest, still clinging to the last piece of my life. My fingers even now couldn't reach around it fully, but that made it more worthwhile to hang on to. "It's not the heart, it's who gave it to me," I said, my words unbroken as I had at least a little control left. Nonetheless, my voice shook as I spoke. And even worse, I sounded pitiful.
"So who gave it to you?"
Okay, that sent me back. Well, not that I'd already broken down, I guess I could talk without worry of breaking down now couldn't I? "Nor. Nor gave it to me, when I was five."
"Who's Nor?"
"The guy who gave me this!" I snapped, pushing him back and thrusting the heart directly under his nose. I don't know what took me over then, but suddenly I was talking fast and spilling my entire story to him, from the first memory I had of Nor to Firebreeze's explosion to Bunni and to Nor's murder and finally to why I steal things so often. I left out details and finished the entire thing in less then five minutes.
Well, he was shocked for one thing, but the part that shocked me was that he now looked like he was going to cry. Okay, this guy has officially flipped his lid. No guy, no matter how weird or emotional, would cry over some other girl's story. But then, that wasn't true. Nor would've, and as far as I could tell, this guy was like his double, only sillier and did strange things along with an obsession with donuts, of all things.
And just now he broke. He reached out, taking my left hand between his, and bowed his head, talking and crying at the same time. "I'm sorry, that's a horrible thing to go through, is there anything I can do," and so on. I just sat, listening to this idiot as far as I was concerned, stunned. He was still clutching my hand, as though that'd help the both of us, and crying harder than I was. I could do little more at this point than just blink. Strange guy, this Vash.
So I did the very next thing I could. I broke out laughing. Just like that. I threw my head back and laughed like I'd just witnessed the funniest thing on this planet, and quite frankly, I had. I knew he was looking at me like I had a split personality or something of the like, but I didn't care. This guy was hilarious! And the strangest thing was, he didn't seem to know it! Oh, well. Maybe I'll tell him that, sometime. Maybe.
Next thing I knew he was laughing, too. And after a while I started to calm down, and though he had his eyes closed, he looked at me. "Why are we laughing?" he said, having finished.
That sent me giggling all over again. I stopped to wipe my eye and chuckled once more, getting up with my Blaze in hand and going to put it back in its wrapping and bag. Yes, I still wrapped it up. It's about as fragile as a diamond, but I can't help it. It has to be safe. It has to be. But I couldn't leave Vash wondering, now could I? "I was laughing at you." I turned to face him, seeing him no longer sitting but just a few feet away from me. That, like nearly everything else, didn't startle me at all. I was expecting him to move, and I heard him get up.
Something else caught my eye, something in the smashed window that happened to be black. A lone black cat was in it, and it mewed at me. Then hopped away. Okay, that was strange. I shook my head. I must be having hallucinations or something.
"I'm funny?"
"You're very funny," I replied, not missing a beat.
He tilted his head a little, and I noticed that he wasn't wearing those orangish glasses anymore. How did I miss that? I never miss a detail. What am I, relaxed? That's impossible. "How am I so funny?"
"You cried over my story, which, for all you know, could be a big lie just to get you to leave me alone."
"Did I leave?" he said, as though that proved I was telling the truth. Somehow or another, that made sense. If I really was lying to get him to go, I could've done a lot better than that. Hell, I've done better than that a dozen times. Only, it rarely worked on any men that happened to listen. Funny, I had a feeling if I had lied, he would've known. Despite my act, my perfected act, he probably would've known. Strange guy, this Vash.
Thinking along those lines reminded me I never once said his name, and he didn't say mine either. Wait - did I even give him my name? I don't think so. Damn, I never pay attention to that! But I was speaking now, even if I was still pondering in my mind. "Did we ever have a proper introduction?"
"I don't think so," he said, slowly, as though trying to read my intentions. Good. He knew to be wary of me. He's learning quick.
I held out my hand. "Aluna Hart."
He looked questionable for another few seconds before taking my hand. "Vash the Stampede."
"Nice to meet you," I said, shaking his hand.
"Likewise," he replied, smiling. Looks like I finally got to him. A part of me wanted to play a trick Like I used to, like throwing him over my shoulder or pretending his grip was too strong for me and so on. But, I resisted. I had to. Now was not the time and I wasn't in the best physical shape to toss him around a few times or anything of the like. Silly me, to even think of it and realize that there is temptation to play there. I never play; not anymore, anyway. I have a serious life in taking back what was stolen from me, and I couldn't just stop to tickle a grown man who was - in a nutshell - offering to be my servant for something he didn't do or cause. Weird.
I took my hand back and thought quickly, trying to avoid awkward silences and so on. "Where are those girls?"
He shrugged. "Off doing whatever they have to."
"Just what do they do?"
"They're insurance girls. Right now they're here to make sure I don't get into trouble, but it doesn't do any good."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Trouble seems to be stalking me. I never really can get away from it. The most recent is you," he added, narrowing one eye at me like a disciplining father.
