THE CANVAS

Chapter 2: To Say Goodbye

~~~Syaoran's POV~~~

"Hey man! Nice game!" a guy with blue hair and blue eyes alleged, booming his voice in the four corners of the locker room, while tapping my right shoulder, "…I knew you could make our team win for 4 consecutive years!" he merrily added as I wipe the dirt on my face with my towel.

"Oh, don't be so humble Hiiragizawa! I know that you want me to also congratulate you for your good assist in our combination plays! But don't worry, I won't do it!" I sardonically said to him as I continue on my concentrated effort to clean the mud in my features.

"Aww, you're no fun! How can Sakura keep up with you? Huh?" he retort jokingly.

I sighed. Four-eyed is right. How can Sakura keep up with me? She must be a true angel sent by God.

***Flashback***

"Here it is! My specialty, chicken barbecue with red wine!" a genki lady happily stated while placing the food in front of me. (Kaminari: waii! That's my specialty too! I love cooking!)

"You sure it's not poisoned or anything?" I said teasingly to the lady before me, I couldn't help but grin at her reaction. Three…two…one.

"LI XIAO LANG! The nerve of you to tell me that.. t-that stupid thing!" Sakura said angrily to me as she walks behind me and started to stomp on my shin. "To think that I—"

"—cooked it for you and give my whole effort in making a wonderful dinner, blah blah blah… yeah I know it." I easily interrupt her homily, making her fume in anger and sat before me.

"You're so mean to a lady like me." She said as she crossed her arms and look keenly on my eyes.

***End Of Flashback***

I smirked.

Somehow, I don't understand why a sudden change in her attitude. Well, it's not that I'm complaining, actually I find it amusing! When I first saw her she looked like a lost cat like her pet, Kero. Then, after knowing her for years, she became a wild grass, a girl who loves freedom and needs a crash helmet in case she did another awkward things. I bet that she didn't know that she has a feminine side at all… Heck! All she has to do back then is just cut her hair really short and wear some supporter to be a real guy.

And now, she has changed, from a clumsy, messy, tomboy who always goes home with new scratches on her beautiful face, to a goddess of beauty.

Her emerald eyes that touches ones soul…

Her beautiful heart-shaped flawless face like porcelain…

And her straight waist length auburn hair that complements her eyes

I smiled at the thought, "Yeah, she must be an angel…"

"Huh? What did you say?" 

"Huh?" did I say it out loud? Oh, maybe mother's right, I became soft after living in Japan for eleven years. But enough of this, I must make some way to get out of this mess, "…I didn't say anything, do you?"

Azure eyes bore into my amber ones in deep confusion, "That's weird, I thought I heard you said that Sakura is an angel." Removing his hand to my shoulder, then scratching his head in the process, "…Hey Li, I know you have feelings for Sakura, why hide it to her?" he asks me as we both grab our rubber shoes, sit at the nearest bench in the room and untie our spikes carelessly. "You do know that you'll gonna tell her sooner or later, ne?"

"You know, you're too nosy for a guy." I coldly said, hoping that he will be intimidated from my words. But again… he's right. I don't know what's keeping me from telling my best friend what I felt for her… Arrgh! I hate it when Eriol is right!

"Oooh…. Someone's in PMS!"

This guy is one hell of a jerk. "Are you making fun of me?" I snapped at him grabbing his shirt at the same time. I know. I'm out of control. But just yesterday, there's a sudden incident that makes my life a bloody hell interesting…

***Flashback***

"Hey Syaoran-kun! Have you decided on what you're going to give me on my birthday?" Sakura asked me out-of-the-blue as I continuously read the article on the newspaper. I know that she'll bug me about this matter in the long run, but I thought that it would be tomorrow, oh well, mind as well tease her. So…

I kept silent.

"Mou! Are you listening to me? It's March 30 and it's going to be two sleeps away before my birthday!" extending both of her arms in the air while dreamily think of something…

I still held in reserve.

