Notes: Set Post-Fredless

Chapter 3

Fred's head fell forward as her eyes closed. She couldn't keep them open any more. She was tired…so tired…she just wanted to sleep…Her back rested against the desk, her hair—loose of the ponytails—covered her face and tickled her nose. She hadn't slept in so long, and the day was just never-ending. But now she could sleep and…

"Fred?"

Her head shot up, her eyes wide. "What? What? Is there something wrong?"

Angel crossed his arms. "You don't like your room?" There were still specks of white paint on his hand and face.

"No, no, I like my room. It's great. Very…soothing…"

"Then what are you doing down here?"

"I…the paint fumes were making me dizzy."

"We have other bedrooms," Angel pointed out.

"Oh, I know. I just like it down here. It's comfortably down here," Fred explained.

Angel settled down next to her. "It doesn't feel very comfortable." He moved over slightly, until their shoulders and thighs touched. He stretched his legs out in front of him, and Fred noted absently how much longer his legs were than hers.

"Most people wouldn't expect to find me down here."

"You're trying to hide?"

Fred shrugged. She wasn't really trying to hide. But she didn't want to sit in the middle of the lobby, and she didn't want to go into one of the rooms—she didn't feel comfortable just letting herself in even if the room was empty—and the kitchen was much too big, and not nearly cozy enough. But the lobby was well-known and comfortable, and the area behind the desk gave her a measure of privacy.

"I'm glad you stayed. I didn't think you would leave."

"I didn't really want to…I mean, I wanted to be with my parents again, but I do think I belong here."

"So I guess I don't need to rescue you from your cave. You rescued yourself."

"Maybe but I still…" Fred's voice wavered. She didn't need him to rescue her from the cave any more, but she still needed something from him.

"Still what?"

"Still need you," she finished, almost inaudibly. "Would you have missed me?"

Angel folded her hand in his. He brought her fingers up to his mouth and kissed each small knuckle. "Every day."

She giggled shyly and ducked her head. She couldn't help it. Lust flooded her body and the tension between them went sky high at the barest brush of his lips. It still felt like it had to be happening to somebody else, because this couldn't be happening to her. Still couldn't be happening to her. She couldn't even remember the last time anybody took an interest in her…she had never been the most popular girl. She had a few boyfriends in college, but they weren't anything like Angel. She never knew anybody like Angel, and she was sure that if she had, they wouldn't have kissed her hand and smiled at her.

"Really?"

Angel nodded. "Sure. Nobody else will go with me to the movies, and there's a Dirty Harry marathon next weekend that I'd…Fred, don't look at me like that. I'm just kidding." He kissed the back of her hand again.

Fred smiled weakly. "Sometimes it's hard to tell when you're joking."

"I do want you to come with me, though…that is, if you like Dirty Harry."

"Oh, I'll be happy to go. I love those movies."

He put one arm around her shoulder, and she happily took the opportunity to move closer to him. She rested her head on his arm, and draped her arm across his chest. She wondered what it felt like for him. Could he feel her heart pound against her ribs? He probably knew everything she was thinking just by the way her body reacted to him. He could hear every pounding heartbeat, every nervous breath, smell her nerves, her slight fear…everything else…

Fred lifted her head and tentatively kissed the line of his jaw. It was all she could reach. His skin felt smooth and clean beneath her lips. He tilted his head slightly, and she kissed him everywhere she could reach. His jaw, his cheek, just in front of his ear, down his neck. Her lips were gentle and quick, landed on his skin and then fluttered off just as quickly.

Fred pulled herself to her knees and braced her hands on his shoulders. He wrapped his arm around her and held her tightly as she continued to kiss him. She caught the corner of his mouth with her lips, and then tentatively touched it with her tongue. Angel turned his head quickly and captured her mouth.

Fred kissed him fervently. She didn't have to worry about him leaving, running off to see another girl. They weren't caught in the sewers. They weren't chasing a demon. The hotel was dark and silent, everybody asleep for the night. They were alone and to Fred, it felt like they were in their own little world.