I laughed and shook my head; this guy was really getting to me. I never laugh or chuckle or any such thing; not anymore. Did he have this effect on everyone? I hope not. That'd just be scary. After all, I spent nine years becoming cold-hearted and controlled, perfectly poised and the best in my field, and if he melts my ice-covered heart, what will it do to the rest of me? That means I have to get rid of him before he can worm his way into the rest of me, before he can disrupt my perfectly running inner system and constantly clicking mind. My defenses were good enough that if someone tried to throw a wrench in my life it wouldn't get that far, but this guy could very well break down my defenses and leave me helpless against that wrench, and he doesn't even know it. But how do you tell someone they could very well ruin you and your life? And to this guy? Is it even possible? If not, I'm going to have to heal faster than ever to get rid of him, before my whole life crashes around me.
But something was bugging me, scratching at the back of my head. I looked around the room, ignoring Vash if only for the moment, trying to catch a glimpse of just what could be bothering me now. And then it hit me. My flower!
I turned sharply and picked up my bag of water, heading straight for the pot and newly sprouting bud in it. I poured some water on it, slowly, until it disappeared beneath the soil, the soil I had to dig for after I found the struggling seed. I don't know what type this was, but despite my choice in life, I always had an appreciation for flowers, and I had been nurturing this for three weeks, taking it with me and keeping an eye on it so I can make sure it was alright. One thing I never admitted to myself, while I was with Nor, was that I wanted a child. I took precautions to avoid it, actually, and now I was regretting it. Taking care of living things brought my hazardous life peace, and calmed my spirit just as well as meditations would. But this tiny bud depended on me, and I had an obligation now to be sure it lived and grew and spread its own seeds and so on. It was my baby.
So what if it was a plant?
"What's that?"
I was expecting that. I knew very well he was right behind me, and I was kneeling, which meant he was either sitting or bent over, since his voice came from just above my shoulder. "I'm not sure just yet. I think it's a flower, but I'm going to have to wait to find out. I found the seed about three weeks ago, and. . .I don't know. Something about raising another living creature makes me calm. And you've got to admit," I said with a tiny laugh, "taking care of a plant is a lot easier than raising a human child."
"Yeah, I guess it would be," he laughed back, and I turned enough to look at him. Something about his eyes then, looking at that bud, made me think I'd just proved to him I was a good person. It was strange, but I got this feeling that just because I had a sprouting plant in a pot that I watered, I suddenly had his trust or was on his good side, whatever you might want to call it. It was like he was accepting me, if he hadn't fully before. He looked at me. "What is it? Do I have something on my face?"
"Yeah," I said, before I could stop myself. "The most adorable smile I've ever seen." Hearing my own voice say this made me look away, fighting and losing against a blush, and leaving myself wondering what it was I saw in that guy. A kid? No way. First of all, I know very well he's got to be older than me; his eyes prove that with the wisdom they hold. Second, he was here to take care of me. And third, when did I start wanting a child so badly I thought about nurturing the child in a grown man? Honestly, I've got to stop feeling. This was going to drive me nuts.
"Adorable?" he repeated. "My smile's adorable? Thanks! You're the first person that's ever said that!" I bit back a groan at his statement, trying to shut it out, but like that was possible. He hugged me, which in turn made my eyes bulge. Gods, this was getting so annoying! But on the other hand, it felt nice to be held again. I never knew how much I missed it until now, and even though I liked the reminder of a time when I didn't have these worries, I was hating it. I hated feeling, I hated being reminded, I hated feeling like I was worth something, and I hated, hated, hated this man who hadn't let go yet. So what if I liked him? I still hate him. He's destroying me!
I must've growled or something, because now he drew back, and spoke with that same concern in his voice that got me to spill my life story. I hate that voice.
"What's wrong? You're so tense all of a sudden. Is it because I hugged you? Am I invading your personal space? Did I say something wrong?"
Yes, it's the hug, I thought. But no, I didn't mind it. I have no personal space, so no again, but yes, you're invading my mind, the most personal type of space a person can have! Yes, you said everything wrong, but no it's not your fault in any way. Gods, what's wrong with me? I'm conflicting with myself! That's never happened! Why does this guy have to be the first one since Nor to look at me? I hate this! I hate it I hate it I hate it!
"Aluna? Are you okay? You're not responding."
I snapped out of my thoughts and leaned forward, against my arm that was level with what was left of the window. I sighed. "Of course I'm not okay," I said, surprising myself with my need to be honest with this guy. "I'm bruised from head to toe, I have a fractured vertebrae, I just spilled my guts to you, and you're wrecking my entire internal working system. I can't think without arguing with myself anymore. Can't you leave yet?" I said, even though my thoughts were saying no, I don't want him to leave; not yet. I miss the companionship. "Stupid internal conflicts," I muttered, wishing my mind would stop disagreeing with my heart - or the other way around. I forget which is which. Neither seemed to be working properly.
"Oh, okay," he said, and I felt him get up. I wanted to spin around and grab his arm, to keep him from going, but at the same time I was forcing myself to stay put and crowing that he was finally going to go away and leave me to my life of solitude and stealing. After all, I had my life, my Blaze heart, my plant, and my internal working system, defenses up and waiting for the wrench. Isn't that all I needed?