"Hey! If you're not planning to talk to me, then, I'm not talking to you as well! Besides, 'Keichiro-kun' asked me out on my birthday so I'll be in full hands thinking of what I'll wear to that romantic evening."

At this point my ears perk up as I brought down the newspaper. Easy boy… easy…take it nice and slow… breathe in, breathe out…

You don't want to shout, do you?

"YOU WHAT?!?" I gaffe, "You're going to go out with t-that j-jerk… t-that Taro guy? And what's this 'kun' you're saying? Are you in first name basis terms?"

"Hold your horses Mr-I'm-in-a-protective-brother-mode! I'm just teasing you!"

"Yeah right! How can I calm down if I know that my Ying Fa's going to go on a date with a moron that has an ego larger than the Milky Way?" I said sarcastically while using my pet name for her, thank God that she didn't mind it seriously, "You're so lucky that I didn't buy your story." More like I didn't grab my jacket and straight to that bimbo guy and kill him with my bare hands.

"As if I believe you!" she replied humorously as she goes to the counter to clutch the phone that has been ringing for a while now. Watching her take hold of the handset with ease makes me smile.

She sure changed a lot.

"Moshi moshi, this is Sakura speaking, may I know who's on the other line?" she asked while fumbling with the phone's cord. "He's here… hai… just wait a sec, I'll just call him… ok!" placing the phone down and signaling me to come with her right hand.

For me? Who could that be? I hope it's not Eriol or I'll beat him into a bloody pulp for ruining the moment with my princess. Then I grab the resting phone at the counter. "Moshi moshi! Syaoran speaking… Ma-ma?" widening my eyes at the same time. 

"It's been a while, my son…"the voice on the other line said with no emotion.

I sighed, and then looked at the questioning eyes of the ethereal beauty. I know that she's having a mental battle and a bit concerned about me. She knows me too well, from being the richest bachelor in Hong Kong to the tiniest detail about my childhood. I love her so much that I can't keep a secret from her. Even this agreement with my mother…

"What do you need? I thought we've agreed that I'll live my life the way I like it until I've reached my age in handling our family business?" replying her with the same tone. I can't believe it! All this time I thought that they leave me by myself after I sent Wei home on my fifteenth birthday. And now, I'm talking to my doom. I purposely turned my back to Sakura 'coz I can't bear the look in her eyes. She knew it! And I'm aware of what she's feeling right now.

"But you're coming in the right age, you're turning nineteen in two and a half months! I'm just reminding you about the responsibilities that you're going to have." That's it! I've really met my end.

I feel like crying until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn't even bother to look at the person; I recognized that touch, the gentle and soothing one… a touch that can bring back the hope in you… the touch of an angel…. Sakura.

"Are you even listening to me young man?" the stern voice broke the trace of thoughts that's running in my head. Too many questions…what's going to happen…Is there any way…How come… Why now…

"Hai, I'm still listening." Closing my eyes in the process while feeling the lump that's forming in my throat.

Then there's a pause on the other line and I assume that my mother nods in understanding, "Very well then, I expected you to arrange everything there in Japan and come home in here as soon as possible… the company needs you." Yeah right! The 'company'. Who else needs me anyways?

"I'm home, Ma-ma." I softly said, almost whisper, but I'm sure that mother heard me because after I said the phrase, I instantly felt the shivering arms of an angel at my waist and her head on my back, sensing that she's crying for the reason that I heard her small sobs. 

"Enough of that nonsense! What happen to you? If I just knew that you'd be like this, I wouldn't have agreed on our terms!" wincing at the hard tone, "Now, listen to me carefully, I don't want to hear any complaints or excuses regarding this matter, I've given you eleven years of your freedom, and it's now time that you go back here and do your duty as the president of our company or I'll go there and grab you back myself. Understood?"

"I understand." Then I heard the loud busy tone at the other line. Well, I guess this is it… the end of my fairy tale.

I opened my eyes and turned my body towards the weeping angel subsequently cupping her face, waiting for her to open her eyes, somehow, I feel that I need to see that glimmering emeralds, and I need to hear her angelic voice.