Her chest was smashed against his, and, in an effort to get even closer, she straddled his leg. He smoothed his hands over her back, and pulled her shirt up high enough to expose a small strip of skin. She deepened the kiss hungrily, and was only absently aware of what he was doing. The way his hands felt on her body was amazing, but she was completely focused on his mouth and his tongue and the way his lips felt.

Until the back of his knuckle brushed the bare, sensitive skin on her back. She gasped and jerked back at the unexpected touch. Angel didn't move his hand away from her body.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

She took a long, unsteady breath, then nodded.

"Good," he said and kissed her again.

His hands roamed her back under her shirt, sliding up and down her spine, caressing her ribs. The touch electrified her body, and it made her greedy. The more he rubbed her, the more she wanted. His hands were so strong that they could easily crush bone…crush her…but they felt so gentle.

The hungry greed for more made her move too fast, push too hard. She tried to move closer and closer until her she was on top of him completely, and even that wasn't close enough. She needed to feel his body, completely. Under her body. Inside of her body. Under her hands. Over her. Everywhere.

Angel jerked his head away and held her back, his hands wrapped around her small waist. "Fred…Fred we've got to stop…"

"I don't want to stop."

He smiled wryly. "Well, neither do I. But I don't think we have a choice." He pushed her further away, until there was nothing but open space between them.

"Angel I…" She bit her lip, and to her horror, tears clogged her throat. She didn't want to cry again. She had cried enough for one day, one lifetime. And she really didn't know what she was crying about. She couldn't put it in words. But the tears climbed higher and higher in her throat, and she felt like if she so much as breathed, they would flood out of her in a broken torrent.

"Fred, please, I don't want to upset you. Don't look at me like that…"

A whole well of emotions bubbled and threatened to boil over. Guild on top of her distress. They thought she had such simple needs. Tacos, and clean walls, and friends, and her parents, and a mission in life. And she did need those things. But that wasn't all. And how could she even hope to explain it?

"I…I…" She scrambled to her feet and stumbled away from him. She swallowed hard and forced the tears down. "I know. I know. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. I shouldn't have kissed you at all. I know, the curse. And we work together now, officially…I mean, I am working here right? So of course, it would be a bad idea anyway, and I'll just go up to my room now." Her voice cracked on the last word, and she turned to flee before she completely lost control of herself.

"Fred, please don't cry." He reached out and grabbed her arm before she could move out of reach and pulled her close. "Please, I don't want to…to hurt you…"

She shook her head. "No, I understand. We can just put it all behind us and pretend it never happened."

"I don't want to do that," Angel admitted softly.

"Let me go, Angel," she pleaded. If he held on to her for just one more second, she'd lose that thin veneer of control completely. "Please…" She practically sobbed the word.

"Fred…Fred…calm down…"

"I can't calm down. I can't! For five years I was an animal, Angel. An animal. A cow. Nothing more. I had no feelings. I had no future. I had no hope. All my plans failed and failed and failed, and you saved me from that. But I'm not an animal any more, and I don't feel like a real girl either. I feel like I'm in some sort of limbo…purgatory…stuck there."

"What do you mean?"

Her façade crumbled and she buried her face in his chest. "I need you."

"I can't…" Angel started helplessly.

Her body jerked with a sob. His hold tightened on her, and they stood silently in the middle of the lobby until she quieted.

Angel kissed the top of her head, his lips lingering in her hair. He inhaled deeply, and his breath tickled her scalp. "Oh Fred," he breathed.

Her head was throbbing, and her body was throbbing, and her heart was throbbing, and everywhere there was pain. The pain of embarrassment. The pain of rejection. The pain of desire. And it could be fixed so easily. It could all be fixed if only he…

"Not down here."

Fred looked at him, surprised. "What?"

He kissed her lips softly. "Not down here," he repeated.

Angel turned without releasing her and led her up the stairs. She followed numbly.