I started getting sick as Storm spoke. I knew things were wrong between Jean and me, but I didn't know why before. Now, I did, and I was glad the wall was there to hold me up.
Guilt came crashing over me in waves. Bobby would probably say there was nothing unusual about that. Damn. Bobby wouldn't make jokes with me again for a long time, if I survived this adventure.
I couldn't look at anyone. Wyngarde's sneering voice, in those few words, cut me into pieces. I was a betraying bastard, and I hated myself for it. Probably not as much as either Logan or Jean hated me now, but I was working on it.
Oh, God. I'd hurt Jean before, and Logan and I were never great friends, but this was going to kill her. And Madelyne … the efforts I'd made to convince her I no longer loved Jean ... what good were they now? I mean, sure, he was controlling my mind, but he was right. A part of me still did love and want Jean, despite my commitment to and love for Madelyne and the children.
Logan started growling as Storm continued. I pretended not to notice, but he was getting more tense by the second. I shifted to a defensive stance and tried to listen to her.
"We have had help to break out of our trances, but I believe that is all the help we can expect. Now, we need to keep Wyngarde safe and out of our heads, and get rid of the Hellfire Club."
Two things happened almost simultaneously. Ororo hit Wyngarde hard enough to knock him out, and Logan nearly skewered me. He would have done it, if I hadn't been practicing in the Danger Room every day, trying to forget. It was definitely a killing blow, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to avoid his next one. I did my best to prepare, keeping the table between us and waiting for his next strike.
He rose into the air and hung there, howling in rage and frustration. I took my hand away from my visor and looked at my savior guiltily. "Why?" I asked her. She didn't look at me. Her eyes were on him.
"Let me down, Jeannie. Scott needs to die, and I need to kill him," Logan growled passionately. "Now."
"No." She walked past me, cutting off the murderous gaze he was boring through me. "Think about it for a minute. He might be helpful in taking out the Hellfire Club."
"We can do without him." His wild eyes sought me out again. "What good is he? He ain't a telepath, and we've got enough fighters without One-Eye."
I could not look at him or her any more. I shot a glance down the table. Ororo was tying up Wyngarde, Remy had a hand on Rogue and a hand in his pocket, Rogue was looking up at him with guilt and love, and Kurt's eyes darted from Logan to his fiancée, Ororo. No one was looking at me. I shrank back into my usual defensive silence.
"He could help us find the professor again, or come up with a solution to our problem once we find him." Jean took another step toward her husband. I looked down at the floor. I'd never noticed the carpeting in here before. Fascinating.
"Jean? He can't just do this to you. I won't let it happen. He's got to pay." Logan spoke with a little less rage, but no less passion, and I winced away from it.
"Maybe he does. But not with his life." She moved again. "If you have to get your anger out right now, Logan, do it on our enemies, the people who made him do this. But I will not let you go unless you promise that you will not kill Scott now, and will not try to unless and until the professor is safe and we are, too."
She whispered something. There were some sounds I couldn't place. I didn't want to. I wondered if I should live. Maybe I'd be better off with a claw through the heart. No. That would be too easy. I still had duties and responsibilities, even though I'd been dodging them under his control.
"If you promise me you're all right, then yeah. I'll let One-Eye alone. For now. Are you all right, darlin'?"
I felt like I was sinking through the floor. I hadn't asked about anyone else. Some leader I was. I should just quit while I was ahead.
"Yes, love. I'm all right." Her voice came from a great distance to my hot ears. My head felt heavy and warm, and my body was cold. The carpeting was moving up to meet me, and I met it hard, but with relief.