Realizing that she's not going to open her eyes soon. I broke the sorrowful silence with the news that we're both dreading to face.

"I'm going back."

***End of Flashback***

"Hey! Earth to Li-san!"  A nervous voice broke my contemplation, "…are you planning to collar me until sunset, 'coz I assure you that your princess will be in a panic mode when she found out that her 'niichan's not yet home."

"She's not my sister!" I retort angrily while bringing Eriol down and mutually sit again at the bench.

"What's up with you Li-san? What happen to you? You seem too preoccupied." Eriol said while looking at me straight in the eye, after Sakura, he's the closest thing I've got because I'm not a friendly type. "Even coach and our teammates are worried about you. Do you have something in mind?"

Should I tell him? Maybe he'll help me with all this mess. Besides, Sakura and I were not in speaking terms today. I don't know why, as if she's intentionally trying to avoid me. She didn't even go to the game to cheer me.

"I'm going back."

"Yeah you should go home now or Sakura will kill me if you don't."

"No. I'm going back to Hong Kong." I answered irately. I knew I shouldn't have told him; he's so dumb to understand simple phrases.

"How come? I-I thought it's until your 21st birthday?"

"Me either, but Ma-ma's too persistent and I can't disobey her command."

"D-Does Sakura knows about this?" Somehow, I felt that he's hesitating earlier to ask me that question.

I heaved a deep sigh, "Yes. And now, she's mad at me." Yeah! More than mad! Maybe, she can even curse me for that! "And I don't know what to do." Clutching my head in confusion. I don't really like this feeling, it's as if I'm going to loose myself anytime soon.

You must be thinking that I, Li Syaoran, son of the richest tycoon in China, youngest master of martial arts and the most fearing cold-beast of Tomoeda High school is afraid to a lithe, fragile, pure-hearted, Sakura Kinomoto?

I am.

And I'm not only afraid but also very petrified. And at this point, I'm very disappointed in myself for not anticipating this event and not doing anything about it.

So now, here I am, shaking uncontrollably like a three-year-old child lost in the park full of strangers, not knowing what to do. "I don't want to loose her…"

"I'm sorry if I'm not that any help for you, but I can assure you one thing…" as he grab his bag and walks towards the exit door, "Sakura isn't mad at you," turning his head to me, "…she's too kind-hearted to be like that. Let's just say that she's just afraid, but I don't know from or to what. Maybe, because you'll leave her and she'll be alone again."

"I'm not going to leave her, not now nor in the future. She's too precious to me." I said confidently.

"Yeah! And if you'll leave her, don't ever come back because I'm going to assure you that by that time, Sakura and I will be an item. …And I'm going to love her with all my heart."

I smirked. Can this guy be serious for once? Chuckling at his outburst yet as I looked at his eyes I found no trace of joke in it. Is he really serious?

"…And here I thought that Sakura is the only dense one, but anyway, to tell you the truth, I also love Sakura, not only me but maybe all the guys here in Tomoeda, but as I saw how you treat and care for her… I knew that I don't stand a chance and I can't surpass the love and loyalty you have for her. So I gave way for you… but if you ruin this chance, I'm not going to forgive you." Looking intently to my eyes with diction in his voice, "No one's losing someone if you do the right thing. So I hope, you'll think not only twice, but hundred times. Ja!" closing the door as he left me with his thoughts.

"Arigatou." I said truthfully after understanding what he had said, "And I'm not backing down with your challenge. Like I've said earlier, she's too important for me." Seizing my bag and placing the earphones in my ears as I also start my way home.

Yeah… Home.

Home to the loving smile of my angel… to her saintly voice asking me my day… and to her teasing mode about the guys that ask her out for the day making me sizzling jealous.

I smiled.

Time really fly fast that I didn't even noticed that I'm living here for eleven years. When I first came here in Japan, all I know is that I'm thankful for the reason that I'm far away from the wrath of my family.

