I always thought I would grow up and marry Scott Summers. The two of us had so much in common. We almost grew up together. We adopted the X-men as our families when our own were unable to care for us. We spent time together, including one wild, romantic night on Chesapeake Bay that … well, was very intimate.
But he never said he loved me. Not once. Funny, isn't it? We both knew he did, yet he never told me. Then Logan came and I was swept away.
In the back of my head, though, I always kept a little love for him. Sometimes, not very often, I would sit back and wonder what would have happened if we had married instead.
I don't wonder any more now.
I curled into my husband's body, burying my face in his chest. Why he is so understanding, why he doesn't condemn me for my actions, I don't know. I truly believed I was married to Scott and acted accordingly for … most of the time. I still felt a little guilty for being so willing to cheat on Scott, too. Would it have been this way if we had really gotten married?
He stroked my back and muttered nonsense into my hair until I grew calmer. Then he sat me up and looked deep into my eyes. "Ready yet?"
"I don't know." I pulled away from him. "I'm not dealing well with this."
He sat next to me, not trying to touch, just being with me. "What?"
"Everything. Having been 'married' to Scott. The team turning against each other. Our attacking those who came to help us." I hugged my knees. "Everything."
He thought for a moment, then spoke. "Ya know, Mastermind screwed with our minds once when you were 'dead.' I've told you about … her before."
Mariko. His Japanese love. Yes. He told me about her when I came back, then broke off their engagement. They were still good friends.
"He made her hate me, leave me at the altar. He also tried to make us think Madelyne was the Phoenix come back. So I know that whatever we did, it wasn't us doin' it. Simple as that." He held his hand out to me. "Besides, it didn't work all the way. We kept fightin' it. That's why we … got back together."
I took his hand. "I guess." I paused. "Scott really did fight it, too." He shifted uncomfortably, but I kept his hand tight in mine. "He knew we weren't supposed to be together, deep down."
"Funny way of showin' it," he growled.
"What else could he do? You already said that it's Mastermind's fault. Why do you believe it when it's me, but not about him?"
He got to his feet and helped me up. "If you're able to ask questions like that, darlin', you're able to fight. Let's go."
"And the answer?" I pulled him back.
He looked straight into my eyes. "Let's just say he doesn't smell right when I'm around him."
I walked with him, confused and scared, but glad to be with him. I think, all things considered, I did make the right choice.