Stupid girl!! my mind said. He was here, and willing to make your life better, and all you can think is "all I need is my internal working system" and be done with it? Go stop him! Quick! You hurt him, and now you have to make up for it!
I didn't hurt him, I argued with myself. But I still wasn't sure what part of me was speaking. My heart, my mind, my soul, my life; which was it? They all seemed to be talking, and each had a different opinion. Including that little black cat that was here before. Like I wasn't having enough inner turmoil; now it came form outside. It seemed to be condemning me for letting go of the one thing, the one person, that could very well melt my ice and heal my burnt soul. But I couldn't take it back; my working life took nine years to get just right - if I let that get destroyed now it could take nine more years to pick up the wrench and start all over.
I can't decide anything like this, I thought. I had to calm myself down and weigh one side against the other and figure out pros and cons to a new life. The only way I knew to do that is to quiet myself, inside and out, and block out all outside noise. I had to - oh, this sounded so like a cliché - but I had to find the answer in myself, through the only way I knew. I had to meditate. It's not like it'd be my first time searching for an answer within myself, but this time it could make or break me, and I was frightened of what I might find there. I've taken little trips to my innermost mind, and found things there that have helped and hindered me, but both in some way or another has helped create who I am now. If I took my biggest journey, laying every part of my very being on the line, from each point of view, no matter what I find some part of me is going to suffer. But all of my sides were suffering now.
What do I do? Stay here and just convince myself I don't need anybody until I get better and stumble in my next burglaries and get caught, or do I go inside of myself, deeper than I've ever been before, and try to find what I want and don't want to happen, and possibly kill myself with the effort to change who I am? But then, there were a lot of impossibilities for me lately, and it was impossible for me to kill myself. . . Wasn't it?
I don't know anymore. I'm shaken head to toe. I can't think without starting an argument, I can't look at anything without reminding myself of either Nor or Vash, I can't even get the courage to look inside myself for an answer for fear of destroying what took me so long to build. But I had to figure this out - just which part of myself was so important to my being, that can't change, and I can't put on the line?
The answer was unwanted, but necessary. Nothing. No part of me was so important I can't put it on the line. Nothing was so perfect where it was that it can't change, if it had to. Nothing.
So I did what I had to. I painfully cleared off an area where I could sit down for a long period of time, got out a pen and paper for notes, laid out a blanket to sit on, crossed my legs, and relaxed. I waited, paying equal attention to each sound that graced my ears until it all faded, echoing into nothing. I waited until my senses turned inward, ignoring my own surroundings and telling me nothing was around me at all. I waited until my mind's voices agreed with my choice and quieted down, letting myself feel peace inside and out. I waited still until my mind's eye showed me my own familiar surroundings, my mental home. It looked just like the one I shared with Nor. But I can't just barge in; that would ruin this trip. I had to wait for the doors to open for me, and invite me in. I knew what was going to happen. This time I didn't know what I was looking for, and that meant I was going to get a guide. The only thing that caused me some worry was how long it would take to be admitted into my home. It could take a few more seconds, a few hours, or even days. Lucky for me I practiced patience to the full effect. My sense focused entirely on that one door, and I saw the suns and moons rise and fall two times - an accurate representation of the actual time that was passing. And now, I had to concentrate. Lights turned on and off periodically inside my windows, which meant I wouldn't have to wait much longer.
And I was right. As I stood, watching, waiting, the door handle turned. It was night, the sky showing each and every star that was visible from Firebreeze, and a light wind played with my hair, now down and reaching the curve of my back, which really was on level with my hips. My hair had short waves, but dozens of them. One single strand of my hair blew down, in front of my right eye, and swayed as the wind blew. The door opened, slowly, and through the darkness inside of the house I could make out a tall person with white hair. I knew then who it was, my guide. After all, I had always considered Nor as my guide; why wouldn't he be here now? And who else would I be expecting? Vash? Meryl? My father? No, none of them would fit right. Nor stepped forward, into the light of my planet's seven moon's light, and he smiled. He gestured that I enter the home, and I couldn't help my smile as walked forward. Technically this was not Nor, but who am I to care? He, like the suns and moons that passed over me, was an accurate representation. If I were here for any other reason except seeing if I had to change my entire life, I would've just hugged Nor and forgot about whatever I was here for, and just stayed. Who knows, I might've ended up in a coma, instead of finding whatever it was I came here for.
But for now, I couldn't. I had to focus; time with Nor could wait until the universe gave back what they stole from me and I die. Then, and only then, would I allow myself to relax in the arms of my beloved. For now, I'll do what I have to. And later, after I'm done, I'll forget about responsibility and life and just go with Nor.
But for now. . .
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And get this. The last chapter was very nearly 6,000 words. Yeah, really. Something like 5,968 or something like that. Right around there. But I think I should've left that chapter for the very last one, or maybe the beginning. No, the beginning would've given away the entire plot. Oh, . foo. Maybe I ought to save it for the last chapter. Add some things on the end, and make it a letter to a paper or something. Like she wrote it, knowing she would die. Or something like that. Any ideas, peoples? Lemme know, kay?
More thanks to:
Shinigami
Emma Emmerich
Jeril Dragonsoul
See ya!