My father died when I was three so I was raised in a lonely place where big white walls are towering you from the outside world. Wherein people are not talking and just doing their own tasks without complaints. And being the only heir of the wealthiest family in Hong Kong I was expected to know all about self-defenses in early age, learn five languages of different countries, at least know how to play three musical instruments and major some etiquettes for formal gatherings.

Depriving me from the happiness that childhood brings.

That's why when I was seven, almost turning eight because it was six months away before my birthday, I made a bargain to my mom that I'll live my life like any ordinary child of my age and when I reached the time where I can handle our company, I will go back home and do my responsibilities, no questions ask.

At first, my mother didn't agree with me, but because I'm mature enough for my age, she approved and ordered Wei to go with me until I've reached my fifteenth birthday. And because it was my first time to be on my own and to encounter new people other than my mentors, the maids and my mother, I was somehow culture shocked and become cold to my surroundings. But I didn't mind my attitude until I met this girl…

***Flashback***

"I'm going out for a walk, Wei." I said to my trusted butler as I opened the door to my apartment. I've been living in here for two months yet I still don't feel some freedom inside me. Maybe a little walk will make me feel better.

As I walked slowly away from my new home, I started to feel as if something is missing, as if I have a task to do, yet I don't know it, "Get a grip Syaoran! You're free, you should be happy!" I whispered angrily to myself. Then as I walk towards the Penguin Park I saw a silhouette coming straight to me, then that shadow bumped me…

"I-I'm s-sorry…" a girl said between her sobs as she bowed down before me, "I d-didn't… look to… where I w-was g-going." Rubbing her little hands to her swollen eyes.

***End of flashback***

Somehow, I felt concerned for that girl.  It's like she's so fragile and might break any minute. It was the first time that I feel something… something so confusing. Yet when she looked straight to my eyes, I know, right there and then that I need to protect her.

But oh! The irony of life!

That delicate girl I saw?

…She's not that breakable at all!

She may be a little clumsy every now and then, but she's really a brave girl. She just really needs a little push, and I bet you that she'll do the rest. She's so full of life that if you're her nanny, you should need a tracking device for she runs as fast as the wind. She love life at its fullest that she likes to draw everything she saw on her way. And because of that kind of attitude that she's showing…she slowly breaks my defenses, and the wall that's covering me from other people, unconsciously.

Now that I think about it… it's really funny.

Sakura, the happy-go-lucky, boyish girl and me, the coldest beast… are best friends! Oh well, that's why I do believe opposite attracts… umm… not that kind of attraction. To tell you honestly, I really love Sakura, yet she doesn't know it. Well, for knowing her in eleven years, I may say that she's really dense about my feelings. Heck! I give signals every time I had a chance. But no, she just shrugged her shoulders and hugs me like her brother. Maybe that's all I am to her… her brother.

Enough of this topic!

By some means I just want to hear some sappy songs so I turned the station of my Walkman to a romantic one. I stopped at one of the stations and try to grasps the melody of the song as I think of a certain emerald-eyed beauty…

I can't say I don't love her

Still I can't pretend

My heart is torn just knowing that

I'm losing my best friend

***Flashback***

"Syaoran, do you love me?" sixteen year-old Sakura asked to the chestnut-haired guy sitting at her bedside.

"Why ask that?" Syaoran said in a bemused and amused tone to the girl of his dreams.

Sakura crossed her arms in an angry manner while giving him cute death glare, "Mou! Do you really need to ask that? I'm sick here you know, and I just want to here some romantic phrases all of a sudden so just answer me, ok?" making a pretty pout.

"Oh, Zach is getting soft!"

"No I'm not!"

"Then why asking that unpredictably?" hope glimmering in the ocher eyes.

The young lady groans in frustration, "Ok, I'm just thinking some 'what ifs'"

"Like…?"

"You know…" swaying her head left and right, "…like, what if I can't get married because I'm a tomboy?" looking at the boy intently, "…I mean, there's no guy who'll like me because I'm not that poised enough and beautiful enough to be looked at… then… who's going to marry me?"

"Some thought." Clicking his tongue whilst staring at the troubled flower. "Why think such situations? Wait! Don't tell me you're having a crush!"

"No!"

"Yeah! Then why think like that? Of all the questions why that?"

"I said What if! I'm not saying I have one! I-It's just that Tomoyo called me earlier and told me that she has a boyfriend"

"So you're a bit envious?"

"You can say that. It's just, I can't picture myself in a dress, and I know that guys loves girls who's composed and gorgeous… so in that case, I lost the chance to have one."

Syaoran can't believe what she's saying. Is this the real Sakura Kinomoto? The female one? He can't help but smile at the situation they're having now. "Then, if that's the case, I'll marry you." Somehow, it feels right in his tongue to say that one. He meant it, even though Sakura didn't noticed it. "This I promised you."

"Oh, save your sympathy to others, I don't need you pity." Pulling her blanket to her chin while turning her back to the young wolf. "Forget what we talked about, I'm going to sleep, maybe my fever's going to subside after I take a nap, oyasumi nasai Syao-kun!" 

 

"But I mean it…" he whispered to the sleeping angel, "… because I love you."

***End of Flashback***

 

If it's easier said than done

Then someone tell me why

Though I try

I can't find the words to say goodbye

***Flashback***

"I'm going back," a serious Syaoran said after the phone call.

"I understand." Revealing the masked emerald eyes to the young man.

Searching for some answers, he found none. It seems that his best friend is drifting away form his grasp. "I'm sorry." Taking away his hands from her face.

I can tell her that I'm sorry

And hope she'll understand

"Don't be, I know that it'll happen in due course. You told me about this right?" giving her smile to the downcast wolf, "You'll just have to promise me that you'll come back, ok? Then you'll fulfill your promise, ne?" finding some reassurance to the amber pools. "Ne?"

"Shhh… Sakura listen to me…"

And she'll have to do with someone else

All that we had planned

"I know that it's so childish but I'll accept your proposal even if it's just for sympathy." She said while wiping her tear streaked-face, "…just promise me you'll come back, then I'm alright."

'God help me!' Syaoran thought miserably, he couldn't find the right words to say to her. Even though that proposal is just for hope that he'll come back, it just feels great to hear that from her. "Listen to me…" he whispered while crushing the lithe form of the lady in his chest. "I know that I've told you about this matter, but I promise you that I'll do everything to come back here… if I didn't, t-then just move on, ok?"

I'd rather her hear the truth

Than hurt her with a lie

So I try

I can't find the words to say goodbye

 "But—"

"—no buts." Then he said what he feared most, "…since, your birthday is coming… make this your deed for the year."

"Syaoran!"

"No, please. Don't make it any harder for me… I can't really take it when you cry… especially now, t-that I-I've caused it…" running his fingers through her silky hair. "I'll just again repay you with my smile… is that alright?"

I know I have to go

There's no other way

But goodbye is not what I

Can bring myself to say

"Iie!" shaking her head violently, "Let us stop this little game, we're too old for this one, I hate it when I give up something! Don't I have the right to have one of my own? Can there be someone… someone who's willing enough to give up something, just for me? D-Don't leave me, please?"

I tell her "see you later"

but then I might be wrong

This voice inside is driving me

To find where I belong

"I have to. Sakura, I'm not leaving you completely. You're hear in my heart remember? We'll never be apart. And as long as you give up something, just remember that I'm very proud of you! You're my girl, ne?"

***End of flashback***

I know I must leave her now

Every time I try

I can't find the words to say goodbye

Don't know why

I can't find the words to say goodbye

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaminari: *sniff* so sad…. *sniff* I can't help but cry when I wrote this one… oh well, no flames! Only reviews! One last chapter then the story is finished! *sniff* I don't own CCS nor the song… so don't sue me, Ja!